Only With You

by Alexander, Monica

  The unmarked door opened, and a young blond girl wearing a ‘Sydney Chase Bulletproof Tour’ shirt stepped outside and smiled at me as I got out of the car.

  “Hi Ryder!” she said cheerfully.

  “Uh, hi,” I said, realizing that she looked vaguely familiar. I figured I’d probably met her at the party Sydney had thrown the week before after her concert in Tampa. I’d met a lot of people that night.

  “Leave your bag there,” the girl commanded.

  “Oh yeah?” I questioned, hesitant to not take my stuff with me.

  She nodded. “Yeah, Gerald will make sure it gets to your room at the hotel, and he’ll give you a ride back there later.”

  “Oh, okay,” I said, releasing the hold on my duffel.

  I wanted to ask which room my stuff would be in, but I didn’t think that would be appropriate since Syd and I were on the down-low about who we really were to each other. But she wouldn’t have gotten me my own room, would she? I fully planned on sleeping in her bed with her. Was this just another sign that things were going to blow up in my face?

  “I’m sorry, what was your name again?” I asked the blond as she ushered me inside.

  I found myself in a very industrial looking hallway, but I didn’t have much time to look around since the girl was walking at a clipped pace. Lucky for me, I had long legs and didn’t really have to work to keep up with her.

  “I’m Elisa,” she said, glancing at me over her shoulder. “I work with Laurie, Sydney’s publicist. I’m basically the second-in-command when it comes to Sydney’s publicity and promotions for this tour.”

  “Oh, okay. Well, thanks for meeting me.”

  I figured it was probably outside of her job description, but she didn’t seem like it bothered her.

  “No prob,” she said, smiling at me. “It’s good to see you again. I actually thought you were pretty cute when we met last weekend, but when I asked Syd if you were single, she said you were gay.”

  I choked as soon as she said that, coughing loudly for a good thirty seconds.

  “Oh, I’m sorry, was I not supposed to know that? Are you not out?” Elisa asked, looking appropriately contrite.

  I cleared my throat and coughed for what I hoped was the last time. Then I remembered the craziness that Sydney had believed for so long. How could she honestly believe that I was gay? And how many people had she told that to?

  “When did she tell you that?” I managed to ask, my voice sounding raspy.

  “A few days ago. I called her to talk about the new perfume we’re launching next month, and I snuck in the question at the end. I know I probably crossed some professional line, but whatever. Syd’s so awesome, so I didn’t think she’d mind. She could have gotten bitchy since I know you guys have been friends since like birth, but she was cool about it.”

  A few days ago. That was after we’d hooked up, and after she learned how not gay I really was. Interesting and potentially promising. If she wasn’t into me, she wouldn’t have cared if a girl she worked with hooked up with me. Okay, confidence restored.

  Elisa and I wound our way around the skeleton of the arena, passing quickly by what I recognized as the meet-and-greet tent where Syd would greet her fans who’d either won the chance to meet her or purchased passes. A team of people were erecting the tent, and they’d decorate the inside in the colors and theme of the tour. At one of her shows during her last tour, I’d been in the tent with her, passing out guitar picks with her face on them and standing by as her fans gushed and cried and told her how much they loved her. It was sort of surreal.

  “Everyone’s in here,” Elisa told me when we got to a door marked ‘Sydney Chase’.

  “Oh, okay,” I said, as she pushed it open, and I saw that everyone was in fact in there.

  I felt a little let down, hoping Sydney and I would have some time alone, but she was in the make-up chair already getting ready for the meet-and-greet. Her stylist and hair and make-up people were buzzing around, talking, laughing and maneuvering around each other and Sydney, who sat with a bag of Twizzlers on her lap, munching on one as she listened to some story her make-up girl, Shelly, was telling about her cat.

  “Have fun,” Elisa said to me before she closed the door and left me in the midst of all the chaos.

  I realized I’d never refuted the fact that I wasn’t gay. But what did it really matter what she thought?

  Shelly looked up, caught my eye then and smiled. Then she leaned down to whisper something in Sydney’s ear. Syd looked up, and I met her gaze the moment she saw me in the reflection of the lighted mirror in front of her. She smiled widely, and I offered her a tentative wave, wondering why I felt so nervous.

  A part of me wanted to run over to her, push everyone out of the way and pull her into my arms, but another part of me wanted to vomit right there on the spot. I settled for taking a seat on the couch behind all the activity. I was still able to watch Syd’s reflection in the mirror.

  “Hey Ryder,” Shelly called out. “Good to see you again. You staying out of trouble?”

  I smirked. “Yeah, for the most part. You know me, just studying a lot, and then I study some more. But I make time for some debauchery at the end of each day.

  Shelly winked at me. Then I watched Syd say something to her, but I couldn’t hear what it was. She had a smile on her face though, and Shelly nodded appreciatively. Clea and Denise came over then and sat down on either side of me.

  “You’re looking good for someone who just spent the last week with their nose in a book, Ryder,” Clea said, her hand squeezing my bicep. I felt my cheeks heat. “Doesn’t he look good, Denise?”

  Denise elbowed me in the ribs. “Hot as always. How were your finals? Still got that 4.0 GPA?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I pulled out of the semester with A’s in all my classes.”

  “Nice job, dude,” Denise said, high-fiving me.

  Although she’d majored in fashion, she’d minored in biology in college, so we actually had found quite a bit to talk about over the years. She was one of the few people who knew how crazy school could be for me.

  “So, how’s it going in the love department?” Clea asked. “You seeing anyone?”

  “Uh, not really,” I said, aiming for vague, not exactly sure what I was supposed to say.

  I could try ‘Yes, actually I’m dating the girl sitting right over there but it’s a secret, so don’t tell anyone’. Yeah, not so much.

  “That’s too bad,” Clea said, shaking her head at Denise and then looking back at me. “You’re such a little cutie-pants. Some hot guy will be lucky to scoop you right up.”

  Cutie-pants? What the hell?

  Wait, did she say guy?

  Jesus, did everyone think I was gay? Yeah, they probably did, because Sydney had no doubt told them that at some point over the years. Funny that none of them had ever brought it up to me until now, and I wondered why that was.

  Denise nodded. “You’re so adorable. Why are all the good ones gay?”

  Okay, I couldn’t do this.

  “Guys, I’m not gay,” I told them, and they both looked at me with wide eyes. Shelly had frozen in her application of Syd’s make-up and whipped her head around to look at me.

  “Did he say what I think he just said?” she questioned.

  Then they all looked at Sydney who was staring at me in the mirror with wide eyes. I mouthed ‘I’m sorry’ to her, but she didn’t respond. I hoped she wasn’t pissed at me, but I wasn’t going to lie about something like that. I had my limits.

  “What do you mean you’re not gay?” Denise asked, and then she turned to Sydney. “Syd, you told us a few months ago that he was gay. You said that’s why you two had never hooked up.”

  I watched Sydney’s face turn red in the mirror as Denise turned to me. “We personally thought that you two would be totally cute together,” she said. “Remember, Syd, it was right after you broke up with Whit.”

  “I do believe I was the one who told her to date
Ryder,” Clea chimed in, elbowing me playfully, “since I’ve always thought he was so freaking hot and so nice! But she said he was gay.” Then she turned to me. “I had no idea. I thought you guys would make such a great couple.”

  And I would have to agree.

  “Okay! Enough,” Sydney said then. “I actually just found out last weekend. And I honestly thought he was gay. That’s why I told you all that.”

  “What do you mean you ‘thought’ he was gay?” Shelly asked. “He’s your best friend. Is that something you should know?”

  “I don’t know! Probably!” Sydney refuted. “We never actually talked about it. I just assumed he liked guys, I guess.”

  “Why would you assume that about someone?” Denise asked and then turned to me. “Ryder, do you make out with boys on a regular basis or something? Are you bi?”

  “No!” I said quickly, wanting to squelch that rumor before it started. “No, definitely not.”

  “You apparently assumed wrong,” Clea chimed in, looking at Sydney in the mirror.

  I thought I heard Syd mutter ‘No shit,’ but I couldn’t be sure.

  “Oh, so this is great!” Shelly squealed, an excited look coming over her face. “Syd, you should have told us! This is really good news.”

  “Yeah, totally, Syd,” Clea chimed in. “I still think you guys would be so cute together.” Then she elbowed me a few times.

  “Oh, my God, guys. It’s not that big of a big deal,” Sydney said exasperatedly, waving her hand in dismissal. “I was surprised to find out, but Ry and I are cool. We’re just friends. You guys know I’m with Dillon.”

  Well that stung a little bit. Did she have to say it like she was actually repulsed by the idea of dating me?

  Shelly rolled her eyes, but she didn’t say anything, and I wondered what she was thinking. Unfortunately she didn’t share her thoughts as she started working on Syd’s make-up again. In fact no one said anything else on the matter for a few minutes.

  “You like her, don’t you?” Clea finally whispered to me, and I looked over at her in surprise. I’d been staring at Sydney.

  “Uh, what do you mean?” I asked, playing dumb.

  “Ryder, come on,” Denise said, leaning over to whisper it in my ear, completely on to me. “We’ve all seen how you’ve looked at her over the years, and we actually found it hard to believe that you were gay, but Syd was adamant. If it’s any consolation, we all think you’re better for her than Dillon. I’m glad to hear you’re available and straight.”

  “You should totally go for it with her,” Clea encouraged.

  “What are you guys whispering about back there?” Sydney asked, and both Clea and Denise straightened up.

  “Nothing,” they said in unison before they stood and moved away from me, both of them pretending to do something related to their jobs.

  My phone beeped a few seconds later.

  Hey cutie-pants. What were they saying to you?

  A wide smile spread across my face when I read the text from Sydney. I didn’t so much mind it when she called me cutie-pants. She could call me that all day if she wanted.

  Hi yourself. Nothing you need to worry about. We’re ‘just friends’ after all.

  That might have been below the line, but I was only teasing – sort of. I looked up to see the reflection of her frozen with her thumbs over her phone and a frustrated look on her face.

  After a minute, my phone beeped again.

  You know I was just saying that. Now tell me what they said!

  I smiled. Maybe later.

  A part of me kind of wanted to tease her just a bit.

  Fine! Did you have a good flight?

  Sure.

  I wasn’t going to get into the details of my anxiety ridden flight. She didn’t need to know what a pussy I was being, since now that I was here I knew it was probably all for nothing. I didn’t think I really had anything to worry about.

  It’s good to see you. I’ve missed you.

  I smiled to myself.

  Me too. So, I guess you’ll be tied up until you go on-stage?

  Unfortunately, yes.

  I wished my flight had gotten in earlier, but since I’d had to connect through Atlanta and had a layover, it hadn’t been possible. The Gainesville airport didn’t fly directly to Philly. But I told myself we’d have plenty of time alone in the coming week.

  How’s Jake?

  Huh? Why was she asking about Jake? I’d been about to text her how much I wanted to kiss her, and she was asking about my roommate? Talk about a conversational left turn I didn’t want to take.

  Same old Jake.

  Yeah, I’d responded good-naturedly. It was just who I was.

  Horny and inappropriate?

  I laughed, but her mention of horny made me realize how horny I was, and I shifted around a little. It had been a while since I’d had sex, and I wanted that with Sydney more than anything. I’d thought about it all week, and as much as I’d wanted to jerk off at the very real images of her in my head, fraternity house showers weren’t exactly conducive to getting your rocks off discreetly, and I wasn’t jerking off into sock in my cave. I wasn’t that desperate.

  Yeah, totally. My response was on the vague side, and I knew it, but she deserved it after asking about Jake. What the hell was that all about?

  Want some Twizzlers?

  Sure.

  Our conversation suddenly felt very reminiscent of the ones we used to have when we were just friends, and I wondered if it should be different now that we were . . . whatever we were. Together, I guess. She had called herself my girlfriend, after all. But even knowing that, I wasn’t exactly sure what I was looking for in a text message conversation with Sydney as my girlfriend. Did I expect her to start sexting me or something? Her team was around, after all.

  I decided I’d turned into a girl and was reading way too much into everything. Then I decided to just sit back and enjoy the fact that I was there with Syd, I was going to get to see her perform, and then I’d get to go back to the hotel with her, and we’d be alone. And she seemed truly happy to see me. I didn’t need to worry over nothing. I’d probably just imagined that I heard something in her tone a few days before, and I was letting that affect me now.

  “Here you go, sweetie,” Clea said, handing me a few ropes of Twizzlers.

  I munched on them as I watched everyone transform Sydney into the flawless beauty she became for her fans. Not that she wasn’t normally perfect, but in her stage make-up that was waterproof, sweat-proof and probably natural disaster-proof, she looked like a living doll – a very hot and dirty doll if I was being honest, because her outfits for this tour, let’s just say I wouldn’t mind her wearing them for me later when we were alone.

  A few minutes before six when I knew the meet-and-greet was about to start, Syd finally got out of the chair and walked over to me. I stood and took in how gorgeous she looked as she leaned forward and hugged me. Her scent enveloped me, bringing back the sweet memories of her on my couch, in my bed, in my arms. I wanted so much more than a hug in that moment.

  Then she winked at me before heading over to the partition in the corner of the room. Behind it she shed her robe and traded it for black leather leggings and a flowy white top of some sort. She slipped on silver flats and was deemed by Denise as ready to go.

  As she walked past me again, she grabbed my hand and tugged on it. “Come with me,” she said, smiling, and I followed, trying not to seem as eager as I felt.

  Of course she dropped my hand almost immediately, but I had the memory of her touch as we walked through the hallway of the arena and finally stepped into the part of the tent where her fans would come through, get to meet her and get their picture taken. I stood in the back corner and took it all in, loving how she smiled and radiated this energy that was impossible not to catch as she hugged and posed with each one of them. She was so in her element, and I couldn’t have been happier to be there sharing everything with her.

  Chapter Fi
fteen

  Sydney

  I smiled as a little girl and her mother stepped into the area where they’d get to meet me. The meet-and-greet was almost over, and I should have been tired of smiling and posing since I’d been doing it for an hour and a half, but this was kind of what I lived for. My fans were the absolute best, and if I could put a smile on their faces, then it made me so happy.

  The little girl, who couldn’t have been more than eight, put her hands over her mouth and froze as soon as she saw me, her eyes growing wide. This happened a lot, so I knew exactly what to do.

  I leaned over so we were eye-to-eye and smiled. “Hi! I’m Sydney. What’s your name?”

  I chanced a glance at her mother who smiled at me and put her hand on her daughter’s back, nudging her forward.

  “Tell her your name, Syd,” she encouraged, and I looked at the girl in surprise.

  “Is your name Sydney too?” I asked, and she nodded. I smiled. “That’s so cool. You have the best name ever.”

  At that she beamed at me, so I reached for her hand. She let me take it.

  “How about we take a picture together,” I suggested, and she nodded. I lined up on the X on the floor and put one arm around the girl, then extended my other arm for her mother to step into.

  “She’s a huge fan of yours,” her mother told me.

  “Okay, smile everyone,” our cameraman said and then snapped two pictures in quick succession.

  “Good luck tonight,” the little girl named Sydney said softly as she and her mother were handed the card they’d used to retrieve their photo online.

  “Thank you so much,” I told her, as I reached forward to hug her. That was sweet of her to say. “I hope you have fun at the show.”

  She beamed at me as she left the tent.

  It was moments like those that I cherished. When everything got overwhelming and too hard to take, I thought about the girls who knew every word to my songs and who looked up to me. When I did that, everything I was doing made sense.

  As two teenagers started to step up to have their picture taken with me, I looked at the back corner of the tent where Ryder stood looking so incredibly delicious in jeans, a white t-shirt and a gray, short-sleeved, open button-down. I wasn’t sure how he could be so casual and sexy at the same time, but I loved it. I’d wanted to kiss him, or actually lay him back on the couch he’d been sitting on in my dressing room, and make out with him since the moment I’d seen him. But I’d reconfirmed in front of everyone that we were just friends, so I had to stick to that.