“You okay, mate?”
I looked up to see Paul and the other guys from Star Finger standing near the entrance to the stage, ready to go on in a few minutes.
“I’m fine,” I said, not wanting to get into things with Paul. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about him.
“You sure? You look rather zonked.”
“Huh?”
“He means you look tired,” one of the other guys chimed in. I thought his name was Nick.
“Oh, right. Long day.”
“Everything alright with you and Syd?” Paul asked.
I shrugged. “Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
I didn’t really like him butting into my relationship with Syd, even though in his eyes we were just friends.
Paul smiled then. “Right. Well then, enjoy the show tonight. We’ll get the crowd good and warmed up for our girl.”
He winked at me before turning back to the guys, and I was glad they had to be on stage. I wasn’t interested in a long chat. Instead I did what I told Syd I was going to do and headed back to her dressing room. When I entered the room, she looked at me and smiled, and that smile got to me like it did every time she graced me with it. I was so far gone. I knew that until she told me to go, I’d never leave. I’d stay with her forever if she’d let me. She had all the power. The ball was completely in her court, and I was at her mercy. I just hoped she’d go easy on me. I knew my heart would take a serious beating if she didn’t.
* * *
Three hours later, I was buzzing with energy as the concert came to a close. I’d watched Syd through each song and dance, each ballad, each power-filled anthem, and she’d shined during every second of the show. The audience loved her, they cheered for more, and they chanted her name when they thought the show was over, only to realize that there were two more songs yet to be sung. When she was finally done with the encore, she and the band and all the dancers took a bow on stage, and then the curtain closed.
People shuffled past me, so I sunk deeper into the space where I’d been hiding out of sight but close enough to the action that I could still see and hear everything. It really was the best seat in the house, aside from being front and center so I could look at Sydney’s face as she sung. But better than that, there was one part of the show where she sat at the piano and sung my favorite song, Only With You, the song I’d quoted back to her the weekend before.
I wondered if she knew how much it meant to me. I thought she just might when she looked up a few times during the song and locked eyes with me. I knew then that no matter who she’d initially written it for, in that moment, it was completely for me.
It was such a departure to how I’d been feeling two hours earlier, but before she’d gone on-stage, Sydney had pulled me aside.
“You okay?” she asked.
I nodded. “Yeah, I am. I’m sorry about earlier.”
We hadn’t talked when I’d gotten back to her dressing room, and things had been a little nuts as her team had finished getting her ready in time for the start of the show. But she’d lit up when I walked into the room, and then she’d stolen glances at me whenever she could. I could see that the tension that had been around her eyes before had dissipated. I wasn’t sure if it was because of our fight or something else, but it somehow brought me the relief I needed in that moment.
“You don’t have to apologize,” she said. Then she wrapped her arms around me and moved her lips close to my ear. “I’m so glad you’re here, Ry. Don’t doubt that. And when I come off-stage tonight, I’m going to show you exactly how much I want you here. Trust me when I tell you I meant what I said last weekend.”
I wasn’t sure what part of last weekend she was referring to, but I decided it didn’t matter. I let out a huge breath as I squeezed her back, relishing the feel of her body against mine and the comfort that closeness brought. I knew it was her way of easing my mind, of reassuring me after my chick-like meltdown. But just those few words allowed me to settle into the moment and push all of my doubts and fears to the back of my mind. She was there, standing in front of me, telling me she wanted me. And because of that, nothing else mattered.
And now as I waited for her to come off-stage, my heart pounded in anticipation of what was to come. She exited the stage last and practically flew into my arms. I squeezed her tight, feeling the heat from her skin and the slickness of her sweat-soaked body. She smelled so incredibly sexy that it was hard to not kiss her right then and there, but I knew that was off-limits, and I was trying to respect her wishes.
“What did you think?” she asked when she pulled back.
She was smiling and looking directly into my eyes. Then I really had to restrain myself from closing the distance between us, because she was looking at me like she wanted me to kiss her.
“You were so incredible,” I told her honestly, and she hugged me again, her arms wrapping around my neck.
“Thank you, Ry.”
Damn, when she squeezed me like that, and I could feel every inch of her body, I couldn’t help but feel a little light-headed. Especially since she was wearing an outfit that was similar in size to the one she wore for her opening number, but it was comprised of a white shimmery tank top that showed a strip of skin at her waist and little silver shorts. I had the urge to slide my hands down over the backside of those little shorts and just let them stay there for a while.
So freaking tempting. But too many people were around. Instead I grabbed the black silk robe she’d worn from her dressing room to the stage before the show and wrapped it around her shoulders.
She pulled back and rolled her eyes at me. “Not this again.”
I just gave her a look, and she shook her head with a cute little smirk on her face. We’d had this conversation already when she’d put on the black outfit in her dressing room before the show, and even though I knew that it was secure with enough double-sided tape to keep anything from going anywhere it wasn’t supposed to go, I didn’t want people gawking at her as she made the trek from her dressing room to the stage. Because she looked hot as hell.
“Ryder,” she said, hands on her hips, “you know I was just wearing this in front of ten thousand people, right?”
“I know.”
“And do you also know that everyone back here has seen me wearing this after each show for the past month?”
She didn’t normally wear her robe from her dressing room to the stage, but she’d done it that night because I’d asked nicely.
“Yup.”
“And that they aren’t looking anyway, because they’re too busy working?”
I raised an eyebrow at her. “I wouldn’t be so sure about that.”
She shook her head and lowered her voice, sliding hear arms through the robe, ultimately giving in. “I swear, if you weren’t so cute.”
I smiled. “I get away with a lot because I’m cute.”
She gave me a pointed look. “You do. And you’re about to get away with a lot more.” Then she took my hand in hers. “Come on. Let’s go back to the hotel.”
Um, hell yes, please.
I was practically vibrating with excitement as I followed along behind her, willing my body to stay calm enough that it wouldn’t be obvious just how much I wanted to pull Sydney into an empty room and do all the things I’d thought about when I’d been kissing her in her dressing room hours before. I restrained myself, though, holding her hand to ground me.
As we walked through the back of the arena, people we passed threw out congratulations and high-fives. Sydney was polite and engaged with them, but she didn’t slow our pace. It made me wonder how much she wanted to get me alone too.
When we got to her dressing room, she turned and faced me. “I need to get showered and changed. Do you mind waiting?”
I tried not to let my heart sink at the fact that she wasn’t inviting me into her dressing room, but I could understand since there were people everywhere, and if we got something started, I didn’t plan on stopping. If someone hear
d us or walked in on us, that would be bad news. But I was disappointed that I’d have to wait even longer for something I’d been dreaming about for years.
I took a deep breath and told myself to exercise patience. Then I smiled at Syd and put my hands on either side of her upper arms. “Take your time.”
She smiled back at me. “Thank you.”
Then she leaned up and kissed my cheek, letting her lips linger there for a few seconds. “Just so you know, it’s really hard to pull away from you right now, but I’m forcing myself to walk in there alone.”
My smile got even wider. “Don’t take long,” I whispered to her in return.
“I won’t,” she promised, and then she opened the door and stepped into the room.
I leaned against the wall right outside her dressing room and watched everyone around me running around doing all the things that needed to be done after the show. It was a little crazy to say the least, but it sort of matched how I felt with my insides churning and excited. A part of me wanted to run and jump and yell just to release some of the pent up emotion I was feeling, but I knew that would just make me look like a giant douche.
“Alright, Ryder?” I heard and looked up to see Paul walking toward me.
“Hey Paul,” I said, not sure I was up for chatting.
There was too much adrenaline and excitement buzzing through me to pretend that I was just casually standing outside Syd’s dressing room. I was sure Paul could see right through me to the internal war I was waging with myself where I was debating whether I should barge in there and surprise her in the shower, fuck the consequences.
Shit. That was a visual I’d love to have – Sydney all naked and wet, her skin glistening and steam coming off of–
Crap, I was starting to sprout wood, and how the hell was I supposed to explain that to Paul. Of course, he probably thought I was gay, because that’s what Syd had told everyone, and knowing that he was gay, he’d probably think my excitement was aimed toward him, and that was the last thing I needed. However, just thinking of that made my dick go limp, so that actually wasn’t so bad. Crisis averted.
“What are you and Sydney up to tonight?” he asked.
Having sex. Lots of sex for hours on end, I hope.
“Um,” I said, stalling for time. “We’ll probably just order room service and watch a movie or something.”
He nodded. “Or something,” he said coyly.
I cocked my head at him, wondering again what he knew. Had she talked to him about us?
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said, playing dumb and pulling what I could remember about making a scene convincing from the Intro to Acting class I’d taken freshman year.
He gave me a look like he didn’t believe me. “Ryder, Syd and I’ve talked a lot about you over the past few months,” he said, and I wasn’t sure whether or not to be irritated that she’d talked to him about me. I wondered what she’d said.
“Oh yeah?” I asked, aiming for vague.
Paul stuck his hands in his pockets. “Yeah, I’ve actually heard about you for ages, so I’m glad we finally got to meet. You know she initially wanted to set me up with you, but when I met you last weekend, I didn’t think that was going to be an option.”
“Yeah, not so much.”
Paul smiled. “I knew immediately you weren’t gay, but Syd was convinced, so I didn’t say anything to her.”
I shook my head and rolled my eyes. “She has everyone thinking that.”
Paul shrugged. “She’s thought it for a long time. Does she know you’re straight?”
“Yeah, she does now. She sort of figured it out last weekend.”
He nodded. “That explains her good mood. I knew it couldn’t have been from Dillon coming to visit. I like the bloke, don’t get me wrong, but they’re not right for each other.”
“I agree.”
“You’re into her, aren’t you?”
I hesitated before nodding. “Yeah, I am.”
What did it matter if people knew how I felt?
He nodded. “And you think you’re right for her, that you can make her happy?”
Damn, it was like he could see right through me, see the doubts that had been plaguing me earlier.
“Yeah, actually I do,” I said firmly, because I believed it.
He shrugged, and I wanted to shove him for inserting his two cents into my relationship. Of course he didn’t know it was a relationship. Damn, this was hard.
“Just think about this, because I can tell how much you care about her and want her to be happy. I know how she feels about you. She’s told me, and I don’t know if anything has happened between you two yet, but–”
“Nothing’s happened,” I interrupted, the words tasting sour on my tongue. “You know she has a boyfriend.”
I figured Sydney would be proud of me for telling him that. Of course I had no idea if Paul believed me or not, but I wasn’t sure if it mattered either – at least not to me.
“Alright, but let’s be honest. From what I can tell, that will probably be changing soon, and I think you know that too. I saw the way she was looking at you tonight. And Dillon or no Dillon, she’s been into you for a while. I just don’t want her to do something she’s going to regret because she’s rushing into it headfirst without thinking through the consequences.”
I felt my chest tighten. I wanted to swing at him. Where the hell did he get off? Sure he’d known Sydney for a few years, but he didn’t know her better than I did. He didn’t know what she’d said to me last weekend and earlier in the night. He didn’t know shit.
“She’s a big girl,” I said through gritted teeth. “I think she’s capable of making her own decisions.”
“I know that, but I think you need to consider one very important fact. And that is, it’s pretty obvious to everyone else that you’re not gay, but Syd was convinced you were for years. Maybe that was just her way of protecting her heart, you know?”
Kind of like she was doing earlier tonight?
“I don’t follow,” I said, as I narrowed my eyes at him. I didn’t like where this conversation was headed.
“Come on, Ryder, you’re a smart guy – practically genius level from what Syd’s told me. Can’t you see what different worlds you both live in? Syd’s career is on fire. Are you willing to be a part of that life, support what she does?”
“I’ve always supported what she does. I’m really proud of her,” I said, narrowing my eyes at him as the conviction in my words only got stronger. “She’s incredible.”
“But you want to be a lawyer, right?”
“Yeah, I do.”
What does that have to do with anything, asshole?
“And you still have two years left at university before law school, right?”
“Yes.”
“And you go to school in Florida?”
“Yes,” I said slowly, finally starting to connect the dots to what he was saying.
It was exactly what I’d thought about again and again. It was at the root of my fears when it came to Sydney, but I didn’t want to think about it. Not again tonight. Not now when I’d finally bi-passed my anxiety over how she felt about me. I hated Paul for even driving another ounce of doubt into my head.
“So how exactly are you going to be there for her when you have something equally important in your life that you’re working toward? Are you going to be able to drop everything to fly across the country to see her when she needs you?”
Yes. No. I don’t know.
“I’ll figure it out,” I snapped. “We’ll figure it out.”
He looked at me with skepticism written all over his face. “Just don’t hurt her,” he cautioned. “Syd’s a romantic, and she falls in love easily. I know she wants to be with you, but sometimes what we want and what we should do are two very different things.”
When the fuck did he turn into Yoda?
“I know how she feels,” I said through gritted teeth, clenching my fists at my
sides. “And I think you should let her decide for herself what she wants and needs. She’s a big girl.”
He shrugged. “I know she is, but at the end of the day, I care a lot about her. I don’t want to see her hurt.”
I glared at him. “I care a lot about her. I’ve known her a lot longer than you have, and I’ve been there for her after every asshole she’s dated has dumped her. You think I want to make her feel that way again? Hell no. I’d never hurt her.”
“Maybe not intentionally, but your situation doesn’t lend itself for you to be in control of that. Just keep that in the back of your mind.”
Don’t worry. I will.
I wasn’t sure pushing that thought out of my head was even possible. Now that he’d said it, I was never going to stop thinking about it. Fucker.
I started to say something in response, but the door behind me opened, and Syd came out wearing skinny jeans and a black tank top, her dark hair piled on top of her head. My heart started pounding in my chest when I looked at her. She was so beautiful with just a hint of make-up on her face and a wide smile just for me.
Shit, the last thing I wanted to do was hurt her. But what if Paul was right? What if for years, Syd had been convinced that I wasn’t available because she knew being with me wasn’t conducive to her career. I’d never ask her to give anything up for me, and I knew she’d never ask me to do that either – but we did lead very different lives. Would it become a point of contention down the road?
Goddamn Paul for putting a damper on what was supposed to be the best night of my life.
“Hi guys,” Syd said, smiling at me and then at Paul. “What are you talking about?”
“Just how brilliant you were tonight, love,” Paul said, smiling at her, and I wanted to smack that smile right off of his face.
“Aww, thanks, Paul,” she said hugging him. When she pulled back she stepped into place beside me, and I fought putting my arm around her shoulders in a possessive sort of way. She turned to me then. “Ready to go?”
Fuck. Now I was wondering if I should even go through with what I wanted to do so badly. I hated to admit it, but Paul was right on some level. Sydney and I lived on opposite ends of the planet, and not just in the physical sense. But the distance was something else to think about.
Only With You Page 16
