Only With You

by Alexander, Monica

I figured Syd and I just needed to settle in with each other. There would be adjustments along the way, and we’d both have to give and take if we wanted this to work. And I did, more than anything. Fortunately, I knew she did too.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Sydney

  I’d been smiling for the past few hours, and my jaw was starting to hurt, but the photographer was shooting a mile a minute, so I had to suck it up and keep the smile plastered on my face. I let my face fall when he dropped the camera a few seconds later. As the photographer stepped back, I let my gaze drift up to where Ryder sat in my line of sight. He was lounging in a chair with one of his huge textbooks on his lap, but he wasn’t reading it.

  He caught my eye and smiled, and I couldn’t help but shoot him a smile right back. Ever since the night before when I’d come home late fearing the worst, I’d felt like I was lucky he was still there, still willing to give this thing with us a chance. I knew I’d screwed up royally when I saw Dillon standing near the stage, since I thought I’d have a chance to tell Ryder about the club appearance I had to make the next day, but apparently I’d gotten my dates wrong.

  Quite frankly, it was kind of Ryder’s fault – not that I’d tell him that. But I’d been so wrapped up in all things having to do with him that I hadn’t paid attention to my schedule like I normally did. He made my head all woozy most of the time and gave me tunnel-vision that was focused completely on him.

  Not that I was complaining. For the first time in my life, I felt like I was dating someone genuine. I didn’t worry that I’d find Ryder coupled up with some starlet or super model in the corner of some club. I didn’t fear getting a call out of the blue that would leave me in tears. I didn’t wonder if he was with me for the wrong reasons. It was completely comfortable to be around him, and aside from my little freak out after we’d slept together for the first time, I didn’t have any of my usual hang-ups around him.

  Normally I had this phobia about waking up first so I could brush my teeth, fix my make-up and make sure my hair wasn’t disheveled, but I didn’t do that with Ryder. And he didn’t care. I knew he liked me without make-up since he’d told me that earlier when we’d left for the photo shoot, and one of the best things about waking up next to him was realizing where I was and who I was with. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I only wanted to scoot close to him, and what I’d learned that morning, since he’d actually been tucked in next to me like he had been the first night we’d stayed together in his room at the frat house, was that he was a bit of a cuddler in the mornings.

  We’d gotten to sleep in since my call time hadn’t been until eleven, and after waking up in his arms and seeing his sleepy smile, I knew I never wanted to wake up next to anyone else. And after making love on the couch and again in the shower, he’d called down and ordered room service which we ate on the terrace overlooking the city. It was one of the most incredible mornings of my life considering the sheer shittiness of the night before.

  I hated fighting with anyone, but fighting with Ryder was my least favorite thing in the world.

  And in that moment, looking up at him as he watched me, more than anything I wanted to go over and give him a big fat kiss. But I held back for multiple reasons, mainly because I was a professional, and I couldn’t go making out with my boyfriend during a shoot. And then there was the other crap I needed to get sorted out with Chris and Laurie before I could even consider doing that.

  Within a few seconds, my delicious view of my hot new boyfriend was blocked by Shelly who was coming over to touch up my make-up. Elisa followed a few seconds later, so I shifted my eyes up to look at her. I felt like we’d spent more time together in the past month as Laurie had slowly given her more responsibility, which was fine by me. I liked Elisa – aside from the fact that she thought Ryder was cute. But I couldn’t really hold that against her. He was cute.

  “What’s up?” I asked her.

  “I just wanted to coordinate your schedule for the rest of today. We should be done here at three. Then there’s the signing event at five. It’s at a hotel a few blocks from here, but traffic will be a nightmare, so we’ll want to leave at four. I already talked to Denise. She, Clea and Shelly have everything you need here, so we’ll leave when you’re ready.”

  “I can’t go back to the hotel at all?”

  She shook her head. “No, we’re halfway across town from your hotel, and it’ll take an hour at that time a day to get uptown. There’s no way.”

  “Okay. That makes sense. So the signing goes until seven-thirty, right?”

  She nodded. “Yup, which will give you enough time to get to the Garden by the time Westside goes on.”

  I looked at her in confusion for a few seconds. “Oh, the concert, right.”

  The look of confusion coupled with the raised eyebrow Shelly shot me told me I’d messed up.

  “I just assumed you’d be going to see Dillon tonight,” Elisa said, trying to keep her tone as passive as possible, it seemed.

  “Yeah, totally,” I said, suddenly realizing a mistake I’d made the night before.

  I’d been all excited about letting Ryder take me out for our first official date, that I’d told him we could go out. But I hadn’t factored in that Westside had a concert that night that I needed to be at. If I didn’t go, the media would be all over it. And how the hell could I explain that I was out with another guy, albeit just a friend, when my supposed boyfriend was playing at Madison Square Garden. I couldn’t do it.

  “Okay, I’m done,” Shelly announced and stepped away from me.

  I looked up and saw Ryder watching me again and tried to keep my expression passive. How was I supposed to explain this to him? Especially after last night, this wasn’t going to make him happy. God, I did not want to get into another fight. If that happened, who knew where his head would be. I just didn’t want him to walk away thinking this was too hard.

  We were shooting a few seconds later, so I didn’t get a chance to talk to him. I had to smile and shine for the camera while inside my stomach was a nervous, churning mess. When the producer of the shoot called a break for lunch thirty minutes later, I’d never been so relieved. Of course that was the moment Chris walked into the shoot, so I knew I needed to capitalize on the opportunity to at least follow through on something I promised Ryder I’d do.

  “Hey,” I said to Chris, as he put his arm around me.

  “What’s up? Everything going okay here?”

  I nodded. “Yeah, everyone’s been great.”

  “Good deal. You grabbing lunch?”

  I stole a glance back at Ryder who was watching me and then turned back to Chris. “I will in a minute, but can we go somewhere and talk?”

  “Sure,” he said, leading me out into the hall. He gestured to an office, so I followed him in there. “What’s on your mind?”

  I smiled. “These days, it’s Ryder.”

  “Oh yeah, everything good there?” Chris asked, leaning against the door frame.

  “Pretty good, actually. And I don’t need any more time. I want to go through with officially ending things with Dillon. Can you talk to Laurie?”

  I wasn’t exactly afraid of what Laurie might say. After all, she did work for me, but she could be relatively persuasive when she wanted to be, and I wasn’t going to budge on this. I needed it to happen, like yesterday, if I was being honest. I shouldn’t have hesitated the week before. I should have just gone with my gut and taken care of it.

  “Yeah, sure. I can do that. She probably won’t be thrilled. I know she was talking to Westside’s PR people about a joint hosting of a leukemia benefit concert in August, and this might affect that. Westside would probably get bumped from doing it, and you’d host with someone else.”

  I felt bad about that. I didn’t want to cause them to lose any publicity because of me. And I knew that Phillip, one of the guys in Westside, was passionate about the cause. His older brother was a survivor.

  “I don’t have to do it,” I offered. />
  Although childhood leukemia was a cause that I’d backed for years. Good friends of my parents battled it with their daughter when she was six, and I saw the toll it took on them – financially and emotionally. The little girl had ended up going into remission after a year and was still doing really well, but the whole experience stayed with me. I’d been fifteen at the time and felt helpless to do anything that would impact the cause, but as soon as I started making money I gave a portion of it away to the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society every year, and I’d been involved in numerous fundraisers over the years.

  “They requested you, Syd. And I know you want to do it.”

  I nodded. “Yeah, I do. But if Dillon and I part amicably, then would Westside still be able to host it. I know Phillip would want to be a part of the benefit in some way, and he shouldn’t have to skip it because of the ending of a relationship that he and I both know isn’t real. Raising money to fight leukemia has to trump that. Can’t Laurie make sure that the articles that come out let people that we’re still friends and that it was the stress of being on tour and never seeing each other that led to our ultimate demise?”

  Chris laughed out loud. “You’ve been in his business far too long,” he commented jovially.

  I smiled. “What does that mean?”

  He shook his head. “You could practically do Laurie’s job for her with the way you think.”

  I shrugged. “Hey, after a few years, you start to get the gist of how this works. I’m just trying to find a win-win for everyone involved.”

  “That’s why I love you, kid. But you do realize that it’s probably not the best thing for you and Ryder to go public so soon after you end things ‘amicably’ with Dillon, right?”

  “I know, but we decided that we’re going to keep our relationship under wraps for a little while. We’ll let our families and close friends know, but I’m not about to make a statement to the media. And when we go out together, we’ll just be friends.”

  “So, you’re okay with him not going with you to awards shows and premiers, since we’ve got a few booked in the next two months?”

  I hadn’t really thought about that. Both the Teen Choice Awards and the VMAs were in August, and I was also going to two or three movie premieres over the summer.

  “Just as long as I don’t have to go with anyone else, then I think I’m okay with it.”

  Chris raised an eyebrow at me. “I think we’re past the stage of fixing you up with people to promote your career. You’ve taken care of that all on your own.”

  “Only because I have the best manager ever,” I said, playfully punching him on the arm.

  “Aw shucks. Thanks Syd.”

  I smiled.

  “So is Ryder going to be visiting you often?” Chris asked then.

  Sadly, I shook my head. “Probably not. He’s taking classes all summer. I’m sure he’ll visit me when he has breaks, or I’ll go see him when I can. I think there’s a week in early July and then one in August where he doesn’t have class.”

  “Long distance sucks. Have you done it before?”

  I knew Chris was speaking from experience. His wife lived in L.A., and there were months where they were apart more than they were together.

  “No, I’ve never actually dated someone seriously while on tour, and I’ve never cared about someone as much as I care about Ryder. We both want this. It’s been a long time coming if I’m being honest, and if we don’t try, I know I’ll always look back and regret it.”

  “You love him?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Then I say go for it, but just be careful. And take it from someone who’s in this business and has managed to not get divorced as a result of his job. What you do is important, but don’t discount what he does. When it comes to love, the person you’re with should be supportive, but there has to be a give and take. Just because you’re in the spotlight and make the big bucks doesn’t mean you’re more important.”

  I bit my lip and nodded. It was good advice. I knew how easy it was for me to think that the world revolved around what I did for a living since it consumed so much of my life, and Ryder was the kind of guy who would put me on a pedestal. I knew that. I also knew he’d call me out if I turned into any sort of a diva. He’d been doing it for years, but that had also been as my friend. I owed him more as my boyfriend, and I didn’t want him to think for a second that what he did wasn’t as important.

  I knew I’d told him two days ago that I wouldn’t be able to go to his fraternity formals or football games, but I wondered if I couldn’t find a way around that. The last thing I wanted was for him to feel like he had to blend into my world and then for me to discount his. That wasn’t fair. Maybe I could figure out a way to do that. Of course, the last thing I wanted was for any event where I accompanied him to become The Sydney Chase Show, so creative planning might have to be used. I guessed we had time, though, since it was only May, and all his frat and school events wouldn’t start up again until the fall semester.

  I reached out and hugged Chris. “Thank you,” I told him. “For being so awesome and for the advice.”

  “He’s a lucky guy, but something tells me I don’t need to worry about him treating you right, do I?’

  “No, not at all. He’s great.”

  Chris smiled. “Good. You deserve great.”

  “So, any chance you think I could get out of going to Dillon’s show tonight? I sort of didn’t think about it, and made plans to go out with Ryder on a date – as friends to anyone who’s looking, but we’d know it was a date.”

  “What do you think?”

  Elisa’s words echoed in my ear.

  “I think I’d better start figuring out how to tell Ryder that we’ll have to postpone our date.”

  “Good idea,” Chris said.

  When I walked back into the studio, I saw Ryder sitting with Elisa eating lunch, so I walked over to them and sat down.

  “Hi guys.”

  Ryder smiled at me. “Here,” he said, handing me a plate. “I fixed you some food.”

  “Thank you. You’re the best,” I said, taking it from him. He winked at me. “So what are we talking about?”

  “The best alternative rock bands. Ryder and I have similar taste in music,” Elisa supplied.

  Ryder turned to her. “Best alt rock song ever,” he said, as I took a bite of the turkey wrap he’d gotten me and waited for her to answer.

  This might have been Ryder’s favorite music question. I’d heard him ask it a hundred times, and I always got a kick out of what people said and how he reacted. He could get very passionate about this subject.

  Elisa waved a hand in dismissal. “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” she said, and the ‘duh’ in her statement felt implied.

  Ryder just shook his head, and I smiled. I knew exactly what he was going to say.

  “What? You don’t agree?” Elisa asked, and Ryder just smiled.

  “He’s going to say Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden,” I chimed in as Ryder started to open his mouth. “He’ll argue that Nirvana is an easy pick, because they broke onto the scene first and brought alt rock to the mainstream, but at the end of the day, Black Hole Sun has more depth – and a better video.”

  Elisa made a face, and Ryder shoved her in the arm.

  “That song is awesome,” he argued around a mouthful of sandwich.

  Elisa shrugged. “I’m not denying that, but it’s not the best. I’d at least put Under the Bridge and Seven Nation Army before it in my top ten.”

  “Shenanigans. I can’t listen to this. What do you think, Syd?” Ryder asked, turning to me, and I wondered if I had to agree with him now because we were sleeping together.

  Nope. I never had before, and I wasn’t going to start now. I was honestly surprised he was even asking. He knew what I was going to say.

  “Yellow Ledbetter. You know that,” I said, full of confidence, and Ryder kicked me under the table.

  “Damn, see if you get any later,”
he mumbled, and then his eyes went wide when I looked up and met his gaze.

  Out of the corner of my eye I could see Elisa looking at him in question. “What did you just say?” she asked.

  “Uh,” Ryder said, looking from her to me.

  “He said what you think he said,” I told her, keeping my voice low, hoping I could trust her. “We’re actually together.”

  She’d been on my PR team for a year, and she’d always done what she could to help my career. It wouldn’t do her any good to spread negative things about me. And truthfully, I knew if she went to the press, Laurie would fire her. Elisa was only a few years out of college, and she needed this job.

  She cocked her head for a second as what I said started to work its way through her brain. Then she jerked her thumb at Ryder. “But he’s gay. You said he was gay.” Then she shook her head, realizing the truth. “He’s not gay, is he?”

  “Nope,” Ryder confirmed. “She just didn’t want you to make a play for me, because she wanted to keep me all to herself. Selfish girl.”

  He grinned at me.

  Elisa raised her eyebrows. “How long has this been going on?”

  “Eight days,” Ryder said, and I was kind of glad he was doing all the talking.

  “Eight days?” she said, looking at him speculatively.

  He smiled. “Yeah. Eight days,” he said proudly.

  Elisa turned to me then. “Does Dillon know?”

  I realized in my excitement to tell someone about Ryder and me, I’d actually implicated Dillon. I hadn’t meant to do that. I wasn’t sure what to say.

  “Don’t worry. I know about the fake relationship,” Elisa said quietly. “I just want to make sure he’s okay. He’s a nice kid, and I don’t want him to get hurt in all of this.”

  “Yeah, he knows,” I told her.

  “Okay good. You know I’m the one who convinced Laurie to go through with the relationship between you two, right?”

  I was taken aback for a second. I had no idea. I thought Laurie and Chris were the only people who knew

  “Really?”

  “Yeah, I saw how that shit with Whit went down back in December and how upset you were about the negative press. I’ve always liked you, Syd, and I figured you could use some people on your side. Dillon was such a sweetheart when I met him when Westside played in Times Square last New Year’s Eve, so when Laurie told me what Westside’s PR team was proposing, I told her to go for it. I knew the benefit would outweigh the cost for sure.”