Finding Focus

by Jiffy Kate

  She places a soft kiss on my mouth before closing her eyes. I run my fingers through her hair, moving it away from her face, and whisper, “What do you want?”

  Her eyes open, confusion shining bright. She twists her mouth and presses her lips together like she wants to say something or ask something, but she hesitates for a moment before finally asking me to hold her.

  So I do.

  When I wake the next morning, my arms are still wrapped around a sleeping Dani. Her head is on my chest, nestled under my chin. Her arm is loose around my waist. I’ve never felt so content. I don’t want to move. I don’t want to wake her. I just want to soak up as much of this moment as I can. The thought of her leaving and going back to New York has been plaguing me since yesterday. If this is the last time I get to do this for a while—or ever—I want to make the most of it. I want to memorize every soft breath, every freckle on her shoulder, the feel of her body against mine. When I look down at her, my chest feels tight. Watching her is pretty much the best thing in the entire universe. I feel so lucky to just know her, let alone get to be near her like this.

  At least we have one more day, and I’m going to make the most of it.

  The morning is quiet. It seems Dani is in quite the contemplative state as well. We move around each other like planets orbiting the sun—taking turns brushing our teeth, making sure the other doesn’t forget things in the room, and I make her a cup of coffee, just like I have every other morning we’ve been together.

  When we get in the car, she lets out a heavy sigh.

  “Everything okay?” I ask, reaching over to take her hand. Touching her is becoming second nature. I don’t even think before I do it. It’s going to kill me when I can’t do it on a regular basis.

  “Yeah, just thinking.”

  We drive in silence until we’re outside of Jackson’s city limits headed south on Interstate 55 toward Baton Rouge. The drive is less than three hours, so if we don’t make too many stops, we’ll be there a little after noon. Since we’re staying at my and Deacon’s apartment for the night, we’ll drop our bags off and freshen up before I take her to Grinders for dinner and show her a little bit of the city. I can’t wait for her to see the place. It’s something Deacon and I have put so much of ourselves into, I’m really proud of it.

  The restaurant has kinda grown up with us. We started off small, taking out a small loan while I was still in college to buy an abandoned two-story building in the older part of downtown Baton Rouge. Most of the remodeling work we did ourselves or paid our buddies to do on the weekend, usually in beer and free food. Over time, it’s developed into a well-known establishment, catering to the college crowd and tourists. We bring a band in on Friday and Saturday nights. It’s a lot more citified than Pockets. There’re two levels, with the top level overlooking the small stage. A friend of Deacon’s hooked us up with a class-act lighting package, and although the bands we bring in are local, they’re fantastic. Almost as good as our food.

  I look over at Dani and see she’s chewing on her bottom lip, obviously still deep in thought. I think about letting her be and hoping she works out whatever’s on her mind, but I can’t keep myself from asking her. If there’s something I can do to take the worry on her face away, I’ll do it.

  “Penny for your thoughts?”

  She leans her head back against the seat and turns her gaze from the window over to me.

  “I want to get a tattoo.”

  That wasn’t really what I was expecting, and I don’t think it’s what she’s been thinking about this whole time, but I’ll take what I can get.

  “You know what you want?” I ask.

  “I know exactly what I want.” Her eyes bore into mine, and I can’t help but wonder if her words have a double meaning. I can’t let myself get too hopeful.

  “I can call my guy in Baton Rouge and see if he can work you in, if you’re serious.”

  “That’d be great.” She gives me her first real smile of the day and I give her one in return. If a tattoo is what will make her happy, then I’ll make it happen. Besides, it’ll be hot, no matter what she gets.

  Dani seems to be more relaxed the rest of the drive to Baton Rouge, not as quiet. We do a couple rounds of twenty questions and fight over the songs we’re going to play on the radio. Just normal shit.

  Once we’re at the apartment, I bring our bags in while Dani freshens up.

  “You want somethin’ to drink?” I ask her from the kitchen. When I don’t get an answer, I decide to look for her.

  Seeing Dani standing in my bedroom, looking at my bed, makes my heart squeeze and my stomach tighten. I can’t resist walking up to her and wrapping my arms around her. She turns in my arms and lays her head against my chest.

  “I wish you’d talk to me,” I whisper into her hair, wanting to know what’s bothering her and not caring if I sound desperate in the process.

  She looks up at me before standing on her tiptoes and bringing her lips to mine. Her nails scratch at the scruff on my jaw as she kisses me gently. “We can talk about it later. Right now, I just want to enjoy this last day with you,” she says, almost pleading.

  I swallow the lump in my throat as my worst fear comes true. This is it for us. When we get back to French Settlement, it will literally be the end of the road for us. Dani will go back to New York and I’ll go back to doing whatever it is I did before her. But I don’t want to. I don’t want that life. I want this one. The one where she’s in my arms. Where I make her coffee every morning. Where she falls asleep against my chest every night. That’s the life I want.

  Pulling her face back to mine, I kiss her until we’re both breathless—until resolve settles into my bones.

  If today is the last day we have, then I’m going to make it perfect. It might not be the right time to tell her how I feel, saying those words now might seem rushed or like I’m saying them to get something in return, but I can show her. I want her to know how much I want her, and not just for tonight—more like forever.

  The first thing we do is grab lunch to-go from T.J. Ribs and bring it to the campus of my alma mater. I want her to see this. This place was such a vital part of my life and making me who I am today. I want to share it with her. I take us to a spot in the grass that gives us a perfect view of the Indian Mounds of LSU.

  “This is beautiful,” Dani gushes as we sit on the blanket I’ve laid out for us.

  “It’s one of my favorite spots here.”

  “I can see why.” She kicks her shoes off onto the blanket and twists her hair up on her head. I love it when she does that. This is my favorite version of Dani—relaxed, natural. It seems as though she’s resolved to make the most of our time together, too. After our moment in the apartment earlier, it’s been light and fun ever since. “Thanks for bringing me here.”

  “Thanks for wanting to come.”

  She nods at me and smiles. I hand her her barbeque from the bag and grab mine as well. “We better eat up. Frank said he’d open up earlier just for us, so we need to be there by three, which means we’ve only got about an hour.”

  “Should be enough time to eat this and kick back for a nap.” She winks at me, taking a big bite of her barbeque. The sauce dripping down her chin reminds me of the first night of our trip when she had ketchup all over her face. This time, instead of telling her about it, I lean over and lick it off.

  She stops mid-chew, looking over at me. “Did you just lick me?” she asks, narrowing her eyes. She’s so damn cute.

  “Yep.” I nod and casually take a bite of my food. “You taste delicious.”

  The look on her face shifts from playful to something else—something like desire. I feel it, too. I’ve felt it mounting since the night we kissed at the pond. It’s like small sparks under my skin, slowly building to a roaring blaze.

  “I can’t believe you licked me,” she says, still a bit dazed from whatever is happening between us.

  I smile at her, shake my head, and focus on my food. “You
sure you want to get a tat?” I ask, switching gears. “You know it’s permanent, right?”

  “Yes, I know it’s permanent, and yes, I’m sure.”

  “Do you know where you want it?”

  “On my arm. I want to see it every day.”

  That answer makes me happy. I was afraid she’d say on her back or hip, which would require her to remove her clothes. I know it’s crazy, and I know I haven’t even seen them, but I’m not fond of another guy seeing the goods.

  “Are you gonna get something?” she asks, setting her mostly empty food container back in the bag.

  “I was thinking about it.”

  “Do you know what you’d want to get?”

  “I always have something in mind, but I probably won’t decide until I get there.”

  Once we finish eating, we lie back on the blanket, taking turns making out shapes in the clouds above us. There’s one that floats by I swear looks just like the poop emoticon. When she laughs uncontrollably, with her head on my chest, I drink it in. “You’re so gross,” she says, slapping at me playfully. I grab her hand and quickly roll her over, hovering above her, my arms caging her in.

  “I’ll give you gross,” I tease, sticking my tongue out and inching it closer to her face.

  “No!” she squeals, struggling to get away from me, but I have her trapped. “Micah!”

  Before long, we’re a mess of twisted limbs, sweaty, laughing, and completely out of breath. I brush the hair off her face and cup her cheek. “You’re so beautiful.”

  “So are you,” she says, honesty in her eyes. No one’s ever called me beautiful. It’s kind of a girl term, but I like it coming from her.

  I kiss her for a few minutes, being mindful that we’re in public. Before things get too heated, I slowly pull back and take a good look at her, hoping when she goes back to New York and I’m missing her, I can close my eyes and remember her just like this.

  “We better get going. Can’t keep Frankie waiting. He’s kind of a diva.”

  The tattoo shop isn’t very far from Grinders, so I park in my usual spot behind our building and we walk over. Dani is full of questions about the area and the restaurant on our walk to the shop. I love that she’s so interested and really seems to love it here. French Settlement is my home, but Baton Rouge is a close second.

  When we make it to Third Street Ink, I see Frankie through the glass windows. He waves and runs over to unlock the door. “Micah,” he says boisterously, “long time, no see!”

  “Yeah, it’s been a few weeks. How ya been?”

  “Good. I did some new work for Deacon not long ago. He said you had some ideas for some new ink.”

  “I do, but I called today for my . . . uh,” I hesitate, wishing I had some kind of claim to her, some way to show that she’s mine. Since I don’t, I settle for introducing them. “This is Sheridan Reed. Dani, this is Frankie.”

  “Nice to meet you.” He smiles, shaking her hand. “So, do you know what you want?”

  “Yeah, I do.” Dani pulls out the old box from the storage unit and shows it to him, pointing to the compass on the lid. “I’d like this. Right here,” she says, pointing to her forearm. “Except, where there’s an ‘N’ for north, I’d like mine to have an ‘S’ for south.”

  Frankie smiles, nodding his head. “South, huh? I like it.”

  The two of them walk over to the counter as he begins to sketch out the tattoo. When they both agree on the design and size, he walks her over to his booth and places the transfer on her arm. “How’s that?” he asks.

  She holds it up, inspects it, and then looks at me. “What do you think?”

  “I think it’s perfect.”

  Without hesitation or reservation, she looks back at Frankie, and says, “Let’s do this.”

  He works fast, and since the design isn’t that complicated, he’s done in no time. Dani winces a few times when he hits a sensitive spot, but for the most part, she takes it like a champ.

  After he has her bandaged up, he looks at me. “So, you gettin’ somethin’?”

  “I have a few things in mind, but I think I’ll stop back by some other time,” I tell him, wanting to get over to Grinders before things get too busy. I really want to show Dani around and introduce her to the staff.

  “Okay, I’ll pencil you in for a few weeks out.”

  “Sounds good. Maybe for after I close one night. I could bring you second dinner.”

  “It’s a date.”

  Dani laughs and thanks Frankie for doing her tat on such short notice. He tells her it was his pleasure. Frankie and I go way back. Deacon and I have been coming here since we were in college. Even when we’re not getting any work done, we sometimes stop by and hang out after we close up shop.

  “Does it hurt?” I ask, pointing to her bandaged arm.

  “Nah. It’s a little sore, but nothing too horrible.”

  “We’ll get you some ointment for it later. Actually, I probably have some at the apartment.”

  She nods, looking down at her arm as we walk across the street.

  “Are you having second thoughts?”

  “No,” she says, shaking her head and laughing.

  “Want to tell me about it?”

  “This?” she asks, holding up her arm.

  “Yeah.”

  She shrugs her shoulders. “It’s kinda hard to explain.”

  “Try me.”

  We stop just outside of Grinders and I motion her over to a bench nearby. I want to hear this. I want to know why she chose a compass and why she had him put an “S” in place of the “N”. I’m trying hard not to read too much into it, but my mind has been theorizing ever since she sat down in that chair.

  “I felt lost,” she says, staring out at the cars passing by. “Have you ever felt lost?” Her eyes are sad as she looks over at me, and I’m not sure whether she’s expecting me to answer, so I just nod.

  She lets out a deep breath before continuing, directing her gaze back to the passersby. “When I lost my job, and then Graham pulled that shit with the solo vacation . . . I remember feeling so lost, like my compass was broken. I actually thought that. Like, I was standing in the middle of a big city and couldn’t find my way. The things that had been guiding me were slowly slipping away and I couldn’t tell which way was north.”

  She sits quietly for a second, gathering her thoughts, and I let her, giving her all the time she needs. “When I got the call from Piper to come down here and do the article, it was the first time in years I felt excited about life—about what I was doing and where I was. When I went back to New York, I realized it had a lot to do with the location, but even more to do with the people.”

  Her eyes close and she gently touches her arm. “I realized it wasn’t north I was looking for, after all,” she says, smiling up at me. “My granny confirmed that for me the other day. In that box was a letter . . . a letter I somehow missed all these years. In it, she told me my heart is my compass.” She pauses for a second, reaching down to lace her fingers through mine. “Everything I was searching for, every question I felt like I didn’t have an answer for,” she says passionately, “it was right here,” she places her hand over her heart, “I just needed a little help finding it.”

  I smile because she’s smiling, but more importantly, I smile because I like what I’m hearing. Above everything else, I want Dani happy, and if there is a slight chance her being here . . . with me . . . could make her happy, I’d be the luckiest guy on the planet. I want to fall at her feet and tell her to stay . . . to let me make her happy . . . but I don’t, because I don’t want to jump the gun. Instead, I grab her hand tightly and pull her up, placing a kiss on her nose, her cheek, and then her lips. I want to take it further. I want to show her exactly how I feel about her, but there’s one last thing I’d like to do before that happens.

  “You wanna go check out Grinders?” I ask, motioning toward the front doors.

  “Definitely.”

  Once inside, Dani i
s so enamored. Her face says it all—bright eyes, big smile. “I thought Pockets was great, but this place . . .” she looks around, taking in the brick walls and low lighting, “this place is fantastic.”

  “Thank you. We’re pretty proud of it.”

  “I’m so glad you brought me here.” She reaches up and kisses my cheek. “Show me more.”

  And I do. I introduce her to the kitchen and wait staff. Their sly smiles and raised eyebrows don’t escape me. They’ve never seen me bring someone here, not like this. I mean, I’ve brought women here before. Shit, most of my dates in college took place here because Deacon and I worked so damn much. But I’ve never brought anyone here, introduced them like this, and shown them around, outside of my family. This is a first for me. I show Dani the office I share with Deacon and the first dollar we ever made eight years ago.

  After the tour, we sit in a quiet booth up top and I order several of the house specialties for us to share. When we first opened this place, we sold nothing but grinders, hence the name. Everyone around here sells po’ boys, which are basically the same idea, but we wanted to do something different. And to be honest, we felt like Grinders was a better name than Po’ Boys. It fit the image we wanted to set. Since the beginning, we’ve expanded the menu, selling other things besides sandwiches, but the name stuck. One of our best sellers is shrimp and grits. We use our Grandma Landry’s recipe, and it’s a hit.

  When the food arrives, Dani tastes a bit of everything, and with each bite, she moans her approval. And with each moan, I have to restrain myself from throwing her over my shoulder caveman-style and taking her back to the apartment to have my way with her.

  Fuck slow.

  I’m ready to show her how I feel . . . how she makes me feel. I know my mama said patience, but I don’t want to have any regrets when Dani gets back on that plane to New York.

  “You ready?” I ask, wiping my mouth on my napkin.

  “I’m ready if you are.”

  “Let’s go.”

  I wave to Crystal on our way out, telling her to let Larry know the food was delicious. Dani chimes in, sending her praise as well. Crystal waves back and winks at me behind Dani’s back. “Have fun,” she mouths.