Time and Space

by Rachel Robinson

  “Fire me then,” she says, static marring her cunning words.

  I groan. I’d never fire her. “Patch her through already.”

  She laughs. “You’re so predictable.”

  “Like a tiger,” I reply. More sweat rolls down my face. Is the A/C even working in this fucking tank? The white truck is getting closer. He’s being pinned. I see Horse in the distance blocking the only exit.

  A few annoying beeps sound through the Bluetooth speakers and then I hear her. “You! If you just gave me this fucking number, I wouldn’t have to annoy your assistant!” And then I’d never get any work finished properly.

  “Hi, you,” I mumble. “I’m in the middle of a job. She’s only supposed to call me in emergencies. Which limb are you missing?”

  Swerving left and then right helps me avoid a mangy dog with a death wish. “Your dick!” Lainey quips. I shake my head, but wouldn’t you know I’m grinning like a mad man? “When are you getting home? I miss you.” She’s acting like I’m at my nine to five job and she wants to know what time I’ll be home for dinner. It’s refreshing because I don’t have to lie to her about what I do. It’s also extremely fucked up because who would accept this life and not bat an eye?

  “My dick is missing you too, baby girl. I miss you more, though. I’ll be back in NYC soon. You have business there next week?” I have to slow down. Too many people are in front of me, flooding out from rusty steel doors on both sides of the alley. My heart rate accelerates. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m thinking about my dick and Lainey or if it’s my fight of flight kicking in. That’s how twisted I am. Van is behind me in his Jeep. I radio him to let him know of the situation up ahead in case he needs to blast a few motherfuckers. The men have guns hanging on their hips like unskilled mobsters in movies. Their white shirts are stained yellow with sweat and dust. Their bandanas tell me I was close when I thought mobsters. Someone fires a gun. I grab mine off the seat next to me. Keeping one hand on the wheel, I put a magazine in my mouth and aim the gun at the window with my right hand resting on my left arm. I’ll put the window down when I need to. I can steer and shoot. I remember why we’re using these Jeeps. Bulletproof glass and armored metal.

  Lainey huffs exaggeratingly loud. “I ordered furniture for several of the rooms in your Virginia beach house. It will arrive in two weeks. Don’t worry, though. I’ll be there when it’s delivered and make sure they don’t wear shoes in your house. Or scuff the floors or touch any of your shit. I can always have work in NYC,” she says. I’m sure she’s smirking. The crowd of men swarm my vehicle and I’ve slowed so much that Van is now right on my ass. I meet his eyes in the rearview and he nods. “What are you doing right now? Lunch break or something?” Lainey asks.

  I laugh. “No lunch breaks in these parts. Thanks for ordering the furniture. Was that it? All you needed to talk to me about, I mean?” My palms grow sweaty. I can see tan, angry faces. That’s how close they are. Van and Horse radio call me at the same time. “I have to go, Fast Lane. Be good.”

  Lainey scoffs. “I’m rarely good.”

  “I know. It’s why I love you.” Another shot fired in the air by my evil company. She hears that one.

  “My God. What are you doing?” she asks, her tone horrified.

  “Being good,” I reply.

  “Go. Go. Bye!” Lainey says, ending the call.

  Shaking my head, I call Van and Horse at the same time. Horse answers first. “I have the target on this side. He’s not going anywhere.” Perfect.

  Then Van. “Looks like we’re not going anywhere either.”

  “I’m going to hit the gas. They’ll move if they value their lives. Stay right behind me. Keep your front on my back. Don’t worry about damage, we’ll have to buy these outright after driving on these fucking streets.” Someone knocks on the side of my car. I lay on the horn, blasting it in short bursts. A few men jump out of the way, but mostly they stay put with malevolent smiles on their faces. Not smart. They want to rob me. I smile back with equal parts evil and scary.

  “Rog,” Van says. “Do it.”

  I stomp on the gas and hit someone. Not all the way, probably just his foot or leg, but he’s down and people jump out of the way. I piss off others and they charge, but I get the speedometer up to ten and hold fast, not braking even when people jump in front of me. More go down. I cringe when I ‘bump’ over something that wasn’t a pothole. I want to get the fuck out of here. The thrill isn’t here anymore. I want to get back home to Lainey and pick out furniture and…what am I saying?

  A man wearing a filthy wife beater jumps on the hood of my car like a damn idiot. I speed up again, trying to juke him off. He pulls out a gun from the waistband of his sweatpants and fires it at my windshield. The glass splinters like a cobweb, but it doesn’t crack.

  I aim my own gun at him so he can see it as I continue my bumpy pursuit and watch as his eyes widen. It’s like a light switch being turned when he realizes I’m not a damn tourist. Quite the opposite actually. I roll down my window because we’re moving fast enough that I know I’m not in harm’s way. These assholes couldn’t hit a moving target if they tried. Their balls and the size of their guns are what they care about, not how to properly use either, unfortunately. I stick the gun out of the window and bend my elbow so it’s pointing right at the yahoo on my hood. I pull the trigger once and it grazes his arm. He fires again, like a real college graduate, at my bulletproof windshield. Leaning out of the window a little farther to get better aim, I pull the trigger one more time and hit him in the leg. Finally he rolls off my hood and lands on the left-hand side in a deep puddle. That required way more effort than I anticipated.

  “Nice one, boss,” Van says over the radio. Replying isn’t an option because I can finally speed up. Horse is within shouting range and the cascade of gangsters is heading his way. Fuck. There’s too many of them. Once we reach Horse we hop out, wielding more guns than a real gangster and help Horse finagle the jerk from the white truck into the back of Horse’s Jeep. We put a pair of zip ties on his wrists and ankles and attach them behind his back. It will hold him until we get to our second location away from this fiasco. We have seconds to spare before the group descends on our vehicles again. They’re trying to take hubcaps, fucking with the door handles and doing everything in their power to stop us.

  “Drive to the hangar, guys. I’ll question him when I get there,” I say. They confirm, and we are out of the alleyway, back onto the roads, heading toward safety. I take a deep breath and realize how close of a call that was. To be outnumbered was a large concern when I was a Navy SEAL, and it’s just as much of a concern with my work now. Molly calls again. “I know you’re taking a breather. Horse just called in, so I’m patching you through to another call,” Molly says, out of breath. She’s probably working from her treadmill desk.

  “Go ahead,” I say.

  The call is transferred to my phone. I try to speak before she does. “So you’re missing my dick and what else?”

  “Classy,” Dax says. “A true fucking professional.” I’m going to kill Molly.

  “What do you need, man?” I ask. “How’s that nose doing? Still just crooked enough to throw off your facial symmetry, marring you unattractive to the general population?”

  “I wouldn’t be an ass if I were you. I’m calling to tell you that the deal stands. Do what you need to do and I’ll meet you tomorrow.”

  I laugh. “She’s not going to go for it. I can lie to her until I’m blue in the face and she’ll never believe me. She knows me better than that. If you knew her at all you’d know Lainey gets what she wants.”

  “I have an exact location that will be valid for the next forty-eight hours. Better practice your acting skills,” Dax says. “How bad you want V?”

  I swallow hard. I want him badly—more than anything else. I thought, but now I want Lainey more. “You don’t deserve her. You know that, right?” I reply.

  “And you do? You’re even more fucked up
than I am. I can give her a good, honest life. What will you give her? She already has money and mansions. The only things you bring to the table are a hobby for homicide and an absentee ballot.” I grip the steering wheel tighter. He doesn’t know her like I do.

  But he’s right. “Fine. I’ll talk to her tonight. I’m out of pocket, so I’m going to have to email or call her. Two things that make it even less believable, but it’ll be done tonight. You better have good intel, asshole. I’ll add you to my hobby list. Remove you from the equation completely.” I hear him breathing heavy on the other end of the phone. “I’m joking, Dax.”

  “Who the hell knows with you! You’re a loose cannon.”

  I roll my eyes. “And you are a manipulative, secretive man. I just hope you know what you’re doing. Messing with others’ happiness will bring you bad karma. Not that I believe in that shit, but even I have to admit what you’re doing is pretty low. You could give me the information I need and walk off a cliff. Happily ever afters for all involved.”

  “She was happy, you asshole. Lainey was perfectly content with me.”

  “Wow. Content. Everything she dreamed of being when she was a little girl. ‘I want a content marriage to a man who reminds me of my one true love.’ Yeah, I’d say she was content with you,” I say, forcing a mock girl voice. “You don’t know her like I do.”

  Dax scoffs. “Content and safe. Both of those things. Now, tell me if you think that’s something she deserves. I’ll take care of her. I know her just as well as you do.” Now he’s trying to piss me off by reminding me he’s been inside her. It makes my stomach roil. I’m hungry, and he’s making me sick.

  “You don’t know her as well as I do.” Spilling Lainey’s secrets isn’t an option. I found her out. She had to come clean. Ole’ broken nose obviously hasn’t done the same. I’d fathom a guess that he wouldn’t have the same feelings for her if he did know. Then again, how honorable of a man can he be if he’s sinking to blackmail to get what he wants? “It doesn’t matter.” I cut off that train of thought before he can say any more. “I said I’d talk to her tonight. I’ll take a red eye to Virginia Beach instead. Meet me at my place. I’ll have Molly coordinate a time that works for both of us.” I don’t say goodbye or let him object. I press the button that sends him back to my assistant.

  I’m really doing this. It’s not as selfish as one might think. But I’m going to have to be a real dick to make this work. A monumental prick. A man Lainey Rosemont has never seen before. I’ll pull out all the stops. Make the most important lie of my life believable.

  No more Mr. Nice Guy. This time it’s important that I finish last.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Lainey

  He crawls into my bed in the early morning hours. He smells of booze, perfume, and sweat. All three of these things separately aren’t offensive, but together they paint a picture of something atrocious. I roll over and face him, unable to see any features—just darkness.

  “You,” he whispers. My skin crawls. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me close. He texted that he was coming to see me, so I left him a key to the side door in a spot only he knows of and went back to bed. After ignoring my phone calls for a full twelve hours, to say I’m pissed with him is an understatement. Now he says he wants to talk.

  “What’s the deal, Cody?” I ask, warily. As my eyes adjust, I can see the whites of his eyes in the dark. A second later I see his white, smiling teeth, too. “What did you want to talk about that couldn’t wait until morning? Molly is sick of hearing my voice, but you couldn’t be bothered to call me back. What’s up?”

  Dax is acting weird too. Leaving me to my requested distance without so much as a text saying ‘hello.’ Maybe I’m the one going crazy. It’s a plausible possibility. I’ve been slipping back into my old ways, making contact with people from my old life. Surveillance equipment and weapons don’t materialize via thin air. After all these years of distancing myself from the life, I was surprised how easily I eased back into it. My old friends were still in the business and more than happy to help me out. Still, it gives me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that never leaves. It’s why I was relieved when Cody finally asked me if I was a spy all those years ago. I came clean. The rush was surreal and much needed.

  I found no need to share my past life with Dax. Not only would that have deterred him from befriending and ultimately falling in love with me, but it was my new life free of all of the chains from my past. Cody was dead. My old life was gone. Vadim was dead. I could reinvent myself in any fashion I wanted. There was a point before I got engaged to Dax that I truly forgot about my past. Sure, that was a relief, but I’ve always felt like an imposter. Everything has changed. Nothing is as it seems. No one is dead and my shackles are very real.

  Cody sighs, blowing whiskey breath into my face, so strong I’m pretty sure I got drunk from air. “I need to talk to you about something important and I’m not sure how to say it.” His speech is slurred.

  “How about you just say it?” I remove his arm from me. It’s too tight. Scooting to the side of the bed, I click on my bedside lamp and see him for the first time. He’s a tousled hot mess. “Did you just crawl out of a dirty bar? Seriously?” Still, my heart hammers at his mere proximity, craving his touch, as dirty as it may be.

  His eyes linger on my mouth. I make a point of shutting it. His gaze flicks to my scantily clad body. He sits up, rubs a hand down his face, and sighs. Without looking up, he says, “I think we need to cool off.” What. The. Fuck?

  Narrowing my eyes, I say, “How much have you had to drink tonight…today? I’m not a fucking refrigerator. In case you’re so blitzed you can’t tell.”

  He shakes his head. “Not that much. I’ve been thinking and we’re no good, Lane. This isn’t going to work out between the two of us.”

  A deer caught in headlights looks less mollified than I do. “Are you friend zoning me right now? It sounds like you are fucking friend zoning me, bro.” My tone is caustic, but still light. He can’t be serious, right? After everything we’ve been through, he has to be joking.

  Still avoiding eye contact, Cody lies back on my pillow and folds both arms over his face. His jeans are sitting low on his waist and his shirt pulls up to expose his abs. “I’m no good for you. It’s not safe anymore.”

  I grab his arm. “I’m taking care of it. Don’t worry about my safety. Don’t you dare,” I rasp. He glances at me, but shuts his eyes as if the sight of me pains him. “Stop it right now.”

  He rolls to his side. “I’m going to try to say this the best I can. He…Dax is the better choice for you. I had no business stealing you away from him. In my absence he made right by you. He’s proved his worth, Lainey. He’s a good man. He still wants you after this,” he says, waving his hand in between us. “He’s got to be broken and yet he has so much confidence in your relationship that he’s still here. That counts for something. It counts for everything.” My breathing accelerates. So much so that I’m now sucking air in through my nose and pushing it out of my mouth like I’m running a damn marathon. I feel faint—palms clammy, eyes sparking a million different colors. God, he’s doing this. He’s breaking my heart again. I shake my head. Cody’s blue eyes are pleading with me. His lips so perfectly kissable are saying goodbye. He continues, “Marry him, Lainey. Marry him, goddammit. If not because I’m telling you he’s the better man—because I can’t give you what he can, because he is man enough to let you do what you want. What more can I say? He deserves you.”

  “Enough!” I yell, throwing out a hand like maybe that will stop the verbal wounds he’s throwing out left and right. “Lies. Nothing but lies, Cody Ridge!”

  He sits up straight and covers his face with his large, strong hands. “They aren’t lies, beautiful girl. They’re truths. That’s why you feel so strongly.”

  “What about you, then? What do you deserve?”

  He looks at me. “Not you. That’s for damn sure.”

  “I g
et to make the decisions about the ring I wear on this finger,” I say, pointing to the ring finger on my left hand. “I also get to make the decisions on who gets this finger.” I flip him off with both middle fingers and hop off the bed. “Fuck you,” I say, walking to the huge window in my bedroom. I hit the remote on the wall and raise the blackout shades. The blue of the night shines on my face.

  “I’m sorry,” he says. Tears threaten, but I can’t be weak. Not in front of him. Not yet. I need to think. Why is he doing this self-sacrificing bullshit?

  I lean my head against the cool glass to ground myself. A panic attack threatens and I don’t want anything to do with that mess right now. I touch the glass with my fingertips. “Why are you doing this to me?”

  His footsteps are heavy as he approaches from behind. “I’m doing this for you,” he says, laying one warm hand on my shoulder. I spin in one quick motion, my blonde hair a tangled mess in my face. He looks longingly at my mouth once again, takes a strand of hair between his fingers, and then tucks it behind my ear.

  “I don’t want you, Lainey.”

  This is the moment that I hear my heart break. It shatters into tiny, cold pieces. “What?” I ask. A traitorous tear sneaks down my cheek.

  “He does,” Cody says. His words don’t match his exterior. I look at him closer and see lipstick at the bottom hem of his T-shirt. I swallow down a mouthful of spit and bite my lower lip. I notice more lipstick at his collar. He sees me appraising him—knows exactly what I’m seeing.

  “Fuck you, Cody. Don’t do me any favors.” I wipe at my face with the back of my hand. “You’re a weak bastard. You can’t be a man and stand up for what you want. For what’s always been yours. If this is really how you feel, that Dax is the better man for me, then you aren’t the person I thought you were. I don’t want you either.” Cody closes his eyes, hanging his head. “You’ve said what you needed to say?” I ask.

  The silence in the room is big and loud. I sniffle noisily, and his breaths are heavy—the exchange of oxygen and carbon dioxide. Except this isn’t okay. It’s everything but okay. I feel the sutures in my heart unraveling—the place Dax fixed, that Cody lives, is collapsing into rubble.