Time and Space

by Rachel Robinson

  Cody stands from behind the island, leaving Dax and I beneath him. “Horse, we’re over here. Everyone is okay.” Horse approaches, followed by one of his other men and a few others. When Horse sees V his eyes widen and his lips curl. V is moments away from death. His breaths are shallow and irregular. Watching him brings me pain and suffering. The horrendous scenarios from my past are in the forefront of my mind. They’re leaving me, very slowly one by one. It must feel the same for Cody, who is also glancing at V’s body with an unfamiliar look. Swallowing down a mouthful of spit, I take a huge, deep breath.

  “I didn’t even get to do it,” Cody says. Horse looks confused, so Cody nods down at me on the floor. A sight I must be with my arms wrapped around my dirty legs. They both look at me with wide questioning eyes. What exactly did I go through tonight? Would be my best guess. They tell Cody they’ve cleared the house and have taken care of V’s men. I sit and listen, overhearing everything. Cody dials Molly and tells her he needs a serious cleanup. And they also need one hell of a cover-up. Probably one so amazing the world has never seen the likes of it. Cody speaks about Dax’s involvement, wanting to make sure it’s known he had no part in tonight’s mess. I appreciate this more than he’ll ever know. He doesn’t have to care about Dax. He does. It makes my heart thud for a reason other than fear. The last thing I want is him getting discharged because he got messed up in our catastrophe. Cody talks to his men about how it all shook down. Van, another of his main men, tells him he knew right away when he saw the house and radioed for backup. It was a job well done. Thank God his men came tonight. It wouldn’t have turned out in our favor otherwise. One glance at Vadim confirms that all evil has fled the room. He’s dead.

  “Boss, we found this one hiding upstairs. What should we do with her?” one of the men asks Cody. This makes me stand up, turn around, and come face to face with Rosy. Fucking Rosy, the snake in the grass.

  She smiles at me, then fixes Cody with her gaze. “For what it’s worth, I really did want to fuck you. Too bad you’re still hung up on that one,” Rosy says, glancing back at me. I suck in a deep breath to control the rage. I’m so jealous that I’m sure it’s oozing from my pores.

  “Don’t make false statements. You say that like I would ever fuck you in the first place. Kill her,” Cody says, shrugging, and then turns back to Van. I snicker and can’t help but smile. Cody sees and he’s thoroughly amused by me. Bringing humor to inappropriate situations since 1986. What can I say?

  “You did kidnap me, ring around the Rosy,” I say, making sure it’s loud enough for everyone to hear. “You can’t expect to get away scot-free, can you? I think Cody has a brilliant idea.” I glide across the room to stand in front of her.

  “No! I’ll do anything. Please. Please, Cody! Don’t do this,” Rosy wails. Ah, so she does have a soul. A black one, but something nonetheless. I rub my wrists where she cuffed me too tightly.

  “Anything? You’ll do anything? Molly said you would have made a worthless employee, so you’re basically useless to me. And you know too much,” Cody says, keeping his back facing away from her so she can’t see his huge smile. I’d like to kill her, but with V gone I’m feeling quite satisfied with my killing quota for the day. I won’t go completely savage on anyone else. Not yet.

  Rosy says, “I won’t talk. I swear I won’t talk. I’ll sign my name in blood if that’s what it takes.” She does think he’ll kill her. It’s comforting to know she feels fear. For a brief period I wonder how Rosy got mixed up in this and then I remember my early start in espionage. It happened for her just as easily. Nothing is ever as it truly seems. Beautiful women are spies and men hunt others for sport. I fell into it effortlessly. Most of the time it didn’t even seem like work. I got a paycheck for hitting up the bars and talking to beautiful men. Navy SEALs. They would tell me details about their training, or their start times. Sometimes if they were really drunk they’d tell me names or neighborhoods where their friends live. Basically by having drinks bought for me and the occasional lunch with SEAL wives I was able to afford a lavish lifestyle. Even knowing this I can’t feel bad for Rosy. She’s a bitch.

  Cody dials Molly again and tells her to deal with Rosy because she was her project that failed miserably. Her mistake. Her problem to deal with. She agrees without much fuss and Cody sends Rosy to her. While he handles that mess, I’m on Dax’s cell phone, pleading with my mother to help me clean up the wedding fiasco. I tell her that it was a mistake and that Dax and I make better friends. She doesn’t buy it, but she also doesn’t make waves. She knows how upset I’ve been and is trying her best to coral my friends and family without inciting a riot.

  “The champagne for the reception is in my wine cellar in big black boxes. Bring it upstairs and explain the situation to them,” I tell her, begging. “I’ll cater a huge lunch for everyone. Hell, I may even be able to show up with Dax and apologize in person.” She asks what happened to me last night. I tell her I went somewhere to think and ended up meeting Dax and deciding to end our engagement. She clicks her tongue.

  “I’m happy you had the courage, Lainey. I just wish it didn’t come in true Lainey fashion at the very last minute,” Mom explains. She’s right. I can’t even argue with that logic.

  “I’m sorry, Mom. I love you. I’ll see you soon.” I need to clean myself up before I show myself in public. Dax listens intently, shaking his head as I speak to her. He knows exactly what I’m dealing with. It’s kind of an unspoken fact that we’re splitting up for good this time. I watch as he heads toward Cody.

  ****

  Cody

  It shouldn’t surprise me, but a little part of me thought she’d want the normal life with him after all. I heard her calling off the wedding. As for me, this is it. I’m handing the company over to my men. I’ll sit on board and fund them to continue the important work they do, but I don’t want to be on any jobs. My coding makes enough money to fund a small country and that’s where my time is best spent. This could be the start of my normalcy. Will I miss the rush of adrenaline and the pump of my heart as I track bad guys and hunt down evil? Perhaps. Some risks are worth the reward.

  Dax walks toward me and I’m not sure if I’m ready for this conversation. “Listen. Fuck you for being alive, but fuck me for being an asshole. Had I known all this before, man. Well, things would have been different. I love her. Part of me believes I always will, but this is officially my cue to exit stage left and never look back. I’ll take responsibility for my actions, of course. Right now I have a suitcase full of wounded pride with a carry-on of how the fuck didn’t I know any of this? Once I unload those, maybe we can be friends.” He smiles, but it’s weak and tired. We’ll never be friends in the true sense of the word because our bridge has fucking burned into ashes. Perhaps we can breathe the same oxygen standing next to each other without choking one day. That must be what he means. I’ve also gathered he will not be having Lainey after this debacle. Not just as his wife, but as a whole.

  I take his offered hand and shake it. “Normal girls are no fun,” I joke. “Here’s to unloaded baggage and moving on. Nothing about this mess will mix with your name. You have my word. The Feds will be happy to have Vadim out of the picture. It’s a drug bust gone wrong, obviously. Check your bags and enjoy life, bro. It’s too short,” I say. I watch as a few men take V from the room. That’s all my baggage in one human corpse. The breath that comes next is the freshest breath I’ve taken in years. This is messier than what we had planned and the cover-up will be extensive, but it was worth it because it has the same end result. Dax returns to Lainey and they speak in hushed whispers. She looks sad and utterly exhausted, but still talking with her hands. She walks him to the front door and returns to me. My men are shuttling us home.

  Her arms by her sides, and her glassy eyes studying my face, she says, “Sometimes there aren’t words to express gratitude. Most of the time there aren’t words to convey love, either. I’m thankful to you, but I can’t say I love you. Not right n
ow. I’m not sure who I am in this moment of time. I need to fall back in love with myself before I can process everything that has taken place. If I think about it now, it won’t make sense. I’ll hate myself for an eternity. I’ll offer my gratitude for everything you’ve done for me, as meager as it sounds. Vadim ruined your life because of me. There’s no way to sugarcoat that. I deserve this—the pieces of my life strewn about in such a haphazard manner. You can’t witness this, Cody. I won’t ask you to, and…I don’t want you,” Lainey says. She hasn’t blinked once since she began speaking. Her words sear my heart and force me to come to the realization that all of this hasn’t changed anything. She’s not mine. She won’t be mine again. You know in the movies—because our life really is like a movie—when the heroine comes running into the hero’s arms after they face certain death? That shit is fiction. Real life is much more complicated than that. Hearts are wounded, spirits are broken and desolate, lives are demolished so completely, that a relationship would only add to the confusion.

  “Fast Lane,” I whisper, taking the side of her face into my hand. Her skin is cold, clammy. “Your life is fully intact. He’s gone and he’s not coming back. Sure, you pissed off some people with your runaway bride stunt, but come on…you know they expected that anyway. A plus for giving the audience what they wanted. They’ll be talking about how flaky you are for months,” I say, smiling wide. She sniffles, because she finally breaks down and lets her tears fall, but smiles that radiant smile. I continue, “You don’t want me. I may not agree with that, but I get it. By all means, love yourself. If you need someone by your side while you figure out how amazing you are, I’ll be here for you. Always. It takes a special kind of person to do what you did today.” She even had me fooled. I won’t admit that to her quite yet. Hesitantly I grab her other shoulder. “You are amazing and brave. You saved lives and you took the one who stole pieces of mine. I should be the one thanking you,” I say. The need to kiss her overcomes me and I lean forward a touch, but stop myself.

  “Don’t thank me, Cody. If you want me to be happy, then live your life.” She pulls my hand from her face and looks at the side. Her profile is so perfect, even marred by tears and streaked by makeup. Her skin is flawless underneath. Her nose is small and button like, her lips push out, so damn wet and kissable. Lainey will always be my perfect. She’s lost in thought, daydreaming or having waking nightmares about our night. “I have to go. I have so much damage control to deal with today that I’d make Martha Stewart have a heart attack. I’ll be in touch.” She won’t. That’s okay. I’ve done everything I can. “And Cody?” she says, turning as she goes.

  “Yeah?” I ask.

  She pauses. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

  I smile. “Me too.”

  “And Cody?”

  “Yeah?”

  “The café is still mine.” Her smile is sad.

  “I’d never dream of stealing your lettuce. Of course,” I reply.

  I watch her walk away, her ‘bride’ emblazoned back marking the obscene irony of this situation. She leaves the bloody kitchen and strolls out of the front door as if she’s heading somewhere important. Her head held high, shoulders back. She killed a man today and now she’s dealing with it in her own way. Patience is something I recently learned—the one thing V taught me, unwittingly. I have all the time in the world to wait for Lainey.

  The world is a giant triangle. We are the points, connected to each other whether we know it or not. At times like these, it’s obvious to see who is attached. For others it’s more vague, like an echo. An echo is air missing noise. What it boils down to is I’m just space waiting for my time.

  I know it will come. Eventually.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Cody

  Six months later

  I have no clue what Lainey has been up to. Of course it’s a task to keep my mind from wandering to her from time to time. They say distance makes the heart grow fonder. That is so fucking true. But it also forces you to realize you can function, happily, without being in the same proximity of that person. Do I miss her? Every heartbeat. Knowing she’s safe and living life on her terms helps me cope. I can breathe freely for the first time in my life. Each day is a gift. After spending three and a half years locked away dreaming about my old life, I get another chance. He’s gone and my freedom is assured, always. The cover-up went about as good as a cover-up can go. No one got in trouble because it was official RC business and V and his men shot first. The Feds were more than happy to have several of those men off their kill lists and turned a blind eye to some of the hinky details that came to light. Molly and our attorney handled everything effortlessly. Molly got several bonuses during that trying time. I’m pretty sure I’ve funded her kids that she doesn’t have yet and her future grandkids by this point. Good help is hard to come by. Help that is more like family is even rarer.

  Although I keep my house in Virginia Beach, I live most of my days in my high-rise in NYC. There’s less temptation to knock on Lainey’s door and ask if she’s done enough soul-searching yet. I get small, regular Lainey updates because I have my ways. Dax is still a SEAL in Virginia Beach and has avoided any backlash that my feud with V caused. After the wedding went belly-up he decided to stay single, or so Steve and Maverick tell me.

  Work does take up a lot of my time these days. I break it up by hanging out with my friends and checking on things at RC. I’m proud of the company I founded and I’m happy that everyone there is making money, cleaning the world, and having a good time. Along with coding, I’ve been developing software and programming. I made another large sale to a biotech company and set myself up nicely. I set everyone up nicely is closer to the truth. To combat the hours on the computer I do a lot of running for cardio. It clears my mind, gets me amongst people, and helps deepen my V. That kind of V, I’m okay with. I work hard for it.

  Today Maverick is running with me because he made a spur of the moment trip to the city to buy Windsor an anniversary present. I don’t think it’s a wedding anniversary they’re celebrating, but maybe a dating anniversary? All I know is that the diamonds weren’t big enough in Virginia Beach. Manhattan has exactly what he wants. He popped the rock into his shorts pocket when he bought it mid-run. The pace we’re keeping is fast and I’m just waiting for the box to roll out of his pocket and down into the sewer.

  “I’m getting hungry,” Maverick pants. “Let’s stop and eat something.” We’re back in my neighborhood, just around the corner from my house. I smile when I see which café we’re approaching.

  “You want a good salad?” I ask, slowing to a walk. He grunts next to me, catching his breath.

  Maverick dodges someone on the street, or I should say someone dodges him. “We did just exercise. I guess a salad would be the most rational thing to eat.” My eyes scan the restaurant as we enter, searching for her. Of course she’s not here, but being in here is enough to make me miss her more than usual.

  “I wonder what Lainey’s up to,” I say casually as we wait in line to order our food. We’re both sweating and sticky, which causes business men in suits to stare. That or the ripped muscles and dark tattoos. It could be either.

  Maverick huffs. “I can’t ask Windsor to do any more reconnaissance this month. It’s too obvious. You know she’s not dating and she’s working a lot. What more could you possibly need to know?” He smiles as he fumbles with the box in his pocket. “If you want to know what she’s up to, you should call her. Go see her. I don’t know, let her know you’re thinking of her. It’s been like a year!”

  I shake my head. “No, only six months. I’m trying to respect what she wants. It would almost be easier if she were seeing someone else. I’d know that she’s moved on and happy. I’d be pissed as fuck, but it would be something factual. It’s like she’s in limbo.”

  An employee interrupts our conversation. “Can I take your order?”

  We order our food from the nice lady with kind eyes. She checks us out more than once
. Maverick smiles at her in that way only he knows how and she practically falls over. As we move away to our seats, I ask, “Why do you do that?”

  “Do what?” he asks, looking sincerely confused.

  I quirk a brow. “You do this smile thing and I’m certain it’s not flirting because you’re the most taken man I’ve ever met, so I’m just wondering why you do it,” I say.

  Maverick runs a hand through his hair. “Must be my smile. Don’t know what to tell you,” he says, smiling again. I shake my head at him. “You never said why you won’t call her,” he prompts.

  I sigh. “I’ll call her. Buy some more furniture or something.”

  He laughs. The waitress comes and brings the food we ordered. She sets it down in front of us without taking her gaze off of Maverick’s laughing face. I tell her we’ll let her know if we need anything and she disappears to the back to tell her coworkers about the smile.

  Maverick takes a bite of his salad that has everything on it. I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count as a salad. “Not furniture. Tell her you want to fuck her brains out and love her until death do you part. That should mean something because death already did you part once,” he says, his mouth full of food. He has jokes. Jokes that make sense, at least. He pulls out his cell phone from his pocket and the ring box from the other. He texts Windsor a photo of the box.

  I nod. “That will go over well. She’s liable to slap me or shoot me,” I say, but Mav interrupts.

  “Or fuck you,” he says matter-of-factly, snapping a photo of the box from a different angle. He texts some more and then resumes eating.

  “Yeah, I guess that is in the realm of possibility if she’s as celibate as you tell me she is.” I take a bite of my own food and ponder what he’s said. I want to get laid so bad. I need it. Regular sex is something that far too many people take for granted. Being able to roll over in the middle of the night and fuck their wife or girlfriend. God, what a luxury. I get to roll over and fuck my hand. Not something to be proud of.