The Librarian and Her Beast

by Laura Ann

  He nodded, gave a little wave, and then signed off.

  She took a long look at her dad, then settled back further into the recliner. “Goodnight, Dad. I love you.” She said into the darkness. Goodnight, Nash. I love you, too. Her exhaustion quickly sent her into slumber.

  A week later, on Saturday morning, Piper was scrambling through her father’s home, trying to get it ready for him to arrive from the hospital. “Wonky William! This place is a pigsty. How does he live in this?”She shook her head as she cleaned off yet another cluttered shelf. Dust bunnies were everywhere and it looked as if he hadn’t cleaned a single surface since she left home.

  She heard a rumbling engine pull into the driveway. Curious, she pulled aside the curtain, coughing with the release of dust particles, then gasped when she recognized the large truck sitting out front. “Nash!” she yelled. Running out the front door, she leapt at him just as he was closing his truck door.

  He grunted as he caught her, holding her to himself. She held tightly to his neck and wrapped her legs around him to help support herself. Nash buried his nose in her hair and breathed deeply. She could feel him relax, as if her very essence relaxed him.

  Leaning back just enough to see his face, she said, “I didn’t know you were coming!”

  Leaning in, he gave her an extremely satisfactory greeting.

  Breathing heavily, she broke the kiss when she realized they were still in the driveway. “We-we should go inside. Everybody can see us out here.”

  He nodded and started to walk.

  Piper giggled. “Nash, you should put me down. The neighbors are going to get the wrong impression. Not to mention be totally scandalized. Almost all of them are over 70 and would completely frown upon this behavior.”

  He just smiled and shrugged one of his shoulders. Once inside, he shut the door with his foot and headed straight for the couch. Twisting Piper, he sat and put her sideways in his lap, then locked his arms around her again.

  She left her arms around his neck and sighed. “How was school? Is the substitute doing ok?”

  He shrugged.

  “That bad?” She felt her shoulders tense.

  He shook his head “no.”

  “Whew. You had me worried for a minute. Oh! How was the football game last night?”

  Nash’s smile lit up the room.

  “Congratulations! I’m sad I missed it. You guys have had a great winning streak this year.”

  Sadness passed through his eyes.

  “Hey, now, don’t be sad. I’m sure I’ll be sitting on those hard, cold bleachers cheering you on again soon enough.”

  He chuckled.

  “Unless I’m not,” she said in a whisper.

  Nash’s body tensed and he tilted his head in a question.

  “I’ve been thinking, I mean, it will depend on how Dad does for the next few weeks, but I think there’s a possibility that I might have to give up my job and stay here. He needs me.” She tucked her chin and couldn’t look him in the eye.

  His arms loosened and she found herself sliding down to sit next to him. “I don’t know yet, Nash. I’ll have to keep an eye on him and see how he does. I’ve hired a home nurse to help me because he has to have 24/7 care for the next several weeks. Maybe he will be just fine and I won’t feel like he needs me. I just...I don’t know...it’s all been so scary. I’m not ready to lose him. He’s the only family I have left. And if it came down to it, it’s not that far, right? We could still make us work?” She finally dared to look up at him and her heart sank.

  He had completely shut down. The stoic face he showed at the beginning of the school year was back. What have I done?

  Realizing she was looking at him, he gave a curt nod and moved to get off the couch. “Nash—” Her plea was interrupted with the sound of vehicles in the driveway. Opening the door, she saw it was the home health nurse with her equipment, and another vehicle with her father. “Dad!” She called, walking quickly down the steps.

  She could feel Nash’s strong presence behind her and, even though he was upset with her, it gave her strength for the task ahead. Her father was pale and silent in the back seat of the car, holding a small pillow to his chest. She opened his door and leaned in to unbuckle him. He followed her with his eyes, but remained withdrawn and unresponsive.

  “Hey, Dad. We’re going to help you out of the car, okay? I’ve got a nice comfy recliner inside with your name on it.”

  A tap on her back had her looking over her shoulder. Nash stood there and gestured for her to move out of the way.

  “He can’t be lifted, Nash. You have to help pull from his back, no underarms.”

  He nodded his understanding and moved to squat in the car doorway. He gently turned her father’s legs outward and, wrapping his arms around him, rocked him into standing. Watching his ease and gentleness with the older gentleman, Piper’s heart skipped a beat. Wacked Wesley! He is so amazing. Why does he hide this side of himself behind a silent, gruff demeanor?

  She hovered at their backs while her father slowly pushed his walker to the front door, where Nash continued to help him over the threshold and into the recliner. After getting him settled, she talked to the home nurse and took her to the spare bedroom she would be staying in. Then she headed back to the family room.

  Nash sat on the couch with a remote in his hand. He slowly worked his way through channels, glancing at her father with each stop, until they found a channel they were happy with. Football. Of course. She chuckled. She tentatively settled herself next to Nash, unsure of her welcome after their talk earlier.

  He reached out with one large arm and gathered her into his side. She snuggled deeper until she was content and allowed her eyes to close as she enjoyed his presence.

  CHAPTER 16

  Nash surprised her and continued to come down for the next couple of weekends. He helped her around the house, sat with her father, and gave her the emotional support she so desperately needed.

  Groaning, she sank into the couch, drained from the day.

  “When is Nash getting here?” A rough voice asked from across the room.

  She looked at her father. “He’s supposed to drive up early tomorrow morning. School had a half day today and he was gonna have a practice afterwards.”

  “Sounds good.” He settled back and closed his eyes.

  “Are you tired? Ready for a nap?”

  “Nah. Just restin’ my eyes a bit. I like your young man, by the way. Knows his way around a football game.”

  Piper chuckled. “Is that the only reason you like him? Lots of men like football, Dad.” She started folding the basket of clothes sitting on the coffee table.

  “Yes, yes there are. But only one treats you like the precious jewel you are. Just like I treated your mother. God rest her soul. That man treats you like a man in love.”

  “He doesn’t love me. It’s obvious he cares for me, and I’ll admit I lo- like him too.”

  He pointed his finger at her. “You’re in love whether you’re willing to say the words or not. And he loves you, too.” He rested back again and closed his eyes. “Just because he doesn’t speak much doesn’t change what his actions say.”

  How can he tell all this from just a few days? Does he really love me? I mean, I know I love him even if I don’t want to tell anyone. But...could he really love me? And what about his family? He still won’t talk to me about them. If he loved me, wouldn’t he tell me about his background?

  “He does treat me well. Better than I probably deserve, but I don’t think he loves me. I can tell there is something he’s not telling me. Something about his past and family that he is holding back.” She hesitated. “I’m not sure what it is, but I think it has to do with why he doesn’t speak.” She sighed. “If he loved me, I think he would be willing to let me in.”

  “There could be many reasons he’s not telling you whatever it is, honey. Don’t judge him too harshly. Sometimes a person is protecting the person they love, sometimes they’
re protecting themselves. Sometimes the past won’t do anything but mess up the future. His feelings for you might be the exact reason he’s not telling you.” His eyes were kind and understanding, even as his words struck her core.

  “What in the world could possibly have happened that he feels he needs to protect me from it?” Piper couldn’t imagine a scenario where his past would have any affect on their future.

  Dad shrugged. “Don’t know. But that’s not the point. The man loves you and you love him. That’s all that really matters.”

  “Alright, Dad, whatever you say.” She stood and picked up the basket, heading out to put the clothes away.

  A knock on the door stopped her progress down the hall. Odd. I don’t remember anyone saying they were coming over.

  She opened the door and gasped. “Nash!” Throwing her arms around his waist, she hugged him tight. “I thought you were coming tomorrow. What a nice surprise.”

  His arms wrapped around her, but they were lacking their usual grip. He stepped back quickly, ending the embrace.

  Stunned, it took Piper a moment to respond. “Is something the matter? Did something happen?”

  A quick shake of his head answered her question. “Oh,” she said, unsure what to do. It was clear that Nash was nervous and was attempting to put some distance between the two of them. “Um...well I’m glad you made it. My dad was just asking about you. He’s in his recliner.” She stepped aside to let him through, her heart beating an anxious rhythm.

  Nash shook his head “no” again.

  Fudgy Fitzwilliam, he’s going to break up with me. I always knew he was too good for me. I’m too small and uninteresting to keep his attention for long. Her eyes misted with tears and she started to shake. “You don’t want to come in?” Her voice betrayed her emotions. Clearing her throat didn’t seem to move the lump that had taken up residence there, so she didn’t say anything else.

  Another shake of his head made her tears break loose. I’m completely in love with this man and he’s about to break my heart.

  Nash’s eyes widened and he started to reach out toward her cheeks, but stopped himself just before he touched her. With obvious effort, he pulled back and opened his palm to her, inviting her to join him.

  “Dad, Nash and I are going for a walk,” she managed to whisper hoarsely over her shoulder.

  Trembling, she forced herself to take his hand and he turned, leading her to the sidewalk, where he started down the street. Piper let the tears continue to trickle down her cheeks unhindered. She refused to wipe them away and hide her hurt. If he’s going to dump me, he can do it while looking at me. I’m not going to pretend to be okay with this.

  Nash stopped, looked both ways, then pulled her across the street to a city park, walking across the grass to an empty gazebo. Once inside, he gently sat her down, then positioned himself across from her.

  Piper’s heart squeezed even harder. Her breath felt short. He won’t even sit next to me.

  “Piper,” his deep voice commanded.

  Her eyes darted up to his. He’s never said my name before. Good Gatsby, why now? Why, when he’s about to break up with me, do I get to hear that?

  “I h-have to tell you some-something.” Nash stopped and took a deep breath. He seemed to be struggling with some great emotion.

  “I w-was raised by my step- step- step-m-” He stopped. She saw his hands form fists and he squeezed until his knuckles were white. “Stepmother,” he finally spat out.

  “Nash, it’s o—” she started.

  “No!” he yelled.

  Piper jerked back at his sudden outburst.

  “No,” He said, more gently. “Y-y-you deserve to know.”

  Piper’s eyes widened as she realized what was going on. “Nash,” she interrupted.

  He looked up at her.

  “Is this why you don’t talk?” She asked gently.

  He nodded and shrugged one shoulder. “M-mostly.”

  Concentrating intensely, Piper worked to understand his broken words, correcting them in her mind as he went. After a few moments, she found herself able to follow along easily.

  “I was raised by my ste-stepmother. My dad died when I was five. She was a mean ole—” he paused and looked up at Piper again, before changing his words. “She was mean. Cruel, even. As a kid, I just thought it was my fault, but now I know it was her. She used to tell me how I was worthless. I’ve stuttered since I started to talk, used to see a doc about it, but that stopped when Dad died. She said I was just a stupid kid and it was a waste of money to try and fix me.”

  “Oh, Nash,” Piper couldn’t help herself, so she moved over to sit next to him and started rubbing his back as he continued on. She was thrilled when he didn’t object to her attempt at comfort.

  “I stopped talking at home, because she always told me that I sounded like an idiot. Said nobody would ever want me or take me seriously if they heard how I spoke.” He rubbed the back of his neck uncomfortably. “Got through most of school without saying much. Football got me through college.” He chuckled darkly. “I guess, I just kept going after I finally broke free. In college, I did get help and if I concentrate I can do pretty well, but I was in such a habit at that point that I didn’t really feel the need to change my behavior.”

  She rested her forehead on his shoulder, aching for him as he continued his story.

  “Then I saw you. So small and perfect. You were the librarian, of all things. How the heck could a guy with no words win a woman who made her career with them? But I couldn’t help it. You were everything I’d ever wanted.”

  Tears ran anew down her cheeks, soaking his shirt sleeve. She threw both arms around him as she cried.

  “The guilt has been killing me. I know you’ve been waiting for me to tell you my secret. To tell you about my family and past. But I’ve been afraid you would leave and I couldn’t stand the thought of it.” He rubbed down his face with both hands. “But I can’t do it anymore. You deserve to know who I really am. What I really am.” He paused for a couple of deep breaths.

  “You can’t possibly think—”

  He interrupted her again. “I gotta get this out, Piper. Let me finish.”

  “...Okay”

  “Really what it boils down to is this.” He finally sat up, looking her in the eye. “I’ve never felt like this about anyone, Piper.”

  She gasped, covering her mouth with her hands, tears spilling down her already sodden cheeks. He’s going to say it. He’s going to say he loves me!

  “I’ve admired you for a long time now. But now you know about me. You know I don’t have a real family. You know that I’m not worth much, and I don’t speak enough to carry on a conversation. I know I’m not worthy of you, but I want to be with you. I’m hoping you’ll have me anyway, but I’ll understand if you don’t. “

  Piper couldn’t speak. The stream of tears seemed endless, especially since disappointment had just been added to the emotional whirlpool. Admire? He only admires me?

  Nash reached out with both hands. Putting one on either side of her face, he used his thumbs to wipe the tears.

  “I don’t care about your stutter or the past, Nash. I’m heartbroken that you had to go through that, but it makes no difference on how I feel about you.” Her voice was a whisper, but in the silence of the evening, it was clearly heard.

  A smile brighter than the north star started spreading across his face. “Ar-re you s-s-sure?”

  “Yes!” She threw her arms around his neck and clung there.

  Holding her tight, he rocked them from side to side, soothing her turbulent emotions, easing the sadness she felt at not only his confession, but lack of words she wished to hear. After a time, she pulled back to look at him. Studying his eyes, she could see he was just as affected as she was. Reaching up, she put one hand to his cheek. “I’m sorry for your family, Nash. I’m sorry you were raised not knowing love and support. But you need to hear me now.” She paused, making sure she has his full attent
ion.

  “You. Are. Not. Worthless. Do you hear me? You have been the best thing that has ever happened to me. My tidy little literary world was thrown for a loop the very first time I saw you last summer. You are a wonderful man and I hope I can show you that. I don’t care about your stutter. I don’t care if you never speak again. I want to be with you and nothing, especially not something as insignificant as a little speech issue, is going to change that.”

  Before she could form any more words, Nash put her lips to a much better use. Putting his hands at her waist, he lifted her onto his lap as he endeavored to take her breath away, twisting his hands in her hair for better control.

  When his mouth moved to play with her ear, she sighed. “I thought you were going to break up with me.”

  He grunted and tightened his hold.

  “Thank you for telling me everything.”

  His movements stopped and she was immediately sorry she had spoken. Pulling back to look in her eyes, he nodded once.

  “We should probably get back. Dad will be wondering what happened to me.” But she didn’t move from his lap, unwilling to make the first move.

  Darkness was settling in and she was loath to leave the safety and shelter of his embrace. She stood when Nash slipped her off his lap and onto her feet. Standing tall and strong in the dark, he took her hand and walked out of the gazebo and towards the house.

  THANKSGIVING WEEKEND was a whirlwind of bliss and happiness. The meal turned out well and the company even better.

  “I still can’t believe you ate two whole pies by yourself!” Piper teased as she stood on the porch with Nash before he headed back to school.

  He grinned boyishly and shrugged one shoulder.

  “Yeah, yeah, that football metabolism. Guess I chose the wrong sport growing up.”

  He laughed then raised one eyebrow at her.

  “I did play sports.” She put her hands on her hips indignantly. “Alright, well, only one sport. I was a sprinter for the track team.”

  He tilted his head to the side, pursed his lips and nodded. Very pointedly, he looked at her short legs and back up at her.