No Time for Tears

by Cynthia Freeman

  She smiled back at him. “No … sooner. A week, I can’t wait.”

  Chia and Reuven, Chavala thought, had adjusted to their new surroundings quickly. She was only half-right … she was so busy learning and working that she missed the problem with Reuven.

  As for Chia, she wanted so badly to become a teacher, as she’d once told Aaron, that she even went to night school. Every spare moment was spent in studying. Not so with Reuven. He hated school, couldn’t understand the language and made little or no effort to learn. The only time he felt comfortable was when he went to the yeshiva, and not so much because he was very religious … he just loved the sound of Hebrew … the sound of home …

  This day had been especially bad for him. On the way home the other kids had taunted him about his clothes … “Ain’t he pretty? Look at them fancy…”

  Although he could not understand he knew well enough that they were calling him names.

  “Hey, get a load of them shoes!”

  “Greenhorn!”

  “How do you say screw in Hebrew?”

  “That’s good, Hymie,” a boy named Jake Goldstein said, “you’re a poet and don’t know it. Screw and Hebrew, they rhyme!”

  The other two boys screamed with laughter as Reuven stood there, surrounded.

  “Let’s take his pants down and see if his shmuck’s the same as ours.”

  Suddenly Reuven was on the sidewalk with his pants down. He struggled and kicked and landed his foot in the face of one of the boys. His other foot managed to land between another’s legs, and the boy doubled over. But he was outnumbered. He took blow after blow and would have been knocked unconscious if it hadn’t been for Goldfarb the tailor, rushing out of his shop with a broom in his hand and screaming in Yiddish, “Get away, you lowlifes … you bonditten! You’ll all be in jail… wait, you’ll see …”

  The boys ran off, less on account of Goldfarb than because Jake was holding his lower regions in pain and Hymie’s nose was bleeding.

  Mr. Goldfarb helped Reuven up. “Come, you’ll wash up in my store,” he said in Yiddish.

  But Reuven stood unsteadily and said in Hebrew, “I don’t understand … thank you, but…”

  When Chia came home and didn’t find Reuven she went to the roof, where she knew he would be. Reuven was standing at the parapet looking out beyond the city.

  Chia saw only his legs, the sheets flapping in the breeze obscured the rest of his body.

  “Reuven,” she called out.

  It took a moment before he answered, “Yes,” then viciously tore the sheets off the line and stood in front of her.

  Chia gasped. “What happened to your face?”

  “I got into a fight.”

  “Come here, sit down and tell me.”

  They sat on two empty crates, Reuven kicking at the pebbles that stuck to the tarpaper. One eye was swollen shut, and there was a long, deep gash on his cheek.

  “Reuven, tell me what happened—”

  “I said I got into a fight.”

  “I know, but what happened, why?”

  “Why?” he said, clenching his fists together as the muscles in his face tightened. “Because ema wanted us to live in a civilized place … I hate it here, Chia, and I’ve never forgiven her for bringing us here and leaving abba—”

  “Don’t say that about your mother … she loves us, don’t you understand?”

  “No, I don’t understand. I think she’s selfish, she doesn’t care about us, only about what she wants—”

  “Reuven, you’re wrong. She gave up her own happiness so we could—”

  “Who asked me if this was what I wanted? As soon as I can earn enough money I’m going home—”

  “This is your home now.”

  “No, not ever … and it’s not my country either.”

  “You’re just upset, come downstairs and I’ll fix you something to eat—”

  “Thank you, I don’t want anything to eat.”

  “Well then, come down with me while I make supper … please?”

  Chia hadn’t understood a word he’d said. No one was listening. His loneliness … he couldn’t stand it… there was no one to share anything with anymore … only abba …. a million miles away …

  But Chia had understood. She was going to spend more time with Reuven, take him to Central Park, where she heard they had ice skating. There was the zoo, and this summer they could go to a beach called Coney Island. She would do things with him and try to get him interested in one of the settlement houses where he could learn to play a game called basketball. And she would talk to her big brother, Moishe, convince him to help her …

  “You won’t tell ema, will you, Reuven?” Chia said quietly.

  That evening Reuven was the center of attraction.

  Chavala almost fainted when she saw her son. “How did this happen?” she asked more calmly than she felt.

  “Playing ball.”

  Inspecting the eye, she said, “What kind of ball is this?”

  “Something like soccer,” he told her, taking her hand away.

  “We’ll go to the doctor.”

  “No.” What he needed was not a doctor.

  “Reuven, darling, please don’t be stubborn, we’re going to—”

  “No.” he got up and went to his room.

  Chavala shook her head. “I don’t know, he seems so angry at me …”

  “He’s at that age, Chavala,” Moishe said. He had, of course, noticed it too, the anger at Chavala.

  Chavala shrugged. “I know growing up isn’t easy, but I don’t remember you at that age being so … so belligerent.”

  “It was different with us, we weren’t in a strange country … we had it easier …”

  Chavala knew better, but what could she do? Moments like these, she questioned her wonderful reasons for coming here …

  Moishe got into bed, turned off the light. “Reuven?”

  “… Yes?”

  “What really happened?”

  “I got beat up, is what really happened.”

  “Did you fight back?”

  “I tried, but you can’t beat five bullies. Ema was afraid of the Arabs. Against them, I had a better chance. I knew what ambushes to stay away from and I always had a chance. At least I spoke their language. I feel like … running away—”

  “Listen to me, Reuven, no one can run away for long—”

  “What did ema do?”

  “She didn’t run away, she came here to build a better life for all of us, you included.”

  “She didn’t do such a good job.”

  “Listen to me … she gave up a lot, being with her husband, so we could have it better … a few bullies don’t count. Arabs or Americans … the thing to remember is the Turks. How were we treated? And now the British? We Jews spilled our blood for them, died for them, fought in their war and they loved us like poison. In this country the government’s not like that. Here you don’t have anyone to really be afraid of … except maybe yourself … We had to beg to fight for them. Remember, Reuven, I was in their army. You should have seen how they treated us, even at Gallipoli in the midst of a war. We couldn’t eat at the same table. We were kept in separate barracks in London. And if you have any idea that we’ll ever have a country there, you’re wrong. There will be a Palestine, sure, but the British will be in it, like the Turks for three hundred years before. They’ll rule our people and give the Arabs guns and look the other way. Be grateful, Reuven, that your mother gave you a chance to be free, have something better…”

  Reuven wasn’t listening. He wasn’t interested in his uncle’s sermon. He would fight the British and the Arabs to be able to see Athlit. To walk in the vineyards and swim in the waters at Caesarea … he hated the snow and the cold, streets crowded with people babbling in a language he couldn’t understand. Life here had no meaning for him. He was an outcast, a stranger. A Jew … what else? But in Palestine he could work not to be a stranger … like his father was doing…

&
nbsp; As Chavala sat at her table stringing pearls she had great difficulty keeping her mind on what she was doing. It was on Reuven … he’d become so silent, so distant. She couldn’t reach him. Of course he missed Dovid, and so did she. Terribly. But if she allowed herself the luxury of feeling continual guilt about him she wouldn’t be able to sustain herself, keep going … After all, she was a woman, not a piece of wood. She had her feelings … her needs too …

  Of course she often had huge misgivings about having left Dovid, but she pulled herself up short and tried to reason them away … Dovid was a grown man with a strong will of his own, he was trying to fulfill his dream … but Reuven … Reuven was a little boy. She felt more responsible for him than for Dovid or herself … The loneliness, it was hard on adults, but for a little boy missing his father … The idea of sending the boy back popped into her mind, and just as quickly she tried to push it out… she’d convinced herself that this country was where her son would have the best chance not just to survive but to be spared the horrors she and Dovid had grown up with. She had to be strong, not crumble at the sight of her son’s unhappiness, remind herself that it would all be worth it to him one day … Except the effort was giving her sleepless nights. She was becoming ill. In the last few days she had been unable to keep food down, and this afternoon she felt dizzy and faint. When five o’clock came she was more than relieved the day was over. She had to go home and lie down.

  The next morning as she began to dress, nausea overcame her. She sat on the edge of the bed until it passed. Good God, that was all she needed, to get sick. That was out of the question, sick she wasn’t going to be….

  She’d no sooner sat down at her worktable when the nausea started again, but this time she could not will it away. Rushing toward the washroom she held onto the toilet seat and threw up. She was weak and perspiring when she returned.

  Mr. Leibowitz looked up from his workbench, saw her, and went over to her. Putting his arm around her shoulders he said, “Chavala, you’re not feeling well, I want you to see Dr. Felcher.”

  “No, I’m fine now—”

  “I don’t think so. I noticed the last few days you’ve looked pale and sick.”

  “I have a few problems …”She put her hand to her forehead. And then it started to spill out … “Mr. Leibowitz, I honestly don’t know what to do … about myself I don’t care but when you see your children so very—” She caught herself, how thoughtless, she should have bitten her tongue. Yetta Korn had told her about Mr. Leibowitz’s children.

  “Well, first,” he said, “I think you should go to the doctor and see what’s wrong. You really don’t look well, Chavala.”

  What a wonderful man. God knew, he had reason to be angry with her, instead he seemed only to be worried about her.

  “I don’t feel so good, to tell you the truth, but I’m just a bit upset, things are still new—”

  “I’m sure, but it wouldn’t hurt. Maybe he can give you a tonic for your nerves.”

  She had lived through more than this without a tonic—Oh, God, the dizziness was back, and she cursed herself for not being able to conquer it. She held onto the table as perspiration broke out on her forehead.

  “All right, Chavala, that’s enough. You’ll go see Dr. Felcher.”

  Chavala nodded. “Maybe I should … how much will he charge me, do you think?”

  “It wouldn’t be too much. Tell him Leibowitz sent you. Here, I’ll write down the address. It’s only three blocks away. …”

  The examination was over and she now sat across from Dr. Felcher. From the look on his face she knew it was nothing. “I feel foolish now for coming, I knew it was my nerves—”

  “It’s very possible, but the nausea and dizziness is caused by your pregnancy.”

  Chavala stared at him in disbelief. Finding her voice she finally said, “That’s impossible. I … I … It’s just impossible.”

  “Why?” asked Dr. Felcher.

  “Because I have been separ—” Chavala stopped in midsentence. How could she have suspected this? Her periods had never been regular. Sometimes for two or three months she didn’t menstruate.

  Maybe the doctor was wrong. No, he was right.… The night before she left they had made love, so why should this come as such a shock? But it did. Why now, for God’s sake? That was all she needed, a baby. “How …” She could scarcely get the words out “How far … when is the baby due?”

  “You’re in your second month.”

  Chavala sighed. “Mazel tov to me. Thank you for the good news, and how much do I owe you?”

  It was three dollars because she worked for Leibowitz. Otherwise it would have been five.

  She waited until after supper, when Chia and Reuven went to their room to do their homework, to tell Moishe the news.

  “Well, Moishe, you’re going to be an uncle again.”

  He looked at her in shock. “How can that be—?”

  “Because married women get pregnant.”

  “But you and Dovid have been …” He frowned at his own stupidity. “For how long?”

  “About two months.”

  “Well, mazel tov.”

  “That’s what I said when I found out. You know, Moishe, I think God does have a plan. This child could be just what I need.”

  Moishe nodded, thought, some good news … no husband, no money, they were barely getting by … “It’s the best news I’ve heard in a long time.”

  “Yes it is. Moishe. You see, it takes something like this to make a person come to a decision.”

  “And?”

  “Now I must make a better living.”

  “And how will you do that?”

  “I’m going to open one of those … what do they call them? … pawnshops. That’s how.”

  “Chavala, what in the world do you know about a pawnshop?”

  “Nothing. Which was what I knew about most things, it seems. But I also know I can learn … I can’t go on stringing pearls for the rest of my life. I never really intended to, but the change came sooner than I’d thought … You know, Moishe, I truly believe the child is a double blessing.”

  “I’m very glad you’re happy.”

  “I know … now if you’ll excuse me, I have to write a letter.”

  Dear Dovid … Dear Dovid what? Suddenly, and to her surprise, she didn’t know quite how to say it

  She started again.

  Dearest Dovid,

  A wonderful thing has happened. My joy is beyond words. I know you will be as thrilled as I am. We’re going to have a baby.

  She could well imagine how thrilled Dovid would be. His wife was on another planet and he was going to be the proud father of a child he wouldn’t see in God knew how long. What kind of a letter was that?

  She pressed on …

  When I heard the news I could hardly wait to share it with you. Thank God for this blessing. Please be happy, Dovid …

  She meant that, but also knew it sounded empty, too casual.

  Chavala tore up the letter. It was too unfair to use this to try to get him to come to her. Be honest, Chavala…

  Dearest Dovid,

  I know this will come as a surprise to you, as it did to me, but I am two months pregnant At first I was shocked, but now I feel truly a great sense of joy. This child is very special. For me, it’s as though it has bound us closer together. I can’t quite explain my feelings, but somehow I know this is a new beginning. In many ways … I’m going to open a little store. I feel hopeful about the future for all of us.

  I pray that you are happy in what you’re doing, and above all I pray you stay well.

  Your loving wife,

  Chavala

  Dovid received the news with mixed feelings. Another child … That was wonderful. But it also was a reminder of their situation, which he hated … once again he argued with himself for not being able to bend more, and felt resentment at Chavala for the same reason. But he’d gone over and over all this, the reasons, the rationaliz
ations, a million times. And still he couldn’t accept it.

  He shook his head, and wrote Chavala how happy he was about the child, that things were going fine in Palestine. Everybody sent their love. He missed her with a terrible ache … What more could he say? Except what was most in his heart, as it was in hers … I want you here, I want us to be together … I will do anything … Unwritten words of a man to his wife who would have his baby a million miles away.

  “Well, Mr. Leibowitz,” Chavala said the next morning, “I didn’t need a tonic for my nerves. What I’ve got is a tonic. I’m going to have a baby.”

  He frowned, then quickly smiled. Children, after all, were a blessing, weren’t they? “Mazel tov.”

  “Thank you, that’s what I said to myself when I heard the good news. Now, Mr. Leibowitz, as much as I hate to leave … well, this changes things for me. I must make a better living.”

  “Of course, so what will you do?”

  “Open a pawnshop.”

  “A pawnshop? Chavala, what do you know from a pawnshop? That’s a very complicated business and a very dangerous one—”

  “I’m not unacquainted with danger, Mr. Leibowitz. As for complicated … from that I know too.”

  “But Chavala, you don’t understand. What do you think, you put up a sign, open the door and you make money?”

  “I think I have to start.”

  “Chavala, you’re a sensible young woman. Listen to me, you don’t know a thing about jewelry. How will you know what a thing is worth?”

  „I’ll learn.”

  “What will you learn with? It takes money to open a—”

  “I have some money.”

  Mr. Leibowitz stood up. Chavala had money?

  Reading his expression she said, “I have some money. Wait, Mr. Leibowitz, I’ll be right back.”

  Going to the washroom, Chavala unpinned the pouch from her camisole and brought it back. “Could we go into your private office?”

  He nodded, then his eyes opened wide as Chavala emptied the contents onto a piece of white jeweler’s paper.

  He looked from the tiny stones to Chavala. Knowing Chavala, even for a short time, he would never question that they were stolen, but how had she come to this? He decided it wasn’t his business. “So you want an appraisal?”