by Cassia Leo
The door opened. It wasn’t Eli. It was his roommate, bible-thumping Joseph. Cathy sighed.
“Well, hello there, Cathy,” said Joseph. “I’m so happy to see you. Eli’s not here right now, and I feel like that might be a sign from the Lord above for me to witness to you today.”
“No thanks, Joseph,” she said. “Do you know where Eli is?”
“I don’t know,” said Joseph. “Let me ask you a question of my own. Do you know what the bible says about pre-marital sex?”
“Can you tell him that I need to talk to him?”
“You and Eli engage in immoral behavior, as I’m sure you’re aware. And there will be consequences for sin in this life. But they’re nothing compared to the consequences you’ll suffer in the next life. When you’ll be thrown in the lake of fire for fornication.”
She smiled tightly. “Thank you, Joseph. As usual, you’re just filled with the love of Christ.” She turned on her heel and walked away.
“Turn from your sinful ways, Cathy. Repent,” he called after her.
She gave him the finger.
“You flipping off my roommate?” Eli was coming up the stairs. He was grinning. He had rows of perfect white teeth. His blond hair was longer now—no more spikes. Instead he had a bowl cut, his hair falling just to his cheekbones.
“Eli,” she said. “We need to talk.”
“What’d you say to her, Joseph?” Eli yelled. “You know we talked about how telling people they’re going to hell isn’t exactly polite.”
She grabbed his arm. “Leave it. Let’s go on a drive or something.”
He let her lead him. “You’re really shaken up. What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Not here. I don’t want anyone to hear.”
Eli’s car was in the freshman parking lot, all the way on the other side of campus. They trekked there without talking. She walked so fast that they were both out of breath, and Eli couldn’t talk even if he wanted to.
When they got to the car, she held out her hand. “Keys.”
“Cathy, you seem upset. You sure you should drive?”
“Driving will calm me,” she said.
He dug the keys out of his pocket and handed them to her.
Then they were pulling out of campus. Cathy went a block and then they came to a stop light. She looked ahead at the rows of stop lights. Goddamn it, why had she come to college in a city? All she wanted right now was a nice country road somewhere, with twists and turns. And—even though she hadn’t had one in over a year—a cigarette. Of course, she really couldn’t have a cigarette.
She pulled over. “You drive.”
Eli looked at her. “Okay.”
She got out of the car and walked over to the other side.
When they’d switched, Eli pulled on his seatbelt in the driver’s side. “You know, one of the things that I love about you is that you always keep me on my toes. But I have to admit, I’m at a little bit of a loss right now.”
She leaned her head against the headrest. “Remember that time the condom broke, and you said there was spermicide on, it so it was no big deal?”
Eli had just started to pull the car back onto the road. It lurched, and he looked at her. “What?”
“I’m pregnant, Eli.”
He pulled the car over again. “What?”
She opened up her purse and tossed a pregnancy test at him.
He caught it clumsily, turning it over. “What does this mean?”
“It means pregnant,” she said. “That’s what.”
“But that thing with the condom, it was… a long time ago.”
“Yeah, I haven’t had my period since then. Because that’s how it works, Eli. You come inside me, and then your sperm swim all the way up into my—”
“I know how it works.” He was still staring at the pregnancy test.
“Fuck,” said Cathy.
“Maybe this is wrong,” said Eli. “Like maybe the test is wrong.”
“It’s not,” she said. She pulled two more tests of her purse. “It came in a pack of three. I tried all of them.”
Eli took the other tests from her. He held all three of them up in front of his face, blinking. His Adam’s apple bobbed.
“Say something,” she said.
He turned wide blue eyes on her. He sputtered. He didn’t say anything.
*
“Well, we’ll get married,” Eli said. They were driving again. Cathy had taken her last final the day before, and she was convinced that she’d blown it, considering the circumstances. But now the semester was over, and they’d been turned out of the dorms. She and Eli had packed up all their stuff, and they were headed home for the summer.
“Married?” said Cathy. “I don’t know.”
“You don’t want to marry me?”
“I…” She sighed. “I don’t not want to marry you. I just don’t want to marry you because I’m knocked up.”
“If we’re going to have a baby together, we should be married, though, right?”
“We don’t have to be,” she said. “Maybe we could wait. It just seems stressful, trying to plan a wedding and get ready for a baby all at the same time.”
“I guess that makes sense,” said Eli.
“It’s 1995,” she said. “We don’t have to get married.”
“Okay,” he said. “So we don’t get married.”
She rested her head against the window. They were on the interstate, and outside all she could see were cars and exhaust smoke. “Matt’s going to kill me. He’s going to be so mad at me. I feel like such an idiot. What a total hick thing to do. Get pregnant at eighteen.”
“Hey,” he said. “This is not our fault. We were careful.”
“I should have gone on birth control,” she said. “You wanted me to go on birth control. If I had listened to you—”
“You had very valid points about hormones and stuff,” said Eli. “Condoms should have been sufficient.”
She closed her eyes.
He reached over to grab her hand. “Cathy, I’m sorry if I’ve been freaked out about this. But I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere, and we’re going to figure this out.”
She bit her lip. “You promise?”
“I promise.”
She sniffed. She felt on the brink of tears all the time ever since she’d found out. She guessed it was hormones or something. “You haven’t even brought up the idea of my getting rid of it.”
He put his hand back on the steering wheel. “You mean like an abortion.”
“Yeah. Do you want me to get one?”
“No,” he said. “I don’t. At all.”
She swallowed.
“I mean I wouldn’t blame you if you wanted to,” he said. “But… I mean, I’m no bible-thumping Joseph or anything, but I was kind of raised to think that it was... But if you want to get one, I’ll support you. I’ll help you.”
“I don’t want to,” she said. It was difficult to explain. In a theoretical sense, she’d considered abortion as a necessity before, but now that she knew she was pregnant, it was different somehow. She already felt connected to the tiny being growing in her womb. She wanted to protect it.
“Okay,” he said. “Then we’re doing this. I love you, Catherine Earnshaw, and I want us to have babies.”
“One baby,” she said. “And last I checked, I think I’m the only one who’s actually having it.” She rested her head on his shoulder.
He kissed the top of her head.
They sped down the interstate, heading back to West Virginia.
*
Cathy surveyed the kitchen, sink overflowing with dirty dishes, every available inch of counter space piled with empty beer cans or bottles. They were stacked in the corners as well. The overhead light flickered, and the room smelled putrid.
“Matt?” she called.
She backed out of the kitchen and went up the steps to Matt’s old bedroom.
He was lying there, face down, passed out. Ga
ge was sitting on the floor in a pair of underwear. He had some crayons and a coloring book, but he was coloring more of the floor than the paper. At least the little boy looked clean. However, it didn’t look like his hair had been cut in months.
Cathy sighed. Matt hadn’t been in good shape when she left for college, but he’d been functioning.
She sat down on his bed and shook him. “Matt?”
“Wha—?” Matt sat up. He rubbed his eyes. “Cathy?”
“Hey,” she said. “Um, it’s two in the afternoon. You usually sleep this late?”
Matt tumbled out of bed. “I didn’t know you were coming back today.”
She nodded. “Have you fed Gage today?”
He glared at her. “I take care of the kid. I do. I just took a nap after I gave him lunch is all.” He shoved past her, out of the bedroom.
She followed him downstairs.
He went into the kitchen and got a beer out of the refrigerator. He cracked it open and took a drink. “That’s better.” He smiled at her. “Hi there, Cathy. How’s school?”
His drinking was worse.
“Look,” she said. “If you expect me to clean up this kitchen, you’re sorely mistaken.”
Matt looked around. “Guess it’s a little messy.”
The phone rang.
Saved by the bell, she thought. She answered it. “Hello?”
“You miss me?” said Eli’s voice.
“Yes, the thirty minutes since you dropped me off have been interminable. I wasn’t sure if I’d make it without you.”
He laughed. “I’m calling because I just found out from Isabella that my parents are spending the summer in the Hamptons, and so I think you should stay here instead.”
She peered around at the kitchen. “Yeah? That might not be a bad idea. I’m not sure this is the best place to be pregnant.”
“To be what?” said Matt.
“But I have to come back and check on Gage every so often,” she said.
“I take care of the kid,” said Matt indignantly.
“Hope you didn’t unpack your stuff,” said Eli.
*
She expected Matt to be more affected by the news of her pregnancy, but once he found out that she was moving in with Eli, he seemed fine with it. He mumbled something about not needing any more hungry mouths around the farmhouse and went back to his beer.
That was that.
The farm wasn’t in the greatest of shape.
She didn’t think that Matt had bothered with planting this year. He appeared to be living on the money he’d gotten from his last sale to the Linton family. The farm was shrinking slowly but surely. Unless someone came in to turn things around, it wasn’t going to be a farm much longer.
That was okay with Cathy, she decided. The damned farm was eating her family alive. Watching Matt drink that much reminded her of her father. It was eerie and disturbing.
But staying with Eli and Isabella was wonderful. She and Eli could share a bed, something they’d never been able to do permanently. She like waking up next to him, rolling over to kiss him awake or to snuggle close.
And she liked falling asleep with him as well, something that led to their messing around more often than not. At first, Eli was a little shy about it, claiming he felt like it was weird with the baby “in there.” But wriggling her naked body against his had soon cured him of his hesitancy.
Overall, they were probably having more sex than they ever had, and they didn’t have to bother with condoms anymore. Which was fabulous, because she hadn’t believed sex would really feel that much better without them. But it did. Way better.
It made her think about the first attempts at intimacy between her and Eli, when she was only getting close to him to try to get money for her and Heath.
Well, that was what she’d told herself, anyway. But if she hadn’t had any feelings for Eli, she wouldn’t have stayed with him.
Now, when she fell asleep wrapped in his arms, or when she ran her fingers through his blond hair, she thought about happy he made her. Being with Eli wasn’t like being with Heath had been. It wasn’t as intense or as exciting. But it wasn’t anywhere near as painful. With Eli, she could relax. She could be happy. And Eli would make a great dad for her baby.
She tried to imagine Heath as a father. She couldn’t do it.
May melted into June, and she and Eli were happy as peas in a pod. She put pictures of her sonograms on the refrigerator. Isabella squinted at them, trying to see the baby. No matter how many times Cathy pointed out the head and the toes to her, Isabella couldn’t see them.
“I’m hopeless with this,” Isabella said. “I’ll just plan out your baby shower instead.”
Which was fine with Cathy. She and Isabella poured over catalogs together, trying to decide if they wanted circus animals or Winnie the Pooh for the baby’s room. They folded down the corners of pages of cribs and strollers.
One afternoon, they were sitting out by the pool, drinking daiquiris. Cathy’s was nonalcoholic, but both Isabella and Eli were imbibing, and the alcohol made Isabella even more chatty than usual.
She sat at the edge of the pool, dangling her legs in the water. “So, what are you going to do about school?”
“We’re transferring to Shepherd so we can commute from here.” Cathy sat in the shade of an umbrella.
“I already started the paperwork,” said Eli. He was lounging in the sun, reading some thriller novel.
“And that doesn’t upset you?” said Isabella. “I mean, didn’t you guys go to Baltimore because you wanted to be in a city, Cathy?”
Cathy shrugged. “The city thing doesn’t seem as important anymore. I think it was some dream I had when I was a kid. I might be growing out of it. Besides, I hate driving there.”
Eli chuckled. “Always keeping me on my toes. That’s why I love you.”
She beamed at him. “I love you loving it.”
“I love you loving me loving it,” said Eli.
Isabella made retching noises. “Stop it. You guys are gross with your intense happiness.”
Cathy smiled. “I am happy. Really happy.”
“Didn’t I tell you that you guys were going to fall madly in love the first time I met you?” Isabella asked.
“Yes, you’re very smart,” said Cathy.
And then she looked up, and Heath was walking across the lawn towards the pool.
She recognized him right away, even though he looked different. He was taller, and his shoulders were even broader. He wasn’t wearing his ratty flannel shirt and jeans. Instead, he had on a button-up shirt and linen pants. His hair was longer, gathered into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, and he’d turned his stubble into a nicely trimmed beard.
She made a strangled, choking noise and got up out of her chair, knocking it over in the process.
Then she ran to him.
He caught her, pulling her into a tight embrace. “Cathy,” he whispered in her ear.
She couldn’t talk. There was a lump in her throat, and tears were spilling out of her eyes.
He squeezed her.
She buried her face in his shoulder.
He kissed her forehead.
She pulled back. “It’s you. I don’t believe it. I don’t believe…” She brushed at her tears.
He touched her face.
“Cathy?” Eli’s voice.
She turned.
He was standing a few feet behind her, his arms folded over his chest. His voice was like ice.
She looked at Heath. “You remember Eli, right?”
There was something hard in Heath’s black eyes. But he smiled, the rest of his face perfectly relaxed. And he walked past Cathy, holding out his hand. “Eli, good to see you. Long time.”
Eli stared down at Heath’s hand warily.
It was funny to see them next to each other. It was funny how Heath made Eli look so slender, so immature. Had they always looked so different? Or had Heath simply grown more than Eli in the past two
years?
Eli put his hand in Heath’s. He glowered at him.
Heath grinned easily. “How have you been?”
Isabella scampered over, inserting herself in front of Eli. “Hi there, Heath. You might not remember me, but I’m—”
“Isabella Linton,” said Heath. “Of course I know who you are.”
She beamed. “Would you like a daiquiri?”
“I’m sure he doesn’t have time for that,” said Eli.
“I’ve got nothing but time,” said Heath. “I’d love a daiquiri.”
They all sat down together under the umbrella, their drinks melting on the glass table. It was awkward. Cathy wasn’t sure what to say. She wasn’t sure how she felt. But she couldn’t stop looking at him. She held his hand on top of the table, afraid that if she let go of him, she’d find out he wasn’t real.
“What brings you here?” said Eli.
Heath shrugged. “Well, I, um, have some business I’m going to take care of. And, of course, it’s always good to catch up with old friends.”
“Where have you been?” said Isabella. “It’s been two years.”
“Around,” said Heath. “All over, really.”
“You look good,” said Cathy. “You look like you’ve got—”
“Money?” said Heath, fixing her with a pointed stare. “I’ve been lucky.”
She bit her lip. There was something about the way he was looking at her. She wasn’t sure she liked it.
“So, you just came to my house,” said Eli. “Forgive me, but I’m surprised I warranted a visit.”
“Oh, I stopped by the farmhouse first,” said Heath. “Actually, I ran into Matt the other night at a poker game in town. He told me I should come to the house. Naturally, while I was there, I asked after Cathy. And he told me she was here. I wish I could say I was surprised, but somehow… I wasn’t.” That look again. Like he was staring into her soul, and he didn’t like what he saw there.
But wait. What had he said? “Matt told you to stop by?” said Cathy. “But…” Matt hated Heath. He’d never ask him to come to the house.
Heath smiled. “Matt is desperately in need of beer money, it seems. I’m going to be renting out the tenant house. I made him an offer he found agreeable.”
