by T A. McKay
When I left his bed this morning I didn’t think I’d ever be with him again, never being able to feel how he made me feel even one more time. I’m pretty sure he’s ruined me for other men, the things he can do with his body is mind blowing and had left me cross eyed more than once. I’ve never experienced orgasms like the ones I’ve had with him, they’re the kind you read about in romance novels. I didn’t think men like that existed, not until I met Gabe.
I left before he woke up, trying to remove any awkwardness that might have occurred when he saw me. I didn’t want him to feel that I wanted more from him, that I was going to push him to being anything more than friends. God, do I want to be a lot more than friends. I realised quickly last night that I might feel more for Gabe than I’m allowing myself to admit but I know that it’s a lost cause, some things were just not meant to be and being with Gabe is one of them. So leaving seemed a good idea, showing him that nothing has changed between us, that we’re still friends.
The last thing I expected was for him to want me again, to fuck me on the kitchen unit. Fuck, if I don’t stop thinking about it I'm going to have to have another shower, and I hadn’t wanted the first one. I didn’t want to wash away the feeling of his hands on me, the smell of his aftershave, the way he had filled me and left a part of him behind. I rub my hand over the implant in my arm and for the first time in my life I'm glad I have it. I have contemplated getting it taken out, it wasn’t like I really needed it. My sex life isn’t exactly off the charts exciting and all the implant seems to do is make me gain weight. I used to be so slim, able to walk into any shop and pick out any style. Now I have to be a bit more creative with what I wear. It’s not that I'm big, I'm not, I just have more curves than before. I look in the mirror at my curves and I smile. My hips are wider but my waist is still small, add my large breasts to the equation and I have a classic hourglass figure, but I need to work at it. Exercise was never part of my life but now I walk everywhere trying to keep my muscles toned.
A knock at the door grabs my attention and I walk over and open it. Gabe is standing on the other side of it with a huge bunch of flowers. My eyes widen in shock and a little bit of hope grows in my chest, maybe he wants something more with me.
“These arrived for you.” His eyebrow’s raise as he speaks to me and I know what he's probably thinking, it’s the same thing that I'm thinking. Who knows I'm here? I take them from him and put them on the bed grabbing the card that’s attached. I open it and shiver when I read what’s inside.
‘I’m sorry about your apartment but you weren’t there when I arrived, you were out with him. I lost my temper but know I would never hurt you. I love you. I will be in touch soon, darling. Then we can be together.’
I don’t know what Gabe sees on my face but he rushes over to me and grabs the card from my hand, reading it. I can feel tears building in my eyes as I watch anger form on his face. Knowing that the person who has been sending me gifts is the same person who broke into my house and destroyed everything is terrifying. I can’t believe that he actually came to see me because he thinks he loves me, this leaves me more scared than I’ve ever been. Even living in constant fear at school that Marc would try and finish what he had started doesn’t compare to this. This guy was in my house, touching my things.
“Who is this?” The volume of Gabe’s voice as he shouts at me makes me jump in fright and the tears finally fall down my cheeks. I shake my head at him trying to lose the urge to run from him. I’ve never seen him look so angry, he is always intense, but this is something completely different. He moves closer to me grabbing my arm and for the first time ever Gabe is scaring me. I shrink back from him slightly but he is trapped in his rage and he doesn’t notice. Shaking me slightly he raises his voice even more.
“Tell me, Rhys. Who sent this?” A loud sob breaks free as he shakes me and I just want him to let me go so I can run.
“Gabe, please.” He blinks rapidly and the anger in his eyes vanishes suddenly, making him focus on his hand. He lets me go like my skin is burning his hand and he backs away shaking his head.
“Shit. I'm so sorry, Rhys. So fucking sorry.” My arm aches where his hand was and I want nothing more than to reach down and rub it but I don’t. I don’t want him to feel worse than he already does. He looks as though his world has just collapsed around his feet, I want to rush to him, to hold him and give him comfort but I don’t move. I can’t, my feet are frozen in place with fear. So I just stand and watch him break apart in front of me, his breathing laboured and his hands clench at his sides and he looks like he wants to hit something. His head is dropped so I can’t see his face, but I have this need to see him, to make sure he isn’t lost in his head again.
I manage to walk slowly towards him but he doesn’t look up, his chin drops further down against his chest completely hiding his face. I step right in front of him and lean my forehead against the top of his head, I feel his whole body shaking and I wrap my hands around the back of his neck gently rubbing.
“It’s okay, I'm okay. I don’t know who is sending the stuff, I thought it was just a secret admirer, a harmless thing. I didn’t realise it would get so serious. Please don’t be angry with me.” His hands reach out and hold my hips, his fingers tightening like he doesn’t want to let go. His voice is muffled as he speaks and I'm not able to make out his words.
“I can’t hear you.” I pull away from him and move my hands to his face, pulling his face up so I can see him. What I see breaks my heart. His eyes are open and showing a pain so deep that I actually feel my heart shatter in my chest. He has tears filling his eyes, threatening to overflow at any second.
“I'm not angry at you, I'm angry at myself.” The words are the final push his tears need and I watch in horror as they flow slowly down his cheeks.
“Gabe, no.” The words come out on a sob as I wrap my arms around him, pulling him as close to my body as I can. I feel his body shake with silent sobs and I feel my own tears fall. What has he been through in his life, what demons are still haunting him?
I never thought I would see Gabe break like this, last night was the only time he has shown any sort of weakness. The power he emits is a mask for a damaged man, underneath he is a troubled little boy and he can’t leave it behind. I can see it all clearly now and it makes me want him even more.
His body stills and he holds me for a few more moments before he steps back, his head facing the floor again. I can tell by his body language that he is pulling away and putting more than physical distance between us.
“I’m sorry. I … I have to go out for a bit. I’ll probably be back late so I might not see you.” With that he walks away. I hear him grab his keys before the front door slams. I fall to the floor and release the pain in my heart, tears falling from my face onto the floor. I don’t know what to do, I’m scared that I’ve lost him, a friend that I wish was so much more than that.
****
I’ve been sitting on the couch for hours now pretending to be reading. I haven’t managed to lose myself in any of the stories I’ve been attempting to read, not even my favourites. Every time I hear a noise from outside my heart races and I watch the door waiting for Gabe to walk through it but he hasn’t yet. I don’t know where he's gone so I don’t know where to even start looking for him. I shouldn’t be so worried, he's a grown man but when I saw the look of despair on his face I knew that he needs someone in his life to protect him.
My mobile phone rings in my bedroom and I jump from the couch and run down the hall, worried it’s Gabe and I will miss the call. I answer it as soon as I pick it up and put it to my ear.
“Hello?” I try to sound casual but I can hear a note of desperation in my voice.
“Hey, woman. How goes it?” I smile when I hear Clay’s voice on the other end of the line. I walk back to the living room and get comfortable on the couch.
“I'm good, Clay. How did you get my number if you don’t mind me asking?” I don’t really care how he got it, it�
�s just nice to speak to someone, I need the distraction.
“That’s a funny story actually. I was out the other night and there was this drunk girl. You should have seen her, she was so fucking funny. Well she gave me her number after I saved her from being kidnapped by a bathroom cubicle.” He sounds so serious as he talks and I cringe when I think about our night out. Getting stuck in that bathroom wasn’t my finest moment but Gabe carrying me out of the bar over his shoulder was the icing on the cake. I remember looking at Clay when I was over Gabe’s shoulder, yelling at him to save me. The traitor laughed at me when I had shouted my mobile number at him, telling him to call me and make sure Gabe hadn’t murdered me. I close my eyes and drop my head back onto the couch.
“Oh god, did that really happen? I hoped I had dreamt that.” More laughter. I swear I might punch Clay one of these days.
“I'm afraid it did, little one. You were so fucking funny, I was still laughing an hour after you left.” I make a mental note to never go back to that bar … ever.
“Please tell me you didn’t just call to take the piss. I’ve not had the best day so that wouldn’t be nice.” I hate the way I sound so pathetic, like a little whiny girl, but I’ve had a shit day so I'm past caring.
“That’s actually why I'm calling. Gabe told me you might want to go see your apartment, make a list of what needs replaced. I know you haven’t been back since that night.” My stomach drops when I wonder why Gabe asked Clay to take me, why doesn’t he want to take me himself? I can’t shake the feeling that he's avoiding me, it’s not the sex that’s going to ruin our friendship, it’s going to be whatever happened in Gabe’s past.
“Yeah I suppose I really should go and check.” I don’t want to leave, I want to wait exactly where I am until Gabe comes home but I know it’s pointless. I could be sitting here for the next twelve hours and he still wouldn’t turn up.
“Perfect, pick you up in thirty.” He doesn’t even say goodbye, he just hangs up leaving me holding a silent phone to my ear. I put my phone down and pick up my kindle again, hoping that maybe I will finally get into a story and the next thirty minutes will pass quickly.
****
I take a deep breath before I put the key in the lock of my front door. I need to brace myself for what I'm about to see, the memories of the other night still fresh in my mind. I must take too long for Clay’s liking because his hand comes over my shoulder and turns the key. I drop, letting him remove the key and push the door open. I walk forward slowly, my mouth dropping open when I turn and look around my living room.
It’s all gone. I don’t understand, where is all the mess? I look at Clay and he has a shit-eating grin on his face so I know he has something to do with this. I walk through the place checking each room but they are all the same, clean and tidy. The furniture is still broken and there are holes still in the walls but if you look past all that it almost looks normal in here. I walk back to the living room completely shocked.
“I don’t understand, Clay. How is this possible? What happened?” He walks over to me and puts his hands on my shoulder, leaning down so he is eye to eye with me.
“Gabe happened. He didn’t want you coming back and seeing the mess. He didn’t want to see you sad so he made me come over last night and help. Did he do a good thing?” I feel a lump in my throat that I'm finding difficult to talk around. Why wouldn’t Gabe tell me he had done this? After what happened last night between us I’d have thought he would have mentioned it. I feel Clay’s intense stare as tears fill my eyes. He looks at me with a worried expression and I want to answer him but I can’t. I have to rely on a nod of my head, it’s the only thing I can manage. Clay laughs at me before pulling me against his huge body and hugging me.
“Has anyone told you that you’re such a girl?” I laugh through a sob making a really unattractive snort sound that makes Clay laugh harder. He gives me a minute to compose myself before pushing me away. His expression has changed and he looks at me with a serious expression.
“I need you to listen to what I'm about to tell you. I know you’re gonna be pissed but at this point I really don’t care. Get annoyed, fucking scream if you have to but you will do as you’re told.” I start to speak, there is no way I’m going to let him treat me like a kid. I don’t know what he's about to say but I don’t care, I'm not a bloody dog that will just do as it’s told. He silences me with his hand over my mouth before I get a chance to start.
“Don’t, Rhys. I’m deadly serious just now, so don’t piss me off. You are going to stay here with me for a few hours and see if there is anything worth salvaging. If there is pack it and I will take it to the car. You’re moving out tonight. Gabe told me what’s been happening and there is no way in hell you are staying here alone. You’re moving in with Gabe.” No, that’s not happening. There’s no way I can live with Gabe. He’s barely talking to me at the moment, so it’s not the best idea. I shake my head but Clay doesn’t move his hand so I can’t protest.
“See Gabe said you would fight me on this. It’s gonna happen, Rhys. I would prefer it was you going through your things but I can easily take you back to Gabe’s and do it myself. Listen to me closely. This. Is. Happening.” I feel myself deflate in defeat. Apparently everything’s already been decided. I think about still arguing and putting up a protest but what’s the point. I would spend every second here scared out of my mind, at least at Gabe’s I would feel safe.
I grab Clay’s wrist and pull his hand from my mouth.
“Fine. Let’s get packing then, but know I'm doing this under protest.” I couldn’t let him think I was giving in straight away, I had to pretend that I was putting up a little bit of a fight.
“So where is Gabe?” I try to ask like I didn’t care, that I was only trying to make conversation but I'm not sure I was convincing. Taking my jacket off I throw it over the back of the one chair that is not broken and turn to look at Clay. He's watching me with a smirk on his face.
“Don’t know, he didn’t say. Maybe he has a date.” I try to school my expression while convincing myself that I don’t care that Gabe is out on a date. I don’t, he can take out any woman he wants, he can even have sex with her, hot monkey sex until his fucking dick falls off. Okay, so maybe I care a little bit.
“You do realise you’re not very convincing right?” I walk towards the kitchen not wanting to get into this conversation. I think I have escaped until I hear his footsteps on the tile floor. I give him a quick look over my shoulder.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Clay grabs a large empty box from the floor and moves over to the cupboard that used to hold all my wine glasses. I can see from here that at least half of them are missing. I sigh to myself thinking of all the time it took me to collect those glasses. It’s only stuff, they can be replaced. He starts packing the boxes carefully, wrapping the glasses in paper. I wonder where all the packing materials came from but then I realise that they already had this planned, they weren’t going to give me a choice.
“Of course not. You totally don’t want to jump Gabe’s bones.” I turn to him quickly, shocked by what he just said. He turns to face me, almost challenging me to deny his statement. I’m trying to work out my argument in my head when his eyes focus on something on my shoulder. His eyes squint at me and he leans forward. I reach up and brush at my shoulder, scared that something’s there. I swear if it’s a spider I'm going to have a heart attack. When I don’t feel anything move I reach up my neck and still when I realise what he's looking at. Shit. I totally forgot about the bite mark Gabe left this morning. It’s very red and very noticeable.
Clay stands up straight again and crosses his arms over his chest, leaning back against the fridge. The fridge lifts slightly off the floor at the front with the weight of him pushing against it.
“Get attacked by a vampire?” His face shows no reaction as he speaks which makes me feel a bit awkward. I don’t know how to react to him when he's like this. Should I laugh at his joke or is
he being serious? We stand staring at each other, almost daring the other person to look away first. My hand automatically moves up to cover the bite mark completely which draws a smile from Clay.
“Oh, you’re a bit late covering it now aren’t you? But at least it explains why Gabe is so fucking messed up just now.” Wait, what? Gabe is fucked up? Clay just said he was out on a date but how can that be? Too many questions race through my head, too many too get possible answers for but there is one I want to know.
“What do you mean Gabe is messed up?”
“He’d planned to come here himself tonight but when he called he was pissed at himself. I'm taking it the bite mark on your neck might have something to do with it. You either got it from him, which will piss him off. He’s been fighting his attraction to you since he met you. Or the other option is that someone else bit you, which will fuck with his mind. He doesn’t want to see you with anyone else even if he won’t admit it. So which was it?” I look at him through my lashes, not able to meet his eyes completely. I still can’t get over the fact that he said that Gabe is attracted to me. Okay I guessed he liked me enough to sleep with me but I didn’t realise he liked me liked me.
“It was … it was Gabe.” Clay lets out loud whoop as I confirm Gabe had in fact bitten me. I don’t need to tell him that I slept with him, I think he can work that part out himself.
“Well it’s about time. And don’t worry about him vanishing. I think between him realising he likes you and all this shit happening, he just needs a little cooling off time. Right, woman. Let’s get all this shit packed and get out of here. I have work early tomorrow so I don’t have all night.” He turns away from me and starts packing again. I have thousands of new questions rushing though my head and I want to ask Clay every single one of them but I don’t. He’s Gabe’s friend so I know he won’t tell me any of his secrets, he wouldn’t betray Gabe’s trust.
