Without warning, Kent reached forward so he took hold of Beth’s hands. “Wait, wait, wait,” he said quickly. “Just because I don’t date usually doesn’t mean I want to stop dating you. I like you. I like this. It’s not what I’m used to. You aren’t what I’m used to - in a good way.”
“Oh.” Beth’s cheeks pinched, and she knew she was blushing again. “Well, I feel the same way.”
“I’m glad,” he said. His eyes lingered in hers, and he waited for a moment, as though he wanted to ask her something but he wasn’t sure how to.
She blinked, hoping her face was open enough for him to realize that it was safe to say whatever he had on his mind, that she didn’t want him to feel uncomfortable with her at all.
“Can I ask you something?” Kent asked.
At that moment, the waitress came by and dropped off the check. She fluttered her eyelashes at Kent, shyly tucking her hair behind her ear, before she sauntered off to another table.
“Sure,” Beth said, forcing her to stop looking at the waitress, stop comparing herself to this stranger who was allowed to be beautiful in her own right without being conceived of as some kind of threat to Beth. “What’s up?”
“You and Knox...is that something I have to worry about?” he asked. “I know it’s none of my business, and I genuinely don’t care about your past. Um, what I mean by that is, it’s not going to deter my pursuit of you. But I need to know that I’m not getting in the way of my teammate or causing more drama. That’s the last thing I want.”
Beth let out a breath, glancing down at the surface of the table. “Honestly, yeah, I had feelings for him,” she admitted. “But that was a long time ago. And Knox made it clear he was definitely not interested, you know? So, you don’t have anything to worry about.”
Beth smiled.
She wondered if Kent could tell it was fake.
She wondered if there would come a day when she would be able to finally stop lying.
11
Knox
The morning came too soon.
The sunlight bled through the blinds and ricocheted off the room. It teased Knox’s eyelids, trying to creep underneath closed eyes and wake him up when all he wanted to do was sleep and sleep and sleep.
His head ached. Pounded was probably the better word, though he didn’t want to admit why. Shame pinched his cheeks, and he knew he wouldn’t be falling asleep any time soon. For a moment, he considered peeling off the sheet and taking a shower, but that meant getting up and he was still too exhausted to do that.
He knew he was back home, which meant one of the guys dropped him off.
For a moment, he thought maybe Beth, but then he remembered. She had been on a date.
And yet, why did it feel like they had spoken? He could distinctly hear the shrill in her voice, something that only happened when she was pissed off. But why would she be pissed off? What could he have possibly done to make her feel that way?
And then he remembered the call. He remembered what he said. He remembered what she said. And it was like his head was an anchor, putting pressure on his bones, weighing him down.
“Goddammit,” he muttered to himself.
Yeah, there was no way he was going to get back to sleep.
He threw off the sheet and forced himself to stand up. His head spun. He had moved too fast and he needed to catch his balance or else he was going to fall on his ass. He groaned, and that helped him feel better, if slightly.
First, he needed to take a piss. Then, he needed to shower. And then…
Well, he supposed he should call Brandon and see what the hell happened last night. He didn’t drink during the season, and he sure as shit didn’t drink this much on purpose unless he wanted to numb the pain of something. The last time he drank this much, he had found out his parents were dead. Hell, his grandfather helped him pour the whiskey himself.
“As long as you do it one time, let yourself mope during it, and then move on with the morning, have at it, boy.” He could still hear his grandfather’s grouchy voice in his ears. “It’ll grow some hair on your balls anyway.”
But last night was different. He wasn’t mourning anything. At least, he couldn’t remember mourning. God. He rubbed his palms down his face, unable to figure out if Brandon pressured him or if he was dared…
Even then, his friends knew he wouldn’t drink. They knew not to do that to him, and they respected it. He knew last night wasn’t Brandon’s fault. He did this to himself.
All because of Beth.
He let out a low groan, rubbing his temples gingerly with his fingertips. Why did he have to remember that? Why couldn’t he just forget all about it?
Because now she was in his head, her date, Kent fuck Cavile. All of it. All of it Knox couldn’t ever give her himself. He blew out a breath, which only caused his head to pound harder.
Fuck this.
He forced himself to get out of bed. He had to clutch at the railing in order to keep his balance. How the hell he had even made it to his bedroom was beyond him. How could he forget something like that and not Beth? And not her date? And not the fury that coursed through his body when he thought about her being with Kent, with anyone, really. Hell, it bothered Knox even when Brandon flirted with her. Why flirt if he didn’t mean it? Why lead Beth on like that?
He shook his head - which was another wrong thing he did - because his head burst again and he dropped into a crouch, letting out another groan.
Fuck.
Why did he do this to himself?
Oh, yeah.
Beth.
Except, no. It wasn’t Beth’s fault. It wasn’t fair to blame her for his actions even though he wanted to. It would just be so easy if he could.
But he couldn’t.
This was on him.
But he didn’t want to think about it.
Not right now.
Maybe not ever.
He stood up slowly, careful not to rush. He didn’t need his head heavy again. He made his way to his fridge and began pulling out eggs, some spinach, and a hint of whiskey.
God, this was disgusting.
He knelt down, grabbed his blender and plugged it in. He grabbed ice cubes and the rest of the ingredients and stacked them in the blender. This was some kind of concoction Steve taught them all, how it helped sober even the drunkest of drunks. It was fucking disgusting, and there was a good chance Knox was going to spend the next hour with his head in the toilet, but whatever worked.
He knew he had to eventually apologize to Beth.
Eventually.
He just wanted to make sure he got the words right. The last thing he wanted was for life to get even more difficult between them, especially since he didn’t quite remember what had been said between them. He just knew it wasn’t good. At least, that was the feeling he was left with.
The loud humming of the blender as it crushed everything into a liquid form soothed Knox’s senses even if it caused his head to throb again. In fact, he didn’t hear the ring of the doorbell until the door itself opened and in walked Beth herself.
For a second, Knox could do nothing but stare as she made her way inside. She hadn’t noticed him yet even though he was pretty sure she could hear the blender and knew he’d be up. When she finally caught his eye, he waited. Held his breath. He tried to read her face, tried to see if he had done something to piss her off. He didn’t remember what happened, not really, but he knew it wasn’t good if her lips were pressed together like that. That was the face she made when she was trying to control her patience with him, and usually, it worked. More than that, whenever she made that face, she had a good reason for it. In other words, Knox fucked up and he didn’t remember how.
“Good morning?” he asked, deciding the silence was too loud for this and he’d rather get this over with before it swallowed him up whole.
“I don’t know,” she said. “Is it?”
He sighed, looked away. Then, he stopped the blender and removed the top part so h
e could pour it in a glass.
“What did I do?” he asked.
“Oh, you don’t remember?” She finally walked into the kitchen and took a seat at the bar in front of him. “How convenient for you.”
Knox wanted to reply. He knew she was baiting him. He also knew she probably had a good reason to do just that. But he honestly wasn’t in the mood right now. As such, he took a long gulp of whatever shitty concoction he had crafted in hopes it would alleviate some of the pain in his head. His stomach twisted the second the thick, heady liquid - probably the wrong word; more like sludge - touched his tongue, but he forced himself to down it. He needed this headache gone, especially since he had a game tonight that he didn’t want to fuck up.
Considering he had gotten drunk enough where he didn’t even remember what happened the night before, he knew he had fucked up. And that didn’t even touch on the fact that Beth was pissed at him, so there was that to contend with as well.
Beth crossed her arms over her chest and leaned back against the white chair. For a moment, he was distracted by the disgusting thing he was drinking to note just how comfortable she looked in the chair, which made sense since she was the one who helped him pick it out in the first place. Her legs were crossed, and he only realized now that she was in white denim shorts that revealed just how long her legs really were.
How had he not noticed before?
That didn’t make sense.
Surely, he would have realized this sooner than now because as he was finishing up his drink, his eyes were on her legs and he was pretty sure she knew it too. And yet, he couldn’t seem to remove his eyes from there even if he tried.
When he finally finished, he placed the glass carefully into the sink, even though he wanted nothing more than to throw it, shoulders hunching by his ears. He almost looked like Mr. Burns as his stomach got used to the contents inside him. For a second, he thought he was going to throw up. He could hear his stomach gurgle and wondered briefly if Beth could as well.
“What do you want from me, Beth?” Knox asked, an edge to his voice that typically wasn’t there whenever he spoke with Beth in the first place. He looked up, catching her eyes with his.
There was a hard glint to her eyes, but it softened the second the two of them locked eyes with each other. She had to look away, pressing her lips into a tight line. He would have felt triumphant, but her arms were still clutched across her chest tightly, shoulders bunched up. She was upset about something.
But not just upset.
Sad.
Hurt.
And he didn’t understand why.
He knew he probably had something to do with it, but he wasn’t sure how to fix it.
“Nothing, Knox,” she said, her voice...resigned. Like this was exactly what she expected.
He frowned and turned back to his fridge, pulling out a water bottle so he could rinse that disgusting drink out of his mouth.
“What does that mean?” He asked before taking a long swig and rinsing his mouth.
“Why do I have to explain everything to you?” she burst out, stepping off her chair and throwing her arms out. “Why can’t you just understand? You get drunk, call me on a date, say things I wish you hadn’t said.”
“What did I say?” he asked, setting the water bottle down.
She opened her mouth, shut it.
“Dammit, Beth, how am I supposed to know what I did wrong if you won’t even tell me?” he asked more abruptly than he intended to.
“Maybe don’t get piss-drunk,” she snapped back. “That was your rule, wasn’t it? Not during the season? What, you just decided to change your mind because you felt like it?”
“It’s my rule, isn’t it?” Knox asked. “Dude, what’s your problem?” He walked around the bar so he could see her, really see her. “You’ve been on my jock the whole morning. If you’re that pissed off, why are you even here?”
“To check on you, remember?” Beth bellowed. “You got piss-drunk. I don’t remember you ever doing that, and since I don’t trust Brandon to get your ass home, I had to make sure you were okay.”
“Stop treating me like I’m a kid!”
“Then stop acting like one!” she shot back. “Jesus, you call me on my date, say all this stupid shit, and then you just stop talking, and I don’t understand you.”
“What’s there to understand?”
“I don’t know! I don’t know why you do what you do! I don’t know why I feel what I feel, but I do.” She gasped, covering her mouth with her palm.
She hadn’t meant to say that out loud.
Knox swallowed, watching as she shook her head once, as her cheeks turned pink, as her hand dropped back down to her side.
Only then, when nothing was impeding him, did he step forward and sweep her into a passionate kiss.
12
Beth
Knox’s mouth was hot and demanding against her own. She wanted to rip away from him. She wanted to slap him. Who did he think he was, kissing her that way, when he knew she had gone on a date with Kent, when he knew she was his friend and he had placed her in that safe, untouchable category?
And yet, she didn’t do any of that. She opened her mouth slightly. She reached up to cup his cheeks between her palms and relishing in the warmth she felt. She gave into the kiss because, quite honestly, she didn’t think she’d ever get this at all and she wanted to take advantage of it before reality crashed down all around them and they had to go back to their life that involved them not being together in this way.
Part of her mind screamed at her. She was dating Kent - except, that wasn’t true. They had gone on one date. No commitment had been made, none had been asked, though he seemed intent on a second date.
But would she still go on one after this?
She didn’t want to think about it. She would worry about all of that later. In truth, she didn’t want to be good. She didn’t want to focus on anything that wasn’t Knox or this moment.
When he slid his tongue into her mouth, Beth opened her mouth for him. Her stomach melted and slowly slid to her pelvis. His hands on her hips tightened until he wrenched one hand away to cup the back of her head, fingers laced through her hair, holding her in place so he could deepen the kiss even further. He explored her mouth, touching her, tasting her in a way she never thought would happen, in a way she dreamed about more than she wanted to admit.
When they had to break apart for air, she almost didn’t want to open her eyes. Because what if she saw him look at her, really see her, and decide he didn’t want her.
Hell, she didn’t even know if she wanted him. But that rejection would break her, coming from him. She didn’t want that knowledge, didn’t want to see him decide he had made a mistake by kissing her.
But then his forehead grazed hers and she couldn’t help but peer up at him just a bit. Her eyes met his dark, chocolate ones, and her heart sped up at the sight of them. They were more open than she had ever seen them before, filled with an emotion she couldn’t quite name. Swallowing, she closed her eyes again and took in a breath. She didn’t know what he felt in that moment, and maybe it didn’t matter. Maybe they kissed and that was enough.
He pulled away, and Beth’s shoulders dropped. She shouldn’t have expected anything else. They had been too caught up in the moment to think that this was real.
“Beth -”
“Don’t say anything,” she said. “Just don’t ruin this for me, okay?”
He turned back to face her, head cocked to the side.
“Just let me have this,” she said. She hoped the note of desperation she could clearly hear in her voice wasn’t as obvious. Or maybe she should just hope that Knox wasn’t as attuned to her as she wanted to believe so he wouldn’t pick up on it. “This moment. We can go back to being friends or whatever. If we can. But I just, I want this moment. I want it to be mine, okay? Can you just, can you do this for me?”
Knox looked away. “Beth…”
“I’ll see you
later, okay?” she said quickly. She could feel tears start building in the back of her eyes and she knew she was on the verge of losing it. The last thing she wanted to do was make a scene in front of Knox. She wasn’t some child and she wasn’t having a tantrum. She wasn’t. “Just, um, call me in a few days. I have a term paper I really need to start.”
“You haven’t even told me about your date,” Knox said.
Her fingertips brushed the door handle, but his words felt like tiny little paper cuts across her skin. She whirled around to face him. “Do you actually want to know?” she asked.
“I’m your friend, right?” There was an edge to his voice, just as there had been before. It was like the kiss hadn’t even occurred. They were back to fighting already. “I’m asking about something important to you, and -”
“You’re an idiot,” she managed to get out, cutting him off. She walked around the island in the kitchen, needing to keep them a safe distance away.
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me,” she snarled, taking a step towards him. “You’re an idiot.”
“How am I an idiot?” he demanded to know.
“I don’t want to talk to you about my date.”
“I thought that’s what friends did,” Knox said. He stomped around from the bar that divided them until he was directly in front of her. “You want to talk about dates and guys and Kent Cavile and whatever else you want to talk about. This is what you want, isn’t it?”
“Not with you,” she said in a low voice.
Pain flashed across his eyes before it was smothered down with anger. His fingers curled into tight fists, and she could see tension radiate throughout his entire body. She wasn’t sure what she could say to make him feel better about it, but she wasn’t going to lie to him.
“What,” he said. “Kent won’t let you keep me as a friend? And you’re so ready to listen to him? I never took you as -”
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