Midnight Ballerina

by Cori Williams

  “She is pretty special.”

  “You’re not much of a talker are you? Most people would be asking what the mistake was or ‘why do you feel like you need a man all the time, Holland?’ But I can tell that’s how you operate. You and Monroe are actually a lot of like but you kind of balance each other out.”

  “You just met me and you’ve already figured that all out, huh?”

  She tapped a finger to her head. “Well, I am a genius.”

  “ARE YOU SURE you really want to ride back with your boyfriend?” Carter’s mouth twisted in disgust and I sat my bags down by the front door to elbow him in the side.

  “Ow, you little shit.”

  “That’s right. Remember, I might be smaller than you but I can still beat your ass if I try. Why are you being so mean about Miller? He’s a good guy. You should be happy for me.”

  “That’s not the point, Roe.”

  “Yeah,” Holland piped in, her own bag thrown over her shoulder, ready to start our trip back to Michigan early. Miller was still planning on taking me and he was actually going to stay a few days, believe it or not. I’d watched him hand the keys to the office over to Tanner last night, and I could tell how much it took out of him to do so. Even with Tanner being his best friend for years, Miller would probably have trust issues for the rest of his life due to how his mom just left him. My heart still hurt for him every time I thought about it. How could someone leave their child, let alone Miller? “Tell her what the point is, Carter,” Holland chided, snapping my attention back to them. “I’ll give you a few minutes alone before we hit the road. I’ll be in the car.”

  Carter groaned as Holland shut the front door, rocking back on his feet as he buried his hands in his pockets and stared at me.

  “What was that all about?” I asked, scanning my apartment one last time and checking my mental list to make sure I’d remembered to bring everything. Carter and Holland were dropping me off at Miller’s so I could ride with him. I was still thinking about the other night and the great surprise that he had planned, even though it was a little awkward with Carter there. I tried to ease the tension between them as best as I could, but it seemed pretty impossible. I’d been thinking about all of the different possibilities that could’ve happened if we’d been alone, which ended up getting me all hot and bothered and in need of a cold shower. I had to keep remembering that I really was happy to see Carter and Holland. It just would’ve been a lot better if they showed up a day later.

  I collapsed onto the couch, waiting for Carter to spill whatever he needed to talk to me about. Holland had been hinting at it ever since they got here and Carter kept getting mad at her for bringing it up. I was exhausted after finishing my last exam yesterday, and I just needed to turn my brain off for a while, but it didn’t seem like that was possible yet.

  “I started dating Annie,” he finally blurted out, sitting down on the couch next to me and rubbing a hand across the rough scruff that covered his head. I still wasn’t used to him with no hair and I probably never would be.

  “Annie? As in Annie Michaels from high school?” He nodded his head and for some reason the fact that he was dating someone I knew hit me hard. I don’t know why, really. I was happy with Miller and I didn’t have those kind of feelings for Carter. We barely saw each other and had our own lives now.

  “All right,” I dragged out. “Well, great. Good for you two. That’s really great, Carter. Why is it such a big deal? Why couldn’t you just come right out and tell me? We stopped dating over two years ago and it was nothing serious. We were more friends than anything.”

  “Roe, that was in high school. We’re both different now. Completely different.” He shifted slightly in his seat, moving an inch closer to me. “Annie and I aren’t together any more. We only ended up dating for a few months.”

  “Oh, things didn’t work out then?” I asked, my voice rising slightly. Why was I feeling a teensy bit gleeful about that?

  “Yeah, you could say that. The thing is, I think I was trying to use her to replace you and I didn’t realize that till I broke things off. I miss you, Roe.”

  “Well, I miss you too, Carter.”

  He sighed loudly, dragging a hand over his face. “What I’m trying to say is that I realized I missed out on my chance when we dated in high school. I took you for granted and I shouldn’t have. I was young and stupid. Some shit happened that made me realize that I can’t do that anymore. I need to live my life how I want to live it and I want you to be in it. I know that’s almost impossible right now since you’re hundreds of miles away, but you’re planning on coming home after you graduate, right? You only have a year and a half left.”

  “I have no idea where I’ll end up, Carter. I guess I don’t know what you’re really trying to say.”

  “What I’m trying to say is, would you be willing to give us a chance?”

  “Carter, I’m with Miller. I don’t know—”

  “It doesn’t matter,” he interrupted. “Things could change in a year, Roe. Just promise me you’ll think about it?”

  “Um….” I really didn’t know how to answer him. No one knew where they would be in a year. Life changed daily for everyone. A year from now, Carter could be with someone else and forget all about his sudden want to have me in his life. A year from now, I could still be with Miller or someone completely different. I’d like to think I would still be with Miller but our relationship was kind of new and I didn’t know how serious things would get between us. Things might change. “I’ll think about it.” I’m sure I would be thinking about it plenty but that didn’t mean anything would change between Carter and me.

  “Good.” He got up from the couch the same time that I did and wrapped me in a tight hug, holding on for longer than normal, and I pulled away when I felt him bury his face into my hair, awkwardly patting him on the arm. I wish he would’ve just kept his mouth shut. Now, things were going to be weird between us, for me at least. It was a good thing we lived so far away from each other, but I’m not sure how I would to deal with him while I was home over winter break.

  Carter grabbed my bags for me and we headed out to meet Holland at the car. I hopped in the passenger seat and Holland narrowed her eyes at me as I buckled my seatbelt.

  “What?”

  “So, Carter filled you in on everything.”

  “Um…yeah.”

  “Just leave it alone, Holland,” Carter bit out from the back seat and I turned around, giving him a confused look which he ignored, slumping back against his seat and closing his eyes tightly.

  Holland rolled her eyes as I spun back around. “So moody, Carter Thatcher. You would think he was the one that was pregnant.”

  “Pregnant? Who’s pregnant?”

  Carter muttered something incoherent but I’m fairly certain it was something not so nice about my sister and her mouth.

  “Oh, so he didn’t tell you everything then. Let me guess? He filled you in on his undying love for you, but I bet he forgot to mention the one thing that he should have told you. The one thing that had to happen to make him realize how in love with you he was. It’s pretty pathetic, actually. Like he wouldn’t have known after all these years.”

  “Holland, just shut the hell up,” Carter warned.

  “Sorry, I can’t do it anymore. I’m not going to let you keep the truth from my sister. The reason why, I think anyway, that Carter realized he’s so in love with you is because he fucked up. Bad. He went and got Annie knocked up.”

  My stomach rolled at Holland’s words and I turned around to see Carter, a deep scowl on his face, glaring at Holland.

  “Quit being dramatic, Holland.”

  Holland snorted as she continued to drive, shaking her head. “I’m not being dramatic. I’m just telling her the truth.”

  “Yeah, well you’re stretching it a bit, aren’t you? Annie’s not pregnant,” Carter explained, and I felt myself relax a little. I don’t know why the idea of Carter getting someone pregnant ups
et me.

  “Then what’s Holland talking about?”

  “I told you that Annie and I dated for a bit, it wasn’t really serious, but things did get…physical.”

  I winced at the word, feeling almost like he had cheated on me or something. I didn’t understand why it was hitting me so hard.

  “Then she called me about a month after we broke up, said she’d missed her period and took a pregnancy test. It was positive and it freaked me the hell out, my whole life flashing before my eyes.”

  “Asshole,” Holland muttered from the front seat and I smacked her shoulder, giving her a look that said shut the hell up.

  “I started panicking and trying to figure out what I was going to do, obviously I was going to step up as a dad but I felt like I was drowning with no way out. Then Annie went to her first doctor’s appointment. The test she’d taken at home turned out to be a false-positive, whatever the hell that means, but she wasn’t pregnant.”

  “Oh.” I faced the front, trying to absorb all of the information Carter had finally revealed. Him dating Annie was already enough to make my head spin a little bit, but now it was like a full-force tornado going on in my head, thinking about all the what-ifs and what would’ve happened if Annie really had been pregnant.

  “So that’s why I came down here,” he explained quietly. “I needed to see you and tell you how I really feel. I’m not going to fuck up and let something like that happen again. I’m waiting for you.”

  He finished his sentence just as we pulled into the driveway and I saw Miller standing there waiting for me. Two guys waiting for me, both having different meanings in my life, and I didn’t know what in the hell to do. I wanted Miller, I know I did, but at the same time I didn’t want to lose Carter.

  He was giving me time to figure things out, until I graduated and possibly moved back to Michigan. So much could happen in a year. I was with Miller now, but would I be after I finished school? I was pretty sure my feelings for Miller were a whole lot different than they were for Carter, but at the same time, Carter was right. We were both different from when we dated in high school. We changed and were more mature. Maybe we would change even more within a year and things would be totally different once again.

  Why did Carter have to do this? It seemed like everything had been going so well with Miller, and then he showed up, causing me to think about the different possibilities and the what-ifs. My attention snapped to Miller as he opened my door and grabbed my hand, helping me out of the car, those brown eyes of his searching my face.

  “Is everything all right? You seem a little upset.” He turned in Carter’s direction, glaring. “What did you do to her?”

  “Nothing.” He held up his hands defensively. “Just gave her something to think about. We’ll see you back at home, Roe.”

  “Okay.” I attempted a smile and followed Miller to his truck. He kissed me on the forehead before opening the door for me and helping me up. “I missed you last night.”

  “I wonder if you’ll still be saying that after we’ve been stuck in the car together for a while.”

  He laughed before shutting my door and jogging around the front to hop in the driver’s side. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

  “I’m fine,” I answered quietly before turning to stare out the window. At least I had a long drive ahead of me to think about things, but then Miller’s hand landed on my thigh and he squeezed it. How exactly was I supposed to think about anything when that was happening?

  I must’ve fallen asleep after a while because I opened my eyes just in time to see the sign reading that we were entering Kentucky, and I grinned when I saw Miller’s hand still on my leg. He had country music playing low and I tried not to groan, at least I could tune it out for the most part if he left it at that volume. He turned his head sideways, noticing that I was awake.

  “We’re gonna stop up here for gas and snacks. That good with you?”

  “Yup, that’s good with me.” I yawned, stretching as we pulled into the parking lot, suddenly feeling how cramped my legs were getting and how much I needed to pee. I jumped out of the truck as soon as he pulled it to a stop at the pump and ran straight for the bathrooms, grabbing a few snacks and drinks when I was finished, and headed back out. Miller was just finishing up, and after going in to use the bathroom himself, we were ready to get back on the road.

  “Here, I got these for you.” He tossed a box onto my lap and I grinned when I saw the familiar yellow box of my favorite candy.

  “I already got some, but this girl can never have enough.”

  “I figured.” He got back onto the highway, clearing his throat once we were on the road and turning down the radio. “So, are you going to tell me what Carter gave you to think about?”

  I sighed, knowing that he would ask eventually, but I still wasn’t sure how to answer him. I guess I should just start with the truth. “Carter has some crazy idea in his head that I need to give him a chance, that there might be a possibility of something happening between us again. He wants me to think about it.”

  I looked sideways at Miller and he shifted in his seat, his jaw working tightly, before he finally spoke. “Well, how nice of him. He didn’t realize what he had when you were together then, is that it?”

  “We were in high school, Miller. Carter was so immature back then.”

  “Still sounds like he is,” Miller muttered and I laughed, having to agree that he was probably right. “So have you thought about it?”

  “Not really.” I shook my head. “And I don’t think I’m going to. It’s stupid really. I don’t know why Carter thinks I’m going to drop everything in my life just because he realized he’s in love with me. I’m pretty happy with where I am right now.”

  “Good.” He reached over to scoop up my hand, kissing each of my fingers. “Because I am too. There’s no place I’d rather be.”

  “I’M SO GLAD you’re here,” my mom commented for about the hundredth time since I arrived yesterday. We were currently cooking dinner for the family—well, my mom was cooking and I was sitting at the table watching her. I could see Miller where he was sitting in the living room, quietly talking to my dad. My dad and I were a lot alike, he wasn’t much of a people person. Miller wasn’t either, I guess, but they seemed to be getting along pretty well, which was a good thing.

  “Is Carter coming over for dinner, honey?”

  “No,” I answered, obviously a little too quickly, because my mom turned from where she was stirring something on the stove and gave me one of those all-knowing Mom looks.

  “So I’m guessing he told you about him and Annie? I knew you would be upset.” She said, as she sat down at the table next to me.

  “You did?” I asked surprisingly. “I still haven’t figured out why I am.”

  “Monroe, you two were best friends, you told each other everything and then you started up a relationship beyond friends in high school. I know things weren’t ever serious, but I’m sure you still have some kind of feelings floating around in there. Poor Annie, though. She never stood a chance with that boy and then she started blabbing to everyone that she was pregnant even before she went to the doctor. I think she figured they would start their relationship back up since she was pregnant. I think he’s always been in love with you though. He just didn’t realize it until then.”

  “Well, I’m with Miller.”

  “I know, he’s such a nice young man. I was a little nervous when you first told me that you were dating your boss. I was picturing an old man with greying hair. I can’t you tell how relieved I was when I saw him get out of the truck.”

  I laughed as she got back up and went back to work in the kitchen. “I’ve never had a thing for old men, Mom. Miller and I are five years apart, so that’s still a little bit of a difference, but I don’t really notice it too much.”

  “Well, you’ve always been so mature for your age, Monroe. That really doesn’t surprise me. Can you set the table, sweetie? Jackson won’t be
home since he’s out with friends but Holland should be over in a bit.”

  “Sure.” I got up and began pulling out plates, loving that comforting feeling of being at home, I knew where everything was and it just felt good. I still didn’t really feel that way about my apartment, even after living there for the almost three years. It was more of just a place to sleep.

  “Have you talked to Miller about your issues?” my mom asked in a low voice once I was standing right next to her.

  “My issues?” My eyebrows raised and she swatted me with her towel.

  “You know what I mean, Roe. If you two are going to get serious, it might be something you want to talk to him about. Since he is older than you, it might be on his mind more than you think. Now, if you were with Carter, I would tell you not to worry about it for a while since we know boys are much less mature than girls, just look at your brother, but you might want to consider it. I see the way he looks at you, Monroe. He’s already in love, even if he hasn’t said it.”

  It seemed like the feeling of love was pretty mutual, even though neither one of us had said it. I was guessing it was probably due to the issues with his mom. Tanner had mentioned Miller’s black heart on more than one occasion, and he even told me that he’d never heard those three words uttered out of Miller’s mouth before, even to his mamaw. I wasn’t worried about it. Our relationship was pretty new and even if he didn’t say it, he showed it to me in plenty of ways, by just making me feel special all the time.

  But my mom was right. Miller had already mentioned having kids someday, multiple times. If things were really going to get serious between us, I needed to talk to him because it could be a deal breaker. Between that, and this mess going on with Carter, it sure didn’t feel like I was having any kind of break right now.

  Miller chose that very moment to come into the kitchen, so I didn’t have to answer my mom and it took my mind off of things. He helped me finish setting the table and we both offered to help my mom with dinner but she shooed us out of the kitchen. Dad was asleep on the couch, so I made a beeline for my room, pulling Miller behind me and not letting go until we were both collapsed onto my tiny twin bed. My mom was convinced that the both of us couldn’t fit in here comfortably, so she squeezed an air mattress into the small room that I had once shared with Holland. She also told us that she expected no funny business to be going on. There was never anything funny about the business that happened between Miller and me in the bedroom, so I had no problem telling her that wouldn’t happen.