Midnight Ballerina

by Cori Williams

  “Okay, what does that have to do with our relationship exactly then? Are you trying to tell me that I need to take care of you every month when you get your…ya know?”

  “My period,” she finished for me, chuckling lightly. “No, that’s not what I’m trying to tell you. I’m trying to say that there might be a possibility that I won’t be able to have kids someday. Now, I know we’re nowhere near that step in our relationship, and I hope I’m not scaring the hell out of you by even mentioning it, but I thought you should know.”

  “Okay.” I squeezed her hand and leaned over to kiss her forehead before starting up the truck and throwing it in reverse. “Should we grab something to eat, and do you want to go back to your place or mine?”

  “That’s it?” she asked, sounding confused as hell. I was still trying to sort through everything in my head that she’d just told me but I did know one thing—I would take Monroe any way I could get her.

  “That’s it, Monroe. That’s not a deal breaker for me. I don’t know why you would think it would be. I’m with you for you, no matter what sort of issues you have going on. I’ll be here if and when you need me.”

  “Okay.” I glanced at her and was glad to see a smile on her face once again.

  “How ‘bout we stop in and visit Mamaw at the restaurant? I think she wanted to see you once you got back. I guess I can share you for a little bit.”

  “You can share me? I didn’t know I was a toy that you could share,” she teased.

  “Don’t you worry. We’ll be doing plenty of playing later tonight and there won’t be any sharing going on then.”

  “Miller,” she squeaked and I turned to see her fanning herself. “You’re getting me all hot and bothered over here. Stop it.”

  “Good, that’s what I was going for.”

  I TURNED DOWN the music that I had been blaring when I saw Nina standing in the doorway, her arms crossed over her chest as she leaned against the frame. “Sorry, I didn’t realize I had it up so loud.”

  “Don’t you worry about that. I just like to watch, you have such clean lines. I bet it feels good to be dancing again.”

  “Thanks. It does.” I nodded my head and took a long swig out of the water bottle that I’d set in the corner. “But I’m not so sure my body agrees with me yet.”

  I’d been back in Georgia for a few weeks, and once classes started back up, I also began working at the dance studio. Right now, I was co-teaching a few classes with Nina, easing myself back into the dancing world gradually, and I loved every second of it. As soon as I started working at the dance studio, it was like all of the pieces of my life fell perfectly in to place.

  “What do you think about choreographing a few pieces on your own? Have you ever done that before?”

  “No, but I would love to. Are you sure you trust me doing that?”

  “Of course. Remember, you come Miller recommended. That boy has always had an eye for things, you included. Now, are you sure I can’t talk you into some tap dancing?”

  “No way, me and tap just don’t get along. Nothing but a headache to me.”

  Nina laughed. “All right then. Well, I’ll leave you be for a bit before the next class starts up. Work on some stuff and let me know what you come up with.”

  Dancing was all about creating and telling a story and the only one I thought of that I could create at this time in my life was one of happiness. Even after being out of the dance world for such a short amount of time, it seemed like it had changed drastically. Ballet was a little funky now, combining the classical teachings that I’d been taught since I was a little girl with more contemporary dance, making it pretty interesting for me to watch as Nina evolved her classes around the changing times.

  I tried to clear my head when I was spinning around the room, but all I could think about was Miller. I guess he was a good muse to use for inspiration. I’d been worried when I told him about my endometriosis. I didn’t know how he would react, and he didn’t even blink when I told him. When I first found out that I had endometriosis, I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, basically a label to slap on the unbearable periods that I had monthly.

  It didn’t hit me full force until I was sitting in the waiting room at my doctor’s office one day, there for a checkup, and I started to talk to the lady that was sitting next to me. She made a few comments about how they really needed to get a TV or some magazines in the place because she was here so often and then she broke down in tears.

  She was all alone and everyone else that was waiting for their appointments chose to ignore her, so I lent a shoulder to cry on and then she told me her story. She had endometriosis and had been trying to get pregnant for years. Her marriage dissolved eventually under the stress of not being able to get pregnant. She’d remarried and was now with a more supportive man, but the stress and financial burden was getting to them both. She had decided that her appointment that day would be her last attempt at trying, they just couldn’t go through the disappointment any more. All of the procedures they’d tried had just ended up failing and their bank was drained.

  Her story broke my heart and I wished that I could do something to help her, but all I could do was listen and offer my sympathy. I’m sure she didn’t want my sympathy, I’m sure she’d probably heard it all before, but that was all I had. I never saw that woman again, but I hoped that she had finally found some happiness, either being able to finally get pregnant or by adopting, like she had mentioned briefly.

  But that woman really made things realistic for me. Kids wouldn’t be in my future for a while, but the possibility of never being able to have them, was always there at the back of my mind.

  I thought things between Miller and I would end, and when they didn’t, I thought maybe things would be weird. They weren’t. They were better, if that was possible. We spent New Year’s Eve together, just the two of us, because Tanner and Amelia both had plans of their own. I missed my best friend, but I liked being able to spend that time alone with Miller. Plus, he made it special.

  Ever since I got back, on a daily basis, he found some way to show me that he loved me without saying the words, which actually seemed more meaningful to me than if he were to say them because it was always something creative. Some of the most memorable ones so far had been post it notes in the shape of a heart on my computer screen with words directly in the center, waiting for me when I arrived to work one day. Another day, I had a to-go cup of hot chocolate sitting on my desk, since he knows that I can’t stand coffee, and those three words were etched out in the foam. I couldn’t even drink my hot chocolate because I didn’t want to ruin it.

  My favorite though had been on New Year’s Eve. Just at the stroke of midnight, Miller turned off every single light in the room before casually plugging a cord into an outlet and then coming back to sit next to me on the couch where I was curled up with a glass of champagne. I spit out my last sip when I realized that he’d taken the time to spell out “I love you,” with Christmas lights, directly over the mantle above the fireplace. He was always so blasé about it every time, too. Like it wasn’t a big deal that he’d put so much thought into this daily ritual.

  Someone clearing their throat made my feet come to a stop and I spun my head toward the door, smiling when I saw who was standing there. “I thought you were busy with work.”

  “I was,” he said, closing the space between us to bend down and kiss my nose. “But Mamaw needed some help over at the restaurant and I figured you probably didn’t eat anything yet, so I brought this by.” He held up a bag that I hadn’t noticed before.

  “Well, thanks. I am pretty hungry. I think I’ll have a little time to eat before the next class starts up.”

  He was still staring at me with those warm brown eyes, a slight smile on his face. “What?”

  “Nothing, I’m just glad I got to watch you dance for a bit. You seem so happy when you’re doing it.”

  “I’m not normally happy?” I teased as I grabbed my water b
ottle and dropped down to the floor to open the carryout box that was in the bag.

  “Well, yeah, but even more so when you dance. You’re completely in your element. I could watch you dance all day long.”

  “Oh, really? Maybe I should give you a private show later.” I wiggled my eyebrows and he laughed, dropping down onto the floor next to me.

  “Only if it’s a naked one.” I smacked him on the shoulder, but his comment gave me an idea. I’d seen the way he looked at me that night at Pure, the heated stare of his eyes on every part of my body, after he had pulled me into his office. He said that he wanted to see me in that outfit again, just not in public and for no one else’s eyes, but I didn’t know if he was serious. I think I would have enough confidence to do something behind closed doors, just for him, but I wasn’t sure before how Miller would feel about that due to his mom’s background.

  Now, I think I could do it.

  “Are you gonna eat that? I know how you are about your salads. Believe it or not, Mamaw makes a pretty mean one. She calls that one everything but the kitchen sink.”

  “I can see why.” I poked at the salad, which barely had any actual lettuce, with my fork, pulling my attention back to it instead of Miller’s own personal strip tease. I would have to put that on the back burner. For now. “So, you have to head into the club tonight?”

  “Yeah, I need to check up on Luke, make sure things are running smoothly. Are you still planning on hanging out with Amelia?”

  “I am.” I nodded my head, taking another bite out of my salad and trying to figure out exactly what I just ate. Miller must have noticed because he pointed to the half that was still remaining on my fork.

  “Okra,” he explained.

  “Interesting. So, yeah. I’m hanging out with Amelia. I have no idea what we’re doing yet, but she says she has something planned, which should be interesting, especially since she’s not on good terms with her parents right now. Whenever that happens, she tends to have a little bit of a wild streak.”

  “Amelia? I would’ve never guessed.” He chuckled. “Call me if you need me to come get you, got it?”

  “Got it.” I pulled out my napkin, ready to wipe away the salad dressing that was running down my chin, but just before I did, I saw those three words that always made my day, written in Miller’s handwriting, making my heart pitter-patter just like it did every time. “I love you, too.”

  I LOOKED UP from my phone, having just sent Carter a return message. He just asked me again if I planned on coming home during summer break. The past couple of years, I’d come for a few weeks all together, one week at the beginning of break, one in the middle, and one at the end, since I still had work to worry about, my apartment, and paying all of my bills. This year, I wasn’t sure. I had yet to talk to Miller about it work-wise or relationship-wise. If I thought about it, three weeks away wasn’t too bad, but I really didn’t want to spend that much time away from him, even spaced out. I didn’t answer Carter since I wasn’t sure. I didn’t want to get his hopes up anyway. He seemed to be calling and texting more often. Miller knew and didn’t like it, but I assured him that I was strictly friends with Carter.

  “Where in the hell are we, Amelia?” I already knew the answer to that question since the surroundings were looking pretty darn familiar, but I had to ask. I couldn’t actually believe that we were sitting in the parking lot of Pure, dressed for a night out. This wasn’t my idea of a night out.

  “We-ll, I’ve always wanted to go to one, but I’ve always been too nervous. Your boyfriend owns the place, so I figured this one would be safe. Plus, you worked here. I’m sure you can catch up with some of your old co-workers, right?”

  I loved how she tried to spin it so I would want to go in. I’d never been to a strip club in my life for leisure, but I suppose I was going to start now or get left in the car because Amelia was already outside of it, straightening the short dress she chose for the night, and fluffing her blonde hair.

  “C’mon.” She waved to me. “Oh, look,” she pointed. “Isn’t that Tanner?”

  I followed the direction of where her finger and saw that it was Tanner. He spotted us instantly, and surprisingly didn’t think anything of us showing up at a strip club. What in the hell was going on here?

  “Well, lookie what we’ve got here.” He put an arm over both of our shoulders and I was surprised yet again when Amelia didn’t try to slug him in the face. “Mind if I join you ladies?”

  I looked at Amelia who was doing this weird thing with her eyes. I couldn’t figure out if she wanted to tell him to fuck off or if she was excited about the prospect of spending our night out with Tanner. Either way, it didn’t matter because Tanner was inviting himself since he’d been met with nothing but silence. “All right, The Cox will take care of you tonight, then. Miller know you’re here?”

  “Nope.”

  “Well, this should be interesting then.”

  Tanner led us to a booth near the front and I had to pull Amelia in next to me because her mouth was gaping open. Her eyes were glued to the stage where one of the dancers was swinging around the pole, and her feet seemed to be frozen. A waitress I didn’t recognize came over to take our drink orders, and after asking for a round of shots, Amelia finally seemed to shake out of her state of awe or horror. I really wasn’t sure which she had been in.

  “This is probably the most action you’ve gotten in a while, right?” she directed at Tanner who was sitting across from her. I was in-between the two of them and I felt like I was going to be the referee all night.

  “Oh, trust me, I don’t have to come to a strip club to get some action. The girls line up to have their turn with The Cox.”

  Amelia snorted, grabbing a shot glass straight off the server’s tray, downing it quickly and slamming the empty glass back onto the table, eyeing Tanner the whole time like she was challenging him to keep up with her. I doubted he would have a problem with that as he took his own shot, never breaking eye contact with Amelia, licking his lips as he turned the glass upside down on the table and slid it to the edge.

  The tension between the two of them was ridiculous and the night had just started.

  “So, what do we do now?” Amelia asked, her eyes bouncing back and forth between the stage, where there was now a new dancer, to Tanner who was staring in that direction with his mouth hanging wide open.

  “What do you mean, blondie?” Tanner looked sideways at Amelia, his eyes darting back quickly to the stage. “You watch the show. Do you want me to buy a lap dance?”

  “Ye—”

  “Absolutely not.” I slammed my hand down on the table and then nudged Amelia in the side with my elbow. “You are not letting him buy you a lap dance just so you can prove a point or something,” I hissed. “It’s bad enough that we’re here. There’s no way in hell you want one of those dancers rubbing their boobs in your face. Don’t get me wrong, most of them are nice girls, but just don’t go there.”

  Tanner smirked when Amelia quietly agreed with me and then signaled for the waitress to bring us another round of shots. It seemed like that waitress decided she better stick close to our table because she kept the drinks coming, one right after another. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d drank so much and I had a feeling I was going to regret it tomorrow, but for now, I was going to let loose with my best friend. It had been way too long.

  “I really wanna learn how to do that,” Amelia slurred, pointing to the shiny pole in the center of the stage that was currently being twirled around by a very skilled dancer. Vanessa, I realized once she pulled herself upright.

  “I’ll be more than willing to watch,” Tanner answered and Amelia actually shot him a flirty smile. I could tell the drinks were starting to get to her.

  “I could totally teach you,” I said, ignoring Tanner who kept moving closer and closer to me, like he was trying to squish me out of the way so he could get to Amelia. “I’ve got some moves.”

  “Really? Why have I not be
en informed of this?” Amelia slapped my arm. “I thought you were just a waitress. What in the hell were you doing learning about that shit?”

  “Just for fun.” I shrugged one shoulder. “I bet I could get the keys from Miller and you’d be a pro by the end of the day. That lady up there.” I pointed my finger at Vanessa who was now sliding down the pole in slow motion, both legs extended straight behind her. That took some serious talent. “She taught me everything I know.”

  “Really? Has Miller seen any of these moves because he sure as hell hasn’t told me about any of ‘em. Why in the hell does he have to be quiet about that kind of shit? Why can’t he be like you girls, telling each other everything?” Tanner whined, smacking both hands on the table. “Speak of the devil.”

  I quickly turned my head, a little too quickly because the whole world seemed to spin, but I at least managed to see that Miller was standing there. Three of him to be exact.

  “WHAT IN THE hell are y’all doing here? Especially you.” I tipped my head toward Monroe, trying to keep my face straight as possible because it was obvious she was three sheets to the wind. I’d never seen her have more than a couple of beers or a few glasses of wine, so this was definitely a new Monroe. And she was looking as sexy as hell in her tiny, low-cut, emerald green top that matched her eyes; her hair wrapped tightly in a bun showing off her slim neck and creamy skin; her lips painted a bright red. And she bit down on the bottom one and batted her eyelashes at me.

  “Just out to have little fun, dude. I asked her if you knew she was here, but I didn’t get much of an answer. Women,” Tanner finished dramatically, causing Monroe and Amelia to burst into a fit of giggles and start whispering something to each other. Their attention was quickly grabbed by the next song that came on, and I watched as Monroe danced in the booth, throwing her hands up in the air and shaking her assets that I loved but looked dangerously close to falling out.