Songs Unfinished

by Holly Stratimore

  Shawn seemed hesitant to open up about her life in the time they’d lost touch. The few details she had shared since her arrival three days ago didn’t place her in a favorable light, but she had still been honest enough to share them. Her inability to keep a job was a concern, and although the stories were funny, it also meant Shawn might not be very reliable. Shawn said she’d find her own place once she found steady employment, if, of course, she could find and keep a job.

  To her surprise, she had mixed feelings about that part of the plan. The shared living arrangement might actually be mutually beneficial. Musically speaking, of course. She was already feeling more inspired to write. And it would take some of the financial pressure off both of them. After all the years Passion Play had been playing together, maybe she needed something to shake things up a bit.

  Jaymi had plans to meet her sister Laura at New Horizons for lunch, and she spotted her from the sidewalk just as she was pulling into the parking lot next to the store. She scooped up some fresh-fallen snow, waited until Laura came around the corner, and nailed the tall, slim blonde in the shoulder with the snowball. “Gotcha!”

  Laura pretended to be angry and glared at her younger sister. “You brat. Just for that, you’re buying lunch.”

  “No sweat, sis.” Jaymi brushed the snow off Laura’s coat and continued to unnecessarily brush at snow that wasn’t there, knowing the exaggeration would get her goat. “Wouldn’t want you to look unpresentable in public.”

  “Don’t worry. I don’t embarrass easily.”

  “No, but I do.”

  Laura rolled her eyes. “Shut up. Let’s go in. It’s freezing out here.”

  They ordered and dug into their meals. Jaymi exchanged a wave across the room with Devin, who was helping a customer.

  “Have you seen Dad lately?” Jaymi asked, after swallowing a bite of her BLT. “I haven’t been over there for a couple weeks.”

  “I saw him last weekend. He’s doing okay. You know, hanging in there like the rest of us.” She took a drink. “Teddy stopped by, too.”

  “When’s our next dinner?” Since her mother’s death, she and her siblings made a point of getting together with their father at least once a month, to share a meal and some quality time together. They had always been close, but after going through such a painful loss together, they were acutely aware of an unspoken bond they knew would last forever.

  “That depends on you. You’re the budding rock star with the busy weekend schedule.” Laura smiled proudly and nibbled off a bite of her veggie wrap.

  “I’ll look over our schedule and let you know.”

  They ate in silence for a few minutes, and then talked a little about how their jobs were going.

  “We have a new designer on the team,” said Laura, who had a successful interior design career. She smiled mischievously, and then drawled out in a sing-song voice, “And she’s gay.”

  “No.”

  “No what?”

  “No fixing me up. You know I’m not into that.”

  “You’re not seeing anyone, are you?”

  Jaymi immediately thought of Shawn. Where’d that come from? “No, but—”

  Laura playfully slapped Jaymi’s hand. “I won’t fix you up, just introduce you. Who knows? She might be just your type.”

  “I don’t have a type.”

  “Oh, come on, everyone has a type.”

  At that moment, Devin walked up to the table. Jaymi sighed in relief. Devin, you’ve got perfect timing.

  “Hey, Jaymi. Hi, Laura.”

  “Hi, Devin.”

  “How’s it going, Jaymi?”

  “Good. I’m good. Can you join us?”

  “Not today. But I saw you come in and I wanted to say hi.”

  Laura grinned at her sister and then looked at Devin appraisingly. “Well, perhaps you can help Jaymi look for that book she’s been wanting.”

  Jaymi glared at Laura and then spoke to Devin. “Actually, I can’t today. I only have fifteen minutes left before I have to get back to work.”

  “No problem. Me, too. I’ll catch you guys later.”

  They watched Devin walk away and Jaymi readied herself for what she knew was coming.

  “She’s sweet. And I’m straight, but she’d turn my head.”

  “She’s also very taken.”

  “Now that’s a shame. I could see you with her. What if she wasn’t? Would you be interested?”

  Jaymi wasn’t sure how to answer that one. There was no doubt she found Devin attractive, but Devin had been in love with Sara since Jaymi met her, so she hadn’t thought of her in that way before. “Well, she’s definitely got some of the qualities I’d want in a woman. She’s got a heart of gold. She’s easy to talk to. She makes me laugh.”

  “She’s a writer, isn’t she?”

  “Yes.”

  “So you’re both creative.”

  “Yes.”

  “Something else you’d have in common with our new designer.”

  “Will you let it go, already? I don’t want to be fixed up.”

  “Okay, okay. I’ll drop it.” She finished off her iced tea with a slurp. She then looked at Jaymi seriously. “Just promise me one thing, will you?”

  “What?”

  “Next time you get involved with someone, make sure it’s with someone who appreciates you, all right? Peach abandoned you when you needed her most. I don’t want to see you get hurt like that again.”

  “That makes two of us, Laura.”

  “I’m just saying this because I love you.”

  “I know you do.” She smiled weakly at her sister and glanced at her watch. “I have to go or I’ll be late.”

  They exchanged a hug before parting, and Jaymi realized she hadn’t mentioned Shawn at all. That’s interesting, since I couldn’t stop thinking about her the whole time.

  *

  Shawn shuffled into the kitchen. She started a pot of coffee and popped two slices of bread into the toaster. She rubbed her eyes and yawned, pondering the best course of action for the day. Breakfast, even though technically it was closer to lunch. Shower. Use Jaymi’s laptop to go online and look for jobs. Maybe pick up the guitar for a little while and work on some songs. Cook dinner for Jaymi again.

  It all seemed so surreal—her life was so far removed from what it had been only a week ago. She wanted it to stay this way. She was getting her life back on track and that was all there was to it. Her mind strayed to last night’s conversation about making bad choices and not listening to her instincts.

  She jumped when her toast sprang from the slots and nearly toppled onto the counter. She finished preparing her meal and sat down to eat. Her thoughts then wandered from the last few days with Jaymi to Aunt Betty. With all that had occurred since her arrival, she realized she hadn’t given herself time to deal with the loss.

  How had she let her life get so out of control that she didn’t know Aunt Betty had died? When was the last time they’d spoken? She’d spent the last seven years estranged from everyone—her father, her cousins, her few friends—everyone except Aunt Betty. Shawn had never been very close to any other relatives. She’d chosen to distance herself from them rather than come out to them and risk rejection.

  She cleared her dishes and within an hour was on the road. She knew the drive would eat up a good chunk of gas, but she didn’t care. The need to pay her respects was stronger than anything else right now.

  She only wished she had enough money to buy a bouquet to place by the grave. She only wished she was able to shed tears when she found the plot and saw Betty’s name engraved beneath her uncle’s on the stone. But the tears wouldn’t come. And it made her angry that they wouldn’t come. Was she so far gone that her heart had hardened? What’s wrong with me, for Chrissake?

  *

  Once again, Jaymi came home from work to the aroma of a home-cooked meal. Broiled steak tips, seasoned steak fries, steamed corn, and crescent rolls were the menu tonight. She could get used to havi
ng someone home to cook for her.

  “Shawn, you’re going to spoil me rotten if this keeps up,” she said as she shed the burden of her gloves and jacket.

  Shawn took the garments from her and put them away in the hall closet. “It’s the least I can do since I’m not working yet. Go get changed, it’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

  When Jaymi returned, there were two goblets of wine on the table and Shawn was plating their meals. After a few bites, she praised Shawn’s cooking talents, thanked her, and asked her about her day.

  “Well…it didn’t exactly go as planned.” Shawn stared at her plate, moving the fork a millimeter one direction, and then back again. She filled Jaymi in on her impulsive drive to the cemetery in Lowell to see her aunt’s grave. “I just needed to say good-bye, you know? I just needed to see it.” Shawn paused, as if contemplating a fry. “I know I should’ve spent the day job hunting.”

  “It’s okay, I understand, believe me. You needed closure. Better you take care of those needs sooner rather than later.”

  “So you’re not mad?”

  Jaymi chuckled. “Of course not. Look, it’s not like you’re under some deadline to move out of here or anything. Give yourself a break—you’ve only been here a few days. I’m sure you’ll find something soon.”

  Shawn took a long swallow of wine and sat back in her chair. She swiped a napkin across her lips and shook her head.

  “What?” Jaymi asked, puzzled by Shawn’s look of confusion.

  “Why are you being so nice to me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean, I show up here after we haven’t seen each other in ages, and you give me a place to stay. You’re not worried about how or when I’m going to be able to help you pay for anything. You know about a few of the dumb-ass things I’ve done. You’re not using me for sex—”

  “Whoa, wait a minute. Who says I’m not gonna use you for sex?” Jaymi did her best to keep a straight face, until Shawn’s face turned as red as the wine and her eyes grew as wide as the rim of her glass. Jaymi burst into laughter. A minute later, Shawn joined in. They managed to compose themselves long enough to finish eating.

  Jaymi insisted on clearing the table and washing the dishes. She joined Shawn in the living room afterward and settled into the recliner.

  “So you never answered my question about why you’ve been so good to me.”

  “I could ask you the same thing.”

  “Huh?”

  “Let me put it to you this way. Did you make dinner the last two nights because you think you owe me something?”

  “Well, I guess that might have been part of it. But mostly, I wanted to do something to thank you for everything you’ve done for me.”

  “Would you have done it if you had found a job and were already helping me pay the bills?”

  “Well, yeah, of course I would.”

  “Okay, then. Friends do that, Shawn—they take care of each other. Friendship is meant to be unconditional. And as far as the dumb-ass stuff? That was out of desperation and for survival. I know that’s not who you are. It’s done, it’s over with, and you’re focusing on the future, right?”

  Shawn stretched back out on the couch and grinned at Jaymi. “You really are the sweetest person I’ve ever met.”

  “We’ll see if you still feel that way tomorrow night. I’m cooking. I may kill us both.”

  *

  Jaymi climbed into bed and proceeded to toss and turn. She couldn’t believe she had made that comment to Shawn. Who says I’m not gonna use you for sex? What was she thinking? It wasn’t like her to so blatantly flirt like that. But the look on Shawn’s face had been priceless. God, she’s cute when she blushes.

  But for one instant, she had seen fear in Shawn’s eyes. Was that what she was used to? People using her? Or was she the one using people? There were still pieces missing to the puzzle. She’d been homeless in California. Where had she lived? In a motel? In her car? Had she been so desperate for money that she’d prostituted herself?

  She hated thinking that Shawn might indeed be taking advantage of her hospitality. Yet something in her gut didn’t believe that. Shawn had already taken positive steps to change her life. What was past was past.

  Chapter Eight

  Two weeks went by. Shawn managed to fill her days while Jaymi was at work. She continued her job search. She wrote songs. She practiced her guitar and brushed up her skills on keyboards. She did housework. She cooked dinner. She accompanied Jaymi to some rehearsals and gigs. She wandered the lonely acres of the ranch and made friends with the horses.

  And she attempted to fight off the growing crush on her roommate. It wasn’t going well. If anything, they seemed to be getting closer each time they spent time together. Talking about losing their mothers, talking about their families, talking about how Shawn’s closeness to Aunt Betty had compensated for the declined relationship with her mother, and talking about Jaymi’s surrogate mother in her landlady, Alice.

  And of course, there was always the music. They shared their dreams, their ambitions, their childhood stories, their obsessions. When they weren’t talking, they were playing music.

  Then finally, she found work—a three-month assignment at a gourmet coffee distribution center, picking orders and packing them for shipment. Not the most thrilling work, but it was income. The shift started at six a.m. Each morning, Shawn struggled to make it out of bed and on the road, setting her alarm extra early to give herself more than ample time to arrive punctually. But even after she managed to drag herself up and into the shower, her body was sluggish, and each day she made it with barely a minute to spare.

  The supervisor, Karla, wasn’t impressed with her last-minute arrivals, shooting Shawn stern, annoyed looks and exaggerated sighs as Shawn frantically rushed to the time clock and punched in with only seconds to spare. In spite of this, Shawn kept to herself and worked quietly, determined to do well.

  The warehouse wasn’t large. There were four aisles, each approximately forty feet long, and the coffee was stored on shelves on the left, with a rolling rack along the right, which traveled into U-turns at each end and continued its path into the next aisle. Each order picker began the sequence by assembling the necessary number of boxes at the beginning of the aisle, pushing them along the rollers, collecting the products listed on their order forms, until they reached the end of the line where a quality inspector verified the accuracy of the orders, and another worker prepared them for final shipment. The sequence was then repeated for each order.

  Since each picker had their own orders to fill, they worked independently, far enough apart to discourage much interaction. This was fine with Shawn; she wasn’t in any hurry to participate in friendly banter about who she was or why she was temping. By Friday, she felt pretty comfortable with the routine and relaxed enough to free her mind to work on music while she labored. She hadn’t realized it was slowing her pace until one of the other five pickers was suddenly rear-ending her.

  “Hey, wanna speed it up a little? You’re clogging up the works here.”

  “Oh, sorry. I’ll get out of your way,” Shawn said, hastily grabbing the next few items on her list and cramming them in her box. She pushed her orders along, nearly jogging to reestablish a workable space between them. But when she came to the end of the aisle, she failed to negotiate the U-turn. Three of the five cases tipped, spilling their contents onto the floor. Feeling the heat of her coworker’s glare, she gathered them up and began repacking them. She hustled into the next aisle and tried to refocus on the next items on her list. Then she remembered she hadn’t checked off what she had just packed and reached for her pen in her shirt pocket, only to discover it was missing. Shit! Nothing I can do about it now—I can’t fall behind. She continued on and, upon arriving at the quality station, borrowed a pen from the inspector to make her check marks.

  Just as her lunch break began, she heard herself paged to Karla’s office.

  “Close the door, pleas
e,” Karla said without looking away from the screen she was reviewing.

  Shawn studied Karla’s round, pockmarked face as she waited. Karla’s appearance was masculine, emphasized even more so by tiny tight black curls cropped above the ears and collar. Shawn remained standing and braced herself for the impending reprimand.

  “Your performance today has been well below standard,” Karla began.

  “I know, I’m sorry—”

  The woman’s dark eyes flared behind her black-rimmed glasses. “Don’t interrupt me, young lady. Although I must say I’m using the term lady loosely here.” The insult shocked and confused Shawn—a homophobic slur was the last thing she expected. “I just want to make one thing clear—even though you’re here through a temp agency, you are still required to uphold the same quality standards as our company employees do.”

  Shawn remained quiet.

  “That last order you filled was completely unacceptable. There were three items missed, none of the items were packed in the order of the packing list, seven bags were damaged and had to be re-picked, and your checklist was incomplete.” Karla leaned forward and raised her eyebrows, which Shawn interpreted as a request for a response.

  “I’m sorry. It won’t happen again, I promise.”

  “You better hope not. One more slip-up like that and I’ll be making a phone call to the agency. And another thing. You’d best be to work on time, or I’ll have to add that to my list of complaints.” Karla leaned back and folded her arms across her chest. “Now get back to work.”

  Shawn clenched her jaw to keep from saying anything. She needed this job, and she wasn’t about to let some control freak boss get her down. If she could keep her head in the game, she’d be okay. The last thing she wanted to do was fail. Again.

  *

  Jaymi could hear the driving barre chords thundering from her apartment before she had even pulled into her parking spot. She entered quietly, careful not to startle her new roommate. She knew what it was like to be completely immersed in a high-volume world of her own, unbridled emotions bursting their way from within, expressed in a flurry of fingers on the fret board, while the other hand engaged in seemingly random and wild swings on the strings, sounding in perfect rhythm and time.