Songs Unfinished

by Holly Stratimore

  “I’ll take you up on that. And what about dessert?”

  Shawn smiled devilishly. “Well, you may have to wait till we get home for that.”

  “I’m counting on it.”

  *

  After a six-hour ride on a Greyhound bus, a hotel check-in, a two-hour rehearsal, and a sound check, Passion Play grabbed a much-needed meal at a neighboring restaurant and were then ushered backstage to dress and warm up. It had been an exhausting day following a sleepless night, and soon their lives might be forever changed. Lance had arranged for a driver to transport their instruments by van the day before; the venue had its own sound system, so they only had to worry about bringing their guitars, keyboard, and Brian’s drum set, along with Nikki’s so-called lucky microphone. Since Shawn wasn’t a band member, Jaymi had paid for an additional bus ticket with her own money to avoid making waves with Nikki.

  The group seemed uncharacteristically nervous for the first two songs. But it wasn’t long before the music took over. Shawn had never seen them more on top of their game. Their harmonies were flawless with an intoxicating energy. Jaymi’s guitar solos took on a life of their own, Brian and Kay’s rhythm section was so tight it was as if they shared a soul, and Nikki’s stage presence and vocal delivery rocked the place into a connection with the crowd that gave Shawn goose bumps.

  It made Shawn hungry for her own success. She could feel the craving growing inside her with every song and every response from the audience. And although she enjoyed every aspect of the show, she had a difficult time taking her eyes off Jaymi. That’s my girlfriend up there. I’m living with her. Sleeping with her. She’s never looked more beautiful. At one point, she looked around her, wondering how many women in the predominantly lesbian audience were lusting after her. Jaymi could have any one of them if she wanted. So could Nikki. It scared her. Then she thought, Someday there may be women feeling the same way when they see me perform. She thought of Randi’s comments about how sexy she was onstage. She chuckled inwardly and warmed to the knowledge that she never had to worry about any of that. She and Jaymi had each other, they were happy, and there was no way in hell Jaymi would ever be unfaithful. Jaymi was always oblivious to that kind of admiration because all she cared about was what they thought of her musically. I have got to be the luckiest person in this room.

  The two-hour set went by entirely too fast. Shawn hated to see it come to a close. She hated how time had flown by during the performance, and now it dragged as she paced outside the office door where Lance and the band were meeting with Alan Marsden from the record company.

  When the door opened at last, Lance came out with the exec and introduced him to Shawn. Shawn’s voice cracked and she felt as if she had stepped outside her body as Alan shook her hand. Lance explained that he had given the man her demo and had invited him to attend one of her upcoming performances. As Lance walked him out, Shawn heard Alan say he would be in touch soon, which Shawn took to be good news. Lance returned a minute later with a smile and said, “You’re next. Would you like to be the first to celebrate with the band?”

  “Celebrate?”

  “We’re meeting with him on Monday with our lawyer to discuss a recording contract.”

  *

  Jaymi made arrangements with the hotel’s front desk to stay one more night and decided to grab a cup of coffee in the lobby’s café while Shawn was in the shower. She sat alone at a small round table and began reliving the events of last night. This was it. Passion Play’s big break had finally come. If all went well, they would soon be signing a record deal, making their first album, and then possibly touring as the opening act for a major artist.

  She savored each sip and closed her eyes, sending up a prayer of thanks, followed by an imagined conversation with her beloved mother. See, Mom, I’m on my way. We’re gonna make it, you’ll see.

  When she opened her eyes, she was startled by an approaching figure, familiar, but far removed from her present life. She suddenly wanted to hide, to make sure the woman didn’t notice her, but it was too late. Suri, her ex’s best friend, was standing in front of her.

  “Jaymi Del Harmon, in the flesh! It’s so good to see you! Great show last night. I tried to get backstage to see you but they wouldn’t let me in. I work right around the corner and I overheard someone say you were staying here, so I thought I’d take a chance and stop by to say hello.”

  Jaymi glared, appalled at the audacity of the woman. “I can’t believe you can walk up to me and act like nothing ever happened.”

  Suri shook her head in confusion. “Excuse me…am I missing something here?”

  “You don’t remember sleeping with my girlfriend?”

  “What on earth are you talking about?”

  “This is unbelievable. There’s no point in you keeping up the charade now, Suri. I know she cheated on me with you.”

  “Good Lord, is that what she told you? That it was me she slept with that night?”

  “Yes, she said…” Jaymi thought back to that dreadful night. Did Peach actually tell her it was Suri? Or had Jaymi assumed? She slumped back in her chair. “Oh my God. All this time I thought it was you, and she didn’t deny it.”

  Suri pulled out a chair and sat down. “Trust me, Jaymi, I never had any interest in sleeping with Peach.”

  Jaymi’s mind was spinning. “Well, if it wasn’t you, then—”

  “She wasn’t having an affair, if that’s what you’re thinking. She showed up at my place that night completely distraught over your decision to leave. I told her to forget about my presentation and that she should go find you and make things right.”

  “Well, she never did.”

  “No, because she couldn’t find you—she couldn’t remember where your gig was. I’m so sorry to tell you all this, but you deserve to know the truth. She was freaking out that Nikki was going back East with you and she wasn’t. She was insanely jealous of Nikki. She was convinced there was something going on between you two. I told her she was crazy, but she wouldn’t listen—you know how stubborn she is. I guess in her mind it justified what she did. She picked up some singer at one of the bars. What was her name? She thought she was a friend of yours, but she wasn’t sure. Started with an S. She had one of those unisex names, you know? Sam? Shannon? No, Shawn. That’s it.”

  *

  Jaymi limped onto the elevator in a dazed stupor and pressed the button for the twenty-third floor. She felt the urge to cry but couldn’t; she was too angry. How could Shawn have done this to me? All her chivalrous anger at Peach for cheating on me and hurting me—was it all an act? Was all of this Shawn’s master plan to win me over? She admitted to a crush on me from the time we met. Did she take advantage of Peach’s vulnerability to make her move with the hopes we would split up and she could have me for herself? Or worse, maybe she’s been using me to further her own career. And look how well it’s working. Maybe Nikki was right—she can’t be trusted. I never did confront Nikki about the pot—was Shawn lying about that, too? Is it Shawn that’s trying to turn me against Nikki? Oh God, listen to me—I sound like some paranoid maniac.

  The elevator door opened and Jaymi froze. What now? Every nerve ending was numb. The muscles in her jaw were taut. Her teeth were clenched and her throat hurt as she choked down the hysterical words that were fighting to escape. A cold sweat seeped out of every pore. She stepped into the hall just as the elevator doors were closing. She stood motionless for a moment, forgetting which way to turn for her room. She blinked several times, her vision blurring as she stared at the magnetic key card. She turned left and forced her shaking legs into motion. She swiped the card through the reader and let herself in.

  Shawn emerged from the bathroom, fully dressed, her head down and toweling her hair dry. “Hey, babe—did you know this tub’s got Jacuzzi jets? Maybe tonight before bed we could—” Shawn looked up and saw Jaymi’s face. “Baby, what’s wrong?”

  The betrayal came crunching through Jaymi’s stomach twofold. She forced
out her barely audible words, without knowing ahead of time what they would be. “You slept with Peach.”

  Shawn’s eyebrows scrunched up, as if she was not sure what she had just heard. “I what?”

  Jaymi glared at her. “You slept with Peach. Peach cheated on me with you.”

  Shawn tossed the towel aside and combed her fingers through her hair. “What the hell are you talking about? I never even met Peach, remember?”

  “I don’t even know what I remember anymore. All I know is that I just ran into Suri and she said she didn’t sleep with her that night. Peach told her she slept with a singer named Shawn—are you saying it’s a coincidence?”

  “Jaymi, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about. Maybe I don’t remember the names of all the girls I slept with out there, but I sure as hell wouldn’t have slept with someone named Peach, because I would have known she was your girlfriend. It’s not exactly a common nickname.”

  Jaymi was shaking as bits of memories of their final argument bombarded her. Don’t call me that anymore. It was cute as your little pet name for me, but you’ve got everyone calling me that now, for Christ’s sake. I can’t possibly be taken seriously as an attorney with a name like Peach. Her imagination began to piece together scenarios of how the seduction had played out, and now it began to make sense. She closed her eyes. “Alex.”

  “Who? What?”

  Jaymi wandered over to the unmade king-sized bed where she and Shawn had drunk champagne and made love the night before. She swallowed hard and began to feel queasy. Shawn took a few tentative steps toward her and was standing about a yard away.

  “She told you her name was Alex, didn’t she?” Jaymi turned away and waited in agony for Shawn’s reaction, hoping against hope that Suri was mistaken. “Wavy red hair, tight jeans, collared dress shirt with a blazer. Gorgeous.”

  Shawn cursed under her breath and Jaymi knew the truth. She felt her heart rip to shreds.

  “Oh shit. Oh God, Jaymi.” Shawn gently tugged on Jaymi’s elbow and turned her around. “I didn’t know who she was.”

  “So you admit you slept with her?”

  “Yeah, but I didn’t know, Jaymi. She said her name was Alex. And the way she talked, she made it sound like her girlfriend had already left her. I would never sleep with someone else’s…Oh, Christ, I’m so sorry.”

  “I can’t believe this. You. Of all people.”

  “Jaymi, you know me. If I’d known who she was, it never would’ve happened, you have to believe that. Please, we can’t let this come between us—”

  “How can it not? I can’t even bear to look at you right now.” Jaymi began to back away.

  “But I didn’t know I was sleeping with your girlfriend!”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  “It doesn’t matter? It sure as hell matters! You’re blaming me for something Peach did to you—she knew she was cheating on you. I didn’t.”

  “I don’t know, Shawn. I don’t know. All I know is this hurts like hell. I need to get away from you. I need to get out of here.”

  “Don’t do this, Jaymi. We need to work this out.”

  Jaymi headed for the door. She paused and withdrew a fold of bills from her pocket. She counted out six twenties and slapped them on the table. “That’s enough for the bus home. I think you should go. Now.”

  Shawn paled. “You want me to go home? Okay, if that’s what you want. We’ll talk about this when you get home tomorrow, give you time to cool off—”

  Jaymi shook her head. “I want you to move out.”

  “No, Jaymi, you can’t mean that. You’re kicking me out? Where am I supposed to go?”

  Jaymi jerked open the door. “I’m sure you can find someone to fuck for a place to stay.”

  She slammed the door behind her.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  The next twelve hours were grueling. The day-long bus ride felt like a month. After grabbing a taxi home, it took Shawn only an hour to gather her belongings and cram them into her car. She left Jaymi’s money on the table.

  She drove for hours, tortured by the idea of another desperate night searching for a place to stay. She couldn’t turn to any of Jaymi’s friends, that wouldn’t work. And how was she going to explain this one to LaKeisha? Karla was out of the question. As was her father. There was only one other person to consider. She had the space. She would sympathize with her situation. The only problem would be her friendship with Nikki, but for some reason, Shawn had the impression that might not matter.

  Shawn checked the time—8:45. She hoped to catch her at home before she left for work. She was relieved to see her car in the driveway when she pulled in. This time when the door opened, she was greeted by a police officer in full uniform, minus the cap. The look was impressive. Confident. Strong. Powerful. And seriously beautiful.

  Shawn swallowed past the pain. “Hey, there.”

  “Shawn. What’s wrong?”

  “You wouldn’t have a spare room I could rent for a night or two, would you?”

  “Shit. You and Jaymi have a fight? God, look at me, leaving you standing in the doorway. Get in here, will you?” She ushered Shawn in.

  “Worse than that, I think it’s over.” She dropped her pack to the floor and broke down sobbing. “She asked me to move out.” Randi hesitated briefly before pulling her into a loose hug.

  Randi’s body felt strange to Shawn. Her metal badge was cold against her cheek, her uniform was starched and stiff, and the wide leather belt around her waist was hard. Unlike the last time she had been in Randi’s arms, there was no temptation to relieve any sexual frustration on this night. She craved the softness of Jaymi’s embrace.

  She detached herself and asked to use the bathroom, sick to her stomach.

  *

  Jaymi went through the motions of listening intently to the negotiations of the band’s pending contract before each member took a turn to affix their signatures. If the contract was approved, a series of meetings would follow. Selecting a producer. Recording sessions. Photo shoots. Publicity appearances. Album designs. Music videos. Release dates. Tours.

  And Jaymi didn’t care. At least, it felt like she didn’t care. Yesterday she had returned to an empty room and spent hours soaking hotel pillows in tears. Nikki finally knocked on the door around three o’clock, only to find an emotional wreck of a best friend huddled in a trashed bed covered with tissues. Jaymi hated to tell Nikki what had happened, fearing an I-told-you-so lecture, but ended up blurting out the whole story. But Nikki simply hugged her, listened, and did her best to comfort her. After two hours she had managed to talk her into showering and getting into clean clothes so they could join Kay and Brian for dinner. When they asked where Shawn was, Nikki answered for her, saying that Shawn was unable to get the next day off from work and had to leave, which wasn’t a complete lie. They both knew something was up, but sensing that Jaymi didn’t wish to discuss it, the subject was dropped.

  The worst part was walking into her empty apartment Monday night. The only surviving evidence of Shawn’s residence was a solitary rose on the center of the dining table. Jaymi set her bags down and pulled it from its vase, bringing it to her nose to torment herself with a flood of memories of the past four months. How were they going to survive this?

  Jaymi knew in her gut that Shawn was telling the truth; she’d had no idea that Peach and Alex were the same person. In all the months Jaymi had hung out with Shawn at gigs, Peach had never once shown up. There was no way in hell Shawn would know who Jaymi’s girlfriend actually was. Why did Suri have to see me at the hotel? It wouldn’t have mattered who the other woman was, if it had been any other woman but Shawn.

  She tried to tell herself that none of this was Shawn’s fault. That Shawn hadn’t done anything wrong. Not that it was okay for her to go home with strange women for sex and a place to spend the night, but they had been through that a thousand times and it was another life, a desperate time in Shawn’s life that she was terribly ashamed
of and deeply regretted. And Jaymi had been able to see beyond that and see the real person that she was. Is.

  But in her heart, all she could feel was betrayal. And not just by Peach. It was Shawn who had been in their bed. It was Shawn who had made love to her girlfriend. It was Shawn who Peach had chosen to bring home. It was Shawn who was willing to take advantage of Peach when she was rebounding.

  As the images pounded through her mind’s eye, another word emerged that explained how she was feeling: the whole thing felt incestuous. Again and again, she pictured Shawn and Peach in bed together, knowing from her own experiences how each of them made love to a woman. How each of them felt against her bare skin. How each of them kissed. How each of them had touched her. Caressed her. Needed her. How each of them tasted. How each of them found ways to satisfy her. How she had satisfied them. Had they done the same things with each other they had done with her? It was too much to bear.

  Jaymi hurried down the hall to the bathroom, flipped up the toilet seat, and promptly lost what little food she had eaten that day.

  *

  Shawn jumped when Jaymi entered her own apartment to find Shawn on a bar stool, pen and paper in hand. Neither spoke. Four excruciating days had passed since Suri had inadvertently shattered their lives. They stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity until Shawn knew she needed to explain her presence. “I just came by to pick up my mail and leave you what I owe for this month’s bills. I thought I’d be out of here before you got home.”

  Jaymi set down her guitars and slid her attaché off her shoulder, letting it drop to the floor. She tiredly shrugged. “I’ve cut back my hours at Blayne’s. I need the time for…well, you know. The band’s rehearsing three days a week now and—”

  “I’m happy for you, Jaymi. You deserve it. You all do.” Shawn crumpled up the note and tossed it across the kitchen into the garbage. “That was just to let you know I was here. Guess you don’t need it now.” She spun around on the stool to face Jaymi. She tried to hold her eyes, but Jaymi seemed to be struggling with maintaining eye contact. “How are you?”