Charlie Next Door

by Debashish Irengbam

  ‘As in?’

  ‘As in if you want me to die of shock, then just electrocute me in my sleep, na? Why go through so much of a hassle?’

  ‘Here we go with the dramatics. I don’t know why I thought we could have a healthy open relationship for once.’

  ‘You want a healthy open relationship with your mother? Stop dating married men and sugar daddy professors!’

  ‘Why do you always have to label everything?’

  ‘You are not seeing this man. Period.’

  ‘You can’t alter destiny, Mamma.’

  ‘No, but I can call up your principal, so unless you want to see him fired, you’ll end it right now. Are we clear or not?’

  Misha narrowed her eyes. ‘My own mother doesn’t get me. What a shame.’

  ‘I am serious, Misha!’

  ‘Fine,’ she snapped.

  She had just turned to leave when, halfway through, she pivoted around to face her. ‘You know, Mamma, one day, when you’re able to look beyond the bonds and constraints that this world has put on you, you will realize just what a shell you’ve been living in. And for your sake, I hope that day comes soon.’

  ‘Amen. Now call your brother. Dinner’s almost ready.’

  The world felt better after a bath; even if it were only for a short while. Your daughter could have a penchant for attracting the worst possible romantic choices, your son could be hiding every aspect of his post-pubescent life from your eyes, your neighbours could be control freaks and gossipmongers, but in those few lingering minutes of dewy freshness after you stepped out of that shower, nothing seemed to matter. On the days when Anupama missed out on her daily dose of JD’s offerings, she would often choose this time to log on and admire the plethora of abs, pecs, and biceps beckoning her, when her children had retired for the night and she was free of all responsibilities for the time being. There was something reassuring about the fact that at the end of the day, no matter how crappy and unstable the world outside may seem, she would still have those glimpses of unchanging beauty waiting to greet her behind closed doors, ready to be summoned at her will. Something so discreetly empowering about that.

  Two hundred and fifty-two visits so far.

  Had this been a retail outlet, a frustrated store attendant would be trailing her heels by now. Madam, are you planning to buy something eventually or not?

  She eyed a couple of women-oriented pleasure ads pasted above the home page bar – exotic boudoir scents and lotions, lingerie brands, honeymoon kits and some ‘adult wellness’ products whose details she had never bothered finding out. What was the point? Firstly, the idea of deriving pleasure from something so – synthetic – turned her off. Secondly, even if anything did catch her eye, she wouldn’t be caught dead having it delivered to her place, no matter how ‘discreet’ they claimed their packaging to be. And what did they imply by ‘discreet’ anyway?

  To,

  Mrs X. Flat no ***.

  Product Description: ‘Confidential’ (wink, wink)

  A particular profile caught her eye. It was of a young man crouched on the ground with his arm wrapped around a Labrador. The face had been cropped out, but she could still see tiny tufts of wavy hair at the base of his neck. He sported a lean physique, cuts and rips in all the right places with barely an ounce of body fat visible in his strong tendon-laden arms. It was a decent enough picture as compared to most of the other profiles, but since he was crouched sideways, Anupama could see the back of his T-shirt had lifted above the jeans, exposing a bit of his lower back and a hint of the CK underwear he was wearing underneath. For some reason, she found herself strangely fixated. There was nothing erotic about it per se, but still some intangible force of familiarity pulled her to it, stirring her desires. And then, without warning, the clouds cleared and a memory popped up in her head, clear as crystal – Charlie, bent over her living room floor, inspecting Misha’s foot, his CK underwear greeting her as she entered her home that night. Anupama hastily shut down the profile. The guilt was like a shattering blow to the thin coating of rust that had gathered around her conscience over time. A shudder passed through her. No more JD’s.

  She logged off and, by way of compensation, decided to visit her Facebook profile to check in on her kids and zone back to the sphere of domesticity and motherly concern. The first thing she did was visit Misha’s profile and check all the ‘likes’ and comments on her previous posts and photos, just to see if that Casanova professor of hers had made any prior contact with her, something her eyes may have missed out on earlier as she hadn’t been looking for it. It would be nice to have some evidence too if things heated up to a direct confrontation one day. Thankfully, there was no sign of any Mehul amongst her online admirers. She scanned through her friends’ list too, just to be doubly sure. No Mehul, teacher or otherwise. She let out a sigh of relief. At least, they had been wise in this regard. Or maybe the sly old bugger was just too mindful of his tracks. She wished they had PTA meetings in colleges too. That would have given her the ideal opportunity to look the man in the eye and pass him the cold, murderous glance she had perfected over months of escorting her daughter through stations and marketplaces crowded with ogling pervs just waiting to cop a feel.

  Her next stop was Nimit’s profile, where an unwelcome surprise was waiting for her. He had just accepted a friend request from a ‘Daenerys Lover 1992’. The profile picture was Charlie’s. And as a mark of mutual amity, Charlie had posted a rather vulgar picture of a tank-top-clad busty blonde promoting the daily consumption of dairy products, with what Anupama hoped was yoghurt splattered across her ample cleavage. What was more, her son had promptly liked and responded to it with an LOL. Her blood boiled. She didn’t even know they were friendly with each other. Caution restrained her for a fleeting instant before indignation overcame it, and she commented: ‘Do you really think it’s appropriate to be posting such images on a minor’s Facebook profile?’ while tagging Charlie into it. She waited a second or two, and when no response came, she was on the verge of logging out when she found herself tagged on Charlie’s reply: ‘I don’t see anything wrong with passing nutritional advice to a growing boy. Calcium deficiency is a rising epidemic amongst the youth of this country.’

  The cheeky bastard. He even got two ‘likes’ for it on the spot! She typed on:

  ‘So is immoral behaviour thanks to the influence of people like you.’

  A second later, she found herself attacked by an array of counter-comments from all directions, including her son, who was apparently still online now: ‘Troll spotted’, ‘Grow a pair, dude’, ‘Did we, just, like time travel back to the 50’s?’, ‘Go away, Grandma!’

  Great. Now she was a pariah in her son’s virtual world as well.

  Her heart fell. She decided to just let things be and withdraw from the battle before it got any more offensive. Just then, a message popped up on her inbox.

  Charlie.

  Daenerys Lover 1992: Yo what’s ur deal, mate? U sounded pretty upset bk there.

  She thought of ignoring it, but the thought of letting him get away with the last word rankled in her, so she decided to take advantage of this more private communication space to have another go.

  She wrote: ‘Just being a responsible adult. Something you should try too now and then.’

  Daenerys Lover 1992: Easy there, buddy. U dnt even know me.

  She replied: I just don’t happen to have very high opinions of twenty-four-year-olds befriending teens online and treating them as peers, unmindful of the consequences this could have on their psyche.

  Daenerys Lover 1992: Seems lk a bit of a double standard. Urs says ur twenty-one urself. N just how do u know Nimit anyway? Wat r u, his guardian angel or smthing? Now that’s creepy.

  She typed: I’m just looking out for him. And I don’t have to justify myself to you, Charlie!

  There was a moment’s pause, before the next message cropped up.

  Daenerys Lover 1992: Wait … how do u know my name?
<
br />   Anupama froze. In her anger, she had forgotten about his profile ID. Her fingers went numb, hovering above her keyboard, unsure. Another message popped up.

  Daenerys Lover 1992: OMG Mrs Arora … is that you???!!!!!

  She panicked, logged off, and slammed shut her laptop. She was engulfed by an overpowering urge to rip the grills off her window and jump out. What had she done? Why? Why?

  A second later, her mobile beeped with a text message. With trembling fingers, she clicked it open.

  Charlie: Dont worry. Ur secret is safe wt me ☺

  10

  Minutes

  Atharva Hari C.H.S Monthly General Meeting

  Date: 06 July 2014

  Present: Managing Committee headed by Smt. Alka Govindikar, A-Wing residents, B-Wing residents (barring B-203, B-501), C-Wing residents (barring C-704)

  Apologies: Mrs Kaushik (B-203)

  Absent: Mrs Divya Chatterjee (B-501), Tenant of Mr Gautam Acharya (C-704)

  KEY POINTS DISCUSSED KEY DECISIONS MADE

  Mr Desai from A-403 raised complaint of litter being thrown from the balcony of A-503 overhead which gets stuck in his own balcony netting. Mrs Saini from A-503 refuted allegation, saying that it could be from any of the overhead flats. Mr Desai presented old passport photo of Mr Saini as proof, stating it had dropped with the litter. Mrs Saini claimed subterfuge, said that photo could be from anywhere as Mr Saini had a habit of leaving them lying around all over the place. Mr Desai threatened to make a formal complaint. Mrs Saini claimed mental harassment is wilful revenge for her complaint earlier this year against Mr Desai about his double-parking habits, possibly due to his increased drinking habits, as evidenced by the frequency of beer cans noticed in passing, inside his garbage bags. Board requested members to maintain decorum of meeting by not indulging in personal mud-slinging. Instructed Mrs Saini to be more careful with her litter. Instructed Mr Desai to make sure the car is parked properly at all times, and to keep in mind his status as a respected family man in the neighbourhood, especially at such a crucial time as when he was seeking a matrimonial alliance for his daughter.

  Mr Patil from C-202 raised complaint of strange dragging and creaking noises from flat above between 2.30 and 3.00 a.m. every night. Claimed that it disturbed their sleep and brought his wife and him much anguish. Mr Sharma from C-302 apologized and claimed sound came because of elderly mother-in-law who needed support to go to the bathroom at night. Mrs Patil refuted that claim by stating that she had visited their flat yesterday and found that the lady sleeps in the next bedroom, thereby rendering their claims invalid. Added that the lady seemed too frail to drag furniture around. Mrs Sharma enquired whether complainant was calling her husband a liar in public. Added that they hadn’t complained when the Patils’ various havans made the whole building a smoke chamber, and that living in such apartments required a certain degree of compromise. Board stated that this was an internal matter to be sorted out between the two parties. To comment on anyone’s late-night bedroom activities was beyond their jurisdiction. Advised all against any future references to havans or similar religious annotations to maintain secular nature of meetings.

  Mrs Tiwari of A-604 raised complaint of young men coming into the premises late at night to visit downstairs tenant, Ms Shalini Gupta, thereby raising security issues. Ms Shalini Gupta stated that who visited her and when was her business. Added that visitors were respectable people and her friends. Board instructed Ms Shalini Gupta that any security issues connected to the housing society was the society’s business. Reminded her that majority of crimes against women were committed by people known to them. Added that the single youths residing in the premises had the onus of serving as role models of moral integrity and character for the children around them. Advised Ms Gupta to regulate her visitation hours and have every guest sign in their verified details into the visitors’ register.

  Mrs Mehtani of C-503 raised issue of the broken lock on her building’s terrace door. Said it seemed to be an act of vandalism by one of the residents as terrace contained traces of what appeared to be snacks and cigarette butts. Board asked Mrs Anupama Arora of C-703 if she had any inkling of this since she lived on the top floor. Mrs Arora claimed no knowledge. Mrs Mehtani added that breaking a lock like that would generate an awful amount of noise and that it was odd that Mrs Arora didn’t hear a thing. Mrs Arora stated the probability of her being out when the incident occurred. Board made note of this and resolved to enquire further with absent tenant from C-704. Serious action to be taken against the culprit as and when found.

  Anupama hadn’t felt this petrified since the time she had borne witness to Renu setting off a firecracker in the staff toilet when they were in the seventh grade. She felt like she was thirteen all over again, back in that morning assembly, her arms and legs trembling as the principal made the grim announcement at the podium that the culprits, once caught, would be given an immediate TC, no questions asked. She had been an unwitting accomplice then. She was an unwitting accomplice now.

  And the worst part was that she didn’t even know why she had done it. The lie had just slipped out of her mouth before she could stop herself, like an impulse. And now it was too late.

  She subconsciously felt the collective judgment of all present in the cramped meeting hall boring into her as Mrs Govindikar went on with the rest of the session. A primeval urge rose within her to throttle Mrs Mehtani until that notorious cat-got-the-cream smirk was wiped off her face forever. The bitch. Anupama had a strong inkling that both Mrs Govindikar and Mrs Mehtani knew exactly who was behind the broken lock, but now Mrs Mehtani had some drama to look forward to in her sad, miserable life. She wouldn’t be surprised if the viren ended up installing an extra CCTV camera on her floor just for investigative purposes. It was a good thing that she had Charlie’s number. She would have to warn him the moment she got out of there.

  Luck wasn’t on her side however, because as soon as the meeting was over, Mrs Mehtani trailed her all the way back to their block, chattering on and on about miscellaneous topics, all the while refusing to take Anupama’s lack of attention as a hint. Only when they were inside their block and waiting for the elevator did she drop her voice to a conspiratorial aside.

  ‘By the way, sorry for springing that on you. I hope it didn’t inconvenience you or anything?’

  ‘Why would it inconvenience me? I didn’t even know about it,’ said Anupama, pressing the lift button again in a vain attempt to convince it to descend faster.

  ‘I know, I know. Neither did I until my younger one hit a six that went flying up to the roof. He was the one who told me about the broken lock.’

  ‘Your four-year-old hit the ball eight storeys high?’

  ‘Must be his genes. His father was a district-level cricketer, you know.’

  ‘I know.’ She had heard the story seventeen times till date.

  ‘So anyway, I just wanted to warn you. One can never be too careful these days, you know.’

  ‘I appreciate it, Mrs Mehtani. Thank you.’

  ‘Oh please, what are neighbours for?’

  Mrs Mehtani hummed a merry tune under her breath as the elevator began its slow descent and the light blinked as it arrived at the third floor. From the way she was rocking on the balls of her feet, Anupama knew there was more coming.

  ‘Speaking of neighbours, what’s up with that Mrs Chatterjee anyway? This is the second general meeting she has skipped in a row after her no-show at that marathon. I mean, what’s the point of being in a community if you’re not interested, no? At first, I thought that was why Mrs Govindikar was looking a bit upset today.’

  ‘Was she?’ replied Anupama, with the same non-committal attitude she displayed towards all gossip baits.

  Mrs Mehtani nodded, followed by a sympathetic cluck. ‘Of course, but then I remembered what the real reason was. Tch. Poor thing.’

  The elevator finally arrived. As soon as they were in, Mrs Mehtani started humming again, rocking on her feet.
Anupama knew the only way to get the woman off her back was by letting her get it out of her system.

  ‘Why? What happened?’ she asked reluctantly.

  ‘Well, you know how she and her husband were planning to visit their son in the US later this month? Turns out, the boy cancelled again. Some sudden commitment or something. So sad, no? They had got their visas and everything.’

  Anupama nodded. ‘Yes, really sad.’

  ‘And this is the fourth time it has happened in a row since he left. I mean, I don’t know anything about the work culture out there, but it does seem like they keep the poor boy a little too busy, right?’

  Another click of the tongue.

  ‘It would seem so,’ said Anupama.

  ‘Such a brilliant boy, though. I always knew he would go far. How much did Nimit get in his half-yearly?’

  ‘Seventy-something.’

  ‘That’s nice. Saahil got ninety-four,’ she said matter-of-factly, referring to her elder son who was in Nimit’s class.

  ‘That’s great.’

  ‘Must be his genes. His father was an ICSE state-level topper, you know.’

  It took Anupama a few moments to realize they had passed Mrs Mehtani’s floor. ‘Are you going up?’

  ‘Oh, yes. I just wish to see if the 704 tenant is in. What was his name again?’

  ‘Charlie. And why?’

  ‘Well, I just had a chat with the board, and they agreed I could handle the inquiry on my own. I have a way with these things, you see.’

  Anupama felt her pulse quicken. She had to fight every instinct within her to stop gulping on the spot. Mrs Mehtani had the nose of a bloodhound and the eye of a hawk when it came to spotting the tiniest traces of controversial masala around her. In fact, with her keen espionage skills, the woman displayed all the signs of having been a KGB agent or something just as pernicious in her previous life. Her target area may have changed now, but God had been kind enough to bless her with the same character and qualities that had led to her probable public prosecution and execution the first time around. Add to that the diplomatic immunity she enjoyed thanks to the benevolent shadow of Mrs Govindikar, and you had a formidable foe to reckon with, if you ever made the mistake of getting on her wrong side, as Charlie was about to discover. Anupama prayed for him to be out, and was more than relieved when they stepped out onto her floor to see the lock on his door.