The Wisest Fool

by Nigel Tranter

  The father, a stout and rubicund character, lacking nothing in confidence, spoke in a rich, broad accent "Bad, bad, Sir King. She be took bad, with jerks and twitches, something cruel. Stiff she goes, and falls down. Very bad."

  "Indeed. And only when this verse o' St John's blessed Gospel is recited? She hasna been subject to these fits before?"

  "No, Sir King—never before. This scurvy witch, Nell Carter, is an evil woman. She be sold to the Devil, as all do know. She put the Evil Eye on my Kate, sitting behind her in the church, when this 'ere reading was being read, see. Three weeks back. My Kate did fall in a fit. And since does be doing the same whenever this 'ere verse is read, Sir King. To her sore hurt and the scandal of all, I say." -

  "Is that a fact? But, Matthew man, the first verse o' the first chapter o' St. John will no' be read that often, I'm thinking ? In the Kirk, or elsewhere. Now I think on it, I havena heard it read this past six months, my ain sel’. So your Kate will no' be just ay falling doon in fits, eh ?"

  "We put it to the test, my lord King, seeing as how we must be sure, like. We have had Vicar to read it to Kate many times— and allus she do take this fit."

  "And does the Vicar read other verses? Or only this?"

  "To be sure—many verses. But only on this one does the witch be striking her."

  "M'mm. Very strange." James felt deep into his much-padded doublet and drew out what looked like a chapbook or pamphlet "This is a copy of the Gospel according to the blessed St. John, as translated by my ain scholars presently at work on my command to translate all Holy Writ to your English tongue," he explained. "Maybe it will no' be precisely the same wording as your Vicar's version, mind—but och, likely it will be near enough." Opening the pamphlet, James cleared his throat, and read: " 'There was a man sent from God, whose name was John. The same came for a witness, to bear witness of the Light, that all men through him might believe.' "

  Everyone in the room but the King and her father, watched the slight, pale-faced and rather plain young woman. She revealed no reaction.

  "My lord—may it please Your Worship, that is not the same words as Vicar reads," the saddler declared, in some agitation now.

  "No? Och—you're right, man. You're right. Waesucks—by a mischance I read the wrang bit. Yon's the sixth verse, no' the first Aye, well—here's the first: 'In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God ...' "

  The King got thus far when the girl uttered a high moaning noise through her clenched teeth. Rising on her toes, her eyes upturned so that only the whites showed, she began to shake, with great sobbing spasms, arms and legs twitching. Her father caught her as she commenced to keel over and others came to her aid. James stopped reading.

  "Maist interesting," he observed. "Och aye, very sad. Lay the lassie on this table, so I can hae a bit look at her."

  Held upright between a Yeoman and her father, the young woman had stopped moaning, and her eyes came back to normal.

  "Sir King," Selby said, "she will be herself again in a moment No need to he her down."

  As though to prove her father's knowledge, the girl seemed to relax, then stood upright and looked about her, paler than ever but seemingly herself again.

  "Sakes—that was right expeditious!" the monarch exclaimed, as though highly impressed. "She's a' right, the lassie? Nane the waur? Yon's remarkable." And without pause or any change of intonation, he went on reading the Gospel, the same verse as previously.

  Promptly Kate Selby's moanings and twitchings and shakings started again, and she went rigid more swiftly.

  The King stopped. "A notable possession," he commented. 'Possession, aye. But the question is—whose possession? The Devil's. This Nell Carter's? Or the lassie's ain?" That was a general enquiry, which no one apparently felt competent to answer.

  The young woman took a little longer to recover, this time. James looked rather anxiously at the timepiece on the wall.

  As soon as the sufferer seemed approximately in her right mind again, the King addressed her. "You a' right, lassie? You need to sit doon? No? Right trying for you, heh? Aye—trying !" He chuckled. "Well, now—let me see." And again without pause, having turned over the pamphlet in his hands, he read something written in ink on the back. This turned out to be a mere babblement of strange words. All stared, eyed him askance.

  The rigmarole ended and the King looked up, great eyes gleaming. "Sure you are a' right lassie?" he repeated. "Nae mair dwaums, nor yet pains? You're fine, again? Good. Aye, very good." He rose to his feet. "Then that is a', my lords and friends. Case dismissed. The lassie's no' bewitched. She's just fell clever-like her faither. But no' clever enough. Nae Devil possession there—save maybe the devil o' greed and malice! For I've just read the first verse o' the first chapter o' the Gospel o' St. John in Greek—and she didna turn a hair! Dinna tell me that Auld Horny doesna ken the Greek, when he hears it! Na, na—I'm no' to be made a fool o' by the likes o' these. Tak them awa! — their ain magistrates to reward them suitably, aye suitably. For disponing fause evidence and wasting my royal time. Aye—and release yon purr crittur, Nell Carter or Hives, and gie her the solatium o' twenty-four pounds against this Selby, see you. Now —your airm, Geordie. And yours, Vicky. My lords, we'll leave you for a space. Two-three minutes just bide you here—and we'll hae the outcome o' the other case to consider. O' the closed up Mistress Colt!"

  Although supported on his two friends' arms, his stick left on the table, there was no question but that it was James who was conducting—and hastening—the Duke and Heriot out of the chamber, along the corridor, down a short passage and into another and smaller room. "Yon took longer than I jaloused," he confided, in a stage whisper. He detached one arm, put a grimy finger to his lips, and began to tip-toe totteringly, a picture of elaborate secrecy and conspiracy.

  They all heard the sound of feminine giggling.

  "Ha !" the monarch said.

  The little room was panelled, but the far wall was hung with arras. James tip-toed over to this and with great care drew aside a fold of the hanging. A slant of light was revealed. There was another hanging or curtain behind, beyond which was daylight. Clearly here was a doorway, open, between one room and another, screened only by double arras. Drawing the cloth further, the King peered round, at an angle.

  "A-a-ah! We're no' too late, after a'," he whispered. "My, oh my—interesting!"

  The giggling rose to a whinnying, punctuated by a series of breathless hut distinctly formal protests.

  "Philip's doing fine—even if he's been a mite slow," Majesty reported. "He's got one hand up, and one doon. Aye—she's well formed, the crittur. Plump. Hae a bit look, Geordie."

  James did not move aside from his viewpoint, so Heriot had to crouch down and peer from below. He saw a bedchamber in some disorder, clothing scattered on the floor, wine and flagons on a table, with one beaker spilt, one of Montgomery's high-heeled shoes beside it The owner thereof was stark naked, sitting on the edge of the bed, with Mistress Colt lying slantwise half-across him, on her back. The clothes on the floor were certainly mostly his, for the lady had managed to retain hers, even though less than staidly arranged. Her skirts in fact were rucked high, displaying lengths of well-rounded white thighs, distinctly massive, and her bodice was open to the waist, large breasts escaped— though not from her companion's attentions.

  "They appear ... fairly well matched. Scarce at odds," Heriot commented, straightening up.

  "No' right sorely bewitched? Vicky—how think you? As a magistrate, mind."

  The Duke bent down, to peer. "So-o-o! Very nice," he said. "But—why Philip Herbert, James? Though, I confess, he looks well up to the business."

  'You'd rather I'd chosen yoursel', Vicky ? Och, well—I jaloused Philip to be mair experienced in the matter. Mair like to win quick results. Forby, I dinna like yon wife o' his."

  "I scarce see the connection..."

  "You will—any moment now 1 He's got her right on the bed now, Geordie. Och,
aye—Philip kens what he's at. See there— prying and probing like a ferret at a warren I I'm no' wagering man, mind, but..."

  "No call for wagering," Lennox reported. "See—she spreads herself."

  "A-a-ah! Shrive me—he's in! Guidsakes—aut amat aut odit mulier, nihil est tertium! And nae fight, as you might say, at the latter end! Latter end, see you. A surrender, just. A right capitulation! There they go, post and spur and stirrups short! Merry work!"

  Lennox rose. "That's it, then. Only the run-in, now. Another glimp, Geordie?"

  "I will accept your word for it The matter seems to be decided."

  "Aye—but bide a wee," James directed. "We'll wait for her squeal. Witnessed, wi' oral and enunciate proof. We hae our lawfu' duties to complete, mind. My, oh my—up she goes! Heels red as apples. There fa's Samuel Colt's case I Solved by simple practice. Solvitur ambulando, after a manner o' speaking! Sine ira et studio."

  A high whickering gasping laughter from the bed served instead of the hoped-for squeal, and James, careless now about silence, grabbed arms for support and led the way back to the main apartment.

  In the doorway thereof, he halted, as all turned to bow again. "This case dismissed likewise," he announced. "Disproven and witnessed. The woman Deborah isna closed up, as libelled, nor yet bewitched. Sam'l Colt to be fined in the sum o' thirty-five pounds Sterling, o' which thirty pounds to be given to the aforesaid Suzanna Gaffney, in compensation for wrongous accusation o' witchcraft, five pounds cost for wasting the time o' this and other o' my royal courts o' justice. Failing payment, the said Samuel to be put in ward—though nae doubt Mistress Deborah could well earn the siller as a talented whore! Aye, well—that's it, my lords and gentlemen. A guid day to you a'." Nodding, the King turned his companions around, and hobbled off.

  Heriot recollected. "Your stick, Sire. Your staff. On the table." He disengaged himself and hurried back into the chamber, amongst the bemused judiciary and litigants.

  When he returned the stick to its royal owner, he took the opportunity to introduce the object of his presence there. 'The Master of Gray gave you this stick, I understand, Sire. Brought from France. I have certain information for you, about both."

  "Ooh, aye. France, eh? Is that the airt the wind blows? Man, our Patrick's ower active for his ain guid! But, bide a wee. Philip Herbert's no' the only one who has earned a beaker o' wine this morning. Forby, if we're going to discuss yon limmer Gray, we'll be needing something to wash the ill taste o' him frae our mou's. This Whitehall's a gey comfortless house, but I've got a bit corner, wi' a decent fire o' holly logs I keep for mysel'—deid holly's the stuff for a right cheery blaze mind. Though it doesna heat sae well as a guid-going note-o'-hand for pounds Sterling—eh, Geordie? Come you—we'll hae a jug o' frontiniak I've got."

  In a distinctly overheated study thereafter, Heriot recounted the results of his mission to Scotland—or such of them as he deemed James ought to know. As ever, it was difficult to tell what was news to the King and what he already knew or suspected from undisclosed sources. One item which he was sure that his liege lord did not know, however, and which he was notably loth to enlighten him upon, he had to divulge at length.

  "Finding affairs in such state, and perceiving danger to your Majesty's and the realm's interests growing the more serious, I decided that it was necessary to pay the Master of Gray the sum adjudged to him by your Cornmissioners, She," he informed, slowly at first, but ending in something of a rush. "This nineteen thousand pounds-odd Scots. As a matter of urgency."

  "Eh... ? Pay ? You did? You decided!"

  "Yes, Sire, I did. You had sent me up there to look to your interests. It was clear that delay in the payment was greatly harming those interests. And Your Majesty's credit. I therefore took it upon myself to pay the moneys, there and then. Before worse harm was done..."

  "You paid the money. Precious soul o' God—you paid siller to Gray?"

  "To your Comptroller, the Lord Scone, yes. For Gray."

  There was a silence which all but throbbed, in that stuffy room. James Stewart glared, licking away the saliva which dribbled from both corners of his slack mouth and breathing heavily.

  Greatly daring, Lennox spoke up. "Wise," he said, though a little thickly himself. "You are fortunate, James, in having someone there who could pay money on such a scale..."

  "Quiet, Vicky Stewart! When I require your sage guidance, I'll ask for it!" The King swung on Heriot. "I'll need an explanation for this, Geordie," he said, in a quite different voice, quietly, sibilantly. "Aye, an explanation."

  The very quiet and brevity of that was in itself alarming, so different a reaction from the monarch's usual garrulity. Heriot drew a deep breath of his own. "The explanation is simple, Sire— my love for Your Majesty. The Master of Gray is the cleverest man in Scotland—now that you are no longer there in person. He already conceives you to have injured him in refusing him leave to come to London, and dispensing with his services. He plots against your policy—but the menace of his plans is later, not yet. Your Majesty, and your ministers, have time. To counter him, it is thought Grievously to offend him further, and he could well strike now, in his anger. That time I judged to be precious, for your cause. Therefore I bought time, with that money. I paid Your Majesty's adjudged debt, that you might not have to pay a deal more dearly."

  "You paid what wasna yours to pay! I adjudge that dishonest as it was insolent, sir!"

  "With respect, She, not so. I paid what was my own. The note-of-hand I gave Lord Scone was mine, and mine only. That money he will draw from my account. Whether you repay me hereafter is for Your Majesty's own decision. I shall not ask you for it"

  "So-o-o! That's the way o' it? Geordie Heriot plays high and mighty—and no' for -the first time! To his liege. That's pride, man—the wicked pride o' riches, o' worldly gear. Insolent, as I said. You think that you can buy your liege lord wi' siller!"

  "No, Sire. But I think that I can buy time against a notable Catholic plot with siller—if not yours, then my own. Am I at fault in that?"

  "You are at fault In overturning my policies, man. By your ain showing, Patrick Gray seeks to turn my realm o' Scotland Catholic again. And to turn my parliament o' England against me, to my hurt A fell ambitious and expensive scheme, for which he needs money, much money. And you hae given him near twenty thousand pounds Scots to aid him in this, kenning it against my wishes. Think you I hadna heard something o' this plot, and wasna taking my precautions?"

  "All of which I guessed, Sire—although you did not confide in me. Yet you sent me to Scotland to act for you, and to gain information. I acted in what I believed the best interests of the Crown, overturned no policy—but bought you time."

  "Aye, you're a right eloquent advocate, Geordie Heriot—for your ain case I You ken how to look to your ain business."

  "And yours, I hope, She—since I am still Your Majesty's man-of-business. But if you would be quit of me in this, I am at your entire disposal."

  "I might tak you at your word, Geordie."

  'Then, Sire, I should gladly sell my business here in London, return to Scotland, marry, and set up as a small laird in Strathearn. I might even be the better off!"

  Thoughtfully monarch looked at subject. 'That you will never do, my friend," he said softly. "I promise you that" After a pause, he shrugged. "Aye, well—what o' the man Shakespeare and this MacBeda ploy ? How does he fare ?"

  On this safer topic Heriot could relax somewhat. He recounted progress, and assured that the playwright was full of enthusiasm, and quite enamoured of Scotland and the Scots, at least in dramatic terms. James pooh-poohed any ideas that the witches might be located on the Eastmuir of Dunsinane instead of the Hardmuir of Forres. The North was the most truly wild and barbarous area, he contended, where old hags and beldames most aply belonged.

  "Why are your witches always old?" Lennox demanded. 'To my mind, young queans are much more like to bewitch successfully than old crones. Surely, witches must be born, not made? So should
they not manifest their witchery at all ages?"

  "Na, na, Vicky—Satan finds auld dames o' mair use to him, auld in wickedness. Even Holy Writ says it."

  "Holy Writ? I claim no great knowledge of the Scriptures, James—but I'd like to hear you give chapter and verse for that!"

  'You would? What o' this? 'The Devil walketh in dry places...'?" The King tee-heed loudly at his sally. "Matthew 12, verse 43, if I mistake not. Mind, I could do better, given time." Suddenly, he frowned. "Time—aye, time I wasna here. I've yon French ambassador to see, before we eat. He'll hae been waiting this hour—and the French are fell important, in my policy 0' peace. Especially wi' yon Maister 0' Gray at work—and wi' siller to burn ! Eh, Geordie?" James raised an eyebrow, and tapped his goldsmith's arm. "See my new Purse-bearer, Geordie—he'll gie you your money. Ninteen thousand pounds Scots, mind—that only. I'm no' paying any interest, Guidsakes ...! Your airm, Vicky."

  19

  THE ELEGANT GENTLEMAN looked around George Heriot's modest premises with a strange mixture of hauteur and embarrassment. "My name is Dewsbury. Sir Asher Dewsbury," he declared. "And I, ah, come on a matter of business." That last was enunciated in a tone which made it clear that he would not be seen entering such a place were the business not highly important.

  "As do most who come here," Heriot acknowledged, gravely. "How can I help you, Sir Asher ?"

  "I do not seek help, sir!" the other said sharply. "A matter of business as I say. No doubt to your advantage." That 'your' was stressed.

  "Ah. Then I should be grateful, Sir Asher—should I?"

  "H'm. So I would judge. My man is outside. He has, ah, certain items for your consideration. Items of value, you understand. Have him in, Master Heriot"