Unconventional Heroes 2 - Two Necromancers, an Army of Golems, and a Demon Lord

by L. G. Estrella

  Gerald would have replied, but he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the rats. The rodents were hurling explosives everywhere, blowing up golems and remodelling the centre of the town. Gerald found himself itemising the cost. It was considerable. But the rats were also running out of explosives. Some of them had even resorted to bashing the golems over the head with their little helmets or stabbing them in the eye with their indestructible safety goggles.

  “How about another tower?” Avraniel asked. “Do you have another one of those you could drop? We could claim that we’re donating it to the town.”

  Gerald shook his head. “Timmy said I should save that in case we ran into something big. But…” He wracked his mind for something – anything – that could help. “Wait! I might have something.” His brows furrowed, and several glass spheres appeared beside him. They were filled with a vivid green liquid. He nearly dropped one before catching it and clutching it to his chest. “Thank the gods. We can use these.”

  “What are those?” Avraniel picked one up and juggled it in her hands. “They look pretty crappy.”

  “I’m not sure exactly what they are,” Gerald said. “But I did a stint along the border with border security, filling out paperwork. They had some things they wanted me to store that they’d confiscated as illegal weaponry. They never did get around to asking for them back – they forgot to fill out the paperwork. I can’t remember what these things are, but they are supposed to be quite dangerous.”

  “How do we use them?” Avraniel held up one sphere and sniffed it. “It looks like a scrying crystal.”

  “Uh…” Gerald cringed as another crossbow bolt slammed into the zombie ogre’s body. “You could, I don’t know, throw it… maybe.”

  “That’s your plan? Oh crap. Never mind.” The elf drew her arm back. “Here goes nothing. If this doesn’t work, idiot, you’ll be the next thing I throw.”

  The sphere sailed through the air and hit one of the approaching golems in the chest. It broke – and then nothing happened. Gerald winced and turned to Avraniel. The elf cracked her knuckles. She couldn’t be serious, could she? She wasn’t actually going to throw him out there, right? But before he could find out the answer to one of life’s great questions, the green liquid inside the sphere turned into a bright green mist. Within moments, the golems caught in the mist were screeching and wailing as their bodies melted and corroded. Gears and other bits of machinery spilled out onto the street, which had begun to dissolve as well.

  Avraniel’s face broke into a mad smile. “These are acid spheres! I’ve heard about them before, but I’ve never gotten my hands on any until now. They’ve been banned for decades, and the damn elves never let anyone smuggle them into the forest. Come on, Gerald, give me another one, but make sure you keep at least one. I want the rats to have a look at it later. I bet they can work out how to make more.” She giggled like a kid in a candy store. “Come on. Come on. Hand me another one!”

  As wonderful as it was to have an effective weapon, Gerald was worried. It would have been great to have someone like Timmy or Katie around – someone sane – but he didn’t have much of a choice. The thought of giving the elf more acid spheres was terrifying, but the thought of being slaughtered by golems – or thrown at them – was even more terrifying, so he summoned a crate full of acid spheres and started handing them out.

  “Try not to make too much of a mess.”

  “You worry too much. It’ll be fine.” Avraniel cackled and then pointed to the rats that had, in the span of a few moments, somehow managed to improvise several catapults from the wreckage that littered the street. “See, they know exactly what to do.”

  In short order, Gerald was no long afraid of the golems. Instead, he felt sorry for them as the elf and her rats routed them with a deluge of acid spheres. In between aiming their makeshift catapults, the rats were avidly poking and prodding one of the spheres. There was no doubt in his mind that they would soon be able to make their own. He could only hope that the ban on experimenting with explosives inside the castle extended to acid spheres as well.

  “You know,” Gerald said to Cezanne as the old rat perched on his shoulder and smoked his pipe. “I’m starting to think that maybe we’re the bad guys.” In front of them, one of the golems held up both its hands as if to surrender, only for Avraniel to shove an acid sphere into its mouth and kick it into a clump of its brethren.

  “Right.” Avraniel ran back, stopping briefly to stomp on the head of a golem that was trying to crawl away, and handed her remaining spheres to Gerald. “Take these. The twerp is taking too long. I’m going to see what the hold up is. Make sure none of the golems get past.”

  “I’ll try.”

  “You won’t try, idiot. You will stop them, or so help me, I’ll make you sorry.” Avraniel held up one hand, and flames burst to life around it.

  “I’ll do it!”

  “That’s better.” Avraniel grinned. “Chin up, idiot. I won’t be gone long. And you, old rat, try not to let him get mangled.”

  Gerald’s bravado lasted about three minutes – which was exactly how long it took for Avraniel to disappear into the mines and for the next wave of golems to turn up. He gulped. He wasn’t a fighter. His definition of a battle was grappling with badly done paperwork. Thankfully, the rats were fighters, every one of them. They continued to catapult acid spheres into the approaching horde while using their few remaining explosives to cover their flanks. At this point Gerald could live with the property damage if it meant he made it out of this alive.

  Mustering his courage, Gerald began to throw acid spheres as well. He couldn’t throw them very far or very accurately, but there were too many golems for him to miss. But no matter how many they killed, more appeared. Where were the zombies? Had Timmy been overrun, or were there so many golems that Timmy needed all of his zombies outside the town?

  One of the rats manning a catapult turned and squeaked at Cezanne. The old rat nodded solemnly and hopped off Gerald’s shoulder. Slowly, he climbed over the body of the zombie ogre and stood alone on the battered street. There was a blinding flash of light as his walking stick shattered to reveal a glowing key made of the same material as Rembrandt’s sword. With a sharp gesture, Cezanne thrust the key forward and turned it.

  A vast door made of light appeared in front of Cezanne. It swung open to reveal an enormous, glowing rat. It was easily bigger than a bear. It had to be at least seven or eight feet tall at the shoulder. It nodded once at Cezanne as the door vanished and then shot forward to throw itself at the golems with all the force of an avalanche. The automatons were swept aside, smashed to pieces by the sheer size and power of the giant rat.

  Cezanne hobbled back to Gerald and pulled out his pipe again. Gerald blinked. He really, really needed to find out more about the rats’ religion.

  * * *

  Avraniel found Katie easily enough. Elves could see perfectly well in the dark, and Katie had fired off so much magic that she could have sensed her from miles away. Still, Katie would only have used that much magic if she were in trouble. By the time she reached the girl, Katie was surrounded by golems. These ones looked bigger and tougher than the ones she had faced so far. Good. Maybe they’d be more fun to kill. She had better do something though. Timmy would be absolutely insufferable – he might even cut off her supply of sandwiches – if something happened to his apprentice.

  She threw herself into the battle without a second thought. The golems were as tough as they looked, but she wasn’t going to let that stop her. She was the most wanted elf criminal in centuries. She had a reputation to uphold. After a few frantic moments of battle, she and Katie had dealt with the golems. Well, Avraniel had dealt with the golems. Katie had spent most of her time doing her best to not get caught in the apocalyptic flames that had flooded the hall while screaming something about the mountain caving in and killing them all. Once the golems were down, all it took was a few seconds and a flick of Avraniel’s wrist to redirect the flam
es and melt the doors on the far side of the hall.

  “That’s a nice twig you’ve got there.” Avraniel snickered and pointed at the glowing sword Rembrandt held. It would have been funnier if the rat’s gods had sent him a normal-sized sword.

  Rather than reply, the rat simply pointed ahead of them. Katie had gone completely silent. Avraniel turned and followed their gazes.

  “Son of a bitch…”

  The massive cavern in front of them was lit by the eerie glow of countless crystals. Her eyes widened. The crystals were uncut, but there was no mistaking what they were – they were the same as the ones the golems had in their chests. She could feel the source of magic she’d felt earlier nearby too. It was much, much stronger here. Her attention drifted to a large door cut into the rock. Golem after golem was emerging from it. Beyond it, she could hear the clank of machinery.

  “This isn’t just where they’re keeping their power source,” Katie murmured. “It’s their factory. The mountains here must have everything they need to build more golems. The golem that escaped must have built another golem and when there were enough golems… they built a factory to make the process even more efficient.”

  “Then we blow it up,” Avraniel said. “It’s not complicated, twerp. We blow it up, and we win. Then we collect our reward and head home to celebrate. We could also blow some more stuff up along the way.” She smirked. “That last town we stayed at kind of pissed me off. They didn’t like my outfit.”

  “I don’t think blowing this place up is going to be that easy.” Katie gulped. “Look at those cracks in the rock – those aren’t really cracks.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  It took a few seconds for it to sink in. Those weren’t cracks in the rock. They were more like seams. The factory wasn’t just a factory. It was the reclining form of a titanic golem. The smaller golems were coming out of its mouth, and the power source they were after was almost certainly its power source. And if that was true…

  The whole mountain shook as the gigantic golem began to rise. Gears turned, magic flared, and it rose up onto its knees. It continued to stand, and it smashed right through the roof of the cave, breaking open the side of the mountain and letting sunlight pour in. It had to be at least three hundred feet tall, maybe more. Huge, crystalline eyes focused and turned their way as an avalanche of rock and dirt thundered down the mountainside.

  “Those sneaky bastards.” Avraniel bared her teeth. “This is going to be fun.”

  “I don’t know about that.” Katie winced. “It’s… it’s looking at us, and I don’t think it’s very happy.”

  The golem towered over them and drew back one enormous fist. It was so big it blotted out the sun. Avraniel didn’t even bother to throw any fire. She would bet every scrap of treasure she owned that this golem was made of something much more resistant to magic than the others. Besides, the amount of fire she’d have to throw to stop it would almost certainly bring down the rest of the mountain – and that was assuming it gave her enough time to summon that much fire. And even if she did stun the golem, what would they do if it fell on them? No, this was not the time to pick a fight, never mind how much fun it would be.

  “Twerp.” Avraniel poked Katie. “Can you fly us out of here?”

  “What?” Katie was still busy gawping at the golem.

  Avraniel sighed and then grabbed the girl, giving Rembrandt just enough time to latch on, before bunching her legs and leaping upward as she shot fire down to propel them higher into the air.

  “Now, fly!” Avraniel roared. “Fly, you stupid twerp! Fly if you want to live!”

  Katie didn’t have to be told twice. As the golem’s fist obliterated the place they’d been standing, she summoned her shadowy wings – and then promptly began to fall.

  “Damn it, twerp. Why aren’t you flying?”

  “Because you’re heavy! I’ve never flown with another person holding on before.”

  “Then try harder.” Avraniel tried to spur them along with more flame but all that did was send them spinning through the air like a broken firecracker. “Try harder!”

  Somehow, Katie managed to stabilise, flapping her wings frantically until they were upright again before heading away from the mountain and back toward the plain outside the town. But the golem wasn’t done with them yet. Compartments all along its chest and shoulders opened up to reveal an impressive array of weaponry: ballistae, catapults, and weapons of a more magical nature.

  “That stupid golem bastard!” Avraniel hissed. Katie had one of her shadows wrapped around her, so the elf could look behind them. “Who would build something like that?”

  “What?” Katie asked. “What do you see? How bad is it?”

  “Don’t worry about it. Just worry about flying faster.”

  A ballista bolt hurtled past them followed by a blast of raw magical energy. Katie shrieked and jerked sharply to one side. “Did that thing just shoot at us?”

  “Just fly! I’ll deal with whatever it shoots at us.”

  As Katie upped the pace, Avraniel hurled fire at the golem’s projectiles. A sizzling beam of magical power raced toward them, and she met it with an attack of her own. The resulting shockwave nearly tossed them out of the sky.

  “Get us to Timmy. Now.”

  * * *

  Timmy was having a wonderful time. His zombies had finally gotten the better of the golem army due to their sheer numbers and some help from his more nightmarish creations. Yes, his zombies had done well today. All he had to do now was clear the town of golems, and they could call it a day. He was also tossing around ideas for a zombie giant-hydra-salamander-gorgon. Who wouldn’t want a gigantic, multi-headed abomination that was on fire all the time, could spit acid, and could turn things into stone? No more worrying about starting a campfire, and definitely no more worrying about angry golems.

  One of the few remaining golems shoved past his zombies and rushed at him. He ducked under its outstretched arms and brought it down with a well-aimed whack to one of its shoulder joints. Its arm broke off, and the golem lost its balance. He had to hand it to whoever had built these things. They were well designed. He’d have to sharpen his shovel again after they were done here. Making a good zombie was as much an art as it was an exercise in science, magic, and engineering. Golems, in his mind, had always been more pedestrian, the domain of people who did things by the book and operated by the numbers.

  But these golems were impressive. They were tough, reasonably intelligent, and moved quite smoothly despite their comical appearance. The golem he’d downed struggled to its feet, and he cut its legs out from under it before stabbing it in the chest. Just to be sure it stayed dead, he bashed in its head. Sparks flew, and its eyes dimmed. The last thing he wanted was to end up like his master.

  He bent down and picked up part of the golem’s armour. It was made out of something he hadn’t encountered before. It was light and strong, and it dampened the effects of magic. It wasn’t enough to trouble someone like him, and even Katie should be fine, to say nothing of what someone like Avraniel would do to it, but it would definitely trouble a lot of lower-level mages. Sure, it couldn’t stand up to a shovel or a boulder, but it might be a good idea to see if he could reproduce it. He might even be able to improve it. He grinned. Although legends often spoke of fights between mages that went for days on end, most fights between powerful mages were settled in less than five minutes. If better armour could buy him a few extra seconds, it would be well worth it.

  He’d lost roughly two thirds of his zombies, which was going to cost him an arm and a leg to replace – not his, of course. Thankfully, the money he was going to get for completing this mission would be more than enough to cover it, especially if he could get a tax rebate or two to help cover his expenses. He’d also have to get Gerald to store a few of the golems with his magic. He wasn’t a master artificer, but it couldn’t hurt to learn more about how they worked. Maybe he’d even find a way to create some kind of zombie
golem hybrid to terrorise his enemies.

  Yes, life was good.

  It helped that his zombies had kept an eye out on things from above. After some initial difficulties – and plenty of screaming from a certain bureaucrat – Gerald and the rats had managed to hold their position. A lot of it had to do with the giant, glowing rat that was wandering around, killing golems left, right, and centre. He’d have to ask Katie to ask Cezanne about that. He had a sneaking suspicion that it was some kind of manifestation of the rat clan’s dead. It would be just like the ninja rats to be so devoted to their cause that not even death could stop them. He bit back a smile. He could easily imagine Rembrandt hanging around as a ghost for a few centuries for the sole purpose of continuing to annoy Avraniel.

  However, his contentment came to an abrupt end when he sensed an eruption of magical energy from inside the mine. His eyes narrowed. Had Katie somehow managed to get herself into even more trouble than usual? Considering the fact that Avraniel had followed her into the mountain, it wasn’t out of the question. Ah, what a troublesome apprentice he’d raised. He might have to fight his way over there and help.

  Then the side of the mountain exploded.

  And, naturally, that was only the start of it.

  A titanic golem that had to be at least three hundred feet tall emerged from the ruins of the mountainside, towering over its surroundings. It drew back one gigantic fist, and Katie and Avraniel took to the air, mere moments before the golem obliterated another part of the mountain. The pair tumbled through the air before Katie managed to stabilise, but the golem lumbered after them, crushing everything in its path and unleashing a hail of projectiles. Diving low over the town, one of his zombie wyverns caught sight of Gerald and the rats fleeing atop the giant, glowing rat while the bureaucrat went back to praying for divine intervention. None was forthcoming.