The One I've Waited For

by Mary B. Morrison

  Soon as the door closed, I texted Spencer, Come over.

  My hurt and my heart wouldn’t let me press send. I no longer had feelings for Spencer. I was in love with Bing.

  CHAPTER 25

  Mercedes

  Knock! Knock! Knock!

  Feeling empowered, I left my mother’s house and drove straight to Arizona’s to get my husband. An extra hour with the sitter and our twins would be tucked in by their mommy and daddy tonight. I was sure of it.

  Thanks to Dakota, I had Benjamin’s mistress’s cell, work, and home numbers. Addresses for her, her mother, father, her job, other relatives, and the last six men she’d dated were in my phone. Had a spreadsheet two years’ long of places my husband had taken her, with the dollar amounts he’d spent of our money on his side. Now there was Toya, the new stripper trash on his lap and payroll.

  If he wasn’t leaving with me, he’d live to regret staying with her. I wasn’t coming here twice.

  The battle between Alexis and Blake was somewhere near the thousandth round. Alexis never tired of pulling hair and scratching eyeballs. She wasn’t happy unless she could make someone else miserable. That was a fact. I couldn’t stand by and witness our sister infiltrate our mother’s relationship again. Had my own issues to tend to.

  Bam! Bam! Bam! “Benjamin!” My car was parked next to his.

  Bing was a brilliant man. I respected intelligence. Had faith that Bing would find my dad. Hearing advice from a fatherly figure, even if he didn’t know us that well, ignited a different type of fight in me. My goal became reuniting with my biological family, meeting my father, and introducing him to his grandchildren.

  Bam! Bam! Bam! “Benjamin!” I yelled, hanging on to the last syllable. He was going to come out eventually or I was going in. After Dakota had Devereaux slip her Phoenix’s keychain and duplicated each one, bingo! One actually fit Ebony’s door. I’d copied every key on Benjamin’s ring. Surely, one would unlock this deadbolt.

  None of my mother’s exes had the resources or offered what Bing had. I should’ve asked for a nanny when he committed to giving Alexis two. That was one blessed chick. Landed on her feet once more. I was curious to hear details regarding the job opportunity Bing had for me.

  The door cracked. I shoved it all the way open. “Benjamin, get out here.”

  Arizona closed her door to a crack. Calmly, she told me, “Don’t show up at my house again, Mercedes. Your husband is here because he wants to be here.”

  I should’ve sucked his dick when he asked. Maybe I wouldn’t be fighting for a man who was legally mine.

  Remembering how Devereaux had Phoenix arrested, I got in my car, drove to the nearby Publix grocery store, parked in the lot, then texted Benjamin, I need to see you right now!

  Me? he texted back.

  I was no psychic but my guess would be that Benjamin, like most men, probably found it easier to smile in the face of a woman who wouldn’t hold him accountable for his actions.

  I replied, Enjoy yourself. It’s time I do the same.

  He asked, Where are you?

  Giving him my next location, I texted, Sweet Auburn Seafood.

  I wasn’t there but I would be shortly. En route I listened to “Cry” by K. Michele. I had the upper hand. I dried my tears, then softly said, “Thanks, K.” Replayed the song three more times, went inside.

  What was taking him so long to get here? I texted, I’m seated in the booth to your farthest right as you enter the restaurant.

  The band played on the opposite side of the room. Sweet Auburn’s was black-owned and they had some of the best food in Atlanta. I kept my selection simple. A glass of cabernet was in front of me. Reminding myself to be respectful to my husband when he arrived, I questioned whether Bing meant for me to be submissive. Being that woman meant I’d have to become someone other than myself. Couldn’t do that.

  Deep in thought, I’d missed Benjamin’s entrance. He kissed my cheek, sat across the table. That was best.

  Circling the base of my wineglass with both hands, I looked into my husband’s eyes. He placed his hand atop mine.

  I told him, “I’m listening.” Tears streamed down my cheeks. I wanted to grip his hand as he cupped mine. I couldn’t. I wondered if his delay was contributed to his sexing Arizona. Had she performed fellatio on my man? Or had he licked her good good?

  The evening sun descended upon us, casting a shadow of our fingers against the painting on the wall.

  “I love you, Mercedes. I’m proud of your accomplishments. Your degree. How you operate your business. Care for our children. I don’t need accolades for doing what’s right. As protector of my family, that is my primary responsibility.” His grip tightened. “I used to take my kids to school and pick them up every day when I wasn’t out of town. I cooked, cleaned. I told you I love you so much I think you stopped hearing me.”

  All of those trips were not out of town and we both knew it. Sometimes he was at Arizona’s for three or four days. “Then why are you sleeping with her?” I asked.

  The waiter came near. Benjamin shook his head. “I’ll let you know when, man.”

  “No problem,” the waiter said, moving to the next guests.

  Benjamin’s tone was low, yet strong. “Do you realize you always have to be right? Always have to have the last word. Huh? Do you?”

  No longer able to hear the conversations around me, felt as though we were the only two diners. I dazed out the window at the bumper-to-bumper traffic. Suppressing the strong black woman yearning to defend myself, I could barely breathe.

  What he’d said wasn’t true. I shook my head. My lips parted.

  “Yes. You do. If I tell the kids not to do something, you tell them it’s okay. You do that all the time. In front of our families and friends. At home it’s worse. I’m tired of your undermining me.”

  “Why are you sleeping with her?” I asked again.

  My guess would’ve been my not wanting to have sex as often as he did.

  Benjamin motioned for the waiter. Ordered a cognac.

  When the waiter was at a distance, my husband said, “Maybe I’m tired of waiting for you to fall asleep so I can masturbate.”

  “How often were you doing that?”

  Frustrated, he answered, “Three, four times a week and that’s more often than we were making love. When was the last time you gave me fellatio or let me taste you? Your new pussy is meaningless ’cause you refuse to allow me to enjoy it. I always have to initiate sex. I’m a man, Mercedes. I have one heart and two heads. I also have a dick that stands up every morning before I do.”

  Okay. My husband’s short-term memory was failing him. Wasn’t my fault he couldn’t penetrate me, but I didn’t want to be the have to be right wife right now. The lady at the table next to ours looked at my husband. Redirecting her attention to her guy, she had a blank stare. Her man raised his brows, then nodded at Benjamin.

  Forget her, him, them. She’d better keep watch over her guy. I wondered, was I that bad?

  “I’m not responsible for your dick,” I hissed.

  Benjamin stood. “As usual, you’re right. Thanks for making my decision easier.”

  He was the one sleeping with his mistress! I refused to beg my husband to come back or follow him.

  Taking his drink from the waiter’s tray, Benjamin downed it in one swallow, tossed money at the glass, left the restaurant, and never looked back for me.

  Maybe Bing didn’t know every damn thing. My being submissive did not work.

  CHAPTER 26

  Sandara

  “My boy. You know Dadday luv ya, right?”

  Tyson nodded once.

  Black spending time with Tyson was new. Brand-new. Day one new. This was all I’d wanted for me. My son. If I could get my other two children’s fathers to drop their request for child support, we could come up with something that would work for all of us.

  “Daddy, stop that tickles,” Tyson screamed, bent over with laughter. He wiggled his tiny fi
ngers against his dad’s rib cage.

  The joy of hearing my man and my baby laugh together instead of Tyson being sad brought tears to my eyes. “I wish every day could be like this.” Black was the only man I wanted to move in with us.

  “Airplane, Daddy! Make me fly like Superman,” Tyson pleaded.

  I looked over at Tyrell sitting beside Ty watching television. Ty said, “It’s okay, Tyrell. My daddy is coming to see me. Yours too. Tyson is the oldest so he gets to see his dad first.”

  Black had been here about two hours and I never wanted him to leave me again. I’d give him my world. Not my wallet.

  “Come on, Ty and Tyrell. It’s time for bed,” I said to separate them from Black and Tyson. “Tell Mr. Black good night.”

  “Good night, Mr. Black,” they said at the same time.

  Black landed Tyson on the sofa. They laughed. “Black, the kids said good night.”

  “I heard ’em. I got mine,” he said, plopping Tyson on his thigh.

  “Come on, kids. You too, Tyson.”

  “Aw, Mom,” Tyson protested.

  Firmly, I told him, “Right this minute, boy.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good night, son,” Black said, then kissed Tyson on the forehead.

  Taking all my kids into their bedroom, I said, “On your knees. Give the Lord his praise.”

  Ty knelt beside her bed. The boys did the same by theirs, placed their palms together, their elbows were on the mattress.

  Ty prayed aloud, “God, where’s my daddy? I want my daddy too. It’s not fair for Tyson to have his and I can’t have mine. Amen.”

  Tyson said, “That’s not a prayer. God is gonna get you, girl.”

  Ty got in bed. Snatched the sheet and comforter over her head and started crying. I sat beside her. Held my little girl in my arms. Sympathizing with my daughter, I wanted to cry along with her.

  “Sandara!” Black called from the living room. “What’s taking you so long?”

  Ignoring him, I comforted my child.

  “Is Black my daddy, too?” Tyrell asked, crawling under the cover next to Tyson.

  “Go to sleep, y’all,” I said, then kissed all my kids before partially closing their door.

  Black was on the sofa, in his boxer briefs. “Come pounce on this thang right quick before I go,” he said, releasing his big dick through the opening of his underwear.

  “I thought you were staying the night.”

  “Nah, you know betta. Do I eva?” He teased his thick shaft. Looked back and forth from his dick to me.

  I sat on the opposite side of the couch. “Why didn’t you say good night to my kids?”

  “Your kids. Not mine. I ain’t responsible for them. Now come ride this dick before I change my mind about giving you some,” he said, stroking his shit long and slow.

  “I’m not in the mood.” I lied, then told him, “I have to decide if I’m going back to modeling.”

  His dick drooped to his lap when he let go. “Repeat that shit.”

  “You heard me. I quit modeling.” Actually, I hadn’t given it up. I needed a break until I figured things out. “You trying to take all my money. Got my other baby daddies trying to do the same. I’m not working to take care of y’all. I already do it all by myself. You need to support us,” I told him.

  Black was the quietest he’d been all night.

  I couldn’t say Tyson needed shoes, clothes, or a haircut anymore. Each of my children dressed well, ate at Red Lobster every weekend. Thanks to Alexis, we rolled everywhere in a Porsche. Soon I’d need a bigger car. Was thinking about that new Range Rover or a boss ride like a Hummer. I could buy a big house with a pool. The only reason I hadn’t moved was this was my neighborhood. I didn’t have any rich or well-off friends like my sisters.

  Thinking about Bing, I added, “That’s what real men do, Black. They provide for their family.”

  “You’re not even worth choking out again,” he said, getting dressed.

  “Where you going? Tyson is so happy. I don’t need money to be happy with you, Black. I just want us to be a family.”

  “I think your ass is lying ’cause you don’t want to come up off the cash. We gon’ see,” he said, then pulled out two sheets of wrinkled-up papers. “Get back on the stroll. I’m sticking more than this good dick in your ass.” He tossed the papers toward my face.

  Batting them to the floor, I cried. “Why you gotta be like this?”

  “You stupid bitch. We can rise up and you wanna hold us down. I’ma get mines. See you in court.”

  Black went into the kitchen. I followed him. He opened the freezer, dumped out all the ice, tossed the children’s frozen treats in the trash. “Just in case you were planning on using my shit with some other nigga. Let him buy his own.”

  I wanted to say, Like you did? But I was scared he’d make good on choking me.

  Quietly, he opened the door, then slammed it shut behind him. Ty screamed. I locked the door, then ran to my kids’ room. “It’s okay,” I said, holding her.

  I had to ask God, What did I do to deserve him, Lord? Whatever it was, please forgive me. Please, God. If Black is not the one, show me a man worthy of my love.

  My tears flooded my daughter’s headscarf.

  “It’s okay, Mommy,” Ty said. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too,” I said, tucking her in. The boys never woke up.

  Closing my bedroom door, I sat on my bed, called Remy.

  She answered, “Hey, girl. I was just about to hit you. You wanna go to Taboo 2 this weekend?”

  “Why not?” I said.

  “What’s wrong? What the fuck Black do this time? He’d betta not had laid hands again.”

  “Nothing like that,” I told her, then started crying uncontrollably.

  “You lyin’, Sandara.”

  “I’ma be all right.” Good or bad, nothing lasted forever.

  “Fuck that. I’m on my way. Be there in ten minutes. Don’t hang up ’til I got there.”

  I put the phone on the bed. Black was supposed to be here next to me. I got up, wrote a check for Remy so she could pay off her car. I had enough saved to comfortably do that for her.

  Knock. Knock. “It’s me,” Remy said.

  I let her in, and Remy gave me hug and wouldn’t let go. “Fuck that nigga,” she said, closing the door.

  “I love him though. What am I supposed to tell Tyson?” I hated disappointing any of my kids.

  “That ain’t love. You dickmatized. Go sit in the living room. I’ma open a bottle of wine. We gon’ get smashed and come up with a plan to squash this shit. You getting back on that damn runway. That’s where I’ve seen you your happiest,” she said. “The only time Black makes you happy is when his dick is inside you.”

  Couldn’t argue with her on that. I handed Remy the check. I couldn’t put a price on our friendship. Maybe having my friend here to comfort me was God’s way of answering my prayers.

  Maybe this time I’d listen.

  CHAPTER 27

  Devereaux

  Insisting on taking my mother to the airport was more for my benefit.

  Phoenix acting, make that being, a fool was for his satisfaction. I was done with him. Taking him back would set me back.

  “How long will you be in Charlotte?” I asked Mom, picking up her carry-on. After putting it in the trunk, I sat behind the wheel, fastened my seat belt.

  “He ended our engagement,” she said softly, buckling up.

  Max was tucked under her arm. He was adorable. I wished I could adopt him. I was working extended hours between executive producing, writing, and spending a little time with Nya, so Max would become an on-set assistant to my assistant, Tiera.

  Not sure how to respond, I took a while before saying, “Mama, no. I’m so sorry. Why?”

  “I’m not sure,” she said between tight lips, “how long I’ll be gone.”

  Why was she upset with me? “Alexis initiated Bing’s intervention.”

&nb
sp; Driving to Sandara’s to drop off Max, I tried loosening up my mom. She’d be okay. We’d all be okay.

  “I don’t know how you raised all of us, got your degree, bought us cars, and put us through college. I can barely manage with Nya.”

  Mercedes and I had gotten our bachelors. Alexis was two years in. Sandara dropped out after her freshman year. There were a few professions where a high school diploma was sufficient. Talent accounted for a lot for my lil sis. Sandara should get back on her grind. I learned that staying preoccupied with my shows helped keep my mind off of a man. Phoenix and Antonio.

  “That’s nice,” Mom said, staring out the passenger’s window.

  “Mama, maybe the timing was off for my telling Bing about my problems. If I had any idea he was going to end your engagement, I wouldn’t have said a word.”

  She was quiet. I knew that kind of pain.

  My heart ached knowing how losing my daughter’s father initially hurt me. Bing moving on now was better than after the marital commitment. “Phoenix’s first supervised visitation is later today.” I didn’t mention I was doing it because of Bing. I prayed their breakup didn’t mean I couldn’t call upon him for advice.

  “That’s nice, Devereaux.”

  What I needed to know from my mother, only she could answer. But she refused. Why?

  Glancing at her, I said, “Bing’s going to find my father,” hoping she’d tell me something about my dad before I met him.

  My mother nodded.

  “Mama, please.”

  “Please what, Devereaux?” She snapped. “Help you solve the questions in your head? Help heal your broken heart? Be there for you? Is that what you want from me? I just lost the love of my life. My life! And all you give a damn about is who your father is.”

  Making my mother cry was not my intention. “I’m sorry, Mother,” I said, parking in front of Sandara’s place. My sister came to the car.

  “Hey, you guys!” Sandara cheerfully said.

  My mom kissed and hugged Max. “I want you to be a good boy. This is the last time I’ll leave you, I promise.”

  Max’s four legs wrapped tightly around my mom’s arm as Sandara reached for him. He started whimpering. Mother’s tears flowed again.