by Simmons, Pat
A few hours with the sun shining brightly in the sky, Hershel turned the key to his house. He hugged his son, who was about to go to half day pre-school, and waved at his housekeeper, Mrs. Biddle.
“Mornin’ and good night.” Hershel headed to his bedroom, changed, and slid under the covers.
He slept for almost twenty hours before his stomach reminded him that his body needed nutrition. Familiar with his routine, Mrs. Biddle had left something quick for him to pop in the microwave. Although he felt drugged and could use another day of sleep, nothing could stop him from seeing Solae that evening. With that thought tucked in his head, he went back to bed and slept for another five hours.
Waking before his alarm clock, Hershel found he was still tired. But Solae was his motivation for getting up and getting ready. After he showered, his boys camped out in his bathroom and talked non-stop as he shaved.
“Daddy, I like Lindsay being my cousin,” Brandon said.
“Me too,” Harrison mimicked his brother.
“Hmm-mm.” Hershel concentrated on the blade nearing his jawbone.
“Miss Sollie brought the class pizza for lunch…Miss Sollie is pretty…Miss Sollie…”
Hershel tried not to smirk, but that was his woman’s MO. Solae loved doing special things just because. “Brandon, what time is it, son?”
He dashed out the bedroom with Harrison on his heels to look at the clock on the nightstand. “Six-one-five, Daddy!”
“Six-on-five,” Harrison tried to repeat, trying to use his fingers to count.
“Thank you, sons.” Hershel rinsed the remaining shaving cream off his face then patted it with cologne. He had fifteen minutes to get out the door and not a minute more.
“Are you going to see Miss Sollie? I didn’t see her today…” Brandon continued his chatter.
“Yes, I am.”
“I have a picture I colored for her.”
“Me too,” Harrison shouted.
Hershel laughed as he donned his green polo shirt—Solae’s favorite color. “Well, go get them. I can’t be late.”
“Yay!” The boys took off and returned with pages torn from a coloring book. Brandon’s picture was neatly shaded and within the lines. Harrison’s masterpiece was streaks of color everywhere. Hershel kissed them and praised their artwork as he grabbed his keys. With his sons’ gifts and his, Hershel winked at his housekeeper, then strolled out his front door.
At 6:58 p.m., he stood outside Solae’s doorstep with one hand behind his back, clutching a bouquet that he purchased as a second thought as he was en route to her house. It seemed as if it had been so long since they went out on a date. Seeing her at the wedding had not only been a reminder, but a tease.
Solae looked radiant when she greeted him. “Wow. Refreshing,” Hershel complimented.
Never taking her eyes off him, Solae stepped back and Hershel stepped into her living room, towering over her. He handed her the flowers, then opened his arms as an invitation for a hug. Without hesitation, Solae fell into them. He kissed the top of her hair that was no longer a mass of curls, but straight again.
“I’ve missed you, babe,” he confessed. He felt vulnerable around her, but she guarded his heart.
“I’ve missed you more,” she mumbled against his chest.
“That, woman, is debatable.” Hershel reluctantly released her, but not without soaking in everything he loved about her. The dimple was there and so were her sultry eyes, but peeping out from the happiness in her eyes, there was a hint of sadness. Dinner would patch up things. Digging in his pockets, he pulled out the folded pieces of papers. “From your boys.”
The way Solae accepted them was almost in reverence as if they were priceless. “Please tell them thank you.”
“The flowers are from me.”
“And thank you.” She disappeared in the kitchen then returned with her purse.
With her hand secured in his, he locked the front door for her and then helped her in his car. Solae’s chosen topic of conversation was Candace and Royce’s wedding.
They laughed, recalling some of the minor mishaps. “I like heels on women, but some shoes are ridiculously tall.”
“That’s one pitfall of stilettoes. You want to take them off not long after putting them on. No way can a woman wear those high heels all night long,” Solae explained. “But not being able to find them when you’re ready to leave was the highlight of the moment.” Next, she commented on Candace’s and Lindsay’s dresses.
“I thought you were gorgeous.”
She blushed. “Do you think you’ll ever get married again?” Solae asked out of nowhere.
“Is this a trick question?” He squirmed behind the wheel.
“No, an honest one.” She shrugged and looked away as if it was no big deal.
When he took too long to answer, Solae changed the subject and he exhaled. He thought he was ready, but then he had doubts, so he decided there wasn’t a rush to make that type of commitment again.
Soon, they arrived at a popular soul food place in Mid-town. After he parked, they walked hand in hand into the small establishment that was only meant to serve maybe fifty people at a time. The hostess led them to a booth then placed menus before them.
“I’ll have whatever you’re having. Maybe a double portion.” Hershel winked and closed the menu.
“I should order a plain salad.” She chuckled, but when their server appeared, besides their soda orders, Solae asked for oven-baked chicken, mac-n-cheese, greens, pickled beets, and a chunk of cornbread.
The waitress brought their water and disappeared again. Usually chatty, Solae was quiet as he observed her under hooded lashes. When she began to fumble with her hands, Hershel easily stilled them with one of his hands.
“Baby, what’s wrong? What was going on with you at the wedding?”
Solae scanned the restaurant before staring at him. She jutted her chin, apparently about to give him a taste of her sass. “I was having doubts about where our relationship is headed.”
Okay. Breathe in, breathe out. Solae wasn’t going to let the subject rest. “Where do you want it to go?”
The darts she fired at him indicated that was the wrong answer. Taking a deep breath, Solae seemed to calm down. “This isn’t a pop quiz, Captain Kavanaugh.”
Hershel watched several emotions play across her face. He recognized a few: faith, hope, love…and fear, hurt, and surrender. The last three expressions confused him.
“Babe, you know I’m committed to our relationship. I want no other woman in my life but you.” His heart pounded, because judging from her expression, that wasn’t the right answer either. “Solae, what do you want me to say?”
“What’s in your heart—please.”
When her eyes teared up, he panicked. He had somehow hurt her and he was clueless how. “I love you and I want us—you to be happy.”
She didn’t hide her frustration as she gritted her teeth. Leaning across the table, she squinted. “Where do you see us six months from now at Christmas, or a year from now in the spring?”
“Together.”
Solae snapped and pushed back, slapping her hands on the table. “Don’t be so sure. Not only do I know Jesus holds my future, I feel like you’re holding onto it, too. ” She gritted her teeth as if she was restraining herself from saying more.
“What are you saying?”
“That I’m no longer hungry.” She paused and gave him a defiant look. “Nor do I want to be in a relationship that has no future.” She nodded as if to put a period on her statement.
Frowning, Hershel had to check his attitude. “Who says it’s not going anywhere?”
The timing couldn’t be worse as the waitress brought their plates to the table.
“Can you make that to go?” Solae said, confusing the woman.
When the first tear fell, Hershel grew concerned. When she wouldn’t let him touch her, Hershel was irked. “Baby, help me here. I’m clueless. What are you looking for?”
The ride back to Solae’s was filled with an eerie silence. How did they go from “I miss you” to “This relationship has no future”? Now, he was getting irked. He interrupted his sleep for this petty foolishness?
As Hershel parked his car, he made one last attempt to see what was going on with her, but Solae stepped out without waiting for him to come around. She stormed to her front door without looking back.
“Baby, please. What did I say?”
She twirled around and almost growled. “I don’t hand out answers. And for the record, my favorite game is Monopoly. I don’t play games in relationships, either...you want—never mind. Good night.” She had worked herself up as she unlocked her door and stepped inside. Before Solae slammed the door in his face, she added a footnote. “I hope you find what you’re looking for in a woman because apparently I’m not it!”
Was she on medication that was causing her mood swings or something? “Baby, I love you. Tell me what you want?” That seemed to fill her eyes with sadness.
“If I did, then it wouldn’t mean as much,” she said softly. “Good bye, Captain Kavanaugh.”
“Good-bye?!” Now he was ticked, but if he began to act as irrational as Solae, he might say the wrong thing. “Ah, what about your dinner?”
“Your boys can have it.” She closed the door in his face.
Hershel was fuming as he spun around and headed back to his car. It dawned on him as he slid behind the wheel that this was the second time that night that Solae referred to Harrison and Brandon as “your boys” instead of “her boys”.
What did I do? Pounding the steel wheel with his fist, he drove off, confused.
Chapter 4
“Whoa.” It was on the tip of her tongue to come out and ask if Hershel planned to marry her, but she couldn’t bear it if his body language showed uncertainty.
In a tantrum, Solae stomped around her house as she undressed. “Either you have thought about permanency with me or you haven’t,” she fussed as if the man was in her presence. When the tears overwhelmed her, Solae flopped on her sofa and had a good cry. Whoever said a person would feel better after a good cry evidently had never been in love.
Somewhat composed, she stood and inhaled, then exhaled as she made her way to her bathroom. While she removed what was left of her makeup, her stomach growled. The soul food dinner she gave away would sure come in handy at the moment. Rolling her eyes, Solae walked into her kitchen in search of peanut butter and jelly.
***
Hershel had been in a crummy mood since the night he left Solae. He definitely wouldn’t call it a date. It was Monday and he was back at the station. Although he had missed service the day before, because he wasn’t in the mood, he craved comfort from God, so he logged online and pulled up one of his pastor’s archived sermons.
Maybe it’s a good thing that Solae didn’t come out and ask what he thought she was asking. He would have crushed her with his hesitation. Hershel never thought he would marry again, so what he felt for Solae was tugging at his pros and cons.
“Jesus, You said in all our ways acknowledge You…” As he whispered his prayer, Solae’s soft features faded in and out of his mind.
“What’s going on, captain?” Royce strolled into his office, startling him.
His first day back from his honeymoon, Royce folded his arms and leaned against the door frame. The wide grin stretched across his face boasted of his newfound happiness as a married man.
Hershel remembered that feeling of utopia. It was barely seven years ago. However, his bliss was short lived. The moment wasn’t about him, so Hershel stood and gave him a hero’s welcome home. “I assume you had a great honeymoon?”
“Funny you should mention that.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” He frowned, eying his brother.
“Your name came up several times.” The grin was gone.
“Really?” Hershel waited for the punch line, but Royce didn’t hint that a smile was forthcoming. He sat on the edge of his desk. “My name? Evidently you weren’t handling your business.”
“My wife is my business, and if she isn’t happy, neither am I.”
“Okay, clue me in to what this is all about.”
Before his brother could explain, different crew members snagged Royce’s attention with their congratulations or ribbing him about being an old, married man. Owning up to his new status, Royce seemed to take it in stride. Once they were alone again, he dropped the grin and frowned at Hershel. “Remember Thanksgiving Day?”
Racking his brain, Hershel tried to recall if something big happened on that day besides enjoying a scrumptious turkey dinner. He nodded for Royce to proceed.
“Candace and Solae were in the kitchen with Julia. I made the remark, ‘Do you know what I’m thinking?’ and you said, ‘Yep, Solae is taken…’”
“What are you, a computer chip? You memorize what I say word for word?” Hershel shook his head. “Unbelievable.”
“There’s more.” Royce unwrapped his arms, then lifted his hand to stop Hershel from further commenting. “I’m wondering what were you thinking. Because I was thinking about ‘I do’ with Candace, so I proposed.”
Hershel’s thoughts were along that line, too. He had even gone to pick out a ring. Somehow, the diamond pendant beckoned to him instead.
The same thing happened for Solae’s Valentine’s gift and birthday. Clearly, it was a sign that something kept holding him back, so he decided to wait it out.
If Hershel had his way, he would have scratched out the fact that Solae couldn’t give him the daughter he wanted. He and his brother were in two different situations. “It’s complicated.”
Royce gave him a dumbfounded look. “Oh, it’s complicated all right because you’re about to lose your girl and honestly, you’d be a fool to let her go.”
“I didn’t need you to tell me that,” Hershel snapped. “Do you think this is easy for me… to leave her hanging while I try to work through my issues?”
Since their argument, the only thing he could do was ask God to help his doubts because he truly loved Solae, but he didn’t want to have any regrets down the line. “This discussion is over,” he practically growled at his brother before switching to work mode—supervisor. “Sign in, Kavanaugh, to begin your shift.”
The two brothers had a stare down until finally, Royce followed orders. But not without shaking his head as he left Hershel’s office.
Did Royce think he enjoyed being in this holding pattern? He loved Solae, but he didn’t want to make the wrong decision concerning their future.
The problem was if Solae decided she wanted to walk away from the love they shared, he paused to consider what his response would be. It was against his code of manhood to chase after any woman who didn’t want him—not even his ex-wife for the boys’ sake.
Chapter 5
While Candace basked in the limelight as the recent newlywed in the office, Solae retreated to the solitude of her cubicle and watched from afar. The smiles, congratulations, and late wedding gifts seemed to be endless.
Rejoice with them that rejoice, God reminded her of His Word in Romans 12:15.
Solae thought she always had. And Lord, just in case I had a bit of envy in my heart, please forgive me. As she witnessed her friend’s bliss that was so long overdue, Solae began to second guess her decision to walk away from what she had with Hershel.
So what if he had no intentions of remarrying again. So what? At least she would be loved. But she never believed in settling for morsels from a man when she knew God could give her a fresh loaf of bread.
Refocusing on her work, Solae sighed and checked her emails in Outlook. She did have options. Her eyes blurred, thinking that she had actually hoped her inability to have children wouldn’t be an issue with Hershel since he had two adoring, handsome little b
oys.
Without a mother in the home, they were still loveable and well-mannered. Hershel had his housekeeper and sister-in-law to thank for that.
She fought again for mental control as she replied to company emails on autopilot. Solae gnawed on her lips as she pondered whether after eight years at Kendall Printing, it was time for a career move, relocating to a different city for employment, or working on her Master’s degree. Maybe, even revisit the issue of adopting again. Yep, she had options.
I also have work to do. Picking up the phone, Solae placed calls to potential clients and followed up with existing customers about the company’s new products. As an account executive, Solae had earned the reputation of achieving or exceeding her monthly sales goals. Now was not the time to let her personal life interfere with her livelihood.
A peppermint bounced off her shoulder; next came one to her head. Smiling, Solae twirled around in her chair and eyed the culprit.
Candace laughed. It had become a ritual between the two friends when Candace started nine months ago and their supervisor assigned her work station across from Solae’s. Usually, it was Solae doing the throwing.
“Are you trying to say I need a breath mint?” Solae recited their usual reply.
“Nope.” Candace beamed. The glow on her face hadn’t dimmed. “You’ve been sort of quiet, and I’ve been so caught up in my new status as wife…” she scooted her chair across the aisle and bumped hers. “I’ve ignored what’s going on in your world. You said you and Hershel talked. Did he really say it’s because you can’t have children like those other two jerks?” Her friend’s mouth twisted in disgust.
“No, no. The fire captain acted as if he was a high school freshman, struggling to find the words to write an essay on our relationship—”
“You can’t go by that,” Candace argued.
“I recognized “the look”, Candy.” She swallowed. “The-deer-caught-in-the-headlights look, the I-really-don’t-want-to-hurt-your-feelings look.”
“Oh.” Her shoulders slumped. “I honestly thought he was the prince.”
