Awkward
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Khosla, Aditya, Atish Das Sarma, and Raffay Hamid. “What makes an image popular?” In Proceedings of the 23rd international conference on World wide web, pp. 867–76. ACM, 2014.
Pew Research Center, March 2014, “Millennials in Adulthood: Detached from Institutions, Networked with Friends.”
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7: The Awkwardness of Making Friends
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Feeney, Brooke C. “The dependency paradox in close relationships: accepting dependence promotes independence.” Journal of personality and social psychology 92, no. 2 (2007): 268.
Holt-Lunstad, Julianne, Timothy B. Smith, Mark Baker, Tyler Harris, and David Stephenson. “Loneliness and social isolation as risk factors for mortality: a meta-analytic review.” Perspectives on Psychological Science 10, no. 2 (2015): 227–37.
Jobe, Lisa E., and Susan Williams White. “Loneliness, social relationships, and a broader autism phenotype in college students.” Personality and Individual Differences 42, no. 8 (2007): 1479–89.
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9: Practically Prodigious
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10: Groundbreaking Innovation
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INDEX
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Achter, John, 200
adolescents
bullies, 99–102, 113
high school years, 113–116, 125–126, 128–129, 137–141, 142–144, 166–168, 229, 231
junior high school years, 8, 25–29, 32, 33–34, 42, 43–49, 51, 52, 54, 57, 61–63, 64–65, 113, 173, 229
manners and social graces for, 155
number of teen friendships, 147
and tales of heroism, 217–218, 228
Adolphs, Ralph, 55
Algoe, Sara, 97
Alkon, Amy, 155–156
Ambady, Nalini, 163
American Psychiatric Association, 31
anal stage of development, Freud’s, 123, 124–125
anally expulsive children, 123
anally retentive children, 123, 129
anger, 79, 85
artificial intelligence, 224
arts, the
giftedness and visual arts, 212
obsessive nature of dancers and musicians, 209
performers in state of flow, 126
talented authors, 227
Asperger, Hans, 30–31, 32, 41–42, 210
Asperger’s syndrome, 31, 32, 34–35, 37
Association for Psychological Science, 117
autism
Asperger’s research on, 30, 41–42
and Asperger’s syndrome, 31, 34–35
control group traits of, 209
criteria for diagnosis of, 36
formal autism diagnosis, 31–32
high-functioning, 34–35, 37, 39
intense world theory and, 74
misdiagnosis of, 36–37
origin of term, 31
rule of five, 31–32
Autism Quotient, 34–36, 37, 57
autistic psychopaths, 30–31, 42
awkward innovators, 222–228
awkward moments, 13–17
awkward multicultural moments, 153–154
first-three and second-three strategies during, 14–15, 16
intensity of emotions in, 75
negative behaviors and, 104
at scientific symposium, 88–91, 105–109
awkward traits
genetic influences, 119–121, 205
negative and positive manifestations of, 137
personality traits, 139–140, 163
awkwardness
adaptive nature of, 194–196
autism and, 36, 37
the awkward brain, 49–52
awkward families, 117–121
and becoming socially fluent, 43–45
bullying and awkward children, 100–101, 106, 193
and creating emotional bank account, 102–105
of dating and sex, 166–189
and decoding language used during social conversations, 52, 57–62
definition of awkward, 19
emotional implications of, 70–87
&nbs
p; facial expressions and, 52, 54–57
and friendships, 142–165
function of feeling awkward, 76–78
genetic influences of, 119–121, 205
giftedness and, 193–216
helping kids build social
fundamentals, 133–137
inflexibility of awkward people, 129–130
intuitive vs. deliberate, 22
likability and popularity, 94–99, 108–109
measure of, 37–38
nonverbal behaviors and, 52–54
nurturing awkward children, 113–141
personality disorders and, 39–40
pleasures of, 125–128
problems with, 39–42
rise in interest of, 18
routines and rules, 128–130
seeing the world through awkward eyes, 19–24
social anxiety and, 39
social equity and, 105–109
systemizing, 130–131
theory of mind and relation to, 91–94
using “if-then” scripts, 131–132, 134, 135, 159
baby boomers, sexual behavior of, 180
Back, Mitja, 15
Baldwin, Mark, 131
Baron-Cohen, Simon, 34–35, 71, 130, 206, 208
Baumeister, Roy, 9
belonging, 8–13
Berndt, Thomas, 95
The Big Bang Theory (TV show), 18, 207
The Big Short (Lewis), 225
Biswal, Nisha, 154
Blodget, Henry, 227
Boas, Frank, 159
Boston College, 193
bottom-up processing style, 56
Bowling Alone (Putnam), 145–146
brain
brain activity and emotions, 74
how the awkward brain works, 49–52
The Breakfast Club (movie), 18
Brin, Sergey, 223
Brooklyn College, 212
bullies, 99–102, 106, 113, 193
Bush, George W., 153
Business Insider, 227
business startups, 227
Buzz-Feed, 175
Cacioppo, John and Stephanie, 145
Cain, Susan, 40
California Institute of Technology, 55
Campbell, Joseph, 217–218
caregivers
and autistic children, 36
and behavior of awkward children, 119, 127, 128
Carleton University, 183
Carnegie Mellon University, 186
Carrie (King), 227
Catmull, Ed, 225
character development, 92
children
anally expulsive, 123
anally retentive, 123, 129
awkward families, 117–121
awkward impulses vs. social expectations, 122–125
and awkwardness of making friends, 142–165
boys’ awkwardness, 120–121
bullies, 99–102, 106, 193
and expectations of fairness, 96
girls’ awkwardness, 120–121
mental preparation drills, 133–134, 137
nurturing awkward, 113–141
parents and socially awkward, 4–7
and pleasures of awkwardness, 125–128
preparing children for social interactions, 133–137
talented children and the future perfect, 220
temper tantrums in, 67–69, 70–71, 80, 83–86
use of “if-then” scripts by, 131–132, 134, 135
See also adolescents; giftedness and awkwardness
chronic loneliness, 10
Clark, Matthew, 148
Clawson, Curt, 153–154
College of the Redwoods, 224
combinatorial innovation, 224–225
computers. See math and science
Constantino, John, 119–121
conversations. See social conversations
Cook, Clayton, 100
Cornell University, 81, 199
Crespi, Bernard, 195
Cruise, Tom, 26
Csikszentmihalyi, Mihaly, 126
cues, social
decoding language used during conversations, 52, 57–62
facial expressions, 52, 54–57
interpreting romantic cues, 183
nonverbal, 52–55
sent by awkward children, 127
theory of mind and processing, 93–94
using “if-then” scripts, 134–135
Cuthbertson, Lauren, 202–203
Darwin, Charles, 76
dating and sex, awkwardness of, 124, 168–170
dating, sex, and friendships, 172–173
dependency paradox, 186
flirtation, 182–183
four factors to make dating less awkward, 176–177
generational differences in sexual behavior, 180
intimacy-building behaviors, 184
lust-only or liking-only dating strategies, 170–173
older adults and loss of partners, 188–189
online dating, 173–177
path to happily ever after, 187–189
popularity of Fifth Shades of Grey, 180–181
pornography, 181–182
premarital sex, 180
romantic relationships, 182–189
sadomasochistic sexual relationship, 180, 181
sex is super-awkward, 177–182
Dean, Howard, 153
dependency paradox, 186
development
Freud’s psychosexual stages of, 122–125
latency stage, 197
theory of mind and character development, 92
Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-III) and (DSM-IV), 31, 32, 34, 67
Diener, Ed, 9–10
digit span memory test, 198–199
distress, 79
diversity, in social institutions, 152–154
Douglas, Mary, 10
Drake, Jennifer, 212
eHarmony.com, 173–174
Ekman, Paul, 55
Elite Daily, 175
embarrassment, 77, 78, 79, 86
emotions
anger, 79, 85
awkwardness and, 70–87
decoding, 58
distress, 79
embarrassment, 77, 78, 79, 86
emotional bank account, 102–105
empathy, 71–72
function of feeling awkward, 76–78
guilt, 77, 78
hope, 79
intensity of, 72–76
involuntary, 76
joy, 79
positive, 80–83, 84
pride, 79
reflexive, 76, 78
self-conscious emotions, 77
shame, 77
six emotions and how to respond, 79
temper tantrums, 67–69, 70–71, 80, 83–86
empathy, 71–72, 229
employers, social expectations of, 11–12
environmental influences, awkwardness and, 119–121
etiquette, social, 155–160
eugenics, 41
experts, 220–222, 223
extroversion, 40, 163
eye contact, 75, 134
Facebook, 160, 162, 163, 174
facial expressions, 52, 54–57
fairness, 96–97
families
awkward, 117–121
number of family friendships, 147
parents and socially awkward children, 4–7
Family Ties (TV show), 25
Feeney, Brooke, 186
Feinberg, Matthew, 77
Fifth Shades of Grey (James), 180–181
first impressions
first-three and second-three strategies during, 14–15, 16
social expectations and, 12
flow, state of, 126
Frederickson, Barbara, 81
Freud, Sigmund, 122–125, 139, 152, 197
friendships, 142–144
dating, sex and, 172–173
demise of social institutions, 149–155
friendship quality, 98
how many friends are enough?, 144–149
lasting, 164–165
likable people and, 95–98
loyal friends, 97–98
making friends while awkward, 157–163
manners, 155–160
supportive behaviors and, 104
Frith, Uta, 21
“The Fundamental Need to Belong” (Baumeister and Leary), 9
future perfect, 220
Gardner, Howard, 199
Gates, Bill, 218, 223
geeks, 18
Gen Xers, sexual behavior of, 180
gender equity, 152
General Social Survey, 179–180
generational differences
in institutional participation, 150
in sexual attitudes and behaviors, 179–180
genetic influences, awkwardness and, 119–121, 205
genetically inferior children, 41
George Mason University, 77
giftedness and awkwardness, 193–194
being true to yourself and fitting in, 213–216
computer science and mathematically gifted, 208–209, 211
emergence of gifted abilities, 197–198
and expertise attainment, 221
giftedness defined, 201–202
intelligence quotient (IQ) profiles, 198, 199–201, 203
memory capabilities, 198–199
obsessive interests, 205, 206, 208–209, 210, 211
rage to master trait in adults and children, 202–204, 205, 209–210
relationship between, 204–213
striking skills, 203, 205
in visual arts, 212
Gini, Gianluca, 99
Gone with the Wind (Mitchell), 227
Good Manners for Nice People Who Sometimes Say F*ck (Alkon), 155–156
Google.com, 223
Gopnik, Alison, 117
Gottman, John, 102–103
Graduate Record Examination (GRE), 214
gratitude, 97
Grillparzer, Franz, 30, 210
groundbreaking innovations of awkward innovators, 222–232
combinatorial innovation, 224–225
communicating ideas of, 226–227
computers in film animation, 225
timing of, 226
and 2009 mortgage crisis, 225–226
groups. See social groups
guilt, 77, 78
Haidt, Jonathan, 156
Hall, Judith, 52–53
Hamilton (play), 223
Happe, Francesca, 21, 206
happiness, 9–10
Harker, LeeAnne, 81–82
Harry Potter (Rowling), 227
Hartford, Will, 27–28
Harvard Graduate School of Education, 193
Harvard University, 146, 199
Hassan, Sam, 27, 28
heroic tales, 217–219, 228