The Forgotten Recipe

by Amy Clipston

  “I’m Veronica,” she told Mary. “Where do you live?”

  Mary and Veronica fell into an easy conversation, discussing where they worked and mutual friends. Soon it was ten o’clock and the young people were filing to their buggies to go home. Jason walked between the two women as they moved toward the buggies. He and Stephen had driven to the gathering with Mary and Leah, so they had to take them home. He longed to ask Veronica if he could take her home, but he knew it wouldn’t be proper to leave Mary—even if he had a second horse and buggy here.

  Veronica stopped short of a buggy where Emily and their brunette sister were waiting with a young man, whom he assumed was her sister’s boyfriend. Veronica turned toward Jason, and her expression told him she wanted to talk to him alone.

  Mary was oblivious to that as she prattled about her work schedule at the hardware store.

  “Mary,” he said, interrupting her, “I’m going to see Veronica to her buggy, but I’ll be back in a minute. Why don’t you go find Stephen and Leah?”

  “Oh.” Mary looked surprised. “Okay. Gut nacht, Veronica.”

  “Gut nacht.” Veronica flashed her bright smile and gave Mary a little wave.

  As they walked together toward Veronica’s sisters, Jason reached out to take Veronica’s arm and then stopped, afraid of being too forward with her. “Danki for covering for me earlier,” he said softly into her ear. The smell of her lavender shampoo overtook his senses, and his pulse quickened.

  She smiled up at him. “It was no problem. I didn’t want you to get into trouble on my account. I had a nice time.”

  “I did too.” He didn’t want to say good night to her. “Danki for the stone-skipping lessons.”

  “Gern gschehne. I’m looking forward to the rain on Friday. My garden can use it.”

  He laughed. “I can’t really guarantee it.”

  “I’m going to hold you to it, though.” Her smile was playful.

  As they approached her buggy, Jason nodded a greeting to them.

  “Jason! It’s gut to see you.” Emily grinned at Veronica, who blushed. “I didn’t expect to see you here tonight. This is our sister, Rachel, and this is David.”

  “Ya, it was a nice coincidence,” Jason said as he nodded hello to the others. He looked at Veronica. “I hope to see you soon.”

  “Ya,” she agreed and then lowered her voice. “I’ll need another weather report next weekend.”

  “We’d better go,” David said. “It’s after ten.”

  Jason frowned. He didn’t want Veronica to leave, but he had to let her go. For now. “Gut nacht.”

  Veronica leaned toward him. “Stay dry on Friday.” She smiled and then climbed into the back of the buggy.

  He waved and then walked down the rock path toward Mary, who was standing by his buggy and watching him intently.

  “I CAN’T BELIEVE JASON WAS HERE!” EMILY GUSHED TO Veronica, who sat next to her in the back of the buggy.

  “Ya, I was surprised too.”

  Veronica suddenly wondered if Emily and Rachel knew the second youth group was Jason’s and hoped he would be there. But Emily’s surprise seemed genuine, and Rachel seemed to be paying little attention to anyone but David. No, she was sure her sisters hadn’t insisted she come along just so she’d run into Jason.

  Veronica peered out the back window toward Jason’s buggy. Thanks to the light of their lanterns, she could see Jason talking to his brother before they both climbed into their buggy.

  David and Rachel continued to speak to each other softly up front while David guided the buggy down the rock driveway toward the main road.

  “I was wondering where you’d gone,” Emily continued. “All of a sudden you’d disappeared.”

  “I wanted to get outside and get some air. It was hot in the kitchen. I was sitting at the pond, and Jason just happened to come along. It wasn’t planned.” Veronica fingered the hem on her apron while she thought about her conversation with Jason. He was so handsome and funny, and she felt as if she could share every emotion and every secret with him.

  In fact, she’d shared more with him than she’d ever told her mother or her sisters. Veronica hadn’t told her mother or sisters about the nightmares she had about Seth’s death, but when she started telling Jason about her grief, it all came out of her mouth as if she’d known him for years. She couldn’t wait to see him again.

  Veronica shook her head. How could she possibly think about another man when Seth had only been gone three months?

  “I think he really likes you,” Emily continued. “He looked at you as if you were the most important person in the world. It was as if Rachel, David, and I didn’t exist.”

  “He’s very nice,” Veronica said, keeping her eyes focused on her apron.

  “I know he’s going to come visit you.”

  Veronica shrugged. “I guess we’ll see. We’re only freinden.”

  “Did you talk to his bruder?” Emily asked. “I never saw him either.”

  Veronica was thankful the focus of the conversation was taken off her. “No, I didn’t, but Jason told me Stephen has a girlfriend. Her name is Leah Esh.”

  Emily frowned. “Oh.”

  “I’m sorry.” Veronica touched her sister’s hand.

  “It’s fine. I’m not in a hurry to meet someone special,” Emily said with a shrug.

  “You’re always concerned about everyone else, but you never worry about yourself,” Veronica said. “We need to find you someone nice.”

  Emily grimaced as she leaned back on the bench seat. “Ya, I agree, but it seems like all the buwe I like are either dating someone or very immature. I don’t mean to sound picky, but I want to find someone who is easy to talk to and has depth, you know? I want someone who will let me share my feelings but will also share his.”

  Veronica nodded. “I understand. You want a boyfriend who is also a really gut freind.”

  “Exactly.” Emily nodded with emphasis. “But I’m patient. I’ll meet someone eventually. Until then I have plenty to do at the haus to keep me busy. I have my chores and my quilts to make.”

  “I know you’ll find someone soon,” Veronica said, touching Emily’s hand. “Don’t give up hope.”

  “I won’t.” Emily smiled. “Don’t you give up hope either. Jason likes you.”

  I think so too. Veronica sighed. She was thankful that she and Emily could discuss things like this, but she was also nervous. Her sister was right when she said Jason liked Veronica, but she couldn’t allow herself to fall for him. It was too soon. She needed to be strong and hold fast to Seth’s precious memory.

  JASON CLIMBED INTO BED LATER THAT NIGHT. AS HE looked up at the ceiling in the dark, he smiled. He hadn’t wanted to go to the youth gathering, and yet it had turned out to be the most wonderful night he could have ever imagined. He had never expected to see Veronica, and he had never dreamed she would open up to him and share her most intimate feelings about losing Seth. Veronica had trusted him like a close friend would trust someone they had known for years. She’d opened up to him and poured out her deepest emotions, and Jason should have taken that opportunity to tell her the truth.

  Rolling to his side, Jason rested his arm on his forehead. He had missed the perfect opportunity to tell Veronica he worked with Seth, but he was afraid of scaring her away. What would she say if she knew he had originally sought her out to share his grief with her, but then said nothing? Would she call him a stalker, just as Stephen had predicted?

  Jason blew out a deep sigh. He was falling in love with Veronica, and he couldn’t expect her to love him if he didn’t tell her the truth. He had to find a way to break it to her without losing her trust. As he closed his eyes, he recalled her beautiful face and gorgeous arctic-blue eyes. He couldn’t wait to see her again, and he hoped she felt the same way.

  CHAPTER 9

  VERONICA CLIMBED OUT OF THE BACK OF THE BUGGY ON Sunday morning and followed her mother and sisters. Since it was an off Sunday for her church dist
rict, her father decided it was a good time to visit his good friend’s district for service today.

  Veronica glanced down at her black dress and black apron as they walked toward the large farmhouse where the women gathered before the service. She had dressed in all black again this Sunday, just as she had for all the previous Sundays since she’d lost Seth. It was one way she could indicate she was still mourning him. No one from this church district would necessarily know whom she was mourning, but she knew.

  Emily touched Veronica’s hand. “Don’t you want to come with us to see the youth before the service begins?”

  Veronica shook her head. “I’m going to go into the kitchen with Mamm. I’m too old to be with the youth.”

  Rachel rolled her eyes. “No, you’re not too old. Come with us.”

  “I want to be with Mamm,” Veronica insisted. “I’ll sit with you during the service.” She ignored her sisters’ frowns and stepped into the kitchen where the women stood in a circle and greeted each other.

  As she smiled and shook hands with the other women, Veronica’s thoughts were stuck on Jason. Although they’d had a nice time at the youth gathering last week, he hadn’t come to see her at the bake stand yesterday. All week she’d looked forward to seeing him on Saturday. She’d waited all day for his buggy to appear in the driveway so she could tease him about the weather and ask him why it didn’t rain on Friday as he’d predicted. Had she shared too many of her private feelings and scared him away?

  Veronica shook off her worries as the kitchen clock chimed nine. It was time to focus on the Lord and not worry about whether Jason Huyard liked her. After all, she was in mourning. Veronica exited the kitchen and found her sisters in the group of young people. She followed them into the barn, where they sat with the other unmarried young women. Veronica sank onto the backless bench between her two sisters and then glanced around, greeting a few acquaintances from the market and various other places members of the wider community gathered.

  “Veronica,” Emily whispered. “Look. Look!”

  “Was iss letz?” Veronica leaned toward her sister.

  “Look over at the young men.” Emily tapped her arm. “Jason is here.”

  “What?” Veronica asked, a little too loudly. She turned toward the rows of young, unmarried men and found Jason sitting beside his brother. Delighted, she took in his handsome face. She had missed him yesterday more than she’d realized when he hadn’t come to the bake stand. He was even more attractive than usual dressed in his Sunday clothes with his black trousers, crisp white shirt, and black vest. Veronica could watch him for hours, but she pulled her attention away from him and looked down at her apron. She had to find a way to remove these thoughts from her mind.

  “Was iss letz?” Emily whispered in her ear.

  “Nothing.” Veronica sat up straight and lifted the hymnal beside her from the bench. “I’m just preparing my mind for worship.”

  Emily lifted an eyebrow. “Aren’t you froh to see Jason here?”

  “Ya, it’s gut that he’s here.” Veronica kept her eyes focused on the hymnal, turning to the opening hymn.

  “I didn’t know this was his church district.”

  “I didn’t either. We never asked which district was at the youth gathering when we saw Jason there.” Veronica wanted to look across the aisle toward the young men so she could admire Jason some more, but she knew it was too risky. She couldn’t allow herself to get attached to him. She couldn’t let go of Seth that quickly.

  Rachel stopped talking to the young woman beside her and looked at Veronica.

  “Are you okay, Veronica?” Rachel asked. “You look upset.”

  “I’m fine.” Veronica forced a smile.

  “Jason is here,” Emily whispered, also a little too loudly. “He’s sitting over there with his bruder.” And, to Veronica’s horror, she pointed.

  Veronica yearned to crawl under the bench and hide as she felt embarrassment spread through her. Why did her sisters always have to make spectacles of themselves?

  “Stop,” Veronica hissed at Emily. “He’ll see you.”

  “Don’t you want him to see you?” Rachel asked while smiling toward Jason and Stephen.

  “No, not right now,” Veronica insisted. “I’ll talk to him after the service.”

  Emily and Rachel turned back toward the front of the barn, and Veronica breathed a sigh of relief. She stole one last glance toward Jason and found him looking at his hymnal. Thank goodness he hasn’t seen me!

  She would do her best to avoid him until he confronted her. As much as she yearned to see him, she also feared that he no longer wanted to be her friend. His rejection would hurt too much.

  The service began with a hymn, and Veronica redirected her thoughts to the present. She joined in as the congregation slowly sang the opening hymn. A young man sitting across the barn served as the song leader. He began the first syllable of each line, and then the rest of the congregation joined in to finish the verse.

  While the ministers met in another room for thirty minutes to choose who would preach that day, the congregation continued to sing. During the last verse of the second hymn, Veronica’s gaze moved to the back of the barn just as the ministers returned. They placed their hats on two hay bales, indicating that the service was about to begin.

  The chosen minister began the first sermon, and Veronica tried her best to concentrate on his holy words. She folded her hands in her lap and studied them, but her thoughts turned to Seth and then to Jason. She tried her best to keep her focus on the minister, but her stare moved toward the young men across the aisle. She contemplated Jason, who sat with his head bowed, focusing on his hands in his lap.

  What was he thinking about? Was he thinking about Mary? Had he driven home with her last Sunday and realized he cared for her more than he originally thought? And why should Veronica be concerned if he had decided to date Mary?

  While the minister continued to talk in German, Veronica lost herself in memories of the last year, of sitting with the young women in her congregation and thinking of what she and Seth would do when the service was over. Sometimes they would go for walks. Other times they would visit with his family or hers. She missed those days and relished the special memories. How long would the pain of his loss linger? When would the ache become less raw?

  She redirected her thoughts to the sermon, taking in the message and concentrating on God. She wondered what God had in store for her. Did God want her to move on and find someone else to love? Was Veronica supposed to allow Jason to get close to her, or was he only a friend who would help her through her grief before he married someone else?

  The first sermon ended, and Veronica knelt in silent prayer between her sisters. She closed her eyes and thanked God for her wonderful family and friends. She also prayed for Jason, asking God to watch over him and his family. After the prayers, the deacon read from the Scriptures, and then the hour-long main sermon began. Veronica willed herself to concentrate on the sermon, listening to the deacon discuss the book of Romans.

  Relief flooded Veronica when the fifteen-minute kneeling prayer was over. The congregation stood for the benediction and sang the closing hymn. While she sang, her eyes moved to Jason. She wondered if he could feel her eyes watching him. She had to admit the truth. She hoped he would find her and want to talk after the service.

  Rachel touched Emily’s and Veronica’s hands. “Let’s go help serve the meal.”

  “Ya,” Emily said.

  Veronica glanced toward Jason and saw him talking to two other young men. She considered walking over to him after all, but she didn’t want to seem too eager any more than she wanted him to ignore her. Instead, she followed her sisters out of the barn and toward the house.

  “Are you going to talk to Jason?” Rachel asked as they climbed the back porch steps.

  Veronica shrugged.

  “You need to fill kaffi cups,” Emily chimed in. “You can go to his table and fill his cup. That way he’ll
have to talk to you.”

  As Veronica considered that idea, she stepped into the kitchen and found Mary placing peanut butter spread and bread on trays. Her stomach sank. It made sense that if this was Jason’s district, it would be Mary’s too. But how could she talk to Jason if Mary was around?

  “Veronica,” Mary said in a bright voice, though her smile was phony. “I thought I saw you during the service.”

  “Hi, Mary.” Veronica tried her best to sound happy to see her. “These are my schweschdere, Emily and Rachel.”

  “It’s nice of you to join our church district for service today.” Mary handed a tray of peanut butter spread to Rachel. “Would you like to help serve?”

  “Ya, we’re here to help,” Emily said as she took another tray.

  “I’ll pour the kaffi.” Veronica took the coffeepot and walked with her sisters back outside toward the barn. The July air was sweltering as the sun beat on her black dress and apron.

  “Who’s Mary?” Rachel asked.

  “Remember I told you Leah Esh is dating Jason’s bruder, Stephen? Well, Mary is Leah’s schweschder. Leah and Stephen are trying to set Jason up with Mary.”

  “Oh,” her sisters grumbled in unison.

  “Well, he obviously likes you, so I wouldn’t worry about it,” Rachel said while balancing the tray in her hands.

  “I’m not worried.” Veronica knew she didn’t sound convincing. Mary’s phony smile was proof that Mary saw Veronica as competition, and it was silly. After all, Veronica wasn’t interested in Jason. She sighed. Of course she was interested in Jason, but she wasn’t ready to give up her heart yet.

  Veronica carried the coffeepot into the barn and walked around the tables, filling cups. Her stomach fluttered when she came to the table where Jason sat surrounded by a group of men, including his brother. Her father was there, too, sitting at the far end beside the friend he had specifically wanted to visit today.

  Jason looked up at her and his eyes widened as he smiled, causing butterflies to swirl in her stomach.

  “Veronica! I didn’t know you were coming to church in my district today,” he said.