The Forgotten Recipe

by Amy Clipston

  “To answer your question,” she began while they stood behind his buggy, away from the kitchen windows, “ya, she is avoiding you.”

  Jason’s shoulders slumped, and he deflated like a balloon.

  “Now, wait,” Mattie said. “I need you to be strong. I want you to promise me you won’t give up on her.”

  “What do you mean?” Jason asked, confused. “Why are you encouraging me to pursue Veronica when she refuses to see me?”

  Mattie looked toward the house as if checking to see if someone was spying on them. “Veronica is confused right now. She feels as if she’ll hurt Seth if she sees you. She’s still grieving, and she’s not sure what she wants.” Her lips formed a real, genuine smile. “I know she has feelings for you, Jason.”

  “She does?” He was certain his grin was goofy.

  “Ya, she does. She’s just afraid of what she’s feeling, but I need you to give her a chance. If you’re patient, then I know things will turn out the way you want them to.”

  A renewed hope bloomed inside of him. “I will wait as long as she needs me to.”

  Mattie’s eyes misted over as if she might cry. “I’m froh to hear you say that. Just be patient with her and give her some time. You might even want to give her a little space and let her come to you.”

  Jason swallowed. He wasn’t sure he could stay away, but he would do whatever Mattie thought was best. “All right.”

  “Wunderbaar.” Mattie nodded. “I’ll give her your gift bag. I have a feeling you’ll be hearing from her soon.”

  “Danki,” he said as he climbed into the buggy. As he guided the horse toward the road, he sent a silent prayer up to God, asking him to grant him patience and to help Veronica through her grief.

  VERONICA RUSHED INTO THE KITCHEN AS SOON AS SHE heard the door shut. She peered out the kitchen window above the sink just as Jason’s buggy moved down the driveway toward the road. Regret and relief warred inside of her. She longed to call him back and push him away at the same time. What was wrong with her?

  Mamm stepped in, holding the pink gift bag Jason had been carrying.

  “What happened?” Veronica asked as she crossed the kitchen and met her mother at the table.

  “Jason wanted to talk to you, and he wanted you to have this.” Mamm held out the bag. “I promised to give it to you.”

  Veronica pondered his bringing her the bag. “Why would he bring me a gift after I pushed him away?” she whispered.

  “Open it.” Mamm nudged the bag toward her. “He was adamant that I give it to you.”

  Veronica’s hands trembled as she took the bag and placed it on the table. She opened it and pulled out a bright-pink, collapsible umbrella and turned it over in her hand. Was this a reference to his weather reports? She stuck her hand back into the bag and retrieved two large baked pretzels. She breathed in the warm smell, and her stomach gurgled.

  “Your favorite,” Mamm said.

  Veronica looked at the pretzels and then set them on the table. “How did he know?” Then she pulled out a jar candle and turned it upside down to read the fragrance—vanilla. Last, she took out the novels, which were written by two of her favorite authors. She pored over the gifts and then looked at her mother.

  “How could he possibly know I liked all these things?” Veronica lifted the top off the candle and breathed in the sweet scent of vanilla, and tears pricked her eyes. Why would a man whom she’d rejected bring her such thoughtful gifts?

  Mamm peered into the bag and pulled out an envelope. “You missed this.”

  Veronica took the envelope, finding her name written on the front in neat, slanted cursive. She looked at the handwriting and imagined him writing this for her. Why would he take the time to write her a letter after she’d told him to pursue Mary instead of her?

  “Read it,” Mamm gently prodded.

  Veronica opened the envelope and unfolded a letter written in the same neat cursive on plain white paper.

  To My Favorite Expert Stone Skipper,

  I’ve written and rewritten this letter more than three times while trying to figure out exactly what I wanted to say. After much thought, I realized that I need to apologize to you.

  I’m sorry for pressuring you when you had clearly told me you weren’t ready to date yet. You had shared at the youth gathering that you missed Seth so much that your heart ached. I’m deeply sorry for adding to your pain. It’s my fault for misreading our special friendship as something more. I take full responsibility and hope you will forgive me.

  Please accept these gifts from me as tokens of our friendship. I promise I won’t pressure you about dating me. All I want from you is friendship. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me because I truly will miss our friendship if you can’t.

  Sincerely,

  Your Weatherman

  P.S. I heard it might rain on Tuesday, so please be sure to carry the umbrella.

  Veronica read the letter until she nearly had it committed to memory. Her vision blurred as tears flooded her eyes and then trickled down her hot cheeks. Why would he want to be her friend when she’d hurt him? If she let him be her friend, would he slowly make his way into her heart and try to squeeze out all the love she’d saved for Seth’s memory? How could she possibly even consider being Jason’s friend when she could see herself falling for his warm, caramel-colored eyes, his radiant, crooked smile, and his easy sense of humor? Jason could quickly steal her affection, and she wasn’t ready for that.

  “Veronica?” Mamm’s voice was soft and comforting as she placed her hand on Veronica’s shoulder. “Are you all right?”

  Veronica sniffed and brushed away the tears. “What did he say to you?” she asked, ignoring Mamm’s concerned expression.

  “He wanted to see you, and I told him you weren’t feeling your best. He asked me to take the bag, and I sold him a pie.” Mamm paused as if debating if she should share something or not. “He asked if you were avoiding him, and I told him the truth.”

  Veronica gasped. “What did you tell him?”

  “I told him you are struggling with your grief, and I asked him not to give up on you. I told him I am sure you have feelings for him.” She said the words matter-of-factly, as if she were ordering at the deli counter in the Bird-in-Hand Farmers Market.

  “Why would you say that?” Veronica’s voice rose as anger radiated through her. “Why would you tell him not to give up on me when you know I can’t possibly allow myself to fall in love with him?” Another tear escaped her eye, and she brushed it away with a shaky hand.

  Mamm’s expression remained calm. “Mei liewe, you need to allow yourself time to grieve, and then you need to find your way back to this life.” She pointed toward the letter. “May I ask what the letter says?”

  “You wouldn’t understand it, but here.” Veronica handed her the letter and then focused her attention on her apron while Mamm read it. Thoughts swirled in her mind and a headache brewed in her temples. Why had Mamm told him to wait for her? Why was Veronica so confused? When would she feel like herself again?

  “‘Expert Stone Skipper and Weatherman’?” Mamm shook her head as she set the letter down on the table.

  “I told you that you wouldn’t understand it.” Veronica grabbed the letter.

  “Veronica,” Mamm said with a smile. “Don’t you see that he loves you?”

  “Don’t say that!” Veronica shook her head. “He can’t love me. I’m not ready for this! And maybe I’ll never be ready for this again. Maybe Seth was the only one for me.”

  “That’s not true.” Mamm reached for Veronica’s arm, and she stepped out of her reach.

  “Ya, it is. And you just made it worse.” She trembled as the reality of her strong feelings for Jason swept over her.

  “How did I make it worse?” Mamm asked. “I only told him to wait for you. I told him to give you time and not to give up on you.”

  “But that’s not what I want.” Veronica pointed to herself. “I want to be le
ft alone!” Her tears were pouring out of her eyes now. “I’m going for a walk.”

  Veronica jammed the letter in her apron pocket and stalked out the door and down her driveway. She needed to talk to someone. She needed Margaret. Only Margaret could help her sort through all these confusing emotions. She hurried down the street to Seth’s mother’s house and knocked on the door. She blew out a sigh of relief when his mother answered the door.

  “Veronica.” Margaret’s eyes widened with worry. “Are you all right?”

  “Do you have a minute to talk?”

  “Ya.” Margaret opened the door wide and motioned for Veronica to come in. “Let’s have a cup of tea together.”

  “Danki.” Veronica rubbed away the last of her stray tears and stepped into the house she used to consider her second home. “Where is Ellie?” she asked as she took two teacups from the cabinet.

  “Ellie is working today.” Margaret put the kettle on the stove.

  “Ellie’s working now? I didn’t know that.”

  “She insisted on getting a job.” Margaret frowned. “Things are tight since we lost Seth. He helped us so much after Abner died.” She shook her head. “Now we’re having a difficult time keeping the farm going with Abner and Seth both gone. I don’t know what we’re going to do.”

  “I’m sorry.” Veronica’s stomach tightened. Seth lost his father when he was twelve, about the same time his grandmother made the quilt for him. Her heart broke for Margaret. She’d lost her husband and then her only son. “How are you doing?”

  “I have gut days and bad days.” Margaret’s green eyes clouded. “Some days I expect him to run into the kitchen and kiss my cheek on his way out to the stable to take care of the animals after work. And then I remember he can’t do that anymore.”

  “I know,” Veronica whispered.

  Margaret brought a plate of cookies and two tea bags to the table. When the kettle whistled, Veronica filled the cups and then sat down across from Margaret.

  “So,” Margaret began, “what did you want to talk about?”

  Veronica’s bottom lip quivered, and she willed herself not to cry again. She’d cried too many tears for one day. “There’s a young man who likes me.”

  “Oh?” Margaret lifted her teacup. “Do you like him?”

  Veronica nodded. “Ya, I do, and I feel . . . guilty.”

  “Why do you feel guilty?” Margaret looked incredulous as she lifted a snickerdoodle from the plate.

  “It doesn’t feel right to have feelings for someone else.” Veronica was thankful that she had willed herself not to cry. “I don’t want to betray Seth’s memory by being with someone else. Seth was my first and only love. How can I possibly think of someone else?”

  To Veronica’s surprise, Margaret smiled. “Ach, Veronica. You’re young. You have your whole life to live.” She reached over the table and touched Veronica’s hand. “Seth loved you. He couldn’t wait to marry you.”

  Veronica sniffed and cleared her throat. Don’t cry! Don’t cry!

  “You can rest assured that Seth would want you to be happy. He wouldn’t want you to stop living now. It’s only natural to want to marry and have kinner. Jesus tells us we should go forth and bear fruit, and Seth would want you to move on and be froh.”

  “You think so?” Veronica asked, gripping the teacup in her hands.

  “I’m absolutely certain of it. How would you feel if you knew you were going to be the one who wasn’t with us anymore?”

  Veronica considered this. “I would want Seth to fall in love, get married, and have a family.”

  “There’s your answer.” Margaret tapped her teacup for emphasis. “You’re still here. You need to live your life, and you can do that and still keep those precious memories of Seth in your heart.”

  “Danki.” Veronica let that sink in, then nodded. This was what her mother and sisters had been trying to tell her, but somehow it mattered most coming from someone who loved Seth as much as she did.

  “I will.” Hope took hold of her. With Margaret’s blessing, she knew she didn’t need to be alone.

  CHAPTER 12

  MARGARET’S WORDS TWIRLED THROUGH VERONICA’S MIND as she walked home, the afternoon sun shining in the bright blue sky and birds singing in nearby trees. Veronica and Margaret had turned the conversation to mundane things while they finished their tea and cookies, then Veronica thanked Margaret again before making her way back home.

  She felt a mixture of relief and guilt when her driveway and the sign advertising her bake stand came into sight. She was so relieved Margaret had given her blessing to date Jason, but Veronica was drowning in guilt for how she’d spoken to her mother. She needed to get home and make things right.

  While walking up the rock driveway, Veronica pulled the letter from her pocket. She had craved Margaret’s blessing, and now that she had it, she needed to find a way to release her overwhelming grief.

  She stopped by the bake stand and reviewed the letter, taking in the words with fresh eyes. Her mother was right; Jason did care for her. But one question still puzzled her—how did Jason know baked pretzels, vanilla-scented candles, and novels were among her favorite treats? Could he read minds? No, that certainly wasn’t possible, but how else could he have known? Had her mother or sisters given Jason ideas for what gifts to buy her? She folded the letter and pushed it back into her pocket.

  Veronica went around the house, climbed the back porch steps, and pushed open the back door. She found her mother standing at the kitchen counter perusing a cookbook.

  “Veronica?” Mamm looked over her shoulder and relief softened her expression. “I’ve been worried about you.”

  Veronica crossed the kitchen and enveloped her in a hug. “I’m so sorry, Mamm.” Her voice reverberated with regret. “I’m sorry for yelling at you. You were right all along, and I should’ve listened. Please forgive me. I hope the bake stand wasn’t too busy while I was gone.”

  “Ach, it’s okay. Your customers were fine, and I understand how you feel. You feel as if you’re drowning, but it will get better.” Mamm smiled at her. “Where were you?”

  “I went to see Margaret.” Veronica sniffed and then shared the conversation she’d had with Seth’s mother. “I suppose I felt like I needed her blessing. If she tells me it’s okay to move on, then it’s almost as if Seth is giving me his blessing as well.” She shrugged. “I know that sounds gegisch.”

  “No, not at all. You have to follow your heart, but I also don’t want to see life pass you by. I’m sure Jason’s feelings for you are genuine. You pushed him away, but he came back. He’s not giving up on you, and he even said he’ll wait for you.”

  Veronica considered the letter. “I’m really surprised he wants to wait for me. I even told him to pursue another maedel who obviously has feelings for him.”

  “If he were interested in her, then he wouldn’t come to see you, would he?”

  “No.” Veronica shrugged. “I’m just shocked.” She pointed toward the gift bag, which still sat on the table, surrounded by the items he’d packed in it. “How did he know what I liked? How did he know I love pretzels, vanilla candles, and books?”

  Mamm’s smile was warm. “Maybe he knows you better than you think he does.”

  “But that doesn’t make sense. I’ve never told him I like those things.”

  “Could it be instinct?” Mamm picked up one of the books and scanned the back. “Does he have a schweschder? Maybe she gave him some advice and these are things she likes.”

  “No, he only has a younger bruder. But I suppose his mamm could have helped him. She seemed very nice when I met her.” Veronica sank into a chair at the table, unwrapped one of the pretzels, and broke off a piece. Even though it was no longer warm, it melted in her mouth. She closed her eyes, savoring the taste. She broke off another piece and handed it to her mother. “It’s appeditlich.”

  Mamm sat down across from her, ate the piece of pretzel, then used one of the napkins in the hold
er. “May I ask you something?”

  “Of course.” Veronica ate another piece and handed one to her mother.

  “Why did he call himself your weatherman and refer to you as the expert stone skipper?” Mamm popped the pretzel into her mouth.

  Veronica cleaned her fingers on a napkin and told her mother about Jason’s weekly bake stand weather reports and how she taught him to skip stones at the youth gathering. As Mamm listened, her smile widened.

  “Why are you smiling like that?” Veronica asked as she broke the last piece of pretzel in half.

  “It sounds like you two have a very special friendship.”

  Veronica nodded as worry seeped into her thoughts.

  “Is something wrong?”

  “I guess I’m scared.”

  “Don’t be. Just take your time and get to know him.”

  Veronica considered this. “I don’t even remember how to date. It seems like it was a long time ago when I first started dating Seth—four years. How do you start over again?”

  “That’s a gut question.” She rubbed her chin. “I suppose it’s like making new freinden, right? You slowly get to know each other. Just be his freind.”

  “Right.” Veronica sighed. “It’s all so overwhelming.”

  “Don’t let it be. Just be yourself.”

  Veronica tried to imagine what it would be like if she dated Jason. Would she think about Seth every time they held hands? Would she compare him to Seth every time he spoke? She had to let her worries go and have faith.

  RACHEL LURKED IN THE DOORWAY BY THE STAIRS. SHE didn’t mean to eavesdrop, but she didn’t think anyone was in the kitchen with Mamm until she heard the voices. When she heard Veronica mention Jason, she stopped and listened. She should have gone back upstairs, but she was intrigued by what she was hearing. She smiled, hopeful that her sister was finally going to find happiness again.

  Rachel had to find a way to encourage Veronica to trust her instincts and let herself find love again. It would be the best way for her older sister to heal. Rachel and Emily had been so worried about Veronica. God had definitely answered their prayers. She couldn’t wait to tell Emily!