by Amy Clipston
“Shh.” Margaret reached up and cupped her hand to Jason’s cheek. “Stop right now. You don’t have to say anything else. No one ever blamed you for the accident. Your dat was honest with me. He said Seth never should’ve been in the rafters without a worker standing nearby. You told him you were stepping away, and it was his choice not to move to a safer area. You need to let go of that guilt and allow your heart to heal. It was never your fault.”
Jason nodded and cleared his throat while willing his tears to stop flowing. “I miss him,” he whispered.
Margaret gave him a sad smile. “Ya, I know. Ellie and I miss him every day.”
“I’ve done something Seth would not like,” Jason blurted out.
“What did you do?” Margaret asked.
“I fell in love with Veronica Fisher.” Jason frowned, embarrassed. “Seth talked about her all the time, and I felt as if I knew her even though I had never met her. After Seth died, I wanted to express my condolences to her. I met her, and then I fell in love with her.” He paused and shook his head again. “I know it was wrong, but I didn’t mean to develop feelings for her.”
“Jason, I think that’s wonderful,” Margaret said. “Oh my goodness. I didn’t know it was you Veronica was talking about when she told me she was interested in someone. She came to visit me a few weeks ago and told me, but she didn’t tell me who it was. I’m froh that it’s you.”
“Veronica told me your blessing made all the difference to her in deciding to date me. You really don’t think I’ve hurt Seth’s memory with Veronica?” Jason asked. Even though his relationship with Veronica hadn’t worked out, Jason wanted Margaret’s approval. He wanted her to say he hadn’t been a terrible friend by falling in love with Seth’s fiancée.
“I think it’s nice that Veronica found someone who was close to Seth.” Margaret smiled. “I think Seth would approve, and I’m froh for you both. I know you’ll be gut to her and treat her right. She needs a nice, thoughtful man who will take gut care of her. Seth loved her very much, and I think they had a gut relationship.”
“It’s more complicated than that.” He grimaced. “We broke up yesterday.”
“Oh dear.” Margaret clucked her tongue. “I’m sorry to hear that.” She tilted her head in bewilderment. “What happened?”
“It’s my fault,” Jason explained, kicking a pebble with the toe of his boot. “When I first met her, intending to offer my condolences, I didn’t tell her I knew Seth. I was immediately attracted to her, and I didn’t want reminding her of her pain to ruin any chance I had of getting to know her. And then as time went on, I was afraid telling her would mean losing her.”
He focused on the grass to avoid Margaret’s eyes. “I was wrong to keep my friendship with Seth a secret. I listened to her when she talked about how much she missed him, and I told her I understood without confessing the truth. I finally told her yesterday, and it was too late. She thinks I deliberately lied to her to take advantage of her grief and manipulate her.”
He rubbed his chin. “I don’t know what to do now. I can’t imagine losing her, but I don’t know how to get her back.”
“Veronica is a strong and stubborn maedel.”
“I know.” Jason nodded. “I just had the same discussion with her schweschder Rachel.”
“Veronica will change her mind and forgive you.” Margaret folded her arms over her small frame. “She seemed very froh the day she told me about you. She was struggling with her feelings because she felt as if she was betraying Seth by allowing herself to have feelings for you. I think both you and Veronica need to realize that Seth is gone now. You both miss him, but you both deserve to move on with your lives. I believe Seth would bless your relationship. You both loved Seth. You’ll never forget him, but you don’t have to worry about hurting him by loving each other.”
“Danki, Margaret,” Jason whispered as her words sank in.
They talked for a few more minutes, and then he said good-bye and padded through the grass to his buggy.
Margaret’s words occupied his thoughts throughout the evening. Seth’s mother was right, but he had to make Veronica believe Seth would be thankful that he and Veronica had found each other. He hoped Veronica would see that his love for her was pure and he only wanted to make her happy.
THAT NIGHT VERONICA TOSSED AND TURNED IN BED. SHE couldn’t stop the stabbing pain in her heart. How could Jason betray her like this? How could she have allowed herself to fall for him so quickly? Questions continued to assault her mind, driving the knife deeper into her soul.
Finally, she sat up and flipped on her Coleman lantern. She needed something to take her mind off her anguish. Her thoughts turned to the hope chest in the attic. Maybe she could find more forgotten recipes that would take her mind off Jason and Seth and keep her distracted. Even though Mammi’s raspberry pie recipe had started her on a path that allowed Jason to find her—and break her heart—she wouldn’t have had her bake stand without it. She enjoyed a business she could operate from home on her own.
With the lantern illuminating the way, Veronica padded out to the hallway and up the stairs to the attic, her bare feet quietly slapping the cool wooden floors. She climbed over the boxes and made her way to the hope chest. She pulled on the lid. When it didn’t open, she looked for the same brass key she’d found before, but it wasn’t there.
“Did Mamm lock the hope chest again and take the key?” Veronica whispered.
“Veronica?”
Turning, Veronica found her mother standing behind her, holding up a lantern. “Mamm. I didn’t hear you come in. How did you know I was up here?”
“I thought I heard the stairs creak.” Mamm had a suspicious look in her eye. “What are you doing up here so late?”
“I couldn’t sleep so I thought I’d come up here.” Veronica pointed toward the chest. “I can’t open it. Did you lock it?”
Mamm hesitated, her expression almost nervous. “Ya, I did. Why do you want to look in there again?”
Veronica blinked, wondering why her mother was acting so anxious. “I just want to look for more recipes. Is that okay?”
Mamm pressed her lips together. “Ya, it’s okay. How about I look for you?”
“Okay.” Veronica shrugged.
Mamm padded to the other side of the attic, opened a small wooden box, and held up the key. Then she unlocked the chest and lifted the lid.
Veronica opened her mouth to ask her mother why she’d locked it, but then let the words disappear. She didn’t want to pry. After all, the hope chest belonged to her, and it was her prerogative to lock it.
After placing the lantern on a box beside the chest, Mamm carefully moved items around, digging a little deeper than before.
Veronica spotted a small plastic box at the bottom and reached for it. “Are these more recipes?”
“I’m not sure,” Mamm said, quickly picking it up herself.
“May I open it?”
“Ya,” Mamm said, though she seemed hesitant as she handed it to Veronica.
Maybe Mamm just wishes she could look over all her treasures without company. I’ll suggest we go soon, especially if we don’t find recipes in this box.
Veronica smiled, hoping she really would find more of her grandmother’s recipes inside. She needed to feel that strong connection to her grandmother again, and the recipes were the best way to find it. The season for her raspberry pies was coming to an end, and she would love to find something just as special to bake in the coming weeks and months.
She sank down onto a nearby cardboard box marked “Books,” opened the small plastic box, and found a folded piece of yellowed paper. Veronica turned over the paper and realized it was a letter her grandmother had written to her grandfather.
“Mamm, this is a letter Mammi wrote. May I read it?”
“Ya. Why don’t you read it aloud?”
Dear Mose,
As I write this letter, I’m watching the sunset outside my bedroom window. The sky is bat
hed in schee shades of purple, orange, magenta, and yellow, reminding me of that walk we took around your dat’s pond a few months ago. That was the perfect evening. The air was warm, and the birds were chirping their froh songs as we talked.
I’ve done a lot of thinking since our argument yesterday. I’ve realized now that you were right when you said bad things happen but we can’t let them tear us apart. This has been both a terrible year and a wunderbaar year. I never imagined I would lose my bruder, and I had no idea his death would take such a toll on my parents. Yet I also never imagined that you and I would fall in love. For years you only saw me as Elias’s younger schweschder, and I never expected to become more than that to you. You surprised me the day you asked me to go for a ride in your buggy so we could talk alone.
When you said I shouldn’t let my grief stop me from marrying you, I was hurt. At first I thought you didn’t understand how I was feeling. I was angry since you and Elias had been best freinden, and I thought you didn’t care about Elias and were disrespecting his memory. Then I realized you do care about Elias. You were trying to tell me that even after we’re married we will always keep Elias’s memory close to our hearts. And Elias would want us to be froh together. He would bless our relationship.
Mose, I’m writing you tonight to apologize to you and to give you my answer. Ya, I will marry you in the fall. I always have loved you. I even loved you when you used to tease me and tell me I was nothing but a gegisch maedel.
Danki for not giving up on me. I can’t wait to see you again. I’m going to make you another raspberry pie so we can share it while we discuss our wedding plans.
Love always,
Ruth
Questions swirled in Veronica’s mind. Her mammi had lost a brother? And the grief of losing him had almost cost her grandparents their marriage?
“Have you ever seen this before?” she asked her mother as she handed the letter to her.
Mamm scanned it, and her eyes shimmered in the light of the lantern. “I remember reading this years ago. I had forgotten I’d put it in here.”
“What happened to Onkel Elias?” Veronica cleared her throat as her eyes stung with tears.
“He died in a farming accident when Mammi was only twenty.” Mamm shook her head. “It was terrible. The farm was having a bad year, and it was just devastating for the family. They went through a really rough time.” She handed the letter back to Veronica.
“Why didn’t Mammi ever tell us about Onkel Elias?”
Mamm shook her head. “I guess it was always too painful for her to share. I thought I had told you about him.”
Veronica shook her head. “No, you never did.”
“I’m sorry.” Mamm frowned. “It was never easy for Mammi to talk about him.”
“Mammi almost didn’t marry Daadi because of what happened to Elias?” Veronica asked.
“That’s right. Daadi was best friends with Onkel Elias. In fact, that’s how your daadi and mammi met.” Mamm smiled with a faraway look in her eyes. “Mamm said Dat used to tease her, but it was really his way of flirting with her. He liked her, but it took him a long time to ask her to be his girlfriend.” Her smiled collapsed. “And then Elias died, and Mamm had a difficult time coming to terms with her grief. They were very close.”
“But in the end she learned to move past it.” Veronica ran her fingers down the letter. “Mammi realized she would keep her bruder’s memory close to her heart, but she could still move on with her life.”
As her mother’s thoughts seemed to go somewhere beyond the attic, Veronica contemplated her grandmother’s words and thought about Seth and Jason. Was this the sign she needed? From her grandmother? Was Mammi trying to tell her to forgive Jason and move on—giving her the recipe for happiness her own heart seemed to have forgotten? Her thoughts were a jumbled mess. She couldn’t make sense of any of it. Maybe she needed some rest to help her sort through all her confusing emotions.
She glanced up at Mamm, who was now looking at her. “May I keep this letter?”
“Of course.” Mamm stood and touched Veronica’s arm. “You need to try to get some sleep.”
“Ya, I think you’re right.” Veronica nodded.
Mamm locked the hope chest and then slipped the key back into the pocket of her robe. Veronica again wondered why Mamm had decided to keep the chest locked, but she shrugged it off.
As she followed Mamm down the stairs, more questions about her grandmother came to mind. How did Mammi overcome her grief after losing her brother? Could Veronica also learn how to move past her grief for Seth and find a way to go forward in her life?
After saying good night to her mother, Veronica climbed into bed and read the letter again. She eventually put it next to her on the bed and fell asleep.
VERONICA AWOKE WRAPPED IN SETH’S QUILT WITH HER grandmother’s letter still beside her. She was thankful she’d finally fallen asleep, but the worry and frustration that had clouded her thoughts the previous evening were still present in her mind. She needed to stop dwelling on her confusing feelings, and baking had been her escape from her grief in the past. She would pour herself into baking raspberry pies and preparing her items for her bake stand on Saturday. She also had to help coordinate the menu for the next group of Englishers who planned to come for a meal.
Veronica changed into a fresh dress and apron and then made her way down the stairs to the kitchen. She found her sisters and mother eating breakfast, and the fragrance of eggs, warm bread, and hash browns caused her stomach to growl.
“Gude mariye,” Veronica said. The three women greeted her as she sat down beside Emily. She bowed her head in silent prayer and then filled her plate. “I didn’t realize I had overslept.” “We thought you needed your sleep, so we didn’t wake you.” Mamm brought her a cup of coffee.
“Danki.” Veronica poured cream into the brew and took a sip. Her attention moved to the center of the table, where she found a vase overflowing with colorful fresh flowers. “Where did those schee flowers come from?”
Rachel and Emily shared a knowing expression before Emily pushed the vase toward Veronica.
“Smell them,” Emily said with a grin.
Veronica breathed in the sweet aroma of the beautiful flowers and smiled. “Did Dat bring them in for Mamm this morning before he went out to the store?”
Rachel shook her head. “No, they aren’t from Dat. We don’t even have some of those varieties in our garden. Jason brought them for you last night. That’s what I was trying to tell you when you insisted that I tell him you weren’t feeling well.”
Veronica’s stomach plummeted. She touched the leaf on a black-eyed Susan. “Jason brought these for me?”
Rachel nodded. “Ya, he did. He really wanted to talk to you.”
Veronica smelled the flowers again as the room fell silent.
Out of her peripheral vision, she spotted her sisters in a wordless conversation with meaningful expressions. Veronica’s stare moved across the kitchen to the shelf Jason had given her. Her father had hung it for her the night she’d received it, and her favorite cooking utensils dangled from the hooks while a decorative ceramic rooster sat on the shelf. Jason had given her so many gifts.
Including a chance to love again.
Her thoughts moved to her grandmother’s letter that she’d found in the hope chest last night. Could she also work through grief and make room in her heart for both Seth and Jason?
Veronica could feel her sisters watching her as if they were waiting for her to say something about Jason and the cheerful flowers.
No. She refused to allow herself to give in to their curiosity. She didn’t want to discuss Jason anymore. And her grandmother’s situation had been entirely different. No one had lied to her.
Jason had lied. It was over, and she had moved on with her life. Or, at least, she longed to move on with her life, but it seemed an impossible task.
“What do you have planned for the day, Veronica?” Mamm asked, breaking the silenc
e that hung over the kitchen like a dense fog.
“I was hoping to make some pies for the bake stand,” Veronica said before buttering a piece of bread.
“We don’t have many raspberries left,” Emily chimed before picking up a piece of bread from the basket. “These will probably be your last pies for the season.”
“That’s exactly what I was thinking,” Veronica said. “Hopefully we can sell them all on Saturday.”
“That’s a gut idea,” Mamm said.
“We can get started after you finish eating,” Emily suggested before biting into the bread.
“That’s a great plan. We also need to decide on the menu for the next Englisher group dinner.” Veronica felt her shoulders relax slightly. She was grateful her family agreed she should bake today. If she kept busy, then maybe, just maybe, she could find a way to forget about Jason and all the plans she’d imagined for them. She’d keep baking and remain distracted, and hopefully her heart would find a way to heal once again.
CHAPTER 20
JASON GUIDED HIS HORSE INTO VERONICA’S DRIVE WAY ON Saturday morning. His breath caught in his throat when he spotted Veronica smiling and talking to a group of five English women who were gathered around her stand. He halted the horse across from the bake stand and retrieved a blue gift bag from the passenger side.
Suddenly his confidence in the gifts inside evaporated. What if Veronica hated them or thought they were stupid? Jason had poured hours last night into putting the gift bag together. He’d spent the day thinking about her at work, and he found himself stuck on the scent of her hair. That was when the idea of the gift bag struck him. First, he’d stopped at the drugstore on his way home from work for lavender-scented body lotion. He was thankful that a patient employee had helped him search through endless brands for that specific scent.
