Music from Home

by Geraldine O'Neill

  “Don’t thank me.” Maria was shaking her head. “I don’t deserve it. I feel so terrible – I feel so guilty.”

  “But you have nothing to feel guilty about.”

  “I have.” Her voice was now a whisper. “When Stella told me that her mother was going to matchmake you and my dad at the races that day, I was really angry with her and I planned to do everything I could to keep you away from him. Everything she told me about you made me really want to hate you.”

  Diana looked astounded. How could Jane Maxwell have talked about her in such a way to her daughter? How could she have made her sound like such a pathetic, desperate case?

  “If I hadn’t met you in the church that morning,” Maria said, “and discovered what a really nice, kind person you were, then you and my dad wouldn’t have had all those lovely months together.” Maria bowed her head now. “I wish he’d met you years ago because he wouldn’t have been so lonely that he sometimes drank too much or gambled away his money. I wish he’d met you because he would have been so much happier than he was.”

  Diana pulled her back into her arms. “You have to stop thinking like that,” she said. “It won’t do you any good. And from what your father told me, he wasn’t ready or interested in meeting anyone else up until now. Sometimes it’s just the way life works out.” She stroked Maria’s hair again. “And maybe it’s the way it was designed to be, because it was a million to one chance that you and I met in that church and then met up again at the races. The more I think about it, it’s as if was as if it was all meant to happen.”

  Maria’s head suddenly jerked up, as though something had just struck her. “Do you think that it was all in God’s plan to bring us together?”

  Diana’s hand came up to her throat. “Who knows?”

  Maria was silent for a moment. “Well, all I can say is that I think God is very, very cruel. Why did he bring us all together and let us be happy for such a short time – and then do such a terrible thing to my dad?”

  Diana closed her eyes and Maria knew that she had no answers, and that she had probably been asking herself the very same thing since they got the call to go to the hospital.

  The word continued to spread about Leo’s death through neighbours, the church congregation, talk in the local shop and phone calls. Most of the people who called at the house to pay their respects were neighbours and local people who knew Leo from the church and the newsagent’s and the other nearby shops. Then there were the others who knew him from the restaurant, the local pub he had frequented, the bookie’s shop he placed his bets in, and the trainers and staff from the stables who looked after Bella Maria.

  And there was a constant flow of Italian people who knew Leo from when he was a young boy first landed in Ancoats from Lake Garda. They arrived, several of them openly crying, carrying Italian bread and cakes, and some of the men brought bottles of Italian wine and liqueurs. They were quiet at first when they were drinking tea or coffee, but became more talkative afterwards when the ladies in the kitchen brought them glasses of whiskey or wine or sherry. When one or two of the Italian women were uncertain as to what to drink, Diana went into the kitchen and a few minutes later returned with a tray with small glasses filled with the Italian liqueurs which they found much more acceptable.

  When any of the Italians came to speak to her, they all made it clear to Maria that she only had to ask for anything if she needed it and they would be there, and they all embraced her and told her what a fine man her father had been. She found their offers of help very touching, but struggled when some of the more emotional mourners started crying and going over all that had happened to Leo again.

  Quite a few people were intrigued about Timothy, the man her father had defended, and wanted to know whether he knew what had happened to Leo. Maria heard two of the men asking Franco if Timothy had had the decency to call to the house to offer his sympathies, and she found she could not listen to it as it upset her too much and made her relive the night again.

  Each time a group of people left, Mrs Lowry and Bernice said how surprised they were at the number of people who knew Leo, but not one bit surprised that they all spoke so highly of him.

  Diana found that each person who came in with a story of Leo’s kindness or his great sense of humour left her feeling sadder that she hadn’t known him as long as some of these acquaintances. And, on a number of occasions, she overheard people asking Bernice or Mrs Lowry who she was, and why Maria was sitting with her most of the time. Whilst she was gratified to hear them both describe her as Leo’s girlfriend, the fact that they didn’t know she existed and seemed surprised underlined just how new their romance had been.

  Maria’s friends also appeared at the house in small groups for moral support, or with their parents. Stella arrived with both her parents, and when she saw Maria in the sitting room she ran over to her and they stood hugging and crying until they were separated when Mrs Lowry took Maria gently by the shoulders and Stella’s mother did the same with her.

  When the girls went upstairs to Maria’s bedroom, Jane Maxwell went to speak to Diana and said that Leo’s death was the biggest shock she’d had in a long time, and that she still could not believe that such a fit-looking man in the prime of his life was gone. She had then thrown her arms around Diana, crying and saying how sorry she was because she knew that Leo had been the love of her life, and how awful it was for her to lose him so soon.

  Diana, her heart sore with grief, silently and politely took herself off into the kitchen. She knew she could not trust herself to speak without telling Jane exactly how she felt about her. Bad enough that she had been talking all the nonsense about her matchmaking schemes, without adding to it by making a huge emotional drama out of her and Leo’s relationship. But she knew it was not the time or place to let fly with her anger now, and so had to bottle it up along with all her other feelings.

  More people arrived and gave their commiserations to Maria and Diana and Franco – who some people mistook for Leo’s brother. Bernice and Mrs Lowry kept putting teacups and saucers on the table, and milk and sugar, and frequently did the rounds with an extra big teapot borrowed from Leonardo’s. When plates of sandwiches and sliced fruit cake and biscuits were passed around, the sombre mood in the room eased a little and people began talking about the weather and things they had heard on the news.

  At one point Diana and Bernice brought Maria to a quiet corner to explain that it was customary to make a small altar-like area, using a table and candlesticks and maybe a holy statue. It was too late to buy flowers today for it, but they would order enough flowers first thing in the morning to put on a small side table as well. Maria had asked what she was going to do about paying for the flowers and other things like the food, and Bernice told her that at some point she would be entitled to an insurance pay-out which would cover all these costs. Until then, she and Franco had discussed it and would pay any bills and the money could all be sorted out later.

  Then, another car pulled up at Contis’ gate and Diana saw two young men get out. She turned towards Maria and said, “I think you have some friends arriving.”

  Maria looked towards the window and saw Paul and Tony coming up the path. She felt an unexpected thrill at seeing Paul which was quickly followed by an enormous wave of guilt. She took a deep breath and went to open the door herself. She greeted them both quietly and then she guided them into the empty dining room and closed the door behind them.

  “How are you?” Paul asked when she turned to face them.

  She looked up into his concerned eyes and thought how grown up he suddenly seemed, with the same responsible air she felt around Diana. It made her feel a little safer in the midst of the nightmare situation she was in, and she wished that that Tony wasn’t there so she could talk to him properly and he could reassure her that things were not as wholly awful as they seemed.

  “I’m okay . . .” Her voice was faltering, and she was trying not to break down. “I still can’t believe it .
. . I just can’t believe he’s gone.”

  He moved towards her now and put his arms around her and held her close to him. She leaned against his chest and closed her eyes. She would have loved to have just stayed in his arms, but knew that it would make Tony feel awkward.

  As she drew away, Paul held her shoulders gently and kissed her on the forehead.

  “I don’t want to ask you to go over it all again,” he said, “but if what we heard is true – it shows what a brave and Christian man he was.”

  “It is true,” she said, her eyes filling up. “He died because he went to help Timothy – a vulnerable sort of man – who was being bullied.”

  Paul nodded his head. “I remember your dad talking about him the night we were at the Palace Hotel and, when I heard, I guessed it was the same man.”

  Maria took her hanky out and rubbed it under her eyes. “It had been happening for a while – they’re a bunch of lads who go around looking for trouble.”

  “I know what I’d like to do to them,” Tony said, clenching his fists. “I’d like to give them some real trouble. Bloody morons!”

  Maria looked sad. “Well, there’s no point in us thinking like that. Both my father and Franco said it was an unfortunate accident and that they were just stupid boys showing off. They shouldn’t have bullied Timothy, but they didn’t deliberately set out to do something that serious.”

  “Have the police been involved?” Paul asked.

  “I don’t honestly know. I don’t even want to think about it. If they are involved, then Franco will probably deal with it since he was there.” She went to open the door to take them to the sitting room when she suddenly thought of Stella and her parents. “Oh, Tony,” she said in a low voice, “I’m sorry, but Mr and Mrs Maxwell are in the sitting room with Stella. I don’t want things to be awkward for you – would you rather stay in here until they are gone?”

  He shrugged as if he didn’t care, but she could see he looked uneasy. “I don’t think they will say anything to me today. It’s not the time or the place.”

  They went into the sitting room and when Maria saw Mr and Mrs Maxwell sitting on a sofa near the kitchen door, she led the boys over to chairs in the corner at the opposite side of the room. When they were seated, Maria – trying to think of something to talk about that would not be too sad or awkward – asked about a big race that was coming up the following weekend. It was a race she had heard her father and Franco discussing the last time she was in the restaurant and that she knew the boys would have a great interest in. It seemed bizarre to be thinking of anything else but her father, but she knew she needed to focus her mind on something ordinary for a while, and the three of them needed a topic that would also help distract Tony from thinking about Stella’s parents.

  She was listening to the boys quietly talking about the horse that was the favourite when Stella appeared at Maria’s side to say hello and check if they wanted tea or coffee. She naturally spoke in a more serious tone than normal, but when Maria glanced at her she could see that her whole attention was focussed on Tony as if there was no one else in the room. For a moment Maria felt angry with her, as if Stella felt that even a sad occasion like this was worthwhile if she could be with him. But then she remembered how she had felt when Paul arrived and how she had wished they could be on their own, and she thought that maybe she was being hard on her friend.

  When the boys said they would both have tea, Stella went back towards the kitchen. As she passed the sofa, Maria saw her mother reach over and catch the cuff of her jacket, pulling her to a halt.

  Although they were quiet, and Stella kept her head bent low, it was plain to Maria that her mother was saying something very serious, and at one point she seemed to be appealing to her husband to become involved in the hushed discussion too. Stella appeared to be saying little, but Maria knew her well enough to know by the set of her jaw that she was not happy, and this was confirmed when she saw her friend jerk her arm out of her mother’s grip and walk into the kitchen. She reckoned that Mrs Maxwell had been telling Stella off for being with Tony, and thought that if the romance continued there was going to be a big showdown over it, one way or the other. Over the weeks she had seen Stella getting more and more upset and annoyed with her mother about Tony and, from what Maria could see now, her mother was not budging one inch to meet her on this issue.

  Paul and Tony went back to discussing the race, Tony talking quickly and dominating the conversation, but Maria thought there was an uncertainty in his voice and she was sorry for him because she knew it was all a cover-up because he felt uncomfortable with the situation. She remembered the anxious way she felt when she first started seeing Paul, in case the Spencers might not think she was good enough for him.

  She now felt Paul discreetly reaching for her hand and giving it a little squeeze and when she looked up at him he leaned down and asked her in a low voice if she was okay. She looked up into his eyes and nodded, wondering whether, if they were alone, she could somehow explain that there were times when she felt she was her normal self – which she knew wasn’t right – but there were other times when she felt that the people there and all the other things going on around her were like a strange, foggy sort of dream. And she would also have to explain that there were even times when she felt that this was not her house and that her father was not really dead.

  She was listening to Tony saying something about one of the horses at the stables having problems with its front hoof when, out of the corner of her eye, she saw Stella coming out of the kitchen. This time she did not go too close to where her parents were sitting, and acted as if they weren’t in the room at all. As she approached, carrying two china cups of tea with saucers, Maria noticed that the dark checked slacks Stella was wearing had slipped down lower on her hips, revealing what looked like her younger brother’s snake belt. Maria had been with her in Stockport the day she bought the trousers about a month ago. They had been the smallest size in the shop and had just fitted her. She had obviously lost more weight since and they now looked almost baggy on her, and Maria wondered if maybe something was wrong with Stella that was making her continuously lose weight.

  As Stella passed the teas over, Maria saw Diana come out behind her carrying a huge platter of sandwiches. She watched the elegant, attractive woman quietly going from group to group of the mourners, pausing to have a few polite words with each one, and she realised that things would be very different today if her father had not met her.

  Diana was just coming towards Maria and the boys when the phone rang in the hall.

  Bernice came out of the kitchen, looked over towards Maria and mouthed, “Shall I get it?”

  Maria nodded.

  A few minutes later Bernice came back into the sitting room and went over to speak to Diana, who placed the sandwiches on a table and went back out into the hall with her. When the door opened again, Maria looked over at them with anxious eyes and they beckoned to her to join them.

  Beatrice took both her hands in hers. “Maria,” she said, “that was the hospital. They said they’ve released your father and he’s now on his way to the funeral director’s.” She was talking quickly as though she wanted it all over, as though she did not want Maria to think of him in the black hearse. “They said that someone needs to go to collect his belongings and – and collect the certificate. If it’s okay with you, Franco and another friend of your father’s will go for it.”

  “What certificate?” Maria asked.

  Bernice looked down at the floor. “The death certificate.”

  Maria closed her eyes as the reality of the situation hit her once again, making her stomach feel as though it were doing somersaults. Then, just as she thought hysteria was going to descend on her, the strange foggy feeling came in its place.

  “After that,” Bernice said, “they will need to go through his things and get his birth and marriage certificate and some other documents so they can register it all.”

  “I told Franco
that everything will be in the filing cabinet in the spare room that he used as an office.”

  “I’ll tell him to get them now,” Bernice said, “and if there’s anything else we need he’ll come and ask you.”

  Diana touched her shoulder. “Are you okay?”

  Maria nodded.

  “It’s nice that your friends have come – it must be a help to you.”

  “It is nice.” Her voice was flat. She looked from Diana to Bernice. “Is there anything else I should do?”

  “We’ll come to you if we need anything else,” said Diana.

  Maria turned to go back into the sitting room and, when she entered the room, she stood for a few moments with the door not quite closed, trying to compose herself before joining Paul and Stella and Tony across the room.

  Then, she heard Bernice’s voice from the hallway saying, “My heart goes out to that poor, poor girl, and it’s awful having to ask her things about the funeral, but we can’t just go ahead and choose things without her opinion. She shouldn’t have to deal with all this at her age – there should be some relatives to do it for her.”

  “Is there really no one?” Diana asked.

  “It doesn’t look like it, but Franco is doing his best to contact some of them, although he’s devastated himself about Leo. What I’m concerned about are the difficult things we still need to ask her.”

  “What’s do you mean?”

  “The coffin has to be chosen and it has to be decided what Leo is to be dressed in . . .”

  “Oh, God . . .” Diana said.

  Maria stood now as rigid as a statue, images of what now lay ahead for her father crystal clear in her mind. She suddenly felt that she needed to get out of the house, but she could not go to the front door and have to face Diana and Bernice after what she had heard Bernice say. She looked over towards the kitchen where she knew Mrs Lowry was, and wondered if she could go out into the garden without having to stop and explain herself to anyone.