by Mari Carr
“Please,” she cried at last, pulling her face away from him. “Please, Ewan.”
He reached for a condom but she stopped him. “Do you have to wear that?”
“You tell me.”
“I’m on birth control. I’m clean.”
“So am I,” he replied.
“Then don’t wear it. I don’t want you to—”
He kissed her when she stumbled over her request. He didn’t need to hear the words. The idea that she wanted this kind of intimacy, this level of trust, gave him hope. For the first time since the week began, he thought perhaps he was making progress.
He placed his cock at her entrance and pushed forward with care. Once he was lodged to the hilt, he remained there, relishing the warm solace of simply being held within her body. He kissed her again and they began a gentle, smooth rocking. Their connection felt more important this time and they stayed linked together, touching, kissing, tasting. He held her gaze with his and watched her implode quietly, allowing her orgasm to pull his climax along as well. He felt each pulse of his cock filling her with his come. He was marking her in the most personal way he knew.
This was it, he thought. She was destined to be his true love or his ultimate heartbreak.
He rolled them to their sides, careful not to disengage, not to leave her body. He wasn’t willing to give this feeling up. The Jacuzzi caught his eye. “How would you feel about a nice long soak?”
“Mmm, that sounds like a great idea. Can we drink the champagne too?”
“It’s four o’clock in the morning.”
“I don’t care,” she admitted.
“Neither do I.”
After popping the cork on the bottle, he checked the water temperature and started the jets as she poured them each a glass of the bubbly wine.
As they sank into the water, Natalie sighed and grinned. “This is heaven on earth.”
He agreed with a lazy nod. His body was aching in muscles he didn’t know he had. “Tonight was great, Nat.”
She smiled. “Is this the part of the evening where I impress my teacher with all my newfound intelligence about life and score some rewards?”
He tried to ignore the annoyance that accompanied her question. He didn’t want tonight to be about learning a lesson. Rather than reveal his feelings, he forced a grin. “Haven’t you had enough rewards?”
“Never.” Her answer reached him on a whisper and he silently prayed that answer was true. He bent closer and kissed her.
“So what did you learn?”
“I think you were trying to show me that it’s okay to let go every once in while. That there’s nothing wrong with letting yourself have something you want.”
“And you wanted me?”
“I told you I thought you were hot.”
Her comment rubbed against the grain as he felt her trying to put this whole evening in the sex category, rather than the lovemaking one. He tried to ignore her words. Sarcasm was Natalie’s way. He knew better than to let her get under his skin.
“What about the romance? The soft music? The candles? The rose petals?” He felt like a jerk for returning her volley with his own cynicism. She blinked twice at his tone and he knew he was being a shithead, lashing out.
“That was all nice.” Her response was quiet, uncertain.
“I’m just kidding, Nat. You learned exactly what I hoped you would.”
“No, I don’t think I did. I suck at romance. Suck at all that sweet shit. My sister, on the other hand, would have eaten tonight up with a spoon.”
He remained quiet, hopeful. She’d just cracked a door and he knew it. She’d never volunteered information about her sister, though he knew the woman must have been a huge part of Natalie’s life.
“Yvonne loved romantic movies, devoured romance novels—reading at least three a week. I used to tell her she was wasting her time on that garbage. That romance was the ultimate female fantasy and as likely to occur in real life as aliens coming to live amongst us.”
“Haven’t you ever seen Men in Black? The aliens are already here.”
She laughed at his joke, but continued talking. “She used to date all the time. She was gorgeous, vivacious, friendly and fun. Everything I wasn’t.”
“That’s not true, Nat. You’re too hard on yourself.”
“I’m not saying I’m a terrible person, Ewan. Really, I’m not. I know I’m smart. I’m cocky enough to think I’m very good at my job. This isn’t a self-esteem issue. I’ve just always found it difficult to fit in, to forge relationships.”
“That whole people annoy me thing?”
She smiled ruefully. “Maybe my problem is I think too highly of myself. I’m very intolerant, aren’t I?”
He shook his head. “I don’t think so. Besides, you do fine hanging out with me, my family, Sky.”
She paused at that and looked at him. “You all seem to be the exceptions, rather than the norm. And in your case, I suspect it’s because you have a bit of a sadomasochistic streak in you.”
“What?” he asked.
“You must be in to pain to put up with all the abuse I pile on your head,” she replied with a grin.
“Never thought of that. You may be right.” They laughed together and the conversation died for a moment.
“How old was Yvonne when she died?” He hated to bring the playful mood down, but he’d never move ahead with Natalie if they didn’t leap this hurdle. It was becoming clear Yvonne’s death had played a big role in why Natalie didn’t open herself up to close relationships.
“Twenty-three. I was twenty-four. We were born only ten months apart.”
“Oh damn. You realize the not-so-nice term for that is Irish twins?”
She grinned. “Yeah, I’ve heard that expression before. How about that? I’m Irish too.”
Natalie closed her eyes, rested her head against tub. He didn’t like the distance so he shifted them, moved her until she sat between his legs, her back laying against his chest and her head on his shoulder. He suspected this conversation may be easier if it wasn’t done face-to-face.
“You said it was a car accident?”
Natalie nodded. “She’d gone out one night to a party. She wasn’t drinking. It wasn’t anything like that. Yvonne rarely drank. It was just late and the police think she fell asleep at the wheel. She ran off the road and hit a tree.”
“That must’ve been hard for you.”
“I was supposed to go to the party with her.”
“What?” Ewan could hear the pain lacing every word and his heart broke for her. Suddenly he understood.
“I bailed at the last minute. I hate parties, social situations, always have. I lied to her. Said I had a headache. If I’d been in that car with her, she wouldn’t have—”
“Natalie, no. Life is one big what if. It’s not your fault your sister died.”
“Oh yeah,” she said, her tone alerting him that cynical Nat was about to reemerge. “I’ve spent thousands of dollars in therapy for that answer. Must be true, right? I mean, all those psychiatrists can’t be wrong.”
“It wasn’t your fault.” He wished there was something he could say to make her believe him, but he was fighting a decade’s worth of guilt and recrimination. He grasped her shoulders, turned her until she faced him. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
“Then when, Nat? When are you going to talk about it? When are you going to let this go and move on?”
“I’m moving on. I’ve been living and breathing and moving on for ten fucking years, Ewan. Ten years.”
He didn’t know what to say. What words he could offer that would comfort her, take away the agony he saw in her face, erase the erroneous belief that she was to blame.
“You’re right. You’ve moved on.” Rather than say more, he went with his gut, went with the instinct that said he knew what she needed more than words. He kissed her.
She fell into his embrace, clun
g to him like a child seeking solace during a storm. He felt her hands trembling as she reached up and wrapped them around his neck. She dove into the deep end and he pulled her out farther, gave her this moment, this time to wipe out the pain, to help her put the past away even if it was only for a little while.
He knew she never put it away for long.
Their kisses exploded like lightning flashing in the air around them as their tongues, their teeth fought a tug-of-war, a battle of give and take. She nipped his lower lip and he tasted the tangy, metallic flavor of his own blood. He reached up, gripped her hair, tugged at it in his attempts to hold her captive to his lips, his body.
She broke away, gasping for breath, but he dragged her back with a growl and they renewed the fight.
“Fuck me,” she muttered, her teeth latching onto his lip once more. “God, please fuck me. Make this go away.”
He gripped her hips, pulled her over his lap and her legs spread wide as he plunged into her depths. No hesitation, no preparation. Just straight, hard fucking. Her pussy was slick, hot, ready for him. As she straddled him, her knees tightened against his hips and she began riding his cock, pressing down on him with all the strength in her body. He bent forward, taking her breast into his mouth while his hands held her waist, lifting her, driving her back down.
The steam from the water surrounded them as it splashed over the sides of the Jacuzzi. They were stirring up a tidal wave—in and out of the tub. Drenching the floor. Drowning his heart. He didn’t give a shit. He’d cleaned up the mess. Somehow. Right now, he wanted more from her. So much more.
He bit her tight nipple and she cried out.
“Harder!”
He didn’t know if she meant his cock or his teeth, so he delivered on both as she crash landed to earth with an orgasm that threatened to grind his cock to dust. He came with her, unable to fight back the pulsating grip of her cunt as it clenched against his turgid flesh. Pulse after pulse of hot come filled her, burning the tip of his dick as they continued to thrust, continued to pound into one another until every drop was spilled, every second filled with the racing thud of his heart.
And even then, he knew it wasn’t enough.
Chapter Six
Wednesday
Natalie brushed her hair, pinning it up in a ponytail. She and Ewan had returned from the hotel in time for him to work the lunch shift. She’d spent most of the afternoon hiding out in her room, trying to figure out what the hell she was supposed to do now. They’d taken a brief respite after the heated interlude in the Jacuzzi. When they’d woken up, Ewan had kissed her so tenderly, she’d known she was in trouble.
“Dammit,” she muttered.
She didn’t do this romance, Cupid, falling-in-love shit. It wouldn’t work for her and last night solidified that fact. She’d told Ewan too much. If things continued to progress, there was no way she could keep him from discovering just how dark her world really was. She’d made it through this much of her life, succeeding in her career while avoiding messy relationships. She needed to find her way back to that.
“Knock knock.”
Natalie looked up to find Teagan standing at her door and she was consumed with another emotion—guilt. She’d done a shitty job taking pictures for Sky’s video. Ewan still had her little camera and aside from during the shopping trip yesterday, she hadn’t touched her bigger cameras.
“Hey,” Nat said, wishing she could invoke that tone of welcome that seemed second nature to Ewan.
“Hey yourself. You’ve been up here for hours, thought I’d check on you.”
Natalie could see the curiosity on her friend’s face. She’d been out all night with Teagan’s brother—her younger brother. While the past week had all but erased the age difference in her mind, she wasn’t sure how Ewan’s family would feel about it.
About what, Nat? You just had sex. That was all—sex.
“I’m fine.” Natalie’s answer was forced, sharp, and she watched Teagan start to leave. She’d spent months at a time with this woman over the past three years, but they’d always struggled to make that one last connection toward friendship. Natalie knew it was her fault. Teagan had thrown more than a few planks of wood her way, trying to build a bridge. Natalie always used them for kindling.
“Teagan. Wait.”
Teagan stepped back in the doorway.
“You got a minute?” Natalie swallowed uncomfortably. “To talk?”
Teagan grinned, coming in to join her. As they sat side by side on the bed, Natalie was reminded of spending more than a million days and nights like this with Yvonne. Chatting about boys, school, how lame their parents were…just life in general.
In for a dime, in for a dollar, Nat decided as she pointed out the elephant in the bedroom. “I spent the night with Ewan.”
“I know.”
“I…well, I’m not really seeking your approval for that or anything. I mean, I’m an adult and my personal life is just that. Personal.” Natalie fought the impulse to close her eyes and groan. Where the hell had that nastiness come from?
Teagan merely laughed. “That didn’t take long.”
“What?” Natalie asked, confused by her response.
“Every now and then you invite me in, only to shut me right back out. I think today’s effort may have eclipsed the previous record. How long have I been sitting here? Thirty seconds?”
Natalie stared at Teagan, feeling the crack in her wall start to rupture beneath the pressure. She was tired of being alone, keeping people at arm’s length. She was confused as hell about her feelings and—
“I think Ewan is in love with me. With me,” she repeated, showing her amazement at such a prospect. “He’s handsome and kind and…God, I hope you don’t hate me for this, but he’s sexy as fuck and I can’t, I don’t…”
Teagan was quiet for only a moment before she prodded. “You don’t what?”
“I don’t know what to do with any of that. I don’t have time for this love shit and besides, I live on the freaking west coast.” She gestured around herself. “Um, hello? I’m not sure I can go any farther east than this.”
Teagan grinned. “The Atlantic Ocean would probably stop you pretty quick.”
She laughed at the joke briefly, and then closed her eyes. “He deserves better than me.”
Teagan leaned back against the footboard of the bed and Natalie fought to hold her gaze, fought not to squirm.
“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Natalie asked when the silence went on too long.
“I’m trying to put all this together in my head. You’re the most confident woman I’ve ever met, Nat. You want something, you go after it, and I’ve never seen you question anything. Right or wrong, once you’ve made up your mind, you just start walking toward what you want.”
“What’s wrong with that?”
Teagan shook her head. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I just worry that sometimes you push too hard and not always in the right direction.”
Natalie took a deep breath, closing her eyes to say the next part. “I know Sky told you about my breakdown.” She opened her eyes and looked at Teagan. “He told me.”
Natalie was relieved to discover there wasn’t any pity on her friend’s face. Just compassion. Understanding.
“I hope you don’t think he betrayed a trust there. Sky would never—”
Natalie held up her hand. “I’m not mad at him for telling you. Hell, you deserved to know why your boyfriend was constantly inviting another woman out on the road with the two of you. Sky seems to have a sixth sense. I don’t know how he knows when I’m crashing, but he just does. Getting out of town usually helps.”
“You’re his best friend, Nat. He worries about you. He loves you.”
“I’m glad he stuck around. A lot of people didn’t. Not after…well, not after.” Natalie hadn’t talked this much about the blackest time in her life in years. Now within two days, she found herself spilling her guts to two different Collins siblings. Sh
e needed to get a grip on herself.
“You know, Sky’s been calling every day asking about you. He’s afraid hitting the road with us didn’t help this time. I’m sort of starting to feel guilty. We haven’t done much together this week apart from the shopping fiasco.”
Natalie chuckled. “I think it’s safe to say Riley would have you walking down the aisle in nothing but a thong and garter.”
“I’m not taking her along the next time we go shopping. Jeez, can you believe the dresses she was picking out?”
