Friday I'm In Love (Wild Irish, #5)

by Mari Carr

  “I…” She cleared her throat. “I have a headache. I need to go lie down.”

  For the first time, Ewan seemed to see her. He noticed Sean standing by her arm, ready to catch her, and he spotted the worried looks on Pat’s and Teagan’s faces.

  She tried to pull her gaze away from his face, tried to ignore the implosion racking through her body. “Thank you, Sean.” Her voice sounded rusty, rough. “I can make it to my room just fine.”

  She turned, praying her legs would carry her the ten steps to the foot of the stairs leading to the third floor, begging her body to lift her up the fourteen steps to the landing. Every eye was on her, she knew.

  She couldn’t let them see. Couldn’t let them know.

  Ewan was by her side before she took the first step. “Nat?”

  She could hear the question in his voice, the concern. “Just a little headache. I’ll take some aspirin and sleep. I’ll be fine.” She looked at him then, because she simply couldn’t resist checking one more time, making sure for herself. “I’m glad you’re okay, Ewan.”

  His puzzled face crushed the tiny part of her heart that refused to stop beating, refused to stop living. She forced a smile to her lips but she knew it didn’t fool him. Determination ran strong in him and she knew he wouldn’t let her go without an explanation. Unfortunately she didn’t have one to give him.

  “Please,” she pleaded quietly.

  “I’ll help you up the stairs,” he said, but she shook her head.

  “Your leg—”

  “Is fine. Come on. Just up the stairs.” His tone told her she would get her reprieve. He wouldn’t make her talk, not now, but that was the only point he was conceding. He took her arm and she closed her eyes at his gentle strength. She’d been leaning on it too much this week.

  No more.

  They climbed the stairs under the watchful eyes of his family. At the doorway to her room, she stopped. “Thank you.” Her face, her words let him know he was dismissed, and he narrowed his eyes angrily. She thought he might insist on seeing her in. She knew the caretaker in him wanted to put her in bed, tuck her in, hold her in his arms until he was sure she was okay.

  She refused to budge. Refused to let him in. If she let him in now, she’d never be able to let him go—and she had to let him go.

  “You should get some rest too,” she added. “I’ll see you in the morning.” She turned and walked in, relieved when he didn’t follow her. She refused to turn to look at him as she quietly closed the door and locked it.

  Ewan came down the stairs as Keira and Will were taking their leave. “Glad you’re okay, baby brother,” Keira said as she planted a kiss on his brow. “I’m gonna see Will and Catie off and then I’ll take care of the dinner shift. You get some rest.”

  “Will do. Thanks for everything today, Kiki.” His sister had just been arriving at the restaurant when the car accident occurred. Her steady presence had gone a long way toward calming Riley, who was threatening to beat the shit out of the poor kid driving the other car. She’d gone to the hospital with him, filled out the mountains of paperwork and made him laugh while the doctor put in the stitches. In short, she was an awesome big sister.

  He kissed Catie goodbye, shook hands with Will and watched them descend the stairs. Once they were gone, he turned to face Teagan, Sean and Pop. “Anybody wanna tell me what the fuck happened to Nat?”

  “Sit down, Ewan.” He could tell by Pop’s calm voice—and the fact his father didn’t scold him for his language—he wasn’t going to like what they had to say.

  He sat on the couch next to Teagan and braced himself. He’d never seen Nat look so… Damn, he couldn’t think of a word for what had been on her face just now. A million things were displayed there and none of them had looked good—terror, depression, anger, sadness, sickness. Despite all the warring emotions, rather than cry, scream or lash out, she’d stood there like a statue. Like she had to think about every breath she took, every word she said, every step she made. It was the single most frightening thing he’d ever witnessed.

  “So?” he prompted.

  “She sort of…” Teagan paused.

  “Fell apart.” Sean propped himself on the coffee table in front of him while Pop claimed the recliner.

  “Fell apart?” he asked.

  “Keira called and I guess Natalie heard that you’d been in a car accident, that you were in the hospital—” Teagan stopped when Ewan interrupted her.

  “Yvonne,” he whispered.

  She nodded.

  “Who’s Yvonne?” Sean asked.

  “Natalie’s sister was killed in a car crash about ten years ago. They were best friends.” Ewan didn’t add that Natalie blamed herself for the accident.

  Sean leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. “No wonder she flipped out.”

  “It was more than that, Sean.” Pop sat forward in his chair and Ewan could see his father was worried. “It was more than her just being worried or upset. If I’m not mistaken, she suffered a full-blown panic attack. Her color, her breathing, her trembling. It was too pronounced, too much. I was concerned we’d be following you to the hospital, Ewan. But then she pulled it together. It was like she knew exactly what to do to steady herself.”

  Teagan sat back and sighed, and Ewan looked at her. “You know something. You’ve alluded to it before.”

  His sister glanced uneasily at Pop and his father rose from the chair.

  “Come on, Sean. Let’s go downstairs and see if Keira and Tris need help.”

  “But I’m off tonight,” Sean protested.

  Pop chuckled and slapped Sean lightly on the shoulder. “Ah son, there are times when you just need an excuse to make a graceful exit. This is one of them.”

  Sean looked from Teagan to Ewan, and then sighed. “If you wanted me to go away, you just had to say so.”

  Ewan looked at him and smiled. “Go away.”

  “Sorry about your car, bro. I’m glad you’re okay,” Sean said as he stood.

  “Thanks, Sean.”

  Ewan watched his pop and Sean disappear down the staircase to the pub below and then he turned to face his sister. Her brow was furrowed and he could tell she was fighting her conscience. His heart sank as he wondered what the secret she’d been keeping from him could be.

  “Teagan, please.”

  “What I know, Ewan, it was told to me in confidence. I don’t think I should—”

  “What is it, Teagan?” He felt his temper rising. Natalie was lying upstairs alone after locking him out again. All the progress he’d made this week lay shattered around his feet.

  Teagan closed her eyes for a moment before opening them again and looking him straight in the eye. “She had a nervous breakdown after her sister’s death. She spent nearly six months in a mental hospital. Since then, she’s suffered slight setbacks, never anything as serious as the first one. She battles depression. She battles it hard, according to Sky. It’s like she won’t let herself admit any worry, any sadness. To avoid it, she’s sort of closed herself off from people.”

  Every word Teagan said was drawing a clearer picture in his mind of the woman Natalie had become after her sister’s death—and he suddenly realized exactly what he was up against.

  The wall he thought he’d scaled to reach her had just turned into a mountain. And he was stranded in the valley.

  Chapter Eight

  Friday

  Natalie escaped the apartment a little after dawn. She’d tossed and turned all night in her attempts to block out the day’s events. When she’d finally drifted off, her dreams had turned on her as visions of Yvonne and Ewan, both battered and bloody, lay amongst the crushed metal of a car. She’d awoken sweaty and trembling, too terrified to close her eyes again.

  She walked aimlessly around Baltimore for hours, her thoughts such a jumble of images and emotions, her tired mind eventually just shut down. She meandered around the streets like a zombie, avoiding the restaurant…and Ewan.

  As the mo
rning became afternoon, she shook herself from her melancholy and dug deep, trying to find the strength to do what she knew came next. She’d been a fool to tempt fate, to succumb to Ewan’s charming advances. Love wasn’t for her. She wasn’t a good bet. She was nothing but a walking, talking, emotional wreck…and Ewan deserved a hell of a lot better than her. Christ. He was optimistic, cheerful, happy. All those traits and emotions she fucking sucked at.

  Besides, she’d been to hell because of caring for someone and she wasn’t about to go back there. She didn’t care if she was alone, restless, in a funk. All of that was preferable to the pain she’d felt yesterday and last night as she imagined Ewan dying.

  As she turned back toward Pat’s Pub, she knew two things beyond the shadow of a doubt. She was strong enough to walk away. She wasn’t strong enough to stay.

  The sun was beginning its descent when she walked into Sunday’s Side. The dinner rush was just starting and as soon as the scent of Riley’s cooking hit her nose, her stomach rumbled and she realized she hadn’t eaten since lunchtime the day before.

  Ewan spotted her before she’d made it two steps in the door. “Where the hell have you been?”

  His annoyed tone piqued her anger. “Out walking.”

  “All day?”

  She put her hands on her hips, grateful for his attitude. She knew how to fight. She thrived on arguments, found herself in anger. She preferred it to heart-to-heart talks and fucking pity. “I didn’t realize I was on a schedule here. I sort of thought this was my vacation and I could do whatever the hell I pleased.”

  Ewan didn’t back down and she thought she’d managed to spark a little bit of Mr. Easy-going Ewan’s temper. It felt good. “You weren’t feeling well last night. I don’t think it’s that difficult to believe I’d be worried when you went missing this morning. Jesus, Nat. I called every fucking hospital.”

  She tried not to let his concern, his sweet gesture get to her. He’d called every hospital? For her? She pushed the thought out and scrambled to regain her momentum. “I’m not your responsibility.”

  Her words hit him harder than if she’d slapped him. She could see it, and she turned her head, refusing to look at the hurt in his eyes.

  “Is that right?” His tone was cold.

  “This conversation is becoming tedious. I need to go upstairs and pack. I’m leaving tomorrow morning, you know.” She tried to step around him but he caught her upper arm in a grip tighter than she’d ever felt. Usually he was so gentle, so careful with her. She wasn’t accustomed to feeling his real strength. “Let go of me.”

  He shook his head and then glanced at their surroundings. She followed his gaze around the room. They were attracting an audience. “I only need a moment of your time. My office.” Then because she narrowed her eyes, ready to lambaste him, he added a “please”. While his body was stiff, his posture almost aggressive, his eyes were softer, pleading.

  “Five minutes,” she said, knowing she was about to live through the longest three hundred seconds of her life.

  She followed him into his office, trying to hide the alarm on her face when he locked the door. “Is that necessary?” she asked.

  “I don’t want us to be interrupted.” He leaned back against the door as she snorted.

  “You don’t want me to escape. Clock’s ticking, hotshot.” She looked at her watch. “Four minutes and forty-five seconds.”

  “I love you.”

  She froze, certain she couldn’t have heard his words correctly. “What?”

  “I love you. I’m in love with you.”

  She opened her mouth, fought for an answer, tried to regain the confidence she’d spent all afternoon wrapping around herself.

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” she whispered.

  Ewan chuckled mirthlessly. “Ridiculous. First time in my life I tell a woman I’m in love with her and she thinks it’s ridiculous.”

  “I don’t mean…I’m not saying you’re…” She fought to find a way out, a loophole. “You don’t know me. There are things, Ewan—”

  “I know you had a nervous breakdown. I know you suffer from depression. I know you had a panic attack yesterday and I know you had it because you care for me too. I know you’re scared to death right now and I understand why you push people away. Those reasons may make sense to you, Nat, but they’re wrong. You’re wrong. I do know you. And I love you.”

  “Stop saying that!” she yelled. “Stop saying those stupid, useless words! Damn Teagan. Damn her for telling you all that.”

  “This isn’t Teagan’s fault. You should have told me, Nat. We’re friends. We’re—”

  Her temper broke in two. Her nerves frazzled until the ends were snapping like a broken electrical wire. “We’re not friends. We’re nothing, Ewan. Nothing! Not now. Not ever. Your five minutes are up. Get away from that door.”

  “Natalie.”

  “Get. Away. From. The. Door.”

  She wasn’t sure what he saw in her face. She could only imagine what sort of raving lunatic was reflected in his eyes. She felt caged in, trapped, and she was ready to claw her way out of this place with her own nails.

  He unlocked the door and silently moved aside.

  Her breath caught in her chest at his gesture. He was letting her go.

  She stepped through the door and then, because her heart refused to leave without making one last stand, she turned. Saw the agony in his face. She made herself look at him and then said, “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” and she walked away.

  * * * * *

  Sean carried her suitcase down to the waiting taxi the next morning. Keira had offered to drive her to the airport but she was anxious to make her break from this place, this family, as quickly as possible. As she descended the stairs, she was surprised to find most of the family gathered in the pub, waiting to say goodbye.

  So much for an easy break.

  Keira, Tris and Sean hugged her, said they looked forward to seeing her back in Baltimore soon. She didn’t have the heart to tell them hell would freeze over before she came back. Riley handed her a tiny bottle of tequila, telling her it was for the plane ride. She smiled and thanked her.

  Teagan hovered in the background, guilt written on her face. Natalie couldn’t find it in her heart to be angry with her friend. Teagan had merely done something Natalie didn’t have the courage to do. She walked over and tugged on Teagan’s long red hair. “I’ll see you and Sky in Palm Springs next month, right?”

  Teagan smiled. “And then back here at New Year’s for the wedding.”

  Natalie felt a wave of panic at the thought of coming back. She seriously doubted she’d be able to make the trip. She hesitated, then nodded.

  Pop stepped up, grinning and embracing her in a strong, fatherly hug that brought tears to her eyes. “We’re going to miss you around here, Natalie.”

  “I’m still ahead on the fish count,” she teased.

  “I’ll torment Moose with that information next time we’re out.”

  “I’d be willing to call it even if he kisses the next fish he catches.”

  Pat laughed. “I’ll be sure to snap a picture. Proof.”

  “I’ll look forward to seeing it.”

  She stepped toward the door, turning to look back one last time. Looking for one face, wondering how she could dread and desire something at the same time. Ewan wasn’t there. He wasn’t coming. She’d hurt him irrevocably and she deserved his cold shoulder. She pushed away the pain that accompanied that thought. They all said one last goodbye and she waved before stepping out into the sunlight.

  And he was there, resting against the cab, waiting for her.

  “Ewan,” she said, struggling to hide the tears rushing to her eyes. She put on her sunglasses to shield them from him.

  “I wanted to give this back before you left.” He reached out and she saw her camera in his hand. She’d forgotten about it.

  “Thanks,” she said, taking it from him.

  “Goodbye, Nat.” He s
tepped forward, placing a light kiss on her forehead. She held herself rigid as she forced her body not to melt into his. It would be so easy.

  She smiled tightly. She didn’t believe in saying goodbye. The word hurt too much, so she stepped around him and climbed into the cab. She wanted to look forward but she couldn’t manage. She looked at Ewan as the taxi pulled away from the curb and she continued to stare at him until the car turned and he disappeared for good.

  She pressed her head against the headrest and closed her eyes, letting the tears fall. For several moments she cried quietly as the buildings, the city flew by, each mile taking her farther away from Ewan.