Annie's Truth (Touch of Grace)

by Beth Shriver

  The reassuring melody ended at the sight of Hanna. She made her way through the line of Guernsey cattle. She had taken advantage of Annie’s eagerness to do the chores that Hanna used to do, claiming she’d done them for Annie during her absence. “When you’re finished, why don’t you come with me to singing?”

  Annie looked into those stunning blue eyes and knew better. “I won’t be done in time to get ready.” She went back to the front of the line, taking off the equipment she had just attached to the last heifer.

  “You look fine.”

  Annie paused, leery of Hanna’s motives, but wondering whether it was wise to refuse the gesture. Hanna was talking to her and making the effort. If she was up to something, it would be her burden to bear.

  “Jah, I’ll go.”

  Hanna smiled. Annie thought it was a victory smile but then realized she was mocking her. “I haven’t heard you speak much Deitsch since you’ve been home. Did they squelch that out of you, too?”

  “What do you mean too?”

  “Your place here is gone, as well.”

  Annie hadn’t wanted to punch anyone ever before. But right there and then her desire to do so was great. Gott forgive me.

  “I know you don’t like to hear the truth, but we are to gently rebuke one another.”

  “Gently, jah.” Annie held her ground, tired of Hanna’s ways.

  “I’ll gather the others. Then I will be ready to go.”

  As Hanna turned away, Annie realized who she reminded her of. Essie. But now she felt she might appreciate Essie more.

  John drove up in his buggy with David next to him. Hanna all but skipped out to the buggy and greeted them, then moved in behind into the jump seat. Annie felt awkward going with the two men Hanna had her eyes on.

  Who is with whom?

  But the sight of John did make her heart jump, even more so than before. She resented the feeling, not knowing if they had any future together. She chalked the evening up to Hanna’s night.

  “Hurry up, Annie,” Hanna hollered as she placed a blanket on her lap. John whipped his head around to see Annie as she walked through the door, obviously as surprised as she was. The next time Hanna said “others,” Annie would know better than to assume she meant their siblings.

  David looked like a deer, bewildered as to how he made up the foursome. Annie wondered who was the most confused. “So it’s the four of us tonight?”

  “The more the merrier, as they say.” Hanna spoke with such enthusiasm John could only stare.

  The minute they rode up to the Bucholtzers’s home, the stares began. Hanna walked up to the door, leading the way for the rest of them. The house was cleared of larger furniture. An intricately carved hutch holding an assortment of china was even pushed to the side, making room for benches.

  Songs were sung from the Ausbund. No harmonizing or accompaniment was added. Some were folk songs, other chants of the times past. No musical notation was needed, as they were passed down through each generation.

  Hanna made a point to stand next to John, so Annie did as well. She felt sorry for David and gestured for him to stand with them. He shook his head, adamantly refusing.

  Good for him.

  “I’ll be finding my own ride home as well,” he told Annie.

  She nodded with a smile. “Let me know if there’s room for another.”

  He lifted his brows and turned down the sides of his lips. “Are you giving up the fight?”

  Annie thought quickly. “I was never in it.”

  He nodded approvingly and then made his way to the back of the room. Hanna turned and watched with a small pout.

  Other couples stood together, a tactful way to let others know who was together and possible announcement of the nuptials within the next month. Annie figured she would keep everyone guessing by standing beside John with Hanna.

  David stood with a group of young men who were not courting anyone. But unlike them, David and Hanna had been considered a couple before Annie left. No commitments had been made, but everyone felt sure there would be in time.

  John leaned over to her after the first hymn. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”

  Annie shrugged, trying hard not to notice the way his breath felt against her skin.

  “Are you as confused as I am?” The next song began, drowning out the last of his words.

  Annie nodded with tears in both eyes. It was too loud to talk, and they shouldn’t anyway.

  When the last song was sung, Annie set her mind to get home as fast as possible. Each group she passed looked her way and talked in low whispers until she reached David and his group of friends.

  “Still need that ride?” David’s voice was welcomed.

  “Sure. Let me tell John.”

  “Nah, they’ll figure it out.” He took her hand and led her out to a buggy for just the two of them.

  “Adding fuel to the fire?” Annie smiled.

  “What do we have to lose?” He held Annie’s hand to help her in while she was thinking that couldn’t be truer.

  They passed the dirt road to Annie’s house. “Why aren’t we turning?” Not that Annie cared. She was curious.

  “I’m not ready to go home yet. Are you?”

  She’d never noticed his green eyes. He had a nice smile too, crooked on one side, different. She liked that. “Where are we going?”

  He pointed to the largest, flattest part of the community’s farmland, tucked in under the mountains. “Did you know the Indians used this valley as a hunting ground?”

  “I’d never heard that. I mean I assumed, sort of.” She sighed. “Actually, I had never given it much thought.”

  “Well, you should.”

  She grinned at his passion.

  “Did you also know the pioneers moved in on this land, right here where we’re riding?”

  “Nee, didn’t know that either.”

  “Well, you had to know about the Civil War battles that were fought.” His hopeful face almost made Annie laugh.

  “I did hear about that.”

  “You did?” His eyes flashed.

  “My daed told me not to talk of it, us being against violence and all.” She almost hated to disappoint him.

  “We didn’t fight in it. It’s history.” He clucked to the horses. They picked up their feet, their hooves eating up the dirt beneath them. “I have to say if there was ever a good cause to go to war, I’d like to fight.”

  Annie sucked in air. “I’ve never heard anyone say that before.”

  David chuckled. “Does that offend you?”

  “Nee, I just keep noticing how so many Amish want to do something they shouldn’t.” She took note of his drawn eyebrows. “I’m not judging, just making observations.”

  “That’s refreshing.” He smirked and took in a breath. “Love this country air.”

  “You don’t know any different.” Annie giggled, actually giggled. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done that.

  “Nee, I do. When we go into town, I swear the air gets thick.”

  Annie laughed harder. “You’re not supposed to swear.”

  “I didn’t.” He snapped his head over and saw her holding her side in laughter. “What’s so funny?”

  “You.”

  “You seem like you need a good laugh. But the air really is polluted.”

  Her laughter turned to tears.

  “Annie, what’s wrong?” He pulled back the reins. He hesitated to hold her, but when she didn’t stop. he took a quick glance around then embraced her.

  “Sorry. I’m just tired.”

  “Jah, tired of all the grief you get for trying to do what you thought you needed to.” He squeezed her tighter.

  She suddenly felt awkward and pulled away. Not in his arms, but to be seen together. Annie looked into his eyes and realized how good it felt. She’d never thought she’d fit into another’s arms other than John. “I can’t believe it.”

  “Sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything. It j
ust steams me.” His hands drifted to hers, warming the chill in them.

  “No, that’s not what I meant. That you understand.”

  “Oh, that. Well, jah. If I were in your position, I’d have done it in a second. Now, everyone might not want to find out about their real mamm, but if you do, by gum you should.”

  “Unbelievable.”

  “Jah, I can’t believe the way people act—”

  “No.” She squeezed his hands. “That you appreciate what I did and why.”

  “There are more people than you know. As a matter of fact, if Hanna had kept her mouth shut, I don’t think it would have gotten so bad.”

  Annie sighed. “What happened to her while I was gone?”

  “I guess I wasn’t moving fast enough. But she’s younger than me.”

  “Hanna’s always been in a hurry.” Annie shook her head.

  “What?” His eyebrows drew together in question.

  “You remind me of someone.”

  “Who’s that?”

  “A young man I met in Harrisonburg.”

  “Is that good or bad?”

  “It’s good. Very gut.” Annie smiled, remembering Rudy and everything he’d done for her. And now she understood his bitterness, more than she’d ever wanted to.

  “How could she?” Hanna cried to Frieda, who had just become old enough to attend the singings. She stomped to the window, waiting for Annie and David to come home.

  Annie appeared in the doorway. “Frieda, it’s time for bed.”

  Frieda walked quickly past Annie down the hall.

  Hanna took a step forward. “So where did you two go?”

  “I never knew, Hanna.”

  She drew her eyebrows together. “Never knew what?”

  “How much you thought of John.”

  Hanna grunted and shoved her hands onto her hips.

  “Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

  “Why would I?”

  “We used to tell each other everything, remember?” Annie sat on Hanna’s bed.

  “It didn’t matter when you were here, Annie.”

  “Do you really care about him, Hanna?”

  Hanna’s lips twisted as she held back her emotion. “I noticed I got more of David’s attention when I gave mine to John. But I’m not stupid; I know how John feels about you.”

  Annie’s heart jumped and then fell in one swoop. How could she take joy in John’s feelings for her but know Hanna’s heart was breaking? And why did she care?

  “It’s hard to walk in your shadow. Everyone noticed me when you were gone. Daed asked me what you said before you left. The siblings all listened to me like they did you.” Her eyes filled. “But it was all false. As soon as you came back, it all changed. Not instantly, but slowly it’s going back to the way it was.” She threw her hands to her sides. “Even John.”

  “Did he make a promise to you?”

  “It was more like I made one to him and he didn’t disagree, but now that you’re back…did he to you?”

  Annie paused, and Hanna’s lips tightened.

  “Nee, he didn’t.” Annie tried feverishly to sort out the facts and feelings that were flying through her mind. She almost felt sad for her sister, so desperate to earn a man’s attention. And to hear John was really part of their relationship made Annie realize the connection between John and Hanna was lost. “I guess we’ll leave this in John’s hands.”

  Hanna held a hand to her forehead. “It has been in his hands for weeks now, Annie. You gave him plenty of time to realize where he stood with you.”

  “None of that changed.”

  “Maybe not for you, but it did for all of us. Do you think time just stood still while you were gone?”

  Annie hadn’t thought of it that way. Everything had moved forward, significantly. “When I left, David was courting you. What happened?”

  “Humph. He was so unpredictable. Asking me to singing then sitting by Emma Smithson.”

  “Like you did tonight?”

  Hanna dragged her toe along the braided rug’s edge. “I suppose. I just got tired of waiting.”

  “You’re younger than I am, Hanna. You don’t need to rush into anything with David, or anyone.”

  “Why? Don’t you like David?”

  “As a matter of fact, I haven’t had such fun since before I left for Harrisonburg.”

  “Really?” She pushed out her bottom lip in thought. “Why?”

  “He made me laugh.”

  Hanna smiled. “He does have a sense of humor.”

  “Jah, he does, and he made me feel normal.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “He told me things he felt passionate about and wanted to do.”

  “You mean things he shouldn’t do.”

  “Some jah, some nee.” Annie looked into Hanna’s eyes. “Like we all do.”

  Hanna turned away, telling Annie she wasn’t ready for reconciliation yet. “I wonder if I’ll ever win David’s affection.” Her lopsided smirk told Annie she was enjoying the thoughts running through her mind. Then her eyes narrowed. “You’re in the same situation. John has a lot to work through before he can truly forgive you.”

  Annie felt the dagger hit her heart. “And how do you know this?”

  “Because he told me.” Hanna’s expression held no apology for the stinging words. She shrugged. “I don’t know why you look so hurt. What did you expect?”

  Annie didn’t know the answer, only that her world had turned upside down, and she didn’t know how to make it right again.

  John watched David pull up to the Bucholtzers’s house. The hum of the generator lights rang in his head. He’d gone out of his mind waiting for Annie to return.

  Doesn’t Annie realize the position she continues to put me in each time she makes a rash decision?

  David tethered his horse and walked up the steps to the wooden porch. He whistled a familiar tune as he skipped up a couple of stairs.

  “You’re in a fine mood.” John leaned against a wooden beam that ran from the porch to the roof.

  David stopped fast then took a final step up. “I am. Very observant of you.”

  “You weren’t earlier.”

  “No, neither were you. I don’t like to be used. I assume you don’t either.”

  John tightened his lips. “Where’s Annie?”

  “Home.”

  “She lives ten minutes away. You’ve been gone over an hour.”

  “We took the long way.”

  “What way is that?”

  “Down by the Indian hunting grounds.”

  John shook his head and stuck his hands into his back pockets so he wouldn’t hit him. “Do you think that was wise? Annie’s had enough talk go around about her.”

  “Just like living in a small town, isn’t it? Only we don’t have beauty parlors or gossip magazines.”

  He felt the burn in his chest and spoke before he should. “You don’t care anything about Annie. You just want to play games with Hanna.”

  David rocked on his heels and looked away.

  John took two long strides and stood tall, making his height advantage noticeable. “I want to know what you’re up to.”

  “Whoa, whoa!” David held up his hands. “Calm down.”

  John didn’t budge.

  “Okay. All right. I’m tired of Hanna chasing after you. It’s embarrassing.”

  He took a step back. “Maybe you should have thought about that when she was pursuing you. You gave other girls the same attention.”

  “Jah, well, I’m not ready for what she wants.”

  “Then tell her.” John snapped his suspenders, pleased he’d put David in his place.

  “You mean like you’re doing?”

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Why are you with Hanna now that Annie’s back?”

  John didn’t like the question and got in his face again. “Annie has a lot to work out before she can think about us.”

&n
bsp; “She needs you. And you’re with Hanna.”

  That shot a jolt through him. “She needs time. And Hanna’s with me, not the other way around.” John stepped past David, the convicting words building.

  “Are you sure about that?” David snapped his suspenders and walked inside.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  ACH, ANNIE…” ALMA’S normally loud voice was tender, causing Annie to move closer. She held a blanket out for Alma to lay the tiny baby on. As she did, Annie saw why Alma’s eyes misted, eyes that always remained dry.

  Small, twisted legs lay limp in the warm blanket that had been heated by the fire. His cry made them smile as they met eyes. “He’s a gift,” Annie whispered.

  The exhausted mamm watched them silently. “What is it?”

  Alma went to her and clasped her hand. “Your child is special, Ellie.”

  Ellie put a hand to her lips as Annie placed the tiny bundle on her chest. “Ach.” She touched his arms and chest and then his tangled legs. She caressed the small limbs as if to bring life back into them that had been lost.

  The family gathered around her and the little one. Ervin lifted the blanket to see where Ellie’s focus was. The children gazed at the withered legs and made cooing noises, ahhs, and soft prayers. Some laid hands on the babe. Others stroked him.

  This was why Annie loved these people, this community. Unlike the outside world, they looked upon this as a blessing, an opportunity to minister to one of Gott’s meek children. No hospitals or doctors could replace the insurance of brotherly love between them. It was the same with the elderly or sick—a chance to give, as all are called to do.

  Alma and Annie busied themselves by cleaning up so they could to leave the family to bond with the child. Little Ana watched them intently and made her way over to Alma.

  “I remember them, Alma.” Ana always spoke slowly and quietly, and now even more so.

  Alma clapped her hands and gave Ana her full attention. Child-rearing rules were part of Alma’s work. She encouraged the children to know what was expected of them so they would make their parents proud. Ana grinned. “Do you want to hear them?”