Lost Angel (The List #1)

by N. K. Love

  My favourite body to gawp at still belongs to the almighty Jaxson, it’s just a shame I know he would eat me alive and my stomach cartwheels when I imagine doing a ‘Steve’ on him. It’s a cringe worthy thought, that I would totally disappoint him in the bedroom the way Steve disappointed me. I’ve got a helluva creative imagination so my sexual fantasies certainly don’t and won’t suffer but there’s no way I’d be able to let go with Mr Intimidating. I would never want to do a ‘Steve’ to anybody, least of all Jaxson! That guy still has me drooling from a distance, just like he does with most of the other gym members – The difference being, when I drink him in, I recall his disarming brazen words said in that sensual orgasm-inspiring voice, the touch of his finger sliding slowly up my thigh… But most of all I recall his gorgeous face, magical eyes, perfect lips... It’s quickly becoming a frustratingly addictive habit of mine, which I’ll need to get a hold of if our paths are going to continue to cross this often.

  Having seen him quite a few times since Tricks, the most we’ve exchanged is an awkward smile. I don’t know if he believes I’m a lesbian or if he even cares but I can’t help the utter yearning I feel when I look at him or even when I think of him and imagine what he is capable of.

  I quickly quash the voice telling me he could be the tame and lame type Willow mentioned before, plus I’m not so sure he fits in her ‘knobnoxious beasts’ category. I’m not letting that notion spoil my harmless erotic daydreams or the not so harmless wet dreams!

  I didn’t divulge the mighty morphing Jaxson part during my Steve recollection to Wills; she’d have had a field day with the banter if she knew how much I thought of him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Friday 3rd April 2015

  7:16pm

  Willow is working tonight and she is super excited because it was her turn to organise a themed night. Her last one was an epic success. It was a beach party theme; she turned the dance floor into a beach with real sand, beach games and cocktail making. This time she’s decided on a battle of the sexes night with a strict army themed dress code, which she started promoting last month.

  The bulk of her budget was spent on hiring a team of dancers as the main entertainment, who’ll do a performance partway through the night in-between party games and dancing. She has spent the week organising the drinking games, which she is so excited about.

  The bar was appropriately decorated this afternoon with all sorts of army paraphernalia and props including cargo netting being draped everywhere, large wooden ammo crates to sit on, bullet shaped plastic shot glasses and black and green personalised ‘Stryders’ helium balloons. We grabbed lunch on the go and drove over so she could oversee the transformation. She was absolutely in her element, relishing seeing her ideas come to life.

  After we showered, we met in the kitchen to straighten our hair and do our make-up and nails over a glass of wine. I ordered some camouflage nail art stickers online and they look perfect on. So all that’s left is to hurry up and get dressed because we’ve got a taxi booked to make sure we get there by 9pm. We blast out some music and go to our rooms to change. Willow even organised my outfit for me, she said it wasn’t a problem because she was getting hers at the same time but seriously, she has gone all out. I guess it’s because she hopes everybody else will make the same amount of effort.

  Now that I’m dressed I feel irrefutably attractive, so much so that when I look in the mirror I actually blush. I quickly come to the conclusion that it’s because I don’t look like me. Not that I usually think I’m unattractive, it’s just this girl in the mirror takes it to a whole new level. This is how I imagine Miss Alter Ego dresses sometimes. Well it looks like she’ll be coming out to play tonight, guaranteed unrestrained fun.

  Without using a hair tie, I post my long straightened hair through the hole at the back of my army cap and make my way downstairs.

  I meet Wills in the lounge and our jaws drop when we see each other. She certainly looks the part!

  I’m wearing combat hot pants, with a matching zip up short sleeved fitted army jacket, partially unzipped, and camouflage patterned bikini top underneath. Wills has got the same jacket, cap and bikini top but has teamed hers with ultra-skinny combat trousers and ladies black leather lace up army boots for comfort, as she’ll be running about most of the night.

  My accessories include; customary dog tags, a fake military pistol that’s held in a holster around my thigh, black tinted sunglasses and a weaponry type belt with a water bottle, hip flask and a leather pouch that fits my essentials in snugly so no need for a handbag tonight. I have treated myself to a pair of army green canvas zipper ankle boots with five inch heels and I’ve customised them by stitching on some pretend bullets that I’d also ordered online.

  “Wills you look amazing and thanks for all of this, I feel incredible. I swear you’ve outdone yourself with our outfits, I feel so—so seductive. Footloose and fancy-free. I love it!”

  “So you should B, you look even more awesome than I thought and that’s saying something!” Wills gets out her phone and we take some selfie’s. Then I put on my glasses, grab my pistol and start doing random poses whilst she snaps more photos. “Look, I knew you wouldn’t have chosen something like this for yourself but tonight is the perfect excuse to dress daring and different, show off some flesh and bring some sexy badass to the party… Come on, quit the posing, grab a shot, let’s go. Taxi’s here.”

  We take a one last sober selfie with our shots and get on our way.

  8:54pm

  Cutting it fine we get to Stryders and considering the doors opened less than an hour ago, it’s filling out nicely. I see Willow breathe a sigh of relief when she sees the army of customers queuing outside. Everybody looks great including her colleagues. The bar décor has set the perfect backdrop and everybody blends in with they’re outfits.

  Once we spot the guys from the gym, we head over. We briefly greet everybody with a kiss and wish Wills good luck before she disappears to be the hostess with the mostess.

  It’s been a fortnight since I met these guys and I’ve bumped into most of them at the gym since and chatted with some of them on social media a few times. I can understand why Wills is friends with them and I know we’ll have a great time tonight. I did think about Jaxson when I was getting ready, wondering if he’ll come tonight. Okay, hoping that he’ll come tonight. This time though, rather than letting it consume me I just thought ‘que sera, sera’,what will be will be. It’s sort of like a sub-mantra that I think I need to do before I can live in the moment, which is exactly what I intend to do tonight! Still, I can’t shake the pang of disappointment that he’s not here.

  It appears water bottles and hip flasks are popular tonight and the door bouncers have to make sure they’re empty before bringing them in. I slip away to the bar and get my hip flask filled with shots of vodka, which I think it going to be a great money spinner for the bar tonight. I also fetch a large vodka and coke which I intend on topping up with my flask as and when.

  Emma, the receptionist from 24/7, has taken it upon herself to mark each of us with a black smeared stripe of war paint beneath each eye, which finishes off my outfit just right. We snap some fab group photos then take to the dance floor.

  At 10pm prompt Wills takes the microphone in the DJ box and introduces the night. She briefly explains the schedule for the evening, then tells all females to move to the left and all males to the right. The DJ starts playing a mashup of girl power lyrics from popular songs quickly followed by some hip hop tracks and grimy rap lyrics representing the men. It hypes the crowds up even more so when Wills takes the mic to the centre of the dance floor, standing in-between the two sides, the atmosphere is buzzing with a sea of smiling faces.

  She gives everybody a few minutes to mingle and decide on a name for their troop. We go for Perfect Pussy Platoon and the men go for Big Balls Brigade. After bantering with the crowds like a pro, Wills clears the dance floor and announces the first mission.

  T
he missions are played in good spirits and are testament to Wills creativity and precise planning. There’s challenges like getting each team to come up with as many different sex positions as possible in a minute, using a male and female Stryders employee as their willing partners. That one was funny to watch, there were arms and legs flinging in every direction like ragdolls.

  Another similar game, keeping the same Stryders volunteers but different team players, they had to burst as many balloons as possible against each other’s bodies, again in sexual positions and poses.

  There’s been six missions at the moment and the boys are winning 4-2. There’s loads of banter amongst our group as well as the whole room. Everybody seems in good spirits and it’s looking like tonight’s going to be a great success for Wills and Stryders.

  The place is comfortably full and the bouncers do an excellent job stopping it from feeling claustrophobic by keeping the capacity balanced. Next time I get a drink the flirty bartender kindly offers to fill my water bottle up with chilled water and crushed ice, which is ideal because all the dancing I’m doing in-between watching the missions is heating me up. I hustle my way through sexy army clad bodies and when I look to where I’m heading, my steps falter as I see that Jaxson and a couple of other guys I don’t recognise have joined the group… And there it is, that magnetic, almost tangible pull between us.

  I will myself to remain composed but apprehension creeps up on me so I stop and take a sip of my ice-cold water, hoping it’ll extinguish the sudden roaring heat inside of me. I begin to weave my way back over deliberately slowly, giving myself time to chill the fuck out.

  I’m excited he’s here but sceptical about our next interaction. He is chatting with somebody at first and then swings his attention round as though I’ve just wolf whistled him. He notices me through the crowd and I wonder if he feels it too. Jaxson drops his chin and pulls his mirrored pilot style glasses halfway down the bridge of his nose. Our eyes lock in and I swear his scorch my mind like a branding iron; J – A – X – S – O – N. I’ve just been either blessed or cursed with the need to fantasize about this man for eternity.

  That familiar surge of energy rushes between us, reconnects us. Jeez, how can he do this to me from across a crowded room? This man is either a sexual magician or I’m being hormonally irrational. Just as a troop of marching soldiers block our view, I opt for the latter and divert my path towards the toilets instead. Chicken!

  A couple of minutes later I reach the corridor leading to the ladies and I feel his unmistakable strong hand wrap around my wrist, spinning me back around to face him. My eye line takes me straight to his inked biceps and forearms. They’re even more apparent tonight, as is the affect his tattoos have on me. I have none and marvel at how intrigued they have me. Instead of going for the obvious sleeveless vest that every other muscular man appears to have chosen, Jaxson is wearing a subtle black short-sleeved tee. It’s just fitting enough for me to enjoy his hard earned lines – I’ve already fantasised about how they appear to form an X-rated treasure map that my body is desperate to discover and explore.

  Jaxson has dark green and black combat trousers and black army boots on. I’m pleasantly surprised he’s made such an effort, but he would’ve looked out of place if he hadn’t. Either way, I have a clearer view of him now and despite the intimidating built-like-a-brick-shithouse exterior, I warm to him – Well, I damn near melt.

  He lets go of my wrist and towers over me a little more than when I was on the stool so I feel less able to keep up any sort of pretence. I notice Emma has marked him with his stripes that are peeking out from beneath his sunglasses.

  My whole body clenches at the sight of him. This kind of reaction is so alien to me. It’s more than being smitten, there’s no fitting word to describe this rollercoaster ride. It’s like I’m a glutton for punishment; letting my head fill up on all of his deliciousness knowing that’s as far as I’ll let it go. When it comes to Jaxson, I will be salivating over the all-you-can-eat buffet from afar.

  “You’re making a habit of disappearing on me—or are you meeting your date in the ladies?” Mmm, that voice. Time to face the music.

  “Hey Jaxson… No, I’m erm… I’m not doing that—actually I’m not a-a—” He thankfully bails me out by interrupting my nervous stuttering.

  “—a lesbian? I’m pleased to hear it, but I’d keep your voice down… If the lesbians of your Pussy Platoon find out, you’ll be fucked… No, I mean it—literally fucked!” I giggle. Thankfully he doesn’t seem to think I’m a complete idiot then. “Soooo should I be offended that I scared you into a woman’s arms—or legs?”

  “No, no. I’m sorry, it was stupid of me. I’m not used to getting that sort of attention and I panicked, it was childish of me. I’m sorry.” Miss Alter Ego seemingly leaving the honest Miss Innocent to deal with this situation, which I appreciate. “Look, I enjoyed meeting you. I don’t want there to be any sort of weirdness between us, especially because we seem to cross paths often. Maybe we can start again?”

  “I’m not even sure that’s possible Beth, you put on quite a memorable show!” His smile widens. Don’t look at his mouth Beth. “So, like me, you’re straight and single right, just so I know where I stand?” As much as I want to sound sirens and have neon flashing signs pointing at me declaring “I Want You”, I’m still haunted by my obsessive thoughts of disappointing him and crushing what little sexual confidence I have left after last week.

  Every time I’ve thought of him, the same statements keep circling around my head like vultures; I am far from ready to get physical with somebody as immense and intense as Jaxson.

  Right now, the way I feel about myself in comparison to the way his body makes me feel about him… Well, he is way off my Richter scale and his fearsome sexual persona is daunting to say the least. He is out of my league. Fact! As much as I’d be flattered if he was interested, anything more than flirting would be sexual suicide for me. Compared to my gladiator, I’m inadequate. This isn’t me having some self-pity party, it’s just real talk and I’m cool with that. I’m not begrudging myself more flirting and ‘gasms, just not the real deal unfortunately.

  No – I’m not going to set myself up for a knockdown, my esteem can’t take another crushing anytime soon. Jaxson can remain my gorgeous gladiator and feature heavily in my imagination, which’ll have to suffice – I’m putting him on pause until I’m ready and the moment is right. That’s if the opportunity’s still viable when that moment arrives.

  I just need to stick to men I can handle for the time being. So for now I decide to lay it down, not wanting any more blurred lines. How am I going to put this?

  “Yep, straight and single but not quite ready to mingle… with you anyway.” Ouch, Beth that sounds brutal. “Flirting’s okay, I suppose—not that you’re suggesting you’re interested… I mean, um… I’m just putting it out there—not me, I’m not putting me out there...” There you have it ladies and gents; the proof that Bethany has made the correct decision. Sexual suicide is off the menu.

  I shake my head admonishingly and take a deep breath. “Whatever anyway, I just don’t want you to think I’m playing games.” Way to go. So smooth.

  His smile has been growing throughout the duration of my waffling, whilst he’s been trying to decipher my pathetic explanation. I’ve been doing my best not to focus on his lips and now he’s removed his glasses, his eyes do just as much collateral damage. “O-okay—well, that’s a shame, but I got it, I think. So you can relax now Angel.”

  “Sorry. I’m not usually like this. I just wanna avoid any confusion. Anyway, I’m glad that’s off my chest now, like I said before, you’re spoilt for choice so I don’t wanna cramp your style or cockblock you—”

  At the mention of my chest his gaze dropped to my breasts with a cocky smile. Now he’s frowning back at me, miming ‘cockblock’.

  “Loud and clear Beth. Flirting – Yes. Fucking – No. Now, tell me, is this thing loaded?” Touching the gun arou
nd my thigh and briefly touching my skin. Unintentionally? Intentionally? At the mere mention of fucking Miss Alter Ego has shoved Miss Innocent out the way; her job of clearing the air evidently complete. I do feel completely at ease now I know I’ve set the record straight. I may actually be able to talk properly now!

  “Hmm, that would be telling! I guess you’re just gonna have to behave yourself Jaxson, just in case—” Then I add, looking puzzled, “Unless of course yours is loaded too?” And reinforce my innuendo by returning his gesture from the club, glancing down at his crotch for a second then diving back into his tropical pools.

  “I don’t—Ooooh, o-okay, there you go. There’s the witty mouth I remember from Tricks. Welcome back and please, do call me Jax.” With his right hand, he takes my fingers to raise the back of my right hand to his mouth and kisses the top of it. Lips, lips, luscious soft warm lips. I fixate on them, whilst biting my own, imagining sucking his and—I hear Wills’ voice over the speakers, announcing that the entertainment will commence in five minutes.