Survival

by J Marie

  I shuddered at the thought of having to face his permanent mark on my skin every day for the rest of my life. As if I needed another reminder that he owned me. I would have to find a good specialist for laser therapy if he followed through on his little fantasy.

  “I think I deserve a place on your body, don’t you think?”

  “Wouldn’t you prefer me to want your name on my body, rather than you forcing it and me hating it?”

  “Or you could accept it graciously as it would please me for you to do so.” He narrowed his eyes at me. My reluctance was irritating him now.

  I kept my mouth shut then; no matter how much I protested, he would still do what he wanted. I was essentially wasting my breath and pissing him off.

  Eventually, his thumbs ceased their pressure, and his hands slowly started to trail down my arms, causing my skin to break out in goosebumps. Following down my shoulders, his palms covered down my sides and my heart started to flutter in my chest. The way he looked at me, so intensely, so possessively, sent shivers down my spine.

  And then he gripped the bottom of my dress and completely ripped it open as if it were paper. My body tensed under the surprise of his attack on my clothes, my muscles fully flexed as Darren gazed down at me with a slight smirk of satisfaction on his face.

  My body was fully bared to him, the only thing covering me from him being my yellow thong and lacy barely-there bra. I closed my eyes tight and pursed my lips, fighting back the rage that threatened to escape.

  “God, you have the most incredible body,” he said, rubbing his palms up and down my rib cage, his thumbs padding over my abs and sending a wave of sensation through my skin.

  Lowering himself to me, he pressed his lips to mine so gently, I wasn’t sure it was real. It was a whisper of a kiss, soft and sensual, something I wasn’t sure he was capable of. Some time later, he started kissing down my jawline and softly at my neck, nipping at my skin with his teeth here and there. My breathing became heavy as he turned my skin on with his sensual touches … but all I wanted to do was bolt from the room.

  My body was reacting to his touch in ways I didn’t want to admit, and I wished my brain would tell it to wake the fuck up. But I had been subjected to so much violence and anguish that there was no way my body was going to reject something that wasn’t pain.

  His kisses continued down my chest, passing through the valley of my breasts and down my stomach. His hands caressed over my body, capturing my hips while the warmth of his skin on mine awakened my senses, setting me on fire. I hated it, but I loved it at the same time, his gentleness and desire overwhelming me. I could feel his erection pressing against my leg as he continued to leave a breadcrumb trail of kisses down my abdomen.

  And then his fingers lightly brushed the underside of my breast and I took in a sharp breath at the contact, not really wanting him to touch me, but somehow needing it. But then one lingering thought drenched the rising fire in a waterfall of pain and betrayal. Jason’s face suddenly entered my mind, and I thought of how he would feel if I gave in to this man. I knew I didn’t have a choice and he would understand that, but the fact my body was starting to enjoy it was where my honest betrayal was. Even though one man owned me, it didn’t break my loyalty to another.

  I was driving myself crazy with my internal debate. How could I enjoy the touch of a monster? Of the touch of the man who had taken me from my life and subjected me to the horrors of his? What was I now, some slave he could just turn into his whore? What the fuck was wrong with me? I couldn’t do this.

  “Stop,” I whispered, a tear slipping down my cheek.

  Darren raised his face from my stomach, his fingers still grazing my breasts, and looked at me confused.

  “What did you just say?”

  “Stop. Please.” I couldn’t look at him, just stared at the ceiling hoping he would take pity on me.

  “You were enjoying this a second ago, and don’t try to tell me you weren’t. Your body can’t lie to me no matter how much you want it to. What changed, Jaden? What happened?”

  “I just can’t. I don’t want this.

  “Yes, you can and you do. You need to stop thinking and just let your body enjoy it,” he said, kissing just above my pubic bone

  “I can’t.”

  “Would you prefer I just hurt you so that it’s painful? Is that what you want?” he seethed, obviously insulted by my rejection.

  “Yes,” I choked. At least, then I wouldn’t feel bad about enjoying it because I knew this way I wouldn’t. He got up and smacked me. Again. God, I was good at that.

  “What the fuck’s the matter with you?!”

  “What difference does it make?! You’ve already raped me several times! Why should now be any different for you?”

  “Because you’re deliberately choosing pain over pleasure because you can’t let yourself enjoy what I so clearly want to give you. I have more pleasure to give than pain, Jaden, if you’d only just give in to it. Stop being so goddamn stubborn.”

  “Why? Why do you have to make me enjoy it? It’s just cruel.”

  “Jaden,” he said now softening his voice and placing his hand gently against my face. “You’re doing this to yourself. You need to let go. Stop holding on to something that has no meaning for you anymore. Your focus needs to be on me now, and what I want to do to this beautiful body of yours,” he said, brushing his fingers over my skin.

  “But …”

  “No buts,” he said continuing his kisses.

  His hands trailed up the inside of my thighs, making me quiver, but all I could think about was the other man I had been longing for since I had been taken. I had to make him hurt me—had to make him want to hurt me so I wouldn’t have to live with the guilt of enjoying this if my body was stupid enough to like it.

  “I’m sorry. I just don’t have the heart for this,” I uttered in anger. “Because it belongs to someone else, along with my loyalty.”

  I was terrified to provoke his jealousy, but I couldn’t take this. I knew of only one way to stop it.

  “What. Did you. Just. Say?” Darren asked very sharply, bringing his eyes back up to mine.

  I stared at him with absolute hatred. I wanted him to know that my body might belong to him, but that was it. My heart and soul belonged to someone else and that would never change no matter what he did.

  When I didn’t answer, his hand shot out for my throat and gripped it like a vise. I groaned and gasped for air, terror rising in my blood as I started to regret my decision. What if this was one of those moments when he might snap and accidentally kill me? Maybe I hadn’t really thought this through.

  “I swear to God, Jaden, if you make me repeat myself today one more time …” he growled, his grip getting tighter and tighter.

  The muscles in my arms strained as I fought for oxygen, tears involuntarily springing from my eyes and falling down my cheeks. Shit, he was furious now and fear filled my belly as if I had consumed too much of it.

  “I’m sorry,” I croaked out. It was all I could manage to say.

  “You’re sorry?” Darren almost laughed, wide-eyed and angry, until he got real low to my face. “Not fucking yet, you aren’t.”

  And then he kissed me so roughly, he actually bit my lip and drew blood. I squirmed and shrieked, trying to buck him off me until he finally released my mouth. Fear coursed through my body. I was bound to the headboard and his heavy body trapped my legs under him. There was no way for me to defend myself. I was completely at his mercy, and it looked like he was really running low on that at the moment. God, I was fucking stupid.

  This was worse than the last time he showed how jealous he could be, especially since I now had no way to protect myself. Panic surged through my veins, intoxicating my rationality and bringing me to the point of begging for mercy and forgiveness, but I wasn’t that gone yet.

  “I’m over here giving you all the pleasure your body desires and you have the nerve to tell me where you think your loyalty lies? Are you
fucking kidding me?!”

  He gave me another hard squeeze for good measure and released my throat. Darren then wrenched my thighs apart and placed himself between them. Unzipping his jeans, he unleashed his straining erection and plowed into me. I gasped loudly as his dick filled me up, stretching my core past the breaking point.

  “You want pain, baby doll, you got it.”

  In and out, he drilled into me, whatever gentleness he had exhibited before completely absent. He unleashed all his fury into my body, biting me, bruising my skin with his grip, but it seemed pretty obvious he was enjoying himself as he punished me with his cock. I finally looked away from him, unable to stand the expression on his face as he took what he wanted over and over again.

  “Look at me,” he growled, gripping my face roughly in his hand. “Don’t you dare take your eyes off mine.” And then he laced his fingers through my hair and pulled it taut so that I had no choice but to keep my eyes locked on his.

  “I hate you,” I hissed at him, looking him right in the eyes like he wanted me to.

  “Good,” he shot back, slamming into me even harder.

  God, I couldn’t emphasize the word hate enough. He wanted me to watch him while he enjoyed taking my body however he wanted. It took everything I had not to let another tear slide out, but I was losing control and he loved it. He loved showing me how easy it was for him to dominate me, even though I thought I was so much better than this. Maybe that was what made it worse.

  He then suddenly grabbed my throat again and squeezed. He just loved to put his hands there. It wasn’t just a way of hurting me; it was a way of possessing me. “You’re mine, Jaden,” he growled, still plowing into me. “And nothing will ever change that.”

  I felt sick to my stomach as I tried to come to terms with his words.

  Nothing will ever change that …

  Bullshit. I would change that. One way or another, with one of us dead, it would change.

  I cried out as he came close to finishing and sped up his pace, thrusting harder and deeper. Finally, he came; he collapsed on top of me but still held up most of his weight while keeping himself buried inside me.

  “You know what, Jaden?” Darren finally said, rising up on his elbows. “I have half a mind to go find that piece of shit you once called a boyfriend, bring him back here, and make you watch me kill him. Would you like that? Because I know I would.”

  My heart sank into my stomach, shriveling into tiny knots at the thought of what he just said. With Kayla gone, he had effectively discovered my true Kryptonite. I couldn’t let him hurt Jason. I would kill him first.

  It seemed stupid for him to go after my family—too much of a risk—but after a while, the heat would die down and they could become easy targets. Jason was strong, though, and just as tough as I was, maybe even tougher. That was why he was so perfect for me. We had always complemented each other so well, having many of the same interests, and always taking any challenge head-on when it came our way. We were an unstoppable force together and everyone knew it. He would want me to survive this so that when I eventually escaped, he would help me take my vengeance. I had to give in now. If he killed Jason, I would have nothing left to live for and I would probably just off myself at that point, and then there would be no one to stop this sadistic motherfucker.

  “Please,” I whispered, trying to ignore the pulsing ache between my legs. “Please, don’t. You’re right. I shouldn’t have been thinking about him. It’s just …”

  “It’s just what?” he snarled.

  “It’s just hard for me to let go. You have to understand, it’s only been a couple of days. I… I just need some time to adjust.”

  He considered my words for a bit and sat back on my hips, studying me. I hoped he was capable of being reasonable. He had to have known how hard this was for me.

  “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I have been a little hard on you. This is only your third night here … but it’s how my father was. Tough love was always his thing and old habits are hard to break.”

  “Yes, old habits are hard to break,” I emphasized. “I just need a little more time.”

  He stared at me harshly for several seconds. My core was throbbing in pain and it was difficult for me to hold back my cries as he studied me, but I somehow managed to keep it in. I was going to be sore as fuck tomorrow.

  “Fine,” he finally said. “I will give you one week to get your shit together. You can consider it a practice run. But once that week is over, and you still haven’t figured out your place, we’re gonna do it my way.”

  I honestly didn’t like the sound of that but hadn’t we been doing it his way since the start? It was obviously so effective.

  “Thank you,” I breathed.

  At least that saved me from some harsher punishments and would give me time to figure him out. He thought I just needed some time to come to terms with my new role in life, and fine, he could think that, but I had successfully gotten him to lighten up on me for a while. I was becoming quite the negotiator.

  “You should know … this is very unlike me. I don’t compromise … ever, but I’m willing to make an exception if it saves me a little aggravation in the long run. I hope your way is effective because if it isn’t, you’re seriously going to regret it.”

  “I appreciate the opportunity,” I replied. “And it will be.”

  He stared down at me for a little while, his expression suddenly becoming hard as his hand slowly made its way up to caress my jaw. His eyes bore into me like a drill, piercing into my greatest fears as he gently eased his mouth to my ear.

  “I’m only going to say this once more,” he drawled smoothly but deadly into my ear. “If I ever catch you even thinking about another man … I’ll kill ’em. Do you understand me?”

  I could feel my heart bleeding out into my chest as his words punctured deep holes that could never be repaired. If I wanted Jason to live, I’d have to give him up. I knew Darren was all about keeping his word, and I didn’t need to put the love of my life at any further risk than he probably already was. It broke my heart into pieces, but I had to let him go.

  “Yes, Darren,” I whispered back. “I understand.”

  “Good,” he said and got off me. He headed into my bathroom, apparently to wash up, and then went to the door.

  “Wait,” I said, turning my head to him. “You’re just gonna leave me like this?”

  He let out a low dark chuckle. “Good night, Jaden.” And closed the door.

  Motherfucker.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Whiplash

  I woke up the next morning to find myself curled up on the bed with my hands tucked into my chest. Darren must have released me sometime in the middle of the night while I had been sleeping. I looked up at the clock to find it was eight in the morning. I still had plenty of time to get ready.

  Raising up, my muscles protested my movement as my body was stiff and sore from last night’s altercation. But the pain I was feeling didn’t compare to anything when I tried to stand. A sharp ache that rattled my insides near my cervix came full throttle and I gasped in pain and laid back down. Holy fuck, I wasn’t sure if I could stand to walk. And then I remembered I didn’t have much of a choice.

  I decided to revert to my days as a baby and crawled my sore ass to the bathroom. I tried to pee, but the pain was too sharp for it to be comfortable. I decided the warm water of the shower might make it easier.

  As soon as the steam started to fog up the mirrors, I crawled into the shower stall and sat on the floor, letting the hot sprays drench my broken body. It felt good and the warmth of the water did help me release my bladder.

  I remained in my seated position, leaning against the tile wall as I washed my hair, body, and face, before crawling back out. If I had it my way, I would soak myself in that tempting Jacuzzi tub all day, but I didn’t think I would ever have anything my way so long as I was stuck here.

  My body felt slightly better, but with so much pain lacing each st
ep, I wasn’t sure how much of it I would be willing to stand. Trying my best to ignore it, I combed and styled my wet hair, applied some light makeup, and limped all the way to the closet.

  I grabbed the first thing closest to the door and it turned out to be a bright pink tank top dress, one I was sure Darren would appreciate. I put on another white thong and bra, slipped on the dress, and took the smallest, lightest steps I could as I made my way downstairs in the pair of nude sandals.

  When I finally reached the dining room, Darren wasn’t there and there were no place settings as usual. Was I too early? I looked at the clock as it read 8:57 a.m. and wondered where the hell he was. Angry that I had to do more walking than I wanted, I slowly made my way into the living room and saw Darren through the wall of windows, sitting out on the patio, talking on his phone.

  I walked out to meet him, wincing with every step, unable to hide my pain. He was dressed pretty casual today, wearing a pair of jeans and a dark blue button-down with the sleeves rolled to his elbows so I could see his tattoos. He ended his call quickly and looked me up and down, smiling.

  “Good morning, princess,” he beamed at me. “Sleep well?”

  I scoffed at being called a princess. I hated being called that when I was a kid, and I hated it even more so as an adult. At that very moment, I compared myself to Princess Peach being captured by Bowser for the umpteenth time and laughed in my head at the idea of waiting for Mario to come rescue me. Except there was no Mario and this wasn’t a game. The only person who would be rescuing me would be me. Benching my nerd side, I took a seat at the table, slowly setting myself on the cushioning of the chair.

  “Not exactly,” I answered his question, trying to find a comfortable position.

  “Something wrong?” he asked, turning his head to study me. He actually looked like he might be concerned. I didn’t want to admit to him what he had done to me, but there was no sense in lying.

  “I think you bruised my cervix,” I winced.