Survival

by J Marie

  “Looks like we’ll be doing things my way from now on,” was the last thing I heard him say before completely blacking out.

  ~*~

  I was fucking pissed. My chest heaved up and down in fury as Jaden laid motionless, strapped to the chair. How dare she fight me on this? After the entire week I had given her to get her shit together and accept her future, she was still unwilling to fully submit to me. Well, fine then, we would do things my way.

  I stood to the side and watched as Justin, who I had contacted just a few days ago, wiped Jaden’s wrists clean and placed the sticky design I had sent him on her skin. Peeling it off delicately, the design sent a warm rush of pride swelling in my chest. The reality that everyone who came across Jaden would know right away that she belonged to me was beyond satisfying. Not many would ever be privileged to even lay their eyes on her, but for those lucky few, they would think twice before lingering for too long.

  The buzz of the tattoo gun brought me back to the present, and I turned my gaze down to the needle that was now piercing my name into Jaden’s beautiful skin. I chose an intricate design, something classical but with taste. I knew Jaden would hate it, but she would learn to love it if she was smart. The tattoo wasn’t there just to confirm my ownership of her to the world, but also to serve as a reminder to herself, so she would never forget her place. I had a feeling she would need that little reminder often.

  By the time Justin was finished, twenty minutes had passed, and my name shined brilliantly in black scripted letters on Jaden’s skin, the outline of the bright pink heart behind my name adding a little femininity to it. I had finally marked her as my own and the feeling was incredible as it bloomed throughout my entire body, warming everything inside me.

  Justin wiped some ointment over her freshly tattooed skin and wrapped a layer of plastic wrap around her wrists to protect the ink while it healed. I would have to make sure Jaden attended to the new ink well so it healed correctly. God help her if she damaged it in any way.

  “All done,” Justin said, turning back to collect his tools.

  I took one last look at his work, satisfied with the result, and pulled out the Sig I kept in my jacket.

  “Thanks,” I said and pulled the trigger without another thought. No loose ends in my world.

  Chapter Twenty-Five

  Sorry

  I woke up on something cold and hard and came to realize I was lying in my cage. Again. Damn, I had been doing so well. My eyes adjusted to the small light that filtered down on me, and it was then I saw the strips of plastic wrap around my wrists with smudgy black ink hiding underneath it. Gingerly, I pulled the plastic away and looked down at the glossy covered words that burned my eyes to tears. There, perfectly squared in the middle of the inside of both my wrists and written in big, black script, was Darren’s new trademark.

  In a moment of complete and utter defeat, I laid the front of my forehead down on the floor of the cage. Tears began to leak from my eyes, and I immediately slammed my fists down onto the floor of the cage, my rage now overcoming me. It had happened, and knowing Darren’s name would always be there to remind me shattered my soul into tiny wretched pieces. Even if I did escape him one day, I would still always belong to him. I was nothing more than an object with a label for all to see.

  I hated my existence, hated myself, hated Darren, and hated God, Buddha, or whoever the fuck else was responsible for my fate and putting me through this. I had to have died in that shootout weeks ago, and I was in my own personal Hell. That was the only explanation I had for what had become of my life.

  For the longest time, I just laid there, my wrists limp out in front of me as they burned and ached from that bastard needle. Tears drained from my eyes every now and then as I contemplated how little I meant in this world. My existence was nothing if not dependent on Darren's commands to validate me. I was meant for more than this. I had wanted to do so much more with my life, and I'd make damn sure I did when I got the fuck out of here. Right after I scheduled an appointment for laser tattoo removal.

  I pushed myself off the floor of the cage, leaned back against the bars, and waited for Darren to come back. I knew I was in for a world of pain for defying him the way I had, but I didn't care. As far as I was concerned, Darren Davis could eat his own dick.

  About another half an hour later, in strolled Darren with his hands in his pockets looking perfectly pleased with himself.

  “How’s my princess doing?” he teased as he stepped in front of the cage and looked down at me.

  “Go fuck yourself, Darren,” I spat.

  “Still feisty as ever.” He smiled. “But not for long.”

  “Why the fuck are you so hell-bent on breaking me down, huh? You’re kidding yourself if you think you’ll find any satisfaction in me if I’m nothing but a submissive little bitch.”

  “You think I don’t know how to train you to be exactly what I want?” he asked amused. “That’s adorable. The first and most important part of your conditioning is for you know exactly who’s in control and whom you belong to. Once you finally get that in your head, we can go from there.”

  “Well, I fucking get it, okay,” I said, flashing the underside of my wrists. “You win.”

  “Oh, I know I’ve won. I won the moment you came into my possession, but the problem here is I’m still not sure you believe it.” He smirked turning his head to the side and regarding me closely.

  “God! What the fuck do you want from me!? I behaved all week for you, and you turn around and do this!” I yelled pointing at my wrist. “What the fuck did I do to have caused you to doubt me so?!”

  Darren unlocked the cage, reached in, grabbed me by my throat, and yanked me out of the cage. He slammed me into the wall so hard my head nearly bounced off it.

  “If you ever, EVER, raise your voice or speak to me like that again, you won’t be formulating words for an entire month, do you understand me?” he roared. The malice in his voice left goosebumps on my skin, and I couldn’t help but shiver as my hands clung to his wrist that held my throat in place. “Do you understand?!” he yelled.

  I hated when he raised his voice like that. It terrified the shit out of me because I knew he was serious and dangerously close to hurting me.

  “Yes,” I managed to get out quickly.

  “The reason I had you marked was simply because I wanted it. Not because you misbehaved or because I like torturing you, but because it pleased me to do so. That seems to be the one concept you have trouble grasping. You are here to please me, Jaden, and if I desire my name on your fucking forehead, then you'd better graciously oblige me. I told you there was no point in trying to understand me and that questioning me was an even bigger mistake, yet here you are, trying to make sense of my desires. It’s just pissing me off to no end.”

  All I could do was struggle against him as I fought for air. Darren’s grip was so tight, and I found it getting tighter as he spoke.

  “And then when I finally bring you in to demonstrate your devotion to me, you immediately turn away and defy me again after I had just granted you an entire WEEK to let go. Extremely disappointing, Jaden. You don’t get to make decisions anymore. You don’t get choices unless I expressly give them to you. You do as you’re told because it pleases me when you do. And today was a huge failure.”

  I was clawing at his arm now, trying to get him to let me go, but my nails did nothing to penetrate his jacket, and finally, I’d had enough. I jerked my arm up as hard as I could and was able to pull the meat of his thumb a centimeter off my trachea, allowing some air to escape. At least, he could see I was about to pass out from lack of oxygen and loosened his grip. I took in a long deep, sharp breath, but I was so dizzy I couldn’t see straight. Thankfully, the only thing I had in front of me to focus on was Darren’s chest.

  “Now,” he said, still keeping his hand in place, “can you be a good girl and do as you’re told or do you need further motivation?”

  I was still gasping for air, terri
fied out of my mind to the point where I couldn’t even answer him. I couldn’t find the words.

  “Jaden,” he growled, gripping tighter and pulling me to him.

  “I’ll be good,” I quickly gasped out as my hands gripped his wrists even tighter. I was right on the verge of tears.

  “Good … now, there’s just one more matter that needs attending,” he said and pulled me over to one of the weird body shaped couches and forced me down to straddle it, my face pushed against the end that curled upwards. “You even think about moving, and we won’t leave this room for days,” he snarled. And then he reached down, gripped the back of the dress I was wearing and ripped it open, completely exposing my bare back. My body shuddered with fear as I heard the sound of his belt leaving the loops of his pants, and I held on tightly to the edges of the couch.

  Without wasting another moment, Darren brought the belt down hard on my skin, and I yelped as the heat of the lash spread over my back. He waited only a second, but he didn’t have to wait long before I started the count.

  “One,” I groaned.

  The belt came down again, striking lower as it cut through my flesh leaving behind a mark that would ache for days.

  “Two.”

  As soon as we got to ten, I thought we were done, but Darren just switched the end of the belt with the buckle and started pelting me with that end. The agony was even worse than before, and it didn’t take long for my yelps to turn to screams. I had suffered ten more of those. But we still weren’t done.

  Darren then pulled me to the ground on all fours and ripped the rest of my dress completely off and forced my legs apart. Tearing away my thong, he drilled himself into me and as his body rocked into mine, it caused more pain to flare up in my back while his hands held my hips in a vise grip.

  When he was finally finished with me, I was so weak I didn’t even have the strength to cover myself up. I just laid there facedown with my arms limp at my side. My back burned and throbbed, yet I continued to lay there, my eyes barely able to remain open while tears stained my face. I wondered for a brief moment if he would just leave me down here.

  “I’m sorry,” I barely whispered. I didn’t know why I said it because I wasn’t sorry. Maybe the only thing I felt sorry for was myself, but for some reason, I thought it was something he wanted to hear.

  “I bet you are,” Darren said standing over me as he righted himself.

  He then walked over to the bathroom and brought back a warm washcloth. After cleaning me up, he gently threw me over his shoulder and took me back upstairs to his room. Tossing my dress into the trash, he laid my naked body on my stomach in his bed and pulled the covers over my shoulders. Climbing in behind me, he miraculously let me be on my side of the bed, but he kept himself turned toward me for the entire night.

  “Who do you belong to, princess?” he asked before turning out the light.

  “You,” I whispered and then gave myself to the darkness.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Routine

  The following week slugged on as I spent most of my time lying down on my stomach or sitting up perfectly straight. The pain in my back was so terrible it affected my energy, my strength, and my ability to walk. Darren’s sympathy was completely absent as he blamed me since I was the catalyst for it all. He didn’t even offer me any painkillers this time.

  As often as he could, Darren refused to let me out of his sight. He worried I might regress after his punishment, and he wanted to ensure its effectiveness. And I suppose it was effective because I didn’t say a word to him unless he had spoken to me first.

  Darren had the usual amount of business to take care of, but worked from home as often as he could. When he was home, I spent my time watching movies in the theater or reading while he took care of business. He was planning some kind of acquisition based on the phone calls I overheard in my presence. He would usually lay my head down in his lap while he stroked my hair and read his documents. That was when I would eventually fall asleep, and he didn’t seem to mind, probably because I was quiet for once.

  Many times throughout the day, he would tend to my tattoos and examine them with sparkling eyes as he admired the handiwork. He would reapply ointment over my skin on a daily basis, and God help me if I ruined the tattoo in any way, Darren had said to me. I heeded his warning like my life depended on it, and it probably did.

  Sunday night could not have come quick enough as I longed to finally be away from him and his overbearing presence. I needed a break from him, badly.

  After dinner, Darren gave me a large blanket and told me he’d meet me out on the beach for the sunset in ten minutes. Laying the blanket down by the shore, I sat down and watched the sky as the sun painted it with golds, pinks, and bright oranges; it was nice to finally have a singular moment to myself. Twenty minutes later, though, Darren still had not come down to meet me, and I was beginning to wonder where he was.

  By the time nothing but a sliver was left in the sunset, I was starting to get cold as the ocean breeze began to pick up. I looked back around me and wondered if I should go and look for him. I pulled the ends of the blanket around my shoulders, huddled into it, and continued to wait. Two minutes later, the little hairs on the back of my neck stood up as I felt a hand on my shoulder and flinched up to find Darren standing behind me.

  “You missed it,” I said lightly.

  “I know. I’m sorry. I got held up,” he said sincerely.

  I stood up and kept the blanket over my shoulders as Darren took my hand and led me back to the house. Looking down at the hand that held mine, I noticed his knuckles were slightly bloodied and bruised, and I brought them up to my face to get a closer look.

  “Darren, what did you do?” I asked softly, looking up at him. But the glare on his face made me immediately regret it, and I turned my eyes back to the ground. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to question you.”

  “Good girl,” he said darkly and continued up to the house.

  When we got to the patio, I shook the blanket of the sand it had accumulated and handed it over to Darren as he held out his hand for it. He just tossed it over the railing and held the door of the house open for me. As we entered, I kept my head forward, but my eyes scanned for any possible signs of a struggle, however, there was none to be seen. I couldn’t help but be on high alert.

  “Relax, Jaden,” Darren said noticing my old scanning tendencies as he led us to the stairs. “The only danger you need to worry about is me.”

  Because that makes me feel so much better.

  After washing up and using the bathroom, I climbed into Darren’s bed and laid down on my side. My back still ached slightly from the week before, and I had made damn sure I avoided all mirrors so I wouldn’t be tempted to turn around and witness the damage Darren had done to me.

  As Darren got in behind me, his arm reached over and pulled me to his bare chest. Tucking me in tightly, I gasped as the force of him created a sharp pain in my back.

  “Please, Darren, not so tight,” I mumbled quickly and softly into the sheets hoping he would take pity on me. There was no way I could sleep like that all night.

  By the grace of God, he loosened his arm just enough for comfort and gently pressed his warm chest into my back and I instantly melted against him. The heat soothed my still tender muscles, and I released a sigh of relief as I began to relax and quickly fell asleep.

  ***

  Another two weeks flew by and my time of reflection was well over. Darren had drained a good portion of my fight out of me after he whipped me for refusing his tattoos, but it didn’t take long for the fire in me to rage again. Now, I was just pissed.

  Ever since Darren had his name scribed into my skin, I was constantly angry and exhausted. Darren thought the tattoos would help me understand my place, but it only made me rebel more. I didn’t give a fuck about building trust anymore. I wanted him to know what he did was wrong and that he would suffer the consequences from me. He wanted me compliant, but for the
next two weeks, I was anything but.

  I was still confined to my room while Darren went to work; I had no one to talk to, nothing to do, and nowhere to go. I wanted so badly to finally roam the house while he was away, but I knew with my current behavior there was no way that was happening—especially since I was still fighting him every chance I got now that we were officially doing things “his way.”

  I wanted to work out, but it seemed I was never afforded the chance since a proper workout required a decent meal before doing so, and I only had ten minutes before I was shunned back to my room until Darren came home and got me. I felt like calling Darren a liar for telling me I could train and then taking away my opportunity to do so. Maybe he was still punishing me.

  Most of the time, I would revert to stretching and advanced yoga until I got bored. Then I would read, listen to music, or daydream about killing Darren with a rusty spoon. That thought usually brought me back to my positive side.

  I would often communicate with Darren through the songs I chose to download. Breaking Benjamin, Evanescence, Limp Bizkit, Linkin Park, and Rage Against the Machine. The songs were all rage fueled and defiant, but he never commented on them. He approved them almost instantly. I didn’t know why, though, since they only motivated me to be angrier. Maybe he liked it. I didn’t know.

  My tattoos were nearly healed now, and I tried to just pretend they weren’t there, but they were the fuel to my rage. I would often remind myself that they were only ink after all and could be removed in the long run. It didn’t piss me off any less that they were there, though. It also didn’t help that my stupid cuffs kept rubbing against the scabs and it made them itch like crazy. I hated those fucking things. I wanted them off so badly, but I knew I would just get used to them eventually.