Survival

by J Marie

  I had realized in the beginning he was using sex as a form of punishment, a reminder that I was his, but eventually, it just became another one of my many duties as he didn’t have to punish me very often anymore. I would still try to keep up my feisty attitude every now and then because I knew that Darren liked it; he loved it even more when he got to give me a good swat on the ass every time. He didn’t need a reason to, but he liked having one.

  Every other week, Irina and Anya would return to redo my nails and treat my hair. I apologized to them for my behavior last time, and even though they had no idea what I was saying, they seemed to understand. I let them do what they needed to without a fuss and didn’t even complain when they waxed my unwanted hair since I wasn’t allowed to have any razors. The Vaseline had also been removed from my bathroom, and I found that hilarious.

  Aside from Darren and the occasional Scott, the Russians were the only other humans in my life and the only source of estrogen I had access to. I often found myself looking forward to my appointments with them, even if they weren’t allowed to converse with me. I was just grateful for their company.

  One day, a few weeks after my last run-in with the cage and after coming home from work on a Friday, Darren had a gift for me. I involuntarily sauntered back at the thought of receiving a gift from him, as I was already terrified of his surprises. But when he held out a small robin egg blue box with a white bow tied around it, I felt I was able to relax a little.

  “Open it.” He smiled.

  I tentatively took the box from his hand, pulled the ribbon off, and opened the lid to find a beautiful platinum diamond studded infinity ring from Tiffany’s. I had always wanted one, but now that it came from Darren, I just wanted to throw it to the floor and crush it under my foot.

  “Do you like it?” he asked me.

  “It’s beautiful.” I smiled like Miss Fucking America.

  Darren then took the box from my hand, pulled the tiny ring out, and slipped it on my left ring finger. My eyes widened in shock as I looked up at him, hoping my suspicions were mistaken.

  He just chuckled down at me. “No, it’s not what you think it is, princess. It’s just there to keep this finger warm until I decide the time is right. Consider it a gift for the dramatic improvement in your behavior as well as a promise for the future, which I expect to last infinitely.”

  “Thank you, Darren. I love it.”

  I fucking hated it. It matched my fucking cuffs!

  “I’m glad,” he said and then his expression became very serious. “It is never to leave this finger. Is that understood?”

  “Yes, of course,” I said a little taken aback by his abrasiveness.

  “Good. Now, I have another gift for you. Follow me.”

  Oh, no.

  He took my hand and led me downstairs to the foyer where we stopped and he smiled down at me.

  “This is your gift,” he said slowly holding his arms out and looking about. I gave him a very confused expression as I looked in all the same directions he had. “I’m officially giving you the ability to roam the house while I’m gone. I think you’ve proved well enough that you are capable of following my rules and should, therefore, receive a reward for pleasing me the way you have.”

  I blinked a few times, really wondering if I had even heard him correctly.

  “Really?” I asked softly, disbelief filling my voice.

  “Yes, really,” he replied.

  I was in shock. I had wanted to be able to leave my room so many times only to have the slight reminder of a minor shock instead. And now, here I was, finally able to explore and live just a little bit. I was so overfilled with joy that I ran over to him and slammed him in a hug so tight I thought I would break his bones, but of course, he felt nothing.

  “Thank you,” I whispered against his chest. “Thank you so much, Darren.”

  His arms wrapped around me and held me in a tight embrace as he kissed the top of my head. “You’re welcome.”

  He then held me back by my shoulders and lowered his face to mine. “You are still to remain indoors at all times. No going outside, Jaden. If you can demonstrate your ability to continue to follow my rules, that could change eventually, but I need to see how you handle this first. Don’t disappoint me.”

  “I won’t,” I vowed.

  “Good girl. Now, let’s go upstairs so you can thank me properly.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Fuel

  Another week went by after that, and I felt so much better being able to roam the house while Darren was away. There was so much to explore and do, and I could feel my spirits finally lifting. Each day after breakfast, I would wash my makeup off, work out and train for an hour or two, shower, and make myself pretty all over again. My workouts did wonders for the depression that had been slowly seeping in, and I looked forward to it every day. I could feel myself getting stronger, and it wasn't long before my body began to bounce back. Darren still had not supplied me with boxing gloves, and I think he was afraid I’d break another nail again. Stupid girly concerns.

  Now that I was able to roam, I had a better idea of the staff who helped manage the estate. I discovered there were, at least, five guards who roamed the inside of the house and three who guarded the outside. They never spoke to me, but I knew they were watching me, reporting my daily activities to Darren. I was careful not to draw too much attention to myself as I was still plotting my escape. I had made it through phase one; now, I just had to be able to make it outside.

  The rest of the staff was quick to ignore me. There were a few maids here and there along with gardeners and people who tended to the grounds. Once I thought one of the gardeners had recognized me. I had been watching the birds through the windows and caught him staring at me as if he was trying to place my face. I had glanced at him for only a second, but the glimmer in his eyes told me he suddenly knew who I was. A twinge of panic had filled my stomach then as I wondered if he would act on it, and then I sighed to myself hoping he wouldn’t because he would just get himself in trouble. I left the window then, hoping he would forget about me. I was still lonely, but at least, I had so much more to do with my time. I welcomed the distractions, but with more privileges came more responsibilities.

  When Darren came home, he enjoyed hunting me down and fucking me, no matter where I was or what I was doing. Some days, he would throw me over his shoulder and carry me up to his bedroom, and other days, he would call ahead to one of the guards, telling them to inform me to be waiting for him at the door or in his bed the second he came home. I had to admit the smile on his face when he first walked through the front door did make me feel pretty special. I hated that I felt that way, but my subconscious was clinging to any feeling that made me feel good, no matter who or what it came from.

  How I ever got past the disgust of him being inside me, I’ll never know. I had somehow trained myself to forget and pretend it was consensual, but the more I pretended, the more I came to realize a disturbing change in my body. The oddest thing to come out of my conditioning was the horrifying surprise of how wet I became when I found myself terrified in Darren’s presence. I didn’t know why my body responded that way, but every threat he made, every warning he gave, made something dark and hot blossom inside me. I couldn’t explain it, but the more time I spent with him, the more frequent it became. I felt twisted and confused, and even more embarrassed when Darren acted on his threats and discovered my misplaced arousal. The smugness on his face would last for days, further adding to my mortification.

  Some days were easier to forget when he was gentle and loving, but it was rare. Most of the time, he fucked me like some kind of crazed animal, marking his territory, reminding me I was his and no one else’s. What was worse was that I found myself craving it. I hated the man so much, my need for revenge and blood never wavering, but when my body was under his, I somehow became a different person. And I didn’t like her. I allowed that to happen … because I knew it had to happen. I had to giv
e myself over to his demands if he was ever going to trust me. So I had to make it real, but that didn’t make it any easier.

  Accepting his ownership was still difficult for me. He drilled it into my head every day, kissing my wrists where his name permanently adorned my skin. It was hard to hide my revulsion at first, but eventually, I grew to ignore it. He could believe whatever he wanted. It didn’t make it true. But then again, the scale was about to tip, and I wasn’t sure which way it would favor.

  One afternoon, I had been roaming the house, bored, wishing I could go outside, but it had been cloudy all day. I headed down to the living room to find the rain clouds had finally claimed the sky above the house as tiny droplets came splashing down on the pavement of the back patio. Plopping my ass on the cold leather couch, I perched and stared out the window. Darren would be home soon, and I needed to decide where I wanted to be fucked when he found me. I supposed the couch would be fine.

  I randomly glanced around the room until my eyes caught the attention of the big black flat-screen TV that stared right at me in the corner of the room. I knew I could watch movies in the theater, but I wondered if Darren would permit me to watch cable. I decided to find out. I grabbed the remote from the TV stand and turned the screen on. Within seconds, the sound began to roll from the speakers as the television came to life.

  I sat back down and surfed through the channels randomly, not really looking for anything to watch until something very familiar caught my eye and stopped my heart dead in its tracks.

  It was me. A giant photo of myself was plastered on the big screen as a national news station read details about my sudden violent disappearance. Photos of the parking garage and my shot-to-shit car appeared on the screen and I was immediately reminded of that awful fucked up day. And then there was an interview with my family. My mother sat between my two younger brothers while she cried and begged for my safe return. But then I forgot how to breathe when I finally saw Jason’s face.

  I stood on shaky legs as I stepped closer to the screen. He looked like he hadn’t slept in weeks—red circles around his eyes and dark stubble shadowing his jaw and chin. He looked like he’d lost weight, too. His usual sexy muscular body had lost some of its tone as if he hadn’t eaten much or kept up his usual workout routine. I couldn’t blame him, though. I’d be the same way.

  His voice was hoarse and tired as he spoke about trying to remain hopeful as he continued his pursuit with local search parties to find me. He wasn’t giving up. Luckily for him, neither was I.

  At that moment, I wanted to scream. I wanted to destroy everything in my path until there was nothing left but ashes and rubble. Pure rage boiled up inside me as I watched my family suffer in my absence because of my absence. Darren had hurt my family; whether he meant to or not, he had done them wrong and they didn’t deserve that. They at least deserved to know I was alive.

  I continued to stare at the picture of my family for several minutes, tears slowly falling down my face until the TV randomly shut off.

  “I think that’s enough TV for today,” said a dark voice behind me.

  I turned with enough fury on my face to practically light Darren on fire.

  “You think?!” I shouted at him and turned to throw the remote control as hard as I could at the TV. It crashed into the screen shattering the entire thing while the remote slammed back onto the floor. Satisfied with my destruction, I marched toward the door to the patio.

  “Jaden, don’t you dare walk away from me like that!” Darren shouted at me with so much anger in his voice it actually rattled me. But only for a second.

  “Or what, Darren? You’re gonna hurt me, again? Put me in my place? Show me how much of a big, strong man you are? Go ahead … because I officially don’t care anymore.”

  And with that, I walked right out the door into the now pouring rain. I didn’t know where I was going, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to get out of that house and away from him. But I honestly didn’t even know what I was thinking because I didn’t make it two feet out the door before I heard his footsteps thundering behind me.

  He grabbed the back of my arm and spun me around, but as he did, I immediately brought my hand up to punch him in the face. He saw it coming and grabbed my wrist, twisting it around painfully, causing me to gasp out loud.

  “Just who the fuck do you think you’re talking to, huh? Obviously, you do need another reminder of your place since you forget it so easily!” he roared as rain dripped down his face.

  “Fuck you, Darren! You’re nothing but a coward who only needs to dominate me to make yourself feel better about your pathetic existence.”

  “A coward? Really, Jaden? That’s the best you can come up with?”

  I glared at him with hellfire in my eyes as I imagined him bursting into flames right then and there.

  “You know what I’m beginning to think?” he said as rain dripped down his face. “I’m beginning to think you like pissing me off … because you like what comes next, don’t you?” He swung me around and shoved me up against the side of the house. The rough brick scratched my back, and I cried out from the contact. Darren moved in then, trapping me between his body and the house, leaving me with nowhere to go. “You like it when I’m rough with you. When I hurt you. When I make you scream. In fact … I think you want more of it.”

  “You don’t know shit,” I retorted defiantly.

  “Are you sure about that? I bet if I reached between those legs right now, I’d find a soaking wet pussy with my name on it,” he seethed.

  “You’d be wrong,” I bit out.

  “Let’s find out then,” he challenged and practically ripped open the bottom of my dress.

  I clutched my legs together as tight as I could and attempted to push and squirm away from him, but Darren’s hand took hold of both my wrists and pinned them above my head while the other wrenched my legs apart. His hand reached into my panties roughly, sinking his fingers deep between my lips until a slow devious grin spread across his face.

  “Just as I thought,” he sneered.

  Goddamn my body for being such a traitor. I tried to rationalize with myself as I bit back the tears that threatened to fall from Darren’s obvious truth. I couldn’t help that I liked it rough. I wasn’t a gentle person by nature, so why in the hell would I be the same way in bed? It didn’t help that I happened to find Darren extremely attractive, and it became a strange new feeling when I somehow found my fear of him a turn-on. It just meant he would ravage me that much harder. It was as if I was becoming used to a drug I had no idea was in my system. But I would never admit it to him.

  Darren then retracted his hand and placed those two fingers in his mouth, sucking them until his tongue cleaned off my sex from his skin. I felt revolted, but it still turned me on nonetheless.

  “You’re such a horrible liar, princess.” He grinned at me.

  With that smile still twisting on his face, he suddenly gripped the underside of my jaw and kissed me violently, swirling his tongue inside my mouth. I could taste myself on his tongue while a surge of heat thrived between my legs. Rain poured down hard over us, drenching our bodies and turning my hair into a stringy wet mess as Darren continued his assault.

  “And you know how much I hate it when you try to lie to me,” he growled, tracing the tip of his finger down the side of my soaking wet face. My wrists were throbbing from the pressure he kept on them, as they remained trapped above my head. I tried to twist them free, but they remained in his strong grip.

  “But I also know how much you love it when I break your rules,” I seethed back through clenched teeth.

  “And why would you say that?”

  “Well, aside from the dead giveaway in your pants,” I eyed him dangerously, “it gives you a reason to punish me. And that drives you wild.”

  “I don’t need a reason to punish you, princess,” he said, grazing his lips against my cheek.

  “But you certainly love having one. Otherwise, it contradicts the ‘train
ing program’ you’ve designed for me.”

  “That little program is designed to teach you one thing. Do what you’re told and I won’t have to hurt you.”

  “But it doesn’t matter whether I listen to you or not. You’re going to hurt me anyway. You always do.”

  He was silent for a moment as he sucked in a breath, and I wondered if he was going to admit the truth. And he did.

  “Yes,” he whispered in my ear, his thumb rubbing back and forth along the curve of my jaw. “You’re right. I am. I’m that monster in the dark that loves to terrorize you, Jaden. But you’re the one who thrives so well in the lion’s den.”

  I looked at him confused. “And just what is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means you can lie to yourself all you want, but that shit ends with me. If anyone’s the coward here, it’s you, Jaden. At least, I can admit I’m a monster. You can’t even admit how much you enjoy what I do to you because your stupid feminist pride won’t let you.”

  My stupid feminist pride? Was he serious?

  “You think I enjoy this?” I yelled at him as more rain continued to fall and drench us. “You think I enjoy having my freedom taken away?”

  His eyes blazed with an intensity that rivaled the ocean. With his hair loose and wet from the rain, he looked like a crazed animal ready to devour me at any second. And still, I continued my stupid rebellion.

  “Yes, as a matter of fact, I do,” he said. “I know what kind of life you lived before me, Jaden. I know you were always in charge, calling all the shots, leading the way and securing yourself a nice little pedestal for the future. But I think, deep down inside, you’ve always wondered what it would be like for someone like me to come along and take all that away from you.”

  “I have no idea what the fuck you’re talking about.”