Papa’s Joy

by Sue Lyndon

  She nearly gasped. Papa looked like he might cry, though he didn’t. He swallowed hard, blinked fast twice and then gave her a sad smile.

  “Papa?”

  He grasped one of her hands in his and brought it to his lips, placing a soft kiss upon the back of her hand. He spent the next few minutes rubbing her back and her bottom, and she enjoyed his comforting presence and waited for him to speak, sensing he was preparing to say something important.

  “Come here, my sweet. Papa wants to hold you. I-I have to hold you.”

  Being careful of her tender bottom, he gathered her in his arms and held her tight. She laced her arms around his center and hugged him back, basking in his fierce embrace that was filled with forgiveness and the promise that tomorrow would be better. He placed kisses upon her forehead and whispered his affection for her into her ear, his deep murmurs of love soothing her beyond measure.

  Finally, he withdrew from her slightly and captured her gaze in his with a piercing stare, and she felt as if he was peering into the very depths of her soul. And in return, she had a window to his soul and all of the experiences, both good and bad, that had shaped her papa’s life...all of the events that had led him to her and the life they now shared together.

  “Papa,” she said quietly, “all is well between us now. You musn’t look so sad. I am fine, and I know you have forgiven me, for I can feel it in your tenderness. Everything will be fine, Papa.”

  “I am the one who is supposed to be comforting you right now, my sweet, and here you are comforting me.” He smiled again, but this time it wasn’t a sad smile. This time, the smile reached his handsome dark eyes.

  She touched his face. “Let us comfort one another, Papa.”

  He gathered her close to his chest again. “I think I could be content to stay here in this moment holding you in my arms for all eternity.”

  Her throat burned with emotion as she listened to the beating of her papa’s heart, steady and sure and true. If only, she thought, if only this moment could indeed last forever.

  Chapter 19

  Daisy paced the drawing room, pausing each time she passed a mirror to check her appearance. She was pleased Papa had not put her hair in braids but instead had created an elegant updo. Her papa had a surprising knack for styling her hair and she relished the feel of his hands working the brush and arranging her tresses. Was there nothing Papa’s hands could not do, she asked herself and watched in the mirror as a flush stole over her cheeks. Just that morning Papa had probed her bottom hole with his fingers plunging in and out of her private passage until she reached a shattering climax. Yes, Papa’s hands were quite talented indeed.

  In addition to his attentions in the marital bed, Papa cared for her every morning and helped her to dress and arrange her hair. The practice was repeated in the afternoon when she prepared for dinner. She loved so many things about Papa, even more so now that he had shared with her the story of his sweet sister Gwen. After reading her diary and hearing Papa speak of her, Daisy felt as though she knew her quite well. The stab of sadness jabbed at her heart. How she wished she could have met Gwendolyn.

  This morning, she battled the nerves fluttering around in her stomach as she anticipated her guests—for she had no doubt Lady Hamilton would accompany her daughter as she had done the week before, despite her lack of an invitation. However, in the past week she had also garnered a bit of confidence. Her emotions had felt very raw after the strapping she received from Papa. Papa’s punishment had been extreme but she had deserved it and also had endured it. She was rather proud of herself for having survived an emotional and painful ordeal. Perhaps even more painful had been seeing the disappointment in her papa's eyes when he realized she had broken a very sacred rule about Lady Gwen’s room and had lied to him, as well.

  Papa’s discipline had also been cleansing. The guilt and grief over her misdeeds had been washed away by the punishment, as well as her own tears and remorse. Papa, of course, had comforted and forgiven her immediately. She marveled at his love for her. It remained difficult for her to believe herself deserving of it.

  In the days since then, it felt like a new beginning for the two of them. Odd considering they had had their own beginning not so very long ago, but the calamity of the day she’d snuck off to the fair had forced them both to confront some things and reveal emotions which they had not done before. As a result, she believed they had grown closer.

  The only thing which weighed on her mind was the one secret she could never ever reveal to him, the true nature of her birth and parentage. Just as she and Papa had grown closer and were taking down the walls which separated them from complete emotional connection with one another, the prospect still existed that it could all come crashing down. In many ways, her entire future rested on the success of the next thirty minutes of her life.

  She expected the Hamiltons anytime now. She fingered the gold bracelet on her wrist. The pads of her fingertips brushing over the lion engraved on it filled her with confidence. She remembered Lady Miselda's words and took a deep breath, fortifying herself for the social call which loomed.

  Looking at herself in the mirror, she realized she had changed a great deal since the last time Lady Hamilton or Lady Millicent had seen her. She had grown several inches and filled out in all the right womanly ways. Perhaps, she told herself, they would not recognize her at all. They would have no reason to believe she, the lowly daughter of their former governess, would be the new bride of Lord Kensington, she told herself. Even though Lady Hamilton apparently knew her papa had procured a bride from Talcott House, the vile woman would have no way of knowing the steward had delivered her to Miss Wickersham’s care instead of the workhouse, as he’d been ordered. And so, with a glimmer of hope she turned toward the door glancing at the clock and hoping the Hamiltons would not overstay their welcome.

  Papa had business which took him from the house and she was relieved not to have to contend with seeing him interact with Lady Hamilton. She hoped she would be able to engage in a polite, yet brief, morning call and that her neighbors would be on their way before Papa returned. She hoped against hope she would be able to report to him that they had a very pleasant call, and though she hated to disappoint him, she did not believe herself likely to wish to become friendly with any members of that household.

  Undoubtedly he would like an explanation for her decision, particularly since he had believed she and Lady Millicent would likely become friends and it was obviously a wish of his that they do so. On this matter she would have to disappoint her papa. It was, given the options available to her, the least objectionable.

  She startled when the butler announced the arrival of her guests. She quickly composed herself then turned to greet them with a smile. To her surprise, only Lady Millicent stood in the doorway. She caught herself glancing past the young woman into the hallway, expecting Lady Hamilton’s dour countenance to appear.

  “Good morning, I am Lady Millicent Hamilton,” Daisy’s guest smiled and gave a quick curtsey. “Congratulations on your marriage to Lord Kensington. I wish you every happiness.”

  Daisy’s breath caught in her throat at the sight and sound of her childhood playmate. Forcing herself to remain composed, she fought back the exuberant smile attempting to bloom across her face. She had not realized how much she had missed her friend from so many years ago.

  A flash of sadness overcame her as she recalled her friends at Talcott House as well. Much as she loved Papa and her new life as Lady Kensington, friends were important too. But, she would have to find a friend other than Lady Millicent. Spending time with her only heightened the possibility of discovery, which she dared not risk.

  A fit of melancholy washed over her as she recalled happier times in the schoolroom at Hamilton Manor with her mother and Lady Millie. But, she reminded herself, the person who had lived at Hamilton Manor all those years ago no longer existed. She was Daisy now and she hoped against hope that she would only be known as Lady Kensington by eve
ryone she met for the balance of her lifetime.

  “Thank you,” Daisy said and invited Lady Millicent to take a seat.

  The two young women looked at each other in silence for several moments until Lady Millicent finally said, “This is the first time I have made a social call by myself.” She leaned toward Daisy in a conspiratorial way and said, “I hope you do not think less of me, but I simply could not bear to make this call upon you with my mother in tow. I know this is not the sort of thing new acquaintances should discuss, but I assumed you were expecting both my mother and myself based upon the fact that we both called here last week. Please do not take offense at my mother's absence, for it was my doing.”

  Daisy fought back a happy grin, and maintained the composure of a proper lady making the acquaintance of her new neighbor. “Although I do not know your mother,” she lied, “I am delighted the two of us can have an opportunity to spend time together without anyone else present, as well. I hope you do not find me forward saying so, but this is my first call as a married lady and I was rather intimidated by the idea of entertaining such a grand person as your mother, Lady Hamilton.”

  “This shall give us an opportunity to become acquainted without her interference, do you not agree?” Lady Millicent said with a smile.

  It broke Daisy’s heart to think she would not, could not, become friends with Lady Millicent, though she had not formulated the exact excuse she would give to Papa later when he asked. In just a few moments together, Daisy had felt the contentment that comes from being with an old friend. However, it was not to be.

  “Yes,” Daisy said, “Please, tell me more about yourself, if you do not mind. I have never been to London, so perhaps you could tell me some of the activities you enjoy here.” Lies continued to roll off of Daisy’s tongue and she shuddered to think what would happen if Papa found out, particularly now that she and Papa had grown closer and she had vowed to be truthful with him.

  “You have never been to London? How extraordinary,” Lady Millicent said. “How did you and Lord Kensington meet…” her voice trailed off and she covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh, I do believe Lord Kensington told my father you were from some sort of establishment for young ladies, is that correct? I hope you do not mind my bringing it up.”

  As this played directly into Daisy’s tale of having never been to London and therefore being a complete stranger to all members of the Hamilton household, she picked up the conversational thread with enthusiasm.

  “Of course not,” she said, “I have nothing to hide.” And thereupon she set about regaling Lady Millicent with an elaborate tale of her upbringing, the tragic loss of her parents—first her father dying as a hero in battle and then her mother passing away of a devastating illness. Of her time at Talcott House, she did not stretch the truth too far, though she did not mention the numerous spankings she had received and said not a word about the naughty chair.

  “I am envious of your friends at Talcott House,” Lady Millie said.

  “But, a lady such as yourself must have numerous friends as well,” Daisy said, a bit saddened by her guest’s wistfulness.

  “Not nearly so many as you might imagine,” she said. “Mother tends to frighten most of them away, though of course, she blames me. She claims I am too shy. Then when I speak up, she accuses me of monopolizing the conversation.” Lady Millicent sighed. “You can understand why I chose to call upon you without her.”

  “Surely you must have at least one or two bosom friends?”

  Lady Millicent paused and gazed out the window for a moment. “I had a playmate in childhood. She and I were quite...what is the word...sympatico. In fact, you remind me of her. Well, except for the fact she was quite a chatterbox.” She smiled at the recollection. “We spent a great deal of time together as her mother was my governess.”

  Daisy gasped and when Lady Millie looked up at her, she covered it with a cough. “Are you not friends with her still?” Daisy managed to ask without her voice breaking.

  “No,” Millie shook her head sadly. “Several years ago, Father and I took a trip to the seaside. She was to accompany us, but fell ill just before we left. I asked Father to postpone the trip because I was concerned about her. Her mother had passed away a few weeks earlier and she had never fully regained her color and energy after that. But Father had business which could not be put off, and so we went without her.” Lady Millicent paused for a moment and took in a shaky breath. “When we returned, Mother informed us that she had died and she had sent the body to be buried in a pauper’s grave.”

  Daisy gasped again, though this time it was not necessary to camouflage her outburst. “How sh-shocking,” she said, anger rising in her at Lady Hamilton’s horrid deceit.

  “Father searched for information about the body or the grave, but none could be found. He was heartsick, as was I.”

  Silence fell over the two of them for a moment. “Forgive me,” Lady Millicent said with forced brightness, “this was meant to be a social call, not a doom and gloom meeting.”

  “Tha-thank you for sharing that story with me,” Daisy said, emotion threatening to overrun her.

  “Shall we not discuss something more festive? Please, tell me about your wedding. I so love weddings.”

  Daisy marveled at Lady Millicent’s ability to change topics rapidly and after a moment, images of her wedding day flitted through her brain and brought a smile to her face.

  “It was a lovely wedding—” she began before a commotion in the entryway drew the attention of both Daisy and Lady Millicent.

  “Oh dear,” Lady Millicent said, “I believe Mother is here.”

  “Will she be angry with you?” Daisy hated the idea of her new friend—no, no, no, she was not her friend, could not be her friend—being in trouble.

  “Mother is always vexed about something,” Millie said, “I have grown accustomed to it, I fear.”

  The door to the drawing room opened and a shadow fell over the two of them. Lady Hamilton had arrived.

  Though she smiled at Daisy, the smile did not reach her eyes, which were hard, dark pellets in her face. “Good morning, Lady Kensington,” she said, moving toward her hostess. “I see that my daughter has already made your acquaintance. Apparently she did not believe it necessary to include me in her excursion.” She directed the beady gaze of her eyes to Lady Millicent who, returned her mother’s glare with equal measure. A sudden frostiness filled the room where warmth had existed just moments before.

  “Hello, Mother,” Lady Millicent said. “Allow me to introduce Lady Kensington.”

  “Welcome to our neighborhood,” Lady Hamilton said, positioning herself next to Daisy who cursed herself for having sat upon the sofa rather than an armchair.

  “Thank you,” she said, turning to address Lady Hamilton. By sitting to Daisy’s right, Lady Hamilton forced her to turn her back on Lady Millicent who was seated to Daisy’s left. Daisy knew better than to think it an accident.

  Without pretense at politeness, Lady Hamilton leaned toward Daisy and studied her face intently. “Have we met before? You are quite familiar to me.”

  Daisy’s heart thundered in her chest and involuntarily she rubbed her hand over Lady Miselda’s lion bracelet, silently imploring the lion to offer her protection.

  Lady Millicent intervened. “That seems impossible, Mother, as Lady Kensington just told me she has never been to London and since you rarely leave the city, how could you two have ever encountered one another?” Lady Millicent seemed to take a bit of pleasure in correcting her mother. No doubt the situation had been reversed on a bountiful number of occasions. “Unless you have been frequenting establishments for young ladies without families such as the one where Lady Kensington was educated, you would have no reason to believe you have met before.”

  Lady Hamilton looked past Daisy and glared at her daughter. “We shall discuss your pert mouth when we get home.” Instantly she turned to Daisy, her tone and demeanor completely transformed to that of a p
roper lady. “I hope you shall call upon us at Hamilton Manor very soon as we are extremely pleased to know our dear friend, Edward, has taken a bride.” Lady Hamilton’s change in demeanor occurred so quickly Daisy wondered if she had imagined the curt words to Lady Millicent.

  “Thank you,” Daisy said. Though she had no intention of ever darkening the door of Hamilton Manor, she dared not utter those words to the grim Lady Hamilton, particularly when she was seated so near. Daisy could practically feel her breath.

  “Are you absolutely certain you have never been to London?” Lady Hamilton asked.

  “Mother, you are obviously confused,” Lady Millicent said.

  “I do not get confused,” Lady Hamilton replied, and her tone sent an ominous shiver up Daisy’s spine even though she was not the object of the statement.

  “I do hope you will call upon me soon,” Lady Millicent said, standing. “Come, Mother, we ought to be on our way. I am sure Lady Kensington has many things to do as a new wife.”

  “I am not ready to leave, just yet, daughter. Unlike you, I have only just arrived.”

  The tension in the room made Daisy nauseous, giving her even more reason to hope they exited soon.

  Daisy also stood and said to Lady Hamilton as a means of placating her, “I do appreciate your visit today and I look forward to many more happy conversations. I shall, of course, call upon Hamilton Manor at my earliest convenience. I do so appreciate the invitation.”

  Scowling at both of the young women standing before her, Lady Hamilton finally stood. “I shall look forward to learning more about you, Lady Hamilton,” she said, moving toward the door to the hallway. “I am very curious about you, indeed.”

  Daisy walked them to the front door and felt the weight of the world lift from her shoulders when the door opened and they stepped out onto the front porch of Kensington Manor, only for Lady Hamilton to turn and address her again. “We are hosting a garden party Tuesday next, I do so hope you and Lord Kensington will join us.”