My Name Is Not Alexa Pearce

by Kerri McLoone

She puts her hand on Mickey’s knee, her index finger lightly drawing random patterns as she slowly moves her hand up to her thigh. Mickey raises an eyebrow at her girlfriend’s calculated movements.

  “Delivered? And what do you propose we do in the meantime?”

  Cali shrugs, “I may have an idea or two.”

  Mickey grins and answers with an “mm-hmm.” She gets up to get her phone from the kitchen counter and call in the order. Cali stands and walks around the couch when she hears Mickey end the call.

  “They said a half hour.” Mickey walks over and wraps Cali up in her arms, presses herself completely against the shorter woman. “What can we do in half an hour?” she asks with a coy smile.

  Cali takes a few steps backward pulling Mickey with her. “I know what I want.”

  “Oh? And what is that?” Mickey replies playing along.

  Cali doesn’t answer. She just continues to walk backward with the blue-eyed woman, kissing her lips slowly while moving them toward the bedroom. She doesn’t say anything until she feels the bed hit the backs of her knees, she falls onto it dragging Mickey down on top of her.

  “I want you,” Cali says into Mickey’s ear.

  Mickey pulls back, about to ask Cali what she means to draw out their flirtation a little more. But her mouth goes dry and her heart rate jumps when she sees Cali reaching over to open the drawer of the night table, her hand disappearing inside. When Cali’s hand reappears, she knows what the green-eyed woman wants, and Mickey wants nothing more right now than to be the one to give it to her.

  ● 13 ●

  “Alexa”

  For a Friday in early April, the library was busier today than I expected. Not only had I barely had any time to talk to Matt except when we first came in, but I haven’t even had time really to sit down. What I wanted to be doing is going through the computer archives one more time to make sure what I found yesterday wasn’t a fluke, that it was really real.

  Instead, I’m squatting down, just about finished with sorting through the piles of returned books on one of the carts we keep behind the counter. I hear a noise and I look up to see Matt leaning over the counter. Today he has on a bright blue button down shirt with the sleeves rolled up and very dark washed jeans. God, it’s like he just walked off the page of a magazine.

  “Jeez, can you believe today?” he asks dropping his head so his forehead gently thuds onto the artificial wood surface. His voice is slightly muffled as he speaks again with his head still down. “It’s been non-stop all morning!”

  “I know,” I say standing up. “I’ve been back here all day. This is the third cart I’ve filled just this morning.” I push the cart out and around the counter, careful not to bump anything. I have to use my bodyweight to counteract the cart’s momentum to be able to stop it. “I may not even need to go to Mickey’s class tonight if this keeps up.”

  Matt lifts his head and asks almost nervously, “But you’re still going tonight, right?”

  “Oh yeah, of course,” I answer. I’ve got Mickey all lined up to cross-examine you, I silently add. “We should walk there together.” I give him a hesitant smile. Before he can even answer me though, I quickly add, “I mean, we’re both going there, and we get off work at the same time.” Man, you are so smooth “Alexa,” I internally berate myself.

  Matt lets a slow, easy smile spread across his face. “Sure.” It’s a one-word answer, but somehow when he says it, it has meaning.

  I move around to the front of the cart to pull it into the rows of shelves. I nod my head to the side as I walk backward indicating to Matt I want him to follow me. He stands and walks toward me, a curious expression on his face.

  I stop at the first section and as I’m scanning the shelves to put the books back in their proper place, I speak.

  “So I thought more about what you said last night, and if the offer still stands, I’d love to come to dinner on Sunday.”

  His eyes brighten. “Of course!” I see his smile falter a little as he asks, “You sure you can make it?”

  It’s like a role reversal, I muse. He’s suddenly acting insecure whereas I seem to have unexpectedly uncovered some secret confidence I never knew about.

  “Yes, definitely. I have some errands and laundry and stuff like that, but I can do it all tomorrow.”

  “Okay, cool,” he replies.

  Our conversation halts there as we both just look at each other. It’s surprisingly not awkward, it’s actually kind of nice. Comfortable, I tell myself. The thought both warms me and terrifies me.

  Comfort means unguarded, which could jeopardize everything.

  But I really, really like Matt!. But I also might actually finally be close to something. You can’t do anything to risk that “Alexa.”

  The thoughts war in my head and I can feel myself starting to panic. I’m racking my brain for an excuse to leave when I hear a woman clear her throat behind me.

  “Excuse me, I’m sorry. Do you know where I can find books on earth science?” The woman appears to be middle-aged, with short blonde, perfectly styled hair. She’s wearing a long, billowy maxi dress that fits her considerable frame quite nicely. She has an exasperated expression on her face and is holding a piece of paper with printed words on it. I briefly catch the word “ASSIGNMENT” at the top.

  “Of course, miss. They would be in the Reference section,” I politely answer.

  “Thank you. My son has had two months to do this project and tells me this morning that it’s due Monday and he hasn’t done any of it. Thank god his teacher put some suggested books on his assignment sheet.” She vents her frustration and sighs, then turns to Matt laughing as she asks, “Do boys ever grow up?”

  Matt looks between me and the woman shrugs and responds with a good-natured, “Nope.”

  The woman lets out a loud cackle and says, “Oh good, so it’s not just my son. Oh, lord.” She sighs again. “So now, honey,” she puts her hand on my arm and asks, “where is the Reference section?”

  “It’s upstairs,” I answer. “If you take the elevator it’s to the left, but if you take the stairs it’s to the right.”

  “Okay, elevator and to the left,” she laughs that loud cackle again. “And the elevator?”

  Matt smiles and points her in the direction of the elevator. “And if you need any help finding the books you’re looking for, Jackie should be behind the counter upstairs. She’ll be able to help you.”

  The woman calls her thanks over her shoulder as she makes her way to the elevator bank.

  Matt whistles as he exhales, slightly shaking his head. “She is the sixth mom I’ve had today ask me about earth science books. Either a bunch of schools are doing the same project, or an entire grade of kids from the same school forgot about it.”

  I chuckle. “I’d say it’s the second one. That’s only the third mom for me though. But all day I’ve had people returning books. Every time I turn around the return bin is full again.”

  I gesture at the cart. “This is literally all I’ve been doing today.”

  When what I would rather be doing instead is checking on a particular book for myself.

  We continue pushing and pulling the cart through the shelves. A very easy silence settles over us as we work in tandem — me handing the books to Matt and him shelving them. We take the elevator to the second floor to continue putting the books away. Matt spots some of the mothers we’ve sent to the Reference section, and he deliberately steers the cart in the opposite direction.

  As Matt is reaching up to put away the last few books on a top shelf, his untucked shirt rides up a little and I get a glimpse of his ass in his jeans. Damn, is all I can think. Then I berate myself, I need to stop, it’s so inappropriate that I check him out every chance I get.

  I shake my head to clear the thought and check my watch to distract myself. “Well, at least this day is going quickly,” I say out loud. “It’s almost one. Have you had lunch yet?”

  Matt brings his arms down and adjusts his s
hirt. He shakes his head no. “Not yet. Do you want to get something?”

  “Yes!” I answer quickly. I clear my throat and add, “I woke up late so I didn’t get a chance to eat breakfast. Marty’s?”

  “Sure.” It’s the same one-word answer, but Matt still has that same easy smile on his face.

  “Great. Let me bring the cart back down and grab my bag, then we can go?” Matt nods and walks with me back to the elevator. As the doors open and we step in, I recount the story of Milo waking me up this morning. I have Matt cracking up at the tantrum he threw about the pup-cup. I make sure to leave out the scene of me cowering behind the door to my apartment and my entire conversation with Cali and Mickey.

  As the doors open, Matt and I step out pushing the cart with us. In front of me, I see Jeff.

  “Oh, Alexa, good. I’ve been looking for you.”

  “Hey, Jeff,” Matt greets him.

  “Matt,” Jeff says. Did I mention he’s a straight-forward, no-nonsense kind of guy?

  “Hi, Jeff. What’s up?” I join in.

  “Well, I’ve just gotten off the phone with Samantha. She’s come down with a bad cold and won’t be in tomorrow or Sunday.” He has a clipboard in his hands and looks down at it as he says, “I have coverage for tomorrow, but I’ll need you to come in on Sunday.” He looks up at me. “Okay?”

  My stomach drops. I just told Matt before that I would come to dinner on Sunday at his mother’s house and now Jeff is saying I have to cover a shift here? Half of me is devastated, but the other half is excited to have an opportunity to possibly do some snooping to find The Book.

  I look at Matt. I see my own disappointment mirrored on his face and the first half of me wins out. I turn to Jeff, “Um, I actually just made plans for Sunday. Is there someone else who would able to do it?”

  Jeff looks surprised. “I’m sorry, I thought you wanted extra shifts here.”

  “Well, yes that’s true. But—”

  “Filling in for others is the best I can offer right now,” Jeff says flatly.

  “I understand tha—”

  “Well, then great,” Jeff cuts me off again. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

  He nods at us both and then walks away. I let out a long exhale to calm the annoyance I feel. What an ass, I think.

  “What an ass.” Matt mumbles.

  I respond with “Mm-hmm, my thoughts exactly.”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose then look at Matt. He looks deflated like someone just took the wind out of his sails. I realize then just how excited I had been about the prospect of going to dinner on Sunday.

  “I’m sorry.” It’s all I can say.

  Matt waves his hand and says, “Don’t worry about it. Not your fault.” It’s obvious though that he’s still a bit upset. He says after a beat, “Anyway, lunch?”

  “Yes, please. Let’s get out of here.” I walk briskly to the counter and return the cart to its original place then step into the lounge to grab my bag. Jeff is sitting there at the small table in the middle of the room. I ignore him as I pick up my bag and leave, careful not to slam the door and make any loud noises, I’m still in a library after all.

  Matt is waiting for me by the door. He opens it for me, allowing me to walk through first. We head to the corner and wait for the crosswalk signal. When the light changes, he takes my hand and interlaces our fingers. I can’t help the smile spreading across my face and can see in my peripherals that Matt is looking at me and smiling too. I internally swoon.

  I give his hand a short squeeze as we walk the short distance to Marty’s Deli. We don’t say anything, just continue to hold on to each other enjoying the warm spring Portland sun.

  ● 14 ●

  As we step up to the counter to order our lunches, Marty himself greets us.

  “Moose! Lexi! How ya been?”

  Marty is the only person that knows me as Alexa to ever call me Lexi. I don’t really like it, but seeing as it’s not really my name, I don’t let it bother me too much.

  Marty is “fifty-eight-years young” as he likes to say and is originally from Brooklyn, New York. He moved out to Portland twenty years ago when his wife was offered a very lucrative job opportunity with an international athletic brand. Cali and Matt grew up with Marty’s son Martin, Jr.

  “We’re good,” I answer for the both of us. “Been a crazy day so far.”

  Marty chuckles. “Oh yeah? A crazy day at the library, huh? Who’d’ve thought.”

  Matt tells Marty about the procrastination epidemic that is currently sweeping one of the area’s schools while I grab us each a bottle of soda from one of the coolers at the back of the store; grape for Matt, orange for myself. I pick up a bag of cheddar and sour cream chips and place them near the cash register just as Matt finishes his account of our unusual day.

  I see Marty shaking his head and says, “Boys. We just don’t grow up do we, Moose?”

  Matt offers the same shrug and “nope” as he did to the mother at the library before. Marty lets out a hearty laugh and asks us what we’re having today. I order the chicken salad on a roll with lettuce and tomato. Matt orders a Reuben: corned beef, Swiss cheese, sauerkraut, and thousand island dressing on rye bread.

  “Two usuals coming right up.” Marty nods his head. “You two have a seat, I’ll bring it out to ya.”

  Matt and I snag a table in the middle of the big glass window at the front of the deli. I drape my bag across the back of the seat and am about to sit down when I remember the sodas and bag of chips I left at the register. I grab them and sit down.

  Matt picks up his bottle of soda, takes a long sip and lets out a content “ahhh.” He sees my bottle of orange soda and cocks his head to the side. “Orange?” he asks.

  “Yeah,” I respond taking a sip of my own.

  “You usually get seltzer though.”

  “I know, but today I need the sugar to make it through the rest of this day.”

  “Tell me about it,” he says rolling his eyes. “I mean what was that with Jeff? He was so...” Matt pauses searching for the right word.

  “Rigid?” I suggest.

  “Yes! That’s exactly it. Rigid.” Matt huffs and bites down on a chip. I explain the conversation I had with Jeff yesterday about extra shifts, obviously leaving out the reason I was asking for them.

  “Here ya go!” Marty comes over and places two shallow, red plastic wicker baskets in front of us. Our sandwiches are sitting on top of red and white checkered parchment paper. Practically as soon as my lunch is in front of me, I grab it and take a large bite.

  “Ya know,” Marty adds, “My guy just came back from a delivery to Mickey’s not twenty minutes ago. Our little Squirrel must be there cause the order was for two. My guy said he had to knock a few times though because there was a lot of yelling. Those kids aren’t fightin’ are they?”

  Matt starts coughing on his sip of soda. I almost choke on my food, but recover quickly and reply to Marty, “No, no. They definitely are not fighting.” Marty quirks an eyebrow at my response. “I mean, I just spoke with Cali this morning, and she would’ve told me if something was up,” I hastily add.

  Matt swallows a bite of his sandwich and asks, “How’s MJ doing?” effectively changing the subject.

  “Ah, yeah, he’s doing real good. Still over in New York, you know. He stayed there after college. Been living with my brother Walter the last year, but should be gettin’ his own place soon. But he’ll be coming home for Passover in a couple weeks. Janice said he’s been seeing someone and that he’ll be bringing them when he comes.”

  “Yeah? Good for him. Tell MJ to call me. Hopefully I can see him when he’s here.”

  “Yeah, I’ll do that.” Marty claps his hands once and rubs them together slightly. “Alright, I’ll leave ya to it. Lexi, give that mutt of yours a good hug for me.”

  I laugh, “I will, Marty.”

  As soon as Marty is out of earshot, Matt leans in and asks in a whisper, “So what do you think Squirrel and Mic
k were really doing?”

  I giggle and lean in myself to respond. “I don’t need to know the details, but I’d guess it was probably something that would make even Hugh Hefner blush.”

  Matt gasps, “Alexa Pearce!”

  I can’t help but snicker at how scandalized Matt looks. Our faces are just inches apart right now. I can see the crumbs on the side of his mouth, the small flecks of green in his eyes. It would be so easy to just lean over and kiss him, I think. Matt licks his lips the same moment that the thought crosses my mind. I smile at him and slowly lean back in my chair.

  Soon, I tell myself. Not now, but very soon.