The Honourable Maverick / The Unsung Hero

by Alison Roberts / Kate Hardy

  Mike had warned them that it was normal for a bone-marrow-transplant patient to feel very sick and weak. Josh would experience nausea and vomiting, diarrhoea and extreme weakness. The possible complications he had talked to Sarah about included infection, bleeding, graft versus host disease and liver disease. Mouth ulcers and temporary confusion seemed minor in comparison but could still add a new level of misery.

  So many things could go wrong and even the slightest symptom Josh experienced created a wave of panic that was pointless but inevitable. He said he felt hot. Was he running a temperature? Could he have already picked up a bug of some kind? A sore back might indicate a problem with his kidneys. Or maybe his liver. He was pale and tired enough to look as though a blood transfusion might be on the cards. Sarah fought the panic. She even managed to keep her voice sounding perfectly calm.

  ‘I’ll get Katie to call Doctor Mike and he can come and have a look at you.’

  Josh nodded. He lay on his bed and stared at the ceiling.

  ‘Shall I take today’s picture for the cork board?’

  He shook his head.

  ‘We could put a different picture up. Do you want to choose one from the ones I cut out of the house magazines? The kind of house we might want to live in one day?’ Sarah was feeling desperate. ‘The one with the garden for the dog, remember?’

  Josh sighed. His lip quivered. ‘I like Rick’s house,’ he said in a small voice.

  ‘It hasn’t got a garden.’ Sarah kicked herself mentally for the negative comment and searched wildly for a way to repair the unhappy silence that fell. ‘There’s lots of houses that would be close to Rick’s house though. In Port Chalmers.’

  Would she want to live that far away from work? Practically on Rick’s doorstep? Yes…if it made Josh happy.

  ‘That might be OK.’ He seemed to be thinking about it but then he pushed at his bed cover. ‘I want to go to the toilet.’

  Sarah nodded. ‘Come on, then.’ She stood on the pedal at the end of the bed to lower it as far as it could go. Then she drew the covers back to free his legs. She put her arm around Josh to support him as he began to stand up but he pulled away irritably.

  ‘I don’t need help.’

  ‘OK.’

  This was the hardest part. The way Josh was so determined to be independent when it was obviously getting to be more of a struggle every day. He’d lost so much weight in the last week and his strength was not up to making his body move the way he wanted it to. Sarah could only hover by his side as he hung on to his IV stand, pushing it slowly ahead of him to get to the bathroom. He hated using a bedpan or bottle so much that if he ever agreed to it, Sarah would know he was dangerously ill. So it was good that he was still insisting on taking these steps to look after things himself.

  ‘Don’t come in.’

  ‘Only if you leave the door open just a little bit.’

  He conceded half an inch of a gap. Thank goodness the door didn’t have any kind of lock. Sarah hated being even this far away where she wouldn’t be able to catch him if he fell. He let Katie go in with him but no one else. Sarah rested her forehead against the wall and took in a slow breath.

  Rick might have been allowed to accompany him.

  Josh needed him here. Nobody could say how much of an effect someone’s psychological wellbeing had on their physical condition but it was obvious that the happier someone was, the better they could heal. And even if it didn’t have a measurable effect on the kinds of things they could monitor with all this high-tech equipment, it would make these weeks that much more bearable. For everyone.

  She had to talk to Rick about this, but how? She couldn’t do it in the room with Josh because it was quite likely that the conversation would have to include being open about the attraction between them. If he was asleep it might be OK but the last time Rick had come through the door and seen Josh asleep he’d said he’d come back later and he’d slipped out again too fast for Sarah to say anything. Non-verbal communication even to indicate the need to talk to him was going to be difficult as well, given the way his gaze seemed to slide away the instant it caught hers.

  Sarah heard the sound of the toilet being flushed and breathed a sigh of relief. In a short time she would have Josh safely back in his bed where she could watch over him.

  With the relief came a new thought. Would it make a difference if she was honest about finding Rick attractive? That she was being pulled so close, so fast that she knew she could fall in love with him far, far too easily?

  But then what? She’d feel like she was selling herself for Josh’s sake. Forcing Rick into playing the role of being a father. Never knowing if he was around because of Josh or because of her. What if Josh somehow sensed that Rick’s interest had to do with more than being a dad?

  Back to square one. He would be devastated.

  She couldn’t win. What was best for Josh, what she wanted, what was possibly going through Rick’s head, was filling her own mind. Endlessly going round and round. Confusing her. Ramping up a tension that was quite bad enough all on its own.

  The dog was the last straw.

  Sitting there, outside the gourmet hamburger shop, with its big, sad eyes fixed on Rick while he waited for his order to be filled.

  It reminded him of the look on Sarah’s face when he’d gone to visit Josh on his way home. The gazes had held a plea he couldn’t respond to. Wanted something from him that he wasn’t capable of delivering even if he’d wanted to. Which he didn’t.

  Dammit. As if today hadn’t been hard enough already.

  That session, with Simon’s mother sitting in his office in floods of tears. Simon’s coma had lightened a little and the boy was responsive to painful stimuli but he hadn’t opened his eyes in nearly two weeks. Hadn’t responded to his mother’s voice or squeezed his dad’s hand or given any hope that he might come back as more than a physical shell of the child they’d known and loved.

  It was early days yet, Rick had reassured the mother. Simon was young and healthy. His EEG showed a good amount of brain activity. It was too soon to give up hope.

  But fear and exhaustion had taken a huge toll. Simon’s mother was facing the possibility of having a severely brain-damaged son.

  ‘I should have made the most of every moment,’ she’d sobbed. ‘Why did I waste those moments by telling him off about how messy his room was or sending him outside to scrape the mud off his rugby boots? Why didn’t we take him to Disneyland years ago instead of worrying about how fast we could pay off the mortgage? What if.?’ She’d stopped, staring at Rick in utter desolation. ‘What if I never hear him say “I love you, Mum” again?’

  The words had haunted Rick all day.

  What if there came a time when Rick knew he’d never see that smart, funny, brave kid who happened to be his son again? If he found himself having an agonised conversation with Max or Jet and saying he should have made the most of every moment?

  But how could he when he was so aware of Sarah every time he even walked into the bone-marrow unit? Knowing that she would be there in the room? That he would have to keep his guard up and make sure he didn’t give out any signals about the effect she had on him? Knowing that if he did, she’d just brush him off as unimportant. No big deal. He wasn’t worth a position of anything more than Josh’s father because he’d treated her sister so badly he’d made sure that she would never realise her dream of a complete family.

  Well, that was fine. He didn’t want it to be a big deal. Having a sick kid was enough of a complication in his life. He just didn’t want the aggravation of having to be so close to the untouchable Sarah adding its own tension.

  ‘Here you go, mate. Lamb burger and kumera wedges. Extra mint yoghurt on the side.’

  ‘Cheers.’ Rick managed a smile. ‘Now I’ll just have to get past the potential ambush at the door.’

  The man serving him looked over his shoulder and groaned. ‘That mutt back again? I’ll have to ring the council in the morning. I called the
m last week and they’re obviously not doing their job properly. Typical! Why do we bother paying our rates, huh?’

  No doubt he’d give the council an earful tomorrow. They’d make an extra effort to find the dog and lock him into a cage. They’d wait the required length of time for someone to claim it, was it ten days? And then, if nobody came, they’d dispose of it. End of story.

  An old bell clanged as Rick pushed open the door and stepped into the street. He couldn’t help glancing down at the dog.

  At least Josh would never know what its fate had been.

  The dog grinned up at him, flattening its ears and waving its tail.

  ‘Oh, for God’s sake.’ Rick opened the bag he was holding and fished a piece of the lamb steak out of the burger. He threw it and the dog caught the food with a flash of white teeth. It practically inhaled it.

  Rick walked on. It wasn’t far to the warehouse and he’d felt the need to stretch his legs so he hadn’t bothered to bring a vehicle. Half a block later, he realised he wasn’t alone.

  ‘Go home,’ he told the dog sternly. ‘You must have one.’

  It had been stupid to give it any food. The dog clearly thought he could solve all its problems now. It was staying a respectful distance behind him but it was still there as he turned up his driveway.

  ‘Look, I’ll give you some more food,’ he said. ‘And then you can go home. OK?’

  He wasn’t going to sacrifice the rest of his dinner but he emptied half the bag of kumera wedges onto the side of the driveway and then resolutely went inside and closed his door. The dog would be gone by morning. At least it wouldn’t still be miserably hungry when the dog catcher found it and it wasn’t as if he could do any more to help the mutt.

  So why did he feel that, despite doing his best, he was still somehow failing everyone?

  The dog.

  Simon.

  Sarah.

  Josh.

  Himself.?

  Life never used to be this complicated. If this was what finally growing up was all about, maybe he’d had the right idea in postponing it for so long.

  She was waiting for him this time.

  This was the fourth time Sarah had slipped out of Josh’s room to hover in the unit’s reception area. The desk was only staffed during working hours so it had been deserted for quite some time now. The nursing staff were either busy with patients or in the central office further down the corridor. If any of them knew where she was, they would assume she needed a bit of peace and quiet and room to stretch her legs just a little after the strain of a long and difficult day.

  Josh had developed pain that needed more medication but that had made him vomit and he’d needed yet more drugs to control the nausea. There’d been a blood transfusion this afternoon and along with new pain and the monitoring and extra tests, Josh hadn’t had a chance to rest properly. He’d been awake and fretful and asking, at regular intervals, when his dad was going to come and visit.

  And now it was 7:00 p.m. and Rick still hadn’t showed his face. If he didn’t appear in the next few minutes, Sarah was going to call him at home and give him a piece of her mind about letting a sick little boy down. She was furious. Pacing back and forth across the reception area wasn’t helping at all. Seeing Rick finally come through the double doors that led to the main hospital didn’t help either. If anything, it bent and broke the last of her self-control.

  ‘Where have you been all day, Rick? Josh has been asking and asking for you.’

  ‘I’m here now.’ He sounded weary. As though he was only here because it was something he was required to do. An extra duty to tick off for the working day.

  ‘He’s asleep,’ Sarah informed him icily. ‘Probably for the night.’

  ‘Oh…’ Rick’s gaze slid away. ‘I’ll come back in the morning, then.’

  ‘Sure…’ Sarah watched him turn away. She harnessed her anger and let it escape in a sarcastic tone. ‘If it’s convenient, of course.’

  He turned back. He pushed stiff fingers through his hair. ‘I’ve had a busy day,’ he said quietly. ‘I’ve got a thirteen-year-old boy in Intensive Care who’s in trouble. He started having seizures and—’

  ‘You’ve got a nine-year-old son who’s in trouble,’ Sarah snapped. ‘And you haven’t been anywhere near him.’

  Rick sighed. ‘I’m here now.’

  ‘Too little,’ Sarah snarled. ‘And too late. He’s had a horrible day and the one thing that could have made it better might have been having a visit from his dad, and it didn’t happen. What’s going on here, Rick? You’ve been avoiding him for days. Has the novelty worn off or something?’

  Rick gave an incredulous huff. ‘I’ve been in to see him every single day.’

  ‘Only once. You used to come two or three times, remember? Set a precedent with kids and they have this funny trust that it’s going to carry on. They’re a bit like dogs that way.’

  He seemed to wince at the comparison. He opened his mouth to say something but Sarah didn’t give him the chance.

  ‘You said you’d give being a dad your best shot.’ Sarah tried to sound accusing but the telltale wobble in her voice was a sure sign tears weren’t far away. She needed to wrap this up fast. ‘If this is your best shot, it’s not good enough. It would have been better not to get involved with Josh at all than to let him think you cared and then—’ she had to swallow to get rid of the sudden lump in her throat ‘—avoid him like this. It’s not fair, Rick.’ Her voice had lost all its power now. It was hardly more than a whisper. ‘It’s not even nice.’

  ‘I’m not avoiding Josh.’

  ‘You are.’ For once, Sarah managed to catch and hold Rick’s gaze. ‘You might not think so but that’s what it’s like on this side of the equation. You hardly come and when you do you don’t stay very long. You’re avoiding him.’

  ‘I’m not.’

  It felt like Rick’s gaze was holding hers now, instead of the other way round. His features softened. His eyes were dark and intense but one corner of his mouth lifted in a wry, lopsided smile.

  ‘I’m not avoiding Josh,’ Rick said. ‘I’m avoiding you.’

  ‘Why? What have I done?’

  ‘It’s more what I’ve done. Or maybe what I want to do.’

  Sarah swallowed hard. Here it was, out in the open. They had the chance to talk about this and get it sorted. For Josh’s sake. She took a quick breath as she screwed up her courage.

  ‘Tell me,’ she whispered.

  But Rick jerked his head in a sharp, negative gesture and made a rough sound that could have been a strangled groan. He was about to turn away but Sarah grabbed his arm and tugged so that he had to face her again and somehow it had brought them even closer together.

  ‘Rick…please. We have to talk about this. I need to understand.’

  The movement of his throat suggested he was finding it difficult to swallow. When he spoke, she hardly recognised the deep drawl.

  ‘This is what I’m talking about.’

  She knew what was coming the moment Rick began to pull her into his arms. She also knew that this was going be nothing like the brief, almost impersonal kisses they’d already given each other. He was moving in for the real thing.

  She could have pulled free. She knew quite well that if she’d made any protest, Rick would have let her go instantly, but if he did, he’d probably walk out and they would never have the chance to talk. She’d be left still angry and confused and miserable and would have to stay that way…maybe for ever.

  She might spend the rest of her life wondering what it would have been like to be properly kissed by Rick Wilson.

  And…she deserved just a moment for herself, didn’t she? Time out from being mother to a suffering child. A respite from remembering all the misery of today’s procedures and problems and imagining what was still to come. A bit of nostalgia, even, for a time when she had had no one to be responsible for other than herself and men had made her feel desirable.

  Was it so wro
ng to want to feel wanted?

  Even if it was, she was powerless to resist the pull. The pull into Rick’s arms and into the delicious heat of desire. Tiny flames that ignited at the mere touch of his hands and exploded into a blinding white heat as his mouth shaped itself to cover hers.

  No chance of pulling free now. The possibility didn’t even occur to Sarah as she closed her eyes and lifted her arms to wrap them around Rick’s neck.

  No. There was no way out of this.

  She was completely lost.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  THIS was the most astonishing kiss of his life.

  The feel of Sarah’s mouth under his. So soft, so sweet, so…responsive. The way her whole body seemed to soften in his arms so that merely the desire to mould her closer to his own body seemed to be enough to make it happen.

  He’d known it would be this perfect that first moment he’d set eyes on her. What he hadn’t realised was that it would feel so…right.

  He could let his hands roam and shape her breasts. Or cup her bottom and pull her against the urgent need pulsing in his core. He could peel away her clothing and then his own and he knew there would be none of that first-time awkwardness. They would just morph from a first kiss into being lovers and it would be like they’d always been together, only better. Much better, because it would still have all the excitement of being totally new.

  Of course, he couldn’t do any of that. Not here. He might be so involved in this kiss that he wouldn’t care if half of Queen Mary’s medical staff had gathered to watch in this reception area but he wasn’t insane. Some things…OK, a great many things that he intended to do to Sarah Prescott needed complete privacy.

  For a moment he let himself revel in the anticipation of those things but when it threatened to become too powerful to resist, he eased himself away from her. Reluctantly. Just his lips to start with.

  ‘Come with me,’ he murmured. ‘I know a much better place for this.’

  He felt the way her body tensed. It was slow process, like the development of one of those Polaroid pictures he took for Josh. Was she having that much trouble focusing because of that kiss? He liked that idea. Enough to make him close that tiny distance between them. He wanted to scramble her brain all over again and make her aware of only him and what he could do to her senses.