A Shameful Secret

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A Shameful Secret Page 8

by Anne Ireland


  “Surely there must be a personable gentleman you favor?” His brows lifted as he quizzed her. “Or are they all fools?”

  “Oh no,” she said, her cheeks coloring. “You would flatter me, sir. I am not at my last prayers, but you must have noticed that I have no real admirers, whereas Geraldine has many.”

  “Perhaps you are wise not to wish for marriage. Ladies give up so much when they marry, do you not think so? In my opinion our property laws are iniquitous as far as women are concerned, though of course that may be remedied in the marriage contract.”

  “But they also gain,” Hester said. “A husband, children, and a home of their own, these are prospects that most females prize. I know that Geraldine longs for the day she and Thomas marry.”

  “You, however, wish to retain your independence, I imagine?”

  Hester knew that he was quizzing her. She arched her brows at him. “As you do, Captain Crawford? I see that you have managed to avoid the petticoat trap.”

  He laughed, amused at her sally.

  “Touché,” he said. “My mother would take great pleasure in you, Miss Weston. She is urgent with me to find myself a wife before it is too late. I am required to provide an heir for the title you see.”

  “Ah . . .” Hester’s heart beat wildly. Please let him not speak! “Then you must look for a suitable lady to oblige your mama, sir. Perhaps an heiress who will bring both breeding and a fortune to your family.”

  “No, no, I do not need a fortune,” Paul replied, an air of innocence about him that sat ill with the gleam in his eyes. “I have thought of a modest widow, a lady who will bear with me in patience. Can you recommend anyone, Miss Weston? I should value your advice on the matter.”

  She knew that his wicked sense of humor was at work once more. He was leading her on a string, playing her very gently. She wished with all her heart that she could follow where he led, but knew she must hold back at the last.

  “I cannot say that I know of a lady you might wish to marry, sir, but I shall keep my eyes open now that you have made your requirements known. If I find a lady I think suitable, I shall introduce her to you at once.”

  “She must be intelligent, serious, and yet have a lovely smile and a sense of fun,” Paul continued. “I think her hair ought to be dark but with a touch of red when the light catches it, her eyes brown perhaps—but most of all she must be honest.”

  Hester felt her cheeks grow warm but then she turned cold, a sliver of ice sliding down her spine. He believed he was describing her, but how could he know that she was living a lie? He would not think her his ideal woman if he knew the truth.

  “I have taken note of you preferences, sir.” She forced a teasing smile to her lips. “Believe that I shall be diligent on your behalf.”

  “I wish that you will,” he replied and his blue eyes were more serious that she had previously seen them. “You see, I believe only the lady I have described would content me.”

  Hester did not reply. What was he saying? Was he hinting that he cared for her? She knew that he did like her very much and her heart leapt. She was not a stranger to passion, for her innocent heart had responded to the man who had first seduced and then dishonored her, ignoring her cries for him to cease. For years, she had believed that her heart was irreparably broken and that she would never love again, but now she knew that she had fallen hard. She could have stayed in Paul’s arms forever, her body responding to his touch in a way that both terrified and delighted her.

  As they danced the waltz, she felt as light as air, as if she floated on clouds. When the music ended and he released her, she was aware of a deep sense of loss. Yet, pride would not let her show any sign of preference, and she smiled with equal warmth on the next gentleman to claim her as his partner. He was very young, shy, and seemed to have two left feet, succeeding on treading on her toes at least twice, but she thanked him when their dance ended and left him feeling that he had just danced with the most perfect lady in the room. Hester would have been surprised if she had known just how popular she was becoming, both with the gentlemen and their female relations.

  Had she known it, only her reserve had prevented at least three of her partners from speaking of their hopes, but she managed to get through the evening without any embarrassing encounters, though she knew that Geraldine had had to extricate herself from two overly eager gentlemen who had tried to get her to take the air with them. Hester believed that it was her lack of fortune, and perhaps her mature years, that had kept her safe, but it had been noticed that she smiled particularly warmly on Captain Crawford. It was generally thought that he would win the day, and at least three admirers held back because of his proprietary air.

  Hester shed some tears that night as she lay in her bed. She had been distressed when she refused Henry Blackwater for his sake, but now her heart ached. If Captain Crawford were to make her an offer, she would be forced to refuse—but how could she bear to go on with her life knowing that she had broken his heart and hers?

  Chapter Five

  Hester decided to return her books to the lending library the morning of their last day in Bath. They were to leave early the next day to journey to the estate of Lord and Lady Holbeach, and both she and Charlotte were busy checking off all the little jobs that must be done.

  She had promised to fetch some new slippers that Charlotte had ordered and she wanted to buy a gift for Geraldine’s birthday. She had decided on a spangled scarf that her friend had seen in the window of a shop near the tearooms they sometimes frequented. It was after she had completed her errands and was on her way home that she saw him.

  Her first thought was to avoid him, but Richard Mortimer put himself in her way, forcing her to acknowledge him with a cool nod.

  “Good morning, Miss Weston. Miss Hester Weston, I believe?”

  There was a gleam of satisfaction in his eyes that sent a shiver down her spine. He had remembered her! Hester’s chest felt tight, and she could barely breathe, but she forced the panic down, counting to ten before she answered. “Sir. I pray you let me pass if you please.”

  “How could I have forgotten you, sweet Hester?” Richard murmured. “You were such a pretty little thing and innocent—so innocent. You have changed, for the better I may say.”

  “I have nothing to say to you, sir. Allow me to walk on, if you please.”

  “Oh, but I have a great deal to say. If you will not hear it, perhaps others may.” Hester’s stomach was churning. He was threatening to expose her shame, which would instantly ruin her in society, but she knew he was not to be trusted. It would be foolish to allow him to blackmail her. She must face him down and damn the consequences.

  “What you choose to say in public is your affair, sir.” Hester raised her head proudly. “I shall not listen to you.”

  She crossed the road to avoid him, leaving him staring after her in frustration so that he called out, “You may regret this, Hester!”

  Hester did not give him the satisfaction of seeing her turn her head. She walked on, outwardly calm, though inwardly her stomach was churning with apprehension. Richard Mortimer could destroy her. A few words from him would mean that she could never again show her face in society, which meant that she would never have another chance of happiness. Even Charlotte would not be able to support her if she were exposed to public scorn.

  She could only hope that she would have left Bath before Richard began to speak of their affair. For she knew that the ladies who had welcomed her to their homes with a smile of approval would turn their heads in disgust whenever they saw her. She would be beyond the pale, her reputation stained beyond repair.

  Fortunately, they had no engagements that evening, as they were to set out early the next day. Hester could only be glad of it. She hoped that no hint of scandal would reach Lady Holbeach before they left Bath.

  Perhaps she would be granted another two weeks of pleasure for she knew that after her shame was known there would be no alternative for her but to retire t
o obscurity in the country with her mother.

  * * * *

  Richard had no intention of making good his threat, but she had piqued him, bringing his baser instincts to the fore. Nothing amused him more than the chase, and his hunting instincts had been aroused. He knew that she was being called the Citadel, and the Ice Maiden, and it pleased him to know that he knew better. She had been both warm and passionate in his arms, and, as he looked at her, he found himself remembering how much he had liked and admired her.

  Watching her walk away, back straight, head held proudly, Richard Mortimer’s mood changed, becoming reluctant admiration. There was something rather fine about Hester, and he knew a sharp regret for his past misdeeds. He had begun his pursuit of an innocent young girl out of boredom, having been forced to rusticate through lack of funds. The day he had let his gentle seduction of Hester become something he had never ceased to regret, he had been in a mood of near despair. His father had told him that he was being sent abroad, that he would become a remittance man, condemned to exile until he was recalled. For a young man addicted to the pleasures of London, that had been tantamount to a death sentence. And when he forcefully seduced Hester, he had been mad or drunk, perhaps both.

  Now his father and elder brother were both dead, and he was his grandfather’s heir. When the old man died, and that could not be long, for he was suffering in his last days, Richard would inherit everything. Unfortunately, there were more debts than assets, and he might have no alternative than to sell the estate. It was imperative that he marry an heiress. The trouble was that most of them were very young girls and had been warned about him by their watchful mamas. His reputation as a rake and a seducer had clung to him, and he was thought of as dangerous to young ladies, which might be true in certain circumstances.

  He had hoped to find one young and foolish enough to be swayed by his charm, a girl who would ignore his past, which he had the grace to admit would not bear a close examination. He had not lived an exemplary life, but his early excesses had been no worse than most other young men—apart from what he had done to Hester. However, he was painted a black sheep, and it was hard to overcome a reputation of that kind. He had fared no better in London than Bath, and it was looking increasingly likely that he might have to abduct a young girl of good fortune if he were to succeed in his aim. It was a despicable action, of course, but a night spent in his company would have most young ladies and their mamas clamoring for marriage. Perhaps he might do better to look for the daughter of a wealthy Cit—someone prepared to buy a title?

  Unfortunately, he found most very young girls incredibly boring. It was a pity that Hester Weston had no fortune to recommend her. She at least would have been worth the chase, and it would put right the wrong he had done her. At least, it might ease his conscience.

  Richard proceeded to the Baths, where he met some men that he knew and was informed by one young spark that Captain Crawford had been looking for him.

  “I wouldn’t be in your shoes if he finds you, Mortimer,” Mr. Bradshaw said. “He looked fit to murder when I saw him.”

  “I do not fear Crawford,” Richard said making a mental note to avoid him. He knew that Crawford blamed him for that business with the faulty cannon. He had been merely the go-between, but he was damned if he was going to plead his case. He wasn’t afraid to meet Crawford in a duel if it came to it, but would rather not while his grandfather was still living. Indeed, he had given his word to be on his best behavior—whatever that might be.

  “Well, he is leaving Bath tomorrow. His cousin is to be engaged on her birthday they say and they give her a dance for her at Holbeach Towers. I believe Miss Weston goes with them.” Bradshaw sighed deeply. “They say Countess Danbury will settle fifty thousand on her when she marries. I would try my hand there, but she refused Blackwater out of hand. He took himself off to London in a blue fit. The poor fellow was head over heels in love with her they say.”

  Richard’s eyes gleamed. “Where did you hear that tale? Fifty thousand is a huge sum of money.”

  Bradshaw shrugged. “It might have been fifteen. Either way, I would settle if she would have me, but I can’t get near her—perfectly polite, smiles at me well and tight, don’t you know, but keeps a barrier in place. Some fellows call her the Citadel, but I like her too much to hear a word against her. Think I’m a bit in love with her myself.” He sighed again and looked sorrowful.

  Richard nodded, knowing exactly what he meant. There was something about Hester these days, and he’d been fond of her in his way all those years ago. If she had fifteen thousand when she married, it would go a long way to solve his problems. Given the chance, he thought he could put the estate to rights. . . . He smiled and clapped the other man on the shoulders. There might just be a chance for him yet.

  “I feel lucky,” he said. “Come, let us find some other fellows and chance our hand at the card tables .”

  * * * *

  Hester was happily unaware that Richard Mortimer was now considering her as a prospective bride. She would have liked to confide her fears about an imminent exposure to Charlotte. However, since she had never revealed the name of her seducer to anyone—despite the threats and beatings her father had given her at the start—she did not feel able to now. She must simply hope that Richard would not reveal her shame too soon for she would not wish the scandal to reflect on Geraldine and spoil her birthday celebrations.

  She made up her mind that she would not allow her fears to overshadow her visit with the Holbeach family. She must make the most of the time left to her and that would not be hard in the company of such good friends. Captain Crawford was escorting them to the country, but he rode on horseback most of the time, leaving the carriage for the ladies.

  However, he was on hand to secure rooms at the inn for them that night and seemed in sparkling form at supper, which they took in the private parlor together.

  The two girls shared a room quite happily at night, but Geraldine took longer to get ready in the morning, and Hester went downstairs first. Finding that the other ladies had not yet come down, she wandered outside, walking through the gardens at the rear of the inn to the banks of a rather brown and sluggish river. She was engrossed in watching a family of swans gliding by when someone called her name. As she turned, Paul came up to her.

  “You are an early riser,” he said, a smile on his lips. “I think it will be quite warm later, don’t you?”

  “I should not be surprised for it is already very pleasant,” she agreed. “Have we much farther to travel, sir?”

  “We should be at Holbeach Towers by teatime,” he replied. “As it is such a lovely day would you care to ride with me instead of in the carriage?”

  “If it were possible I should like it above all things,” Hester said truthfully. “But I do not have a riding habit. I used to ride but . . . Papa did not have a suitable mount for me.”

  Hester’s father, blaming her for her wickedness, had sold her mare as a punishment because she would not tell him the name of her seducer. The memory brought a look of wistful sadness to her eyes. However, in another moment, the shadows had gone and she smiled once more.

  “Do you intend to stay with your aunt for the next two weeks, sir?” she asked. “Or have you business that will take you elsewhere?”

  “My father’s estate is less than half an hour’s ride away,” Paul told her. “I shall go there once my aunt and cousin are safely home. However, I shall visit most days, and I daresay my mother will beg the favor of your company at dinner at least once during your stay. You will not be rid of me so easily, Miss Weston, I do assure you.”

  His teasing smile made Hester’s heart race wildly. When he looked at her in that way, she felt an overwhelming need to have him hold her close. Yet, that would be dangerous. Hester knew only too well that innocent kisses could swiftly turn to something very different. Captain Crawford was not Richard Mortimer. She did not believe he would force himself on her as had the other, but she was not sure sh
e would want him to stop once he began.

  She felt that she was being drawn into his net, his web of silken charm enfolding her, binding her and making her his prisoner. How easy it would be to place her life in his hands, to allow him to lead her down the primrose path to happiness. Yet, if he should ask her to be his wife, she must in honor refuse.

  Hester felt a surge of rebellion. Surely what she had done as an innocent girl was not so very wicked? Was she not entitled to a little happiness?

  “Your eyes are full of mysteries,” Paul told her and his expression was so intent that she trembled inwardly, half expecting him to take her in his arms and kiss her. “Who are you, Hester, and what secrets are you hiding behind that serene mask you show us?”

  Would that she might tell him the truth. A deep longing swept through her, a need to throw herself against his chest and let him take her burden from her, but her fear of seeing disgust in his eyes held her back.

  “What makes you think I have secrets?”

  “Do you not?” he raised his brows at her.

  “Perhaps,” Hester replied striving for a light touch. “But surely a lady is entitled to her secrets, sir. Is there nothing in your past that you would prefer to conceal?”

  “Touché!” Paul laughed. “Too much I fear, but we should not explore that too much. You are delightful, Hester. Will you allow me to call you by your name in private?”

  “Yes, if you wish it. I think we may claim to be good friends, sir.”

  “If I dared, I would claim more,” Paul told her, a burning light in his eyes that made her stomach tighten with nerves. She blushed and would have moved past him, for she feared giving too much away if she stayed. Her heart was racing, and she felt a breathless need that she dare not identify. He caught her arm, detaining her, persuading her to look at him once more. “No, do not run away, Hester. You feel something between us. I am sure you do.”

 

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