Karma

by Barbara Huffert

  “No,” Abby whispered as she shrank into her chair and away from the table.

  “Abby, my brother goes out of his way to defend the world but it’s already different with you. He called for help in a situation where he didn’t need any so he could focus on you. He has the same look on his face I know I did the day I met Shelby. No matter what happened to get you here, don’t shut yourself off. You got out. Don’t let your past continue to control your life from wherever you left him. Not everyone is like the guy who hurt you. My brother is the best. I trusted him to watch out for Shelby when we were apart. You can trust him with you too.”

  Abby didn’t respond. The things he’d said had clearly overwhelmed her. Frank worried he’d gone too far and caused her migraine to escalate again.

  “Come lock up.” Frank wanted Jesse to follow him to the door. When they reached it, he whispered, “She okay? I shouldn’t have said so much tonight. Seems like she’s had a really rough time.”

  “Yeah, but she’s opened up about some of it. Thanks for telling her about you and Shelby. You’re right that she can’t trust right now. Maybe hearing about you two will show her that decent guys do exist.”

  Frank and Jesse exchanged a knowing look. “Let me know if you need me for anything.”

  “Okay but I think I have to handle this one.”

  “Understood. Just keep your head on. The last thing she needs is you doing something stupid, no matter how justified it might be.”

  “Already gave myself that lecture. Thanks, Frank.”

  “Don’t mention it, Jess. Night.”

  Chapter Ten

  Jesse stripped down to his briefs and used the bathroom, taking his time brushing his teeth before he returned to the table. Abby hadn’t moved. Instead of sitting, he crouched next to her chair.

  “Want to share what you’re thinking?” he urged softly.

  She shook her head and stayed as she was.

  His heart went out to her. She must be hiding again because Frank admitted he knew she had been abused. Part of Jesse wished he’d kept his mouth shut but another part of him wanted her to see that she wasn’t being judged. He knew Frank had told her about his history with Shelby to show they were offering her their friendship. Just as Shelby had when she asked Abby to join in her conversation with Frank earlier. Now all he had to do was make her believe they were sincere and not acting out of pity.

  “I’d like to hold you but I don’t want to scare you. I don’t want you to feel pressured or forced. I’d like to talk to you and reassure you that Frank only told you he knew you’d been hurt so you wouldn’t worry about hiding it from him. He told you about Shelby as she encouraged him to do so you would know they’ll support both of us in anything we might need. Frank could see right away I already care about you. I expect Shelby could sense it too. She’s been part of my family for almost sixteen years so she knows me pretty well. She meant it when she said she’d like to get to know you better. She knows I’ve been hoping to meet someone special and I bet she guessed that I believe you’re the one. I want more than anything to wrap myself around you and hold on until you feel safe. But I know if I touch you without you letting me know it’s okay with you, I could make you feel threatened instead of protected. You have to show me what to do.”

  Abby was shaking as she turned toward him. When she managed to meet his eyes, he could see the turmoil she was feeling. He waited, forcing himself not to reach for her. When she stretched her hand to his cheek, his heart started to race.

  “I’m scared,” she whispered.

  “Me too,” he responded.

  “Of what?”

  “Losing you. Doing the wrong thing. Reacting without thinking like I did when I woke you up this afternoon. Wanting you too much and letting you see it before you’re ready to believe in yourself.” He kissed the palm that had been resting against his cheek. “What scares you?”

  “Me. You. All of this. I want to stay with you forever. I want you to love me like Frank loves Shelby. I want to trust myself enough to believe I would look the same as Alyssa did today when she mentioned her husband. I feel so overwhelmed when I think about us together I can hardly breathe. I’m afraid to let myself reach for you because I know I won’t be able to let go. I do feel safe when I’m with you. I’m scared because your family seems to accept me without knowing anything about me. I’m scared to let myself open up to them because what if they are only being nice so they can use this against me later, after I think I belong with you. I started feeling again when you came into that office and that petrifies me. It’s all so out of control and I don’t know what to do. I don’t understand any of this.”

  “Listen to your heart. Let yourself open to possibilities like Frank suggested. Believe that you left your past behind when you left the house this morning.”

  “But he’s going to come after me. It’s not over. He won’t let it end like this.”

  “Did you leave a note?”

  “Not exactly.” She stopped and took a few deep breaths. “I should get cleaned up too.”

  He moved back so he wasn’t crowding her. “Take your time. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Jesse had turned off most of the lights Petey had needed when he cut her hair. Since it was dark, he opened the drapes and was staring out the window when she emerged from the bathroom.

  Abby seemed determined when she crossed the room almost as if she had decided it was time to take her life back. She walked to the bed and slid out of the robe. Pulling back the covers, she climbed in and looked at Jesse. She patted the spot next to her and said, “Can we lie together and talk? I don’t know if I can look at you while I say some of this and if we’re sitting at the table I think you’ll watch me.”

  Jesse stretched out next to her and let her cover both of them. He didn’t touch her, letting her to decide how close they would be.

  Abby rolled to her side and shifted against him. When he moved his arm around her, she snuggled closer and rested her hand on his chest. “Am I okay like this?”

  “You are okay wherever you choose to be. The fact that you decided to cuddle while we talk thrills me.” He covered the hand resting on his chest with his own and gave it a gentle squeeze. “It feels right having you next to me.”

  She twisted so she could see his face. In doing so, she wound up with part of her body on top of his. Slowly, Abby slid her hand up to his face. His mouth was only inches away. When she moved her hand to the back of his head and pulled him toward her waiting lips, he didn’t resist. The kiss was tentative, as if she expected him to draw back.

  “Jesse, please,” she pleaded against his mouth. “Just a kiss. Please.”

  “Just a kiss,” he repeated, knowing he was lost. When her lips parted, he felt her tongue asking to be invited to taste his mouth. With a groan, Jesse gave her what she wanted. It took all his restraint not to take over and plunge his own tongue into her warmth.

  She tightened her arms around his neck, encouraging him to hold her closer. Her nipples hardened against his chest. When she shifted to deepen the kiss, his reaction showed that he felt it too.

  Abby whimpered into his mouth and the sound went through every inch of his body. He had started getting hard when she dropped the robe. When she had snuggled against his side, his blood surged. Now, with her mouth moving over his, her tongue exploring and her breast pressed firmly against his chest, Jesse felt as if his erection was reaching for her. When her leg slid across his, her skin brushed the tip, sending sparks along his shaft.

  She must have felt how hard he was when she tried to get closer to him. She snaked her hand from his neck, intending to capture him. Their kiss didn’t change but his hand stopped hers just before she reached her goal. She groaned and moved her hip, touching him purposefully.

  Jesse eased out of the kiss. “Don’t, Ab. You don’t want us to start out because giving in to what our bodies need is easier than talking. If you touch me, I don’t think I’ll be able to resist you again even
though I know I have to.”

  Her breathing was labored as she moved her hand away from his groin. She returned to his side and rested her hand where she had it originally. “I’m sorry,” she whispered. “I just want you so much.”

  “Don’t ever be sorry for that,” he said happily. “I love that you want me. I love the way you just said that and I hope I get to hear it often. Just so you know, I want you too.”

  “Yeah.” She let out a tiny giggle. “I can tell.”

  “That is so unfair of you,” he protested, deciding to tease her a little. “Maybe I should point out that I can tell that you’re aroused too.”

  “How?” She looked at him again.

  “Well, let’s see.” He pretended to give it serious thought. “I could tell you that it was the way I felt your nipple get hard. But I think the dampness between your legs when you opened them against mine was what really gave you away.”

  “Oh my God.” She tried to hide her face but his finger under her chin stopped her.

  “That’s not necessary. You got to see and feel my arousal all day. I think it’s great that you’re reacting to me too. Do you have any idea how much it took for me not to cup my hand over you just now? Or find out if your nipples get even harder if I play with them? You are so sexy. I can’t wait to see how incredible you are once you start trying to seduce me.”

  “I could show you now.”

  “I’m sure you could but I recall you inviting me to bed to talk.”

  Abby sighed. “I know. I’m sorry that I tried to distract you. But it’s been so long and you feel so good. I guess you won’t believe me if I tell you I’ve never been so turned on before.”

  “Sure I’ll believe you if that’s what you say you’re telling me. You have the same effect on me so why wouldn’t I believe you?”

  “We can’t keep talking like this if you expect me to tell you how I left this morning.”

  “Then it’s time to knock it off. I’ll make a deal with you though. If you tell me how you didn’t exactly leave a note and how you expect Earl to react and discuss what we’re going to do about it, I’ll kiss you like I think you want to be kissed.”

  “Mm, with touching?”

  “Not yet. Let’s see how we do with this and we’ll make another deal.”

  “Sounds reasonable enough,” she agreed.

  Chapter Eleven

  Jesse could feel Abby’s tension as she pondered how to begin. He wished he could tell her to just forget it, that it didn’t matter. But if he was to protect her, he had to know what they were facing. The more knowledge he had, the better prepared he could be with his precautions to keep her from additional harm.

  “I was so angry yesterday,” she said suddenly. “Earl set my schedule so I would be home first. He wanted his dinner ready to go on the table the instant he walked in. Not that he always let me serve it then. Sometimes, he’d say he needed to unwind first and we’d eat later. He’d do that on the days when I’d prepared something that would be ruined if I tried to reheat it. Oh.” Abby gasped. “It was on purpose, wasn’t it? God, I’m so stupid.”

  “No, you’re not,” he whispered as he brought her hand to his lips for a kiss before linking their fingers.

  “For some reason, I flipped through the mail before I set it on the table like I usually did. I never touched it other than to put it where it belonged. None of it was ever for me so there wasn’t any reason for me to look at it. Anyway, there was an envelope from a loan company addressed to Earl and the wife of one of his friends. Not one from the bank. One of the other ones. I never knew why he hung out with them. They really were the kind of people who would drag you down. I asked once why he thought my friends were low class when they were treasures compared to his.” She laughed harshly. “I guess I don’t have to tell you how that comment was taken.”

  He let her ramble. Since she seemed to be following a series of events, he knew it would be better for her if he didn’t interrupt. He’d just listen and hope he could connect the dots as she went.

  “When Earl had me move in with him, I had been on the pill. He took me to a new doctor and made me get an IUD since he said I was too forgetful to be trusted. Every time I brought up the subject of starting a family, he would just stare at me until I tried to leave the room. He would follow me and say awful things about what a bad mother I would be since I couldn’t take proper care of him. He said I was too selfish and self-centered. After all, I had to play at being sick all the time and couldn’t even get through a simple dinner without calling attention to myself by burning something or undercooking the main dish. How could I expect to take care of a child when I couldn’t even remember to pick up the dry cleaning on the right day? He’d hover over me, going on and on until I would agree with him that I wasn’t responsible enough to be a parent.

  “I don’t know what possessed me to open that envelope but I did. It seems that Earl had attempted to cosign for Eva’s car loan. She and her husband, Carl, weren’t employed regularly so they were always defaulting on things. The car Earl let me drive was seventeen years old but I had to deal with it because he said we couldn’t afford a better car for me. I sat there, fuming until he walked in. He always comes in through the kitchen to see what I have for his dinner. Only last night, I didn’t start anything. As soon as he walked into the den, something inside me snapped.”

  Abby was lost in her memory. She was shaking. Jesse held her more securely but he didn’t think she even remembered he was with her.

  “I demanded to know why he was helping Eva with a loan when their car was only a few years old. I insisted that he tell me why he was willing to tie his credit with theirs. I told him I was glad it was turned down but still wanted to know what was going on. I screamed that he owed me an explanation and neither one of us was leaving that room until I had it.

  “I don’t know which one of us was more surprised when he actually answered me. Earl said Eva was pregnant again and needed a bigger car since they’d have two car seats soon. I wanted to know what that had to do with Earl. He stared so long I didn’t think he was going to say anything else but he did. He announced smugly that it was his duty to ensure the children were safe since there was a good chance he had fathered one or both. He saw my reaction and shut me up by shoving me to the floor. I guess that he’d decided it was something I needed to hear about after all so he was going to make telling me more enjoyable.”

  She pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed, facing away from him. Her shoulders were so rounded she was almost folded into herself. She was shivering but didn’t seem to notice. Without disturbing her, Jesse snagged the robe from the bottom of the bed and draped it over her, retreating so she wouldn’t feel threatened.

  “Apparently Carl and Eva had trouble conceiving. Their first child recently turned one. Earl said that before Eva got pregnant with that one they told Earl and their other friend, Joe, about their problem. They didn’t qualify for all the fancy medical options available so instead they came up with the plan that they’d get their friends to help them. Earl and Joe are similar in looks to Carl so they figured it didn’t really make much difference which of them got Eva pregnant. Earl gloated over how he and Joe would watch Carl and Eva have sex first. Earl was always second and then Joe would finish up last. It took three months the first time. Two the second. Earl stood over me, calm as could be and acted like it was something guys did for each other every day.” She whipped around and frowned at him. “Did you ever do that? For one of your buddies?”

  “No, Abby. I have never slept with anyone’s wife. I’ve never shared a woman or dated more than one at a time. And if one of my friends were having that kind of trouble, I certainly wouldn’t agree to something like that. Hell, I haven’t had sex without a condom my entire life.”

  “Never?” She let that thought distract her.

  “Never. And, so you know, I get tested regularly anyway. I’m waiting for the right woman. I guess that makes me a prude or something bu
t I always thought it was important. I had Frank’s example to live up to. He and Shelby were very open about responsibility and planning. They made no secret of how and why they were being careful. I may not have remained a virgin but I’m certainly not reckless. Not with my life or the few women I’ve been involved with enough to be intimate with. In spite of how my behavior with you appears, I don’t do casual sex. I need to care about a woman before we take our clothes off. And I’ve walked away from some who thought it was old-fashioned and pointless to wait.”

  “But what about me?” she murmured.

  “Abby.” Jesse waited for her to meet his eyes. “This is our destiny. If we’d bumped into each other in a bookstore and had the kind of chemistry that we do, I would have invited you for coffee and spent the entire time trying to come up with a way to get you alone and naked. You know why I’m resisting the tug between us for now.”

  She sighed and flopped backward across the bed. “I’m cold,” she said as the robe was trapped beneath her.

  “Here.” Jesse scooted backward and motioned for her to stretch out where he had just been. “That spot should be nice and warm.” He tucked the covers all around her and stayed on his side, his head propped on his hand as he waited for her to continue.

  “After the last time that Earl forced me, I went to a clinic and used my Jessie ID and got tested. I had several more since and all have been negative. I was afraid Earl wasn’t being safe and I don’t know if he started sleeping around before or after that night.”

  “For your sake, I’m glad you did that,” Jesse stated honestly.

  “I was on the pill in college for extra protection. The guys I was with always wore condoms but I was paranoid one of them would break. I wasn’t a slut.”

  “I didn’t think you were.”

  “But with what I told you…” Her lip quivered.

  “All that you told me shows you’re a sensual woman who enjoys a variety of sexual activities. I didn’t take that to mean that you were willing to strip for every guy who walked by.”