Seeking Scandal

by Nadine Millard

  Charlotte coloured but nodded her head briefly, then with a look of outrage on her face, turned and swept back inside the ballroom.

  The silence she left behind was deafening.

  "Well," started Charles, suddenly once again in the best of moods, "that was a close call. It seems the chit was getting ideas. My thanks, Caroline. I—"

  "Consider yourself lucky, Charles—" Caroline's icy tone brought an abrupt halt to Charles' speech— "that it was I who discovered you and not Mr. Noble or you would have been caught in the parson's trap before you knew what was happening. And do not," she continued her tone become even colder, "think that I did this to help you. Your cavorting is disgraceful and the way you treat women utterly shameful. Count your blessings Charles. I would rather save your sorry hide than have Charlotte Noble as a sister, and that is the only reason I did not march her father out here with me."

  Tom waited in total silence, wondering what Charles' reaction to such a set down would be.

  He imagined their children, his and Caroline's, looking as abashed as Charles did now, should their mother catch them getting into trouble.

  It was an enjoyable thought indeed.

  Charles however, bounced back from his sombre mood in record time.

  With a grin, he gave his sister a light pat on the shoulder.

  "I'll be good in the future, Caro. You have my word."

  At that moment a loud laugh caught their attention and Charles' eyes swept the form of a young lady whose laugh it was that had grabbed their attention.

  "In the distant future," he amended with a wink before sauntering inside, determination in his eyes.

  Caroline threw up her arms in frustration.

  "He'll never change," she said in exasperation.

  "He will one day," Tom said softly coming forward to grasp her shoulders, "when the right woman comes along, he'll change whatever she wants him to if it means he can be with her."

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX

  TOM'S WORDS CHANGED the atmosphere the second they were muttered.

  All of the things left unsaid were suddenly clamouring for attention.

  Caroline thought back to their awful fight, her subsequent avoidance of him.

  Of course, he could have been talking about Charles alone but the way he held her, the way he stared into her eyes, his own deep blue eyes staring into hers, made her think there was more to it.

  But was he saying she was the right woman, worth changing for? Or that she wasn't?

  For the entirety of their dance, in fact since the moment he'd left her bedchamber on that horrid night, she had been wondering at his words.

  He'd been so angry, his pain still so raw, and it killed her. She felt such guilt that he'd been hurt by her proposition and such regret that she had not explained herself to him, told him that he was wrong, so wrong, that she only asked for two weeks because she dared not dream of any more time with him.

  Caroline had been so sure that she had no chances left with Tom. But then he'd said he would never refuse her anything, could never refuse her anything. So did that mean he still cared?

  It was exhausting, this confusion. And she was heartily sick of it.

  "Caroline."

  She looked up at the sound of his voice, from her unnecessarily deep contemplation of his cravat. It might not be as beautiful as his eyes but it had less of a thought-scattering effect on her. And she could not afford for her thoughts to scatter anymore or she may just end up in Bedlam.

  "Y-yes?" she croaked.

  Tom took a deep breath and then suddenly grinned in that crooked, carefree way of old. It made her heart sing. How she loved that smile.

  "What are you thinking of? Does my cravat hold any special fascination for you?"

  She let out a breathless little laugh.

  "No. I just—"

  "You are just afraid to look at me. Why?"

  "Am I not looking at you now?"

  "Touché," he acknowledged and hit her with a brief smile. Then he looked serious again and repeated his question, his voice dropping to a soft growl, "What are you thinking?"

  Caroline shook her head trying to clear it of the hundreds of fractured thoughts swirling around in there.

  What was she thinking? She had no idea.

  "I'm not sure," she answered honestly. "I am thinking, I suppose, of the hurt I have caused you. Both two years ago and then again, recently. I never wanted to hurt you, Tom." She felt her eyes fill with tears. "In fact, I want to do quite the opposite. I want more than anything in the world to make you happy, but I cannot seem to do so."

  Caroline was too afraid to look at him now, too afraid of his reaction to what she had said.

  She pulled herself gently from his grasp and went to stand at the balustrade, looking out unseeing into the night.

  "You think you do not make me happy?" he asked now from his position behind her.

  Caroline shook her head at his question, still not turning to face him.

  "I know I do not," she answered quietly. "The other night—"

  "The other night I was a damned cad," he said bluntly moving to stand beside her, to look out at the garden too. That got her attention.

  "No, Tom. You were right to berate me. I never meant for you to think that I only wanted to—to use you. I did not think of it in those terms."

  "What terms did you think of it in?" he asked in curiosity.

  And so, once again Caroline faced a decision. Tell him the truth about her feelings or walk away for good.

  It was now or never. Never seemed more attractive. But now meant that she could finally fight for what she wanted.

  So she turned to look him square in the eye.

  "I thought of it as a chance for me to experience real happiness, for probably the last time in my life."

  Tom's eyes lit with a blazing fire at her words.

  "Do you mean that?" he asked hoarsely.

  "Of course I mean it," she answered with a cry. He still did not trust her feelings and who could blame him, really? "I am well aware of how much I hurt you, Tom, and it kills me. And I thought, because you are so determined to remain a bachelor, that perhaps you would not mind — I, I didn't realise it would be so difficult for you and—"

  She was rambling, Caroline knew, but she could not seem to stop herself.

  Thankfully, Tom stopped her by taking her shoulders gently in his large hands, effectively rendering her speechless.

  "I did not mind, darling," he said softly. "I only minded that it was temporary."

  Caroline's eyes widened. Was he saying that he wanted—

  "And those men," he continued though she was finding it difficult to concentrate on anything but the feel of his skin against her own, the spicy scent that was uniquely his surrounding her. "I would have sooner torn my eyes out than see you chose one of them for a husband. Rebecca made me do it."

  Caroline could not help but laugh at his petulant tone.

  He immediately grinned in response then took on an expression of mock severity.

  "You think it funny that I was bullied by your sister into driving myself insane with jealousy?"

  "You were jealous?"

  "Caroline, I get jealous when those men breathe the same air as you," he answered matter-of-factly. "Of course I was jealous at the thought of you marrying one of them."

  "Well, you needn't worry," she answered a soft glow of happiness beginning in the pit of her stomach. She dared not hope for too much just yet, but this was fast becoming the most wonderful conversation of her life. "I have no intention of marrying any of them. Or anyone else."

  "You mean you have decided to sacrifice yourself to Doncastle?" he sounded horrified.

  "No," she answered seriously, "I have decided to do what I want, for the first time in my life. I have decided to remain single."

  The silence was screaming with everything that remained unsaid between them.

  "You do not want to marry? Have children?"

  Caroline gulp
ed. Now or never.

  "Yes, I do. But only with the man I love."

  He didn't say anything. She expected him to. But he didn't.

  "Does your father know? About your decision not to marry a Peer? Unless, unless the man you love is titled?"

  Caroline was unsure as to whether he was being cautious or he really didn't know that it was him. That she still loved him. Always had. Always would.

  "No, my father doesn't know. It was a decision I only made recently."

  Tom nodded but remained silent.

  "And the man I love — he doesn't have a title, he has something much more important."

  "Oh? And what's that?"

  She stepped closer, so that her body pressed against his.

  "He has my heart."

  Tom felt the impact of her words, right down to his toes.

  Could it really be that she was saying what he'd always wanted her to? That she was willing to risk her father's disapproval, society's disapproval? For him?

  "So, if you love this man," he said though how he was managing to form a coherent sentence with her delectable body crushed so closely to his, he had no idea. "Why do you say you will not marry?"

  Caroline was looking up at him, boldly, beautifully. But he saw the vulnerability in her eyes. He saw how difficult it was for her. It was damned difficult for him too.

  "He is a confirmed bachelor," she whispered now, sounding wistful.

  "How confirmed?"

  "As to that, I cannot say. I only know that he does not want to marry. He did once. But the girl — well, she was too foolish, too scared to accept his offer."

  "And she regrets this?"

  "Every second of every day."

  "What if he were to decide he wanted to marry? Yet her family still did not approve?"

  There was a brief pause and Tom realised that he could not breathe. Had she been so caught up in whatever was happening between them that she forgot momentarily all the reasons she had said no? Was she remembering now that her family's approval was of utmost importance?

  "Then they would have to get used to it. Or she would walk away from them forever," Caroline answered finally and Tom felt almost weak with relief.

  Their lips still hadn't touched, yet Tom felt that this moment was more intimate than any other they'd shared.

  "Caroline—"

  "Tom."

  Edward's voice sounded behind them and Tom did not even try to hide his frustration, turning to shout profanities at Edward.

  Edward, for his part, looked completely unfazed by Tom's obvious anger.

  "You're upset. I understand. However, I think you need to come inside."

  "This is rather important, Edward."

  "As is this, cousin."

  "I can promise you it is nowhere near as important as you leaving us alone. Now."

  Edward sighed and stepped closer.

  "Your American guests are causing something of a scene. And since it involves Charles too, I thought you might want to put a stop to it and smooth things over."

  Caroline rushed forward at the mention of Charles' name.

  "What happened?"

  "A disgruntled woman, a notorious rake who upset her, and a father with a fondness for shot guns. Apparently."

  Caroline gasped and made to run inside but Tom grabbed her arm to stop her.

  "I will fix this," he assured her, his stomach clenching at the worry in her eyes.

  They'd been so close. But now, obviously, her focus was on her idiotic brother.

  She nodded once and her eyes were filled with questions that he desperately wanted to answer.

  "Tomorrow," he said softly.

  Then she smiled, beamed really. And it was like the sun coming out after two years of the bleakest of days.

  "Tomorrow," she repeated.

  It couldn't come quick enough.

  Tom sighed as he finally put his feet up on his desk and loosened his cravat.

  It had taken a lot of tact, patience, and heavy reliance on their friendship to keep Fred Noble from shooting Charles, or demanding a marriage.

  Charles, for his own part seemed less than concerned. Tom tried to tell him that being an earl, or a future one rather, did not hold much sway with disgruntled American fathers.

  Between them both, Tom and Edward managed to take the arguing men along with Charlotte into Tom's study while the dowager, Rebecca, and Caroline had worked like social butterflies ensuring that those who noticed were assured that it was nothing to talk about and those who didn't notice remained oblivious.

  By the time he'd sent Fred to his room with the assurance that Charles had not damaged his daughter irrevocably and gotten Charlotte to admit that she had grossly exaggerated the story she'd carried to her father, it was well past three in the morning.

  The guests who were leaving after the ball had already left and the rest had retired for the night.

  Tom had hoped that he would get a chance to speak to Caroline before she went upstairs but was unsurprised to find that she had long since retired to her bedchamber.

  He had been so busy trying to sort out things between Fred and Charles that he hadn't had a chance to think of their conversation in the garden. But he was thinking of it now. Could it be that he was truly on the cusp of having everything he had ever wanted?

  He thought of her now, wondered if she was sleeping, sure that he himself would get no sleep.

  Tomorrow, he would go to Charles, a more sober Charles, and state his intentions. With Caroline's father still in Ireland, Charles was the person he should speak to. If he had to, he would travel to Ranford Hall in Ireland and speak to her father himself. But Caroline was so sure that she did not care whether her family approved or not and he believed her. Still, he would not have her hurt for anything in the world. So he would do his utmost to convince the aging earl that he, Tom Crawford, was the best choice of husband for his daughter.

  Downing the last of his brandy, he stood and made his way quietly to his room. At the top of the staircase he turned toward her bedchamber, fighting the overwhelming urge to knock, to see if she was awake.

  With a sigh he turned and went to his own instead.

  There would be plenty of nights alone with her when they married.

  The thought did nothing to alleviate the aching want strumming through his veins. But it was enough to keep a smile on his face for the rest of the night.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  THE NEXT MORNING dawned bright and crisp and Caroline nearly threw herself from her bed.

  Surprisingly, she had slept well, dreaming of Tom and the life they would share.

  Of course, he had not said that he wanted to offer for her again, but surely that is where they were headed?

  In fact, if it hadn't been for Charles' wandering hands and Charlotte Noble's penchant for lying, she might be engaged to Tom right now.

  The thought caused her heart to skitter happily.

  Engaged to Tom. She could not keep the smile from her face.

  Sally came in with Caroline's chocolate then and Caroline drank it in record time, telling Sally to pull the first gown from the wardrobe for her to wear.

  "Dear me, my lady," said Sally, smiling at Caroline's obvious giddiness, "what has you so up in the boughs?"

  "Just looking forward to enjoying the beautiful day, Sally," said Caroline. She did not want to blurt out anything foolish, not before she spoke properly to Tom. Which she wanted to do. Now.

  Sally, thank heavens, sensed the urgency and so took little time in helping Caroline into a simple pale lemon morning dress and pinning her hair into a simple style with a lemon ribbon as its only decoration.

  Caroline was ready and making her way downstairs in less than fifteen minutes, a far cry from her usual ablutions.

  Upon entering the breakfast room she was disappointed to see that it was occupied only by Hadley, who was among those staying at the house, Rebecca, and the dowager.

  Tom and Edward were nowhere to be seen
.

  Caroline bid them all a good morning, ignoring the pang of disappointment in her breast. He may yet come. After all it was early and she had no idea how long he had stayed up sorting out the ghastly situation with Charles and Mr. Noble.

  "Lady Caroline," Hadley said as soon as she sat, "might I say you look simply exquisite this morning. Like the finest china doll."

  Caroline paused with her cup halfway to her lips, shocked by the rather over the top compliment.

  Rebecca's unladylike snort coming from beside her didn't help.

  "Er — thank you, Lord Hadley. That is, um, very kind."

  Dear lord, he was a pompous creature.

  "I wondered, if you would be so kind as to consent to a ride with me, after luncheon perhaps?"

  Caroline looked to Rebecca in horror. The last thing she wanted to do was spend time with Hadley alone. For one thing, his company was beyond odious and he made her vastly uncomfortable. For another, his poverty and subsequent desperation for an alliance with a rich family was now common knowledge and Caroline had absolutely no intentions of being his wife. Or his bank.

  Besides, she rather hoped that she and Tom would be spending time together this afternoon.

  Rebecca was quick to pick up on Caroline's silent plea.

  "A ride sounds wonderful, Hadley. I'm sure we would all enjoy it. After luncheon you say?"

  Hadley's face was a picture in comical disappointment but he rallied quickly enough.

  Bowing to the ladies, he stood from the table and said, "Until our ride, then. I have some pressing business. Some life-changing business." This with what could only be described as a leer in Caroline's direction, before sweeping from the room and leaving them in silence.

  "What an odd little man," said the dowager eventually.

  The sisters laughed in agreement.

  "Shouldn't he be leaving?" asked Caroline.

  "Yes, of course he should. Edward said he mentioned something about pressing business last night too, how odd. Who could he possibly have pressing business with now?"

  Caroline shrugged and then put the thought from her mind. Hadley did not matter. Even their ride this afternoon did not matter. Caroline was quite sure Tom could be convinced to join them.