This Book Will Change Your Life

by Amanda Weaver

  I so don’t want to do this now. My whole body is still vibrating from this thing with Hannah. I can still taste her on my lips, and I’m fucking giddy that she’s back and standing beside me. All I want to do is focus on her and fix us, but instead I have to deal with my father right in front of her. Dread settles in my gut. There’s no way this will go well.

  I take a deep breath. “I didn’t see much point in staying, since you had no intention of listening to a damn word I said.”

  He glares. “You threw your whole life away, caused a scene, and embarrassed the hell out of me, and you’re going to stand there and say that to me?”

  I clench my fists. He’s come in here determined to start a fight, so if that’s what he wants, so be it. “All I did was tell you about my plans for school. You’re the one who wouldn’t accept it and said I was wasting my life because I want to teach.”

  “Because you are!” His voice is so loud it practically rattles the windows. Thank God there are no customers in the store right now—until the bell tinkles softly and Alex comes in. She soundlessly slips behind my father and hovers near the front of the store, gaze flitting from my father to me.

  “Dad, just calm down. Let’s go talk—”

  “With all the opportunities we’ve given you, you still want to waste your time—”

  “Ben is not wasting his time.” Hannah’s quiet, steady voice cuts straight through his bluster.

  I can’t believe my dad can even hear her over his own noise, but he stops mid-tirade and looks her up and down dismissively.

  “This is the girl, huh? I thought if you were throwing your life away for some chick, she’d be more—”

  “Stop right there. Seriously, don’t say another word about her.”

  His eyes narrow again as he examines her, and I want to fucking lay him out for looking at her like that. “This one’s a little young for you, isn’t she?”

  The rage wells up in me hot and overwhelming. I’m used to his judgment about me, but when he looks at Hannah that way? No fucking way.

  “I’m nearly nineteen—” Hannah starts to protest, but I cut her off.

  “Get the fuck out of here,” I tell my dad.

  “Excuse me?”

  “I said get out of this store. It’s one thing to yell at me—we’re family and I have to put up with your bullshit—but don’t you dare talk about Hannah like that.”

  But Dad is undeterred. “I came down here to talk some sense into you, and I’m not leaving until I do.”

  I’m exhausted. It’s almost laughable how fucking pig-headed he is. He’s so sure he can buy me because he buys anything he wants. This isn’t even about what’s best for me anymore; he just can’t stand to lose.

  “Dad.” I rub my eyes under my glasses. “It’s pointless. You won’t convince me, and you can’t bully me. I know you don’t get this”—I sweep a hand around the store—“but this is who I am. It’s who I’ve always been, who I always will be. The person you imagined me to be never existed. I’m not asking for your damn money— I’m going to pay my own way through grad school. I’d like your support, but if you’re not going to give it, then you need to leave.”

  He lets out a disbelieving scoff. “This.” He gestures at the store, the books that have been my whole life, and even Hannah, who’s become the center of my life. “This is what you want to waste yourself on.”

  “Mr. Fisher,” Hannah says tensely. “With all due respect, you’re an idiot.”

  His eyes narrow as he looks at Hannah. “Excuse me?”

  “Your son is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever met, and you act like he’s some epic disappointment.” She steps forward, facing off with him even though he dwarfs her. But the height difference doesn’t matter because she’s crackling with energy—even I’m a little intimidated by her.

  “Ben knows nearly every book in this store. Every one. He’s so passionate about them that it spills over to other people. And you don’t even know what he’s done for me. I was lost, and Ben gave me the perfect book, and it changed my life— He changed my life. He’s going to be an amazing teacher. People will remember him, and not because he won some stupid case in court. He’s got way more to offer the world, and it’s sad you can’t see how special he is.”

  I stare at Hannah in the silence that follows. We were still in the middle of making up or whatever it was we were doing when my dad walked in. It seemed like we were headed in the right direction, and there was that kiss… But if I had lingering doubts about our future, Hannah just blew them to bits. She defended me to my father like someone who loves me. I didn’t think I could love her more, but I was wrong.

  I grin as I take her hand. God, I love her and want to spend every day proving it to her.

  “And he’s nice,” Alex says, standing near the counter. “He’s the nicest guy I know, even to people who don’t deserve it.” She winks at me, then turns sternly back to my father. “It might not mean much to you, Mr. Fisher, but you raised a nice guy, and there aren’t nearly enough of them in the world. The world already has too many lawyers, and he’d make a lousy one anyway. But he’ll be a kick-ass English professor and a stand-up guy. And just so we’re clear, that’s pretty great.”

  Dad eyes Alex, but she’s already turned away from him. She made her case.

  “Loyal, too.” Adele chimes in. Where did she come from? She’s materialized from the back of the store to stand behind Hannah. She tips her head back to peer up at my father from underneath her reading glasses. Dad is all red-faced, bristling outrage, but it’s Adele who commands the hushed room with her quiet strength.

  “Very few would give their heart and soul to a store like this one the way Ben has for four years. For what he was paid here, no one would have faulted him if he just showed up and did his time. But Ben puts his heart into everything he does. He put in his notice, and he’s still making sure everything’s going to go okay when he’s gone. The world would be a better place with more men like your son. And all you can see is what you think is wrong with him. What a shame.”

  Dad’s jaw works as he grinds his teeth together. No one says anything as his eyes flick between us. I can’t believe Hannah, Alex, and Adele all leaped to my defense. I’ve never felt so accepted and grateful.

  Finally, my dad plants a hand onto his hip and sighs. He drags the other hand through his hair, and when he looks up at me, he seems smaller. Like maybe for the first time in his life, his place in the world isn’t as clear to him.

  “I’m not paying for it,” he says, resigned. “You do this and it’s on you.”

  “I’m not asking you to pay for it. I’m applying for a graduate assistantship, and I’ve got a job to pay for the rest. I’m doing this on my own.”

  He gives one small, tight nod, then glances at Hannah, Adele, and Alex. “I still don’t understand this. I probably never will.”

  I shrug. “That’s fair. I don’t understand what you do, either. You don’t have to understand it, just accept it.”

  He blows out a gust of air and looks around the bookshop, small, cramped, cluttered, and glorious. His gaze finally lands on me. “I suppose I’ll have to, huh?”

  My knees go weak as the tension of the last few minutes drains out of me. I slide my arm around Hannah’s shoulders and pull her into my side. Her hand comes up to fist the back of my hoodie. I reach for her instinctively, and when I do, she’s there reaching back.

  “It’s up to you, Dad. Just know this is me. This is the life I’m choosing. You can be a part of it or not, but I won’t change who I am to please you anymore.”

  He shakes his head. “I didn’t realize I was— Fine. I’ll back off. It’s your life, and you do what you see fit.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But you call your mother and come home for a visit this summer.”

  I nod. “I will.”

  He looks miserable and supremely uncomfortable with so much almost-emotion in the air. “I should get back. I have a meet
ing in Carlton, down the highway from here, and the roads are bad.”

  “Sure.”

  He looks at Hannah again, the condescending judgment gone from his eyes, replaced with what might be respect. He’s learning—like I already have—to never underestimate her. “Nice to meet you, Hannah.”

  “It’s nice to meet you, too, Mr. Fisher.” She’s lying through her teeth, of course, but unlike my father, she’s polite.

  “We’ll see you in Columbus soon, Ben?”

  I nod and then he’s gone, the bell over the door tinkling in the wake of his exit.

  “Jesus, Ben,” Alex finally says. “My stepdad can be a judgmental prick, but your dad wins the prize. That was epic.”

  “I’m really sorry about that, guys. Thank you for everything you said. All of you.” I look at Alex and Adele in turn, saving Hannah for last.

  “No sweat, Ben,” Alex says. “Thanks for the floor show during my break. That was the most entertaining thing to happen on Charles Street in weeks. I gotta go, though.” She heads for the door but glances back at Hannah and smiles. “Nice to see you around here again, Hannah.”

  Hannah smiles awkwardly. “Nice to be back.”

  Adele pats me on the shoulder. “He’ll come around, or he won’t. But you’ve got a family either way.”

  She’s right— This store, these people, are my home and family, and they always will be, no matter where I work. I wasn’t born into it, but I found it for myself. And I didn’t really know how important any of this was to me until I had to fight to keep it.

  Adele disappears up the stairs to the loft, and I finally—finally—turn back to Hannah. “Where were we?”

  She laughs. “Oh, God, that was awful. I told off your father. That was an excellent first impression.” She claps her hands over her reddening face, but I pull them away.

  “Stop it. You were brilliant. And I can’t…” I shake my head. “I can’t believe you said those things about me. Especially after everything that’s happened.”

  She runs her hands up my arms to my shoulders. “Everything I said was true. I always knew it. Now you do, too.”

  “Because of you.”

  She shakes her head. “You did this on your own.”

  “Because you put me on the right path.”

  “It goes both ways.” Her fingers play with the hair at the nape of my neck, and I lace my hands at the small of her back. “You put me on the right path, too.”

  This right here—holding someone beautiful and strong who loves me, surrounded by stories within stories—this is all I could ever ask for. I’ll never risk losing this again.

  “What do you say we try going the rest of the way together?” I say.

  Her blue eyes sparkle, and her smile makes me glow from the inside out. When she speaks, her voice is soft and thick with emotion. “I’d say that sounds like the best story of all.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Hannah

  It’s Saturday afternoon, and brilliantly sunny outside. Sunlight pours through the front windows of Prometheus, warming it up like a greenhouse inside. Adele is in the back re-doing the psychology shelves, and Alex is here, fresh from her Oasis hot chocolate run. Now she’s up front, happily ensconced in some Dan Brown book that made Ben roll his eyes.

  She’s got a really nice new guy, unlike all the losers she’s dated before. I don’t know how someone as beautiful and smart as Alex can be such a disaster where men are concerned, but she swears she’s got a radar for the walking time bombs. The new guy is coming to pick her up after work. She wants me to meet him, in case she’s missing the douchebag signs again.

  But for now, I’m glaring at the computer terminal with Jasmine hovering over my shoulder.

  “I don’t understand why you have to enter it there if you already recorded the sale,” she gripes.

  “Because it doesn’t show up in inventory if you don’t,” I explain.

  “You know you could just link those databases, right?”

  I glance at her. “You can?”

  Jasmine rolls her eyes. “Retail 101. Here, let me see.” She navigates back to Settings, and within minutes, she’s reconfigured the system. “There. Now when you enter a sale, it automatically adjusts the inventory program. We’re going to need to streamline this system once the website is up and running.”

  So after some convincing, I took Ben’s old job at Prometheus. At first I wasn’t sure— I mean, who am I to work in a bookstore? Before Ben handed me that first book last fall, I didn’t even read for fun. I could never do for someone what Ben did for me. But he said most people who wander into bookstores have come there because they already love to read. I don’t need to save anyone’s life through literature— I just need to learn the stock and ring up sales. And it means I get to spend my free time here at Prometheus, which is hardly like working at all.

  The first time Jasmine visited me at work, she was horrified by Ralph’s antiquated business practices. Now she’s determined to drag Prometheus into the twentieth century. She signed up for a special seminar in advanced business models in the fall, and for her final project, she’s building a website for the store.

  But that’s three months away. Spring semester is over, and she’s headed home. She only stopped over to say good-bye before she and Sean head back to Akron. I’m going to miss the hell out of her this summer, but it’s only for a few months, since we’ve decided to get an apartment together off campus next year.

  The bell over the door tinkles, and Ben and John come into the store. We’re all headed to the movies, but John’s got plans later, so Ben and I will be on our own for our last night before I go home. I’m only home for a week, though, before I come back for the summer session. I’m taking a few classes, still exploring my options. Plus, now I have my job at Prometheus.

  Ben is staying in Arlington for the summer, too, working his ass off at World of Books. He’s been there two months, and they’ve already made him an assistant manager. He doesn’t love wearing the dumb red polo shirt every day, but sometimes I stop in to surprise him. I almost always find him dragging some stunned customer through the store, that light gleaming in his eyes as he talks about every great book they pass. He’s found a way to make it work for him, even there.

  Ben crosses to the register and leans across the counter to kiss me. “Hey.”

  “Hey, yourself.” I grab him by the back of the neck and pull him in for another kiss.

  “Okay, break it up, kids,” John says over Ben’s shoulder.

  I giggle. “All right, we’ll save it for later.”

  “After I’m gone, please,” John says. “Hey, Commander Jasmine.”

  Jasmine scowls at him. They don’t exactly get along. “Hey, Slacker John,” she quips.

  “Corporate domination looks good on you, Commander J.”

  She runs a scathing glance over his messy hair, wrinkled plaid shirt, and faded jeans. “Slacker PhD Candidate suits you, too.”

  John chuckles and shakes his head.

  “Okay,” Jasmine says. “Sean’s waiting. I gotta go.”

  I sigh. “So this is it?”

  “Until September.”

  She pulls me into a ferocious hug. Jasmine’s hugs are nearly a punishment. “Girl, I’m going to miss the hell out of you.”

  “Me, too. Call me, okay? I want to know how your internship is going.” Jasmine’s spending the summer with her grandmother in Chicago because she landed herself an internship with the manager of the Four Seasons Hotel. They didn’t even have an internship program, but she tracked down the manager’s email and talked him into creating one just for her. I wouldn’t expect any less from her.

  Ben hugs Jasmine good-bye. She finally decided, despite our rocky start, that she likes him. John makes like he’s going in for a hug, too, and busts up laughing at her horrified expression. “Catch you in the fall, Commander J,” he calls as she leaves.

  I watch her leave Prometheus with a lump in my throat. When I get back t
o our room tomorrow morning, she’ll be gone and the year really will be over. It’s so bittersweet that it makes my heart hurt for a moment. Then Ben slides his arm around my shoulders and smiles at me, his eyes shining behind his glasses, and all I feel is the sweet. The bitter was worth it.

  Much later that night, after the movie and dinner, John leaves for Smitty’s, and Ben and I climb into his bed. Wrapped in sheets, skin on skin, as close as we can get, Ben presses kisses against my shoulder, arm, collarbone, the hollow at the base of my neck.

  “It’s just a little over two hours to Cleveland,” he murmurs. “Maybe I could come up on Sunday. World of Books closes early on Sunday.”

  “But you have to open the store on Monday.”

  “Not till eleven. I’d see you. I could kiss you.”

  “My dad likes you, but he won’t let you sleep in my room. This”—I kiss him to punctuate my point—”won’t happen.”

  “I don’t care. I’ll drive up just so I can kiss you good night on your front porch, and then I’ll drive back.”

  I giggle, partly at his dramatic declarations and partly because his kisses tickle my neck. “Don’t be silly. It’s only a week, and then I’ll be back in the summer resident dorms.”

  Ben chuckles. “If you think you’re spending a single night in those summer resident dorms, you’re crazy.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “John’s going to be in Arizona for six weeks doing that observatory thing.”

  The implication sinks in slowly. “We’ll have your apartment to ourselves?”

  “Every night.”

  I flush. Every night? “Oh…um…”

  “You can keep a toothbrush at the summer dorm if it makes you feel better,” he says. “But I want you here with me.” His grin is wide and infectious. I might explode from happiness this summer, Ben and me together like this every night. I run my thumb over his bottom lip.

  “I changed my mind,” I whisper. “Drive up on Sunday, just so you can kiss me good night.”

  “I will, I promise.”

  “Except you have to go see your parents, too.”