If the situation hadn’t been so messed up, I would’ve smiled, because damn she was gorgeous. Holding my hands up in a placating gesture, I stopped when ten feet separated us, giving her plenty of room to breathe. “Sweetness, listen, I’m—”
“Don’t you call me that,” she said sharply, her tongue acting as a verbal whip. “You had no right. Absolutely no right!”
She was correct.
I had no right.
Take nothing she doesn’t offer.
Her body, her choice.
“I’m sorry,” I replied, genuinely. “I realize I crossed a line, and it’s something I swear I won’t do again.” That was the damn truth. If I was going to fix everything I’d allowed to remain broken for a year and a half, then I couldn’t do something so stupid—not to mention selfish—again. “It was a mistake I don’t intend to repeat.”
Visibly relaxing, she crossed her arms and shifted her weight between her feet. The small move made me smile because it meant I still affected her. I just hoped like hell it was in a good way.
If she was scared of me...
Hell, I didn’t want to think about it.
“Okay,” she replied, dipping her chin.
Turning back around, she started to walk off, but I wasn’t having that. “Ashley, wait.” Her shoulders tensed as I approached her from behind, the sound of my heavy breaths and pounding pulse filling my ears. “Baby, turn around.”
Dropping her head back, she stared up at the starry night sky. “Why are you doing this?”
For a moment, I froze, unsure of what the hell to say. Part of me knew that if I told her the truth, she’d likely bolt. But the other part, the one that was a whole lot louder, was sick of the hidden truths that stretched between us.
The bullshit needed to end.
Right then.
So I did what my gut screamed at me to.
“Because I’m still in love with you,” I replied, cutting straight to the chase. “Eighteen months may have passed, but my feelings for you haven’t changed. Not one fucking bit.”
Righting her head, she pulled in a shaky breath and rocked back on her heels, making her dark locks sway. “You’re not supposed to love me anymore,” she whispered, pain filling her voice. “You’re supposed to hate me.”
“Why would I ever hate you?”
My voice was one of disbelief.
Wrapping her arms around her belly, she slowly turned, bringing us face to face. Tear-filled gaze locked with mine, she tilted her head to the side, a ghost of a smile playing on her bee-stung lips. “Because I broke your heart.” A single tear fell. “I broke your heart to save your soul, and you should hate me for that.”
My hands twitched with the need to touch her, but I didn’t dare. Instead, I slid my hands into my pockets, concealing the way they twitched from her eyes. “You did break my heart, but it wasn’t your fault.”
It was a fact.
My girl had issues.
Major ones.
But they weren’t her fault.
She’d been neglected, beaten, raped.
Plus had her baby taken from her.
If I’d lived through the things she had—at least the things I knew of—I would’ve been a helluva lot more bent than her. And there was so much shit I didn’t know about. But I was sure as hell going to find out every detail.
No matter how long it took.
“Nothing that has ever happened to you is your fault.” She opened her mouth to speak, but I didn’t give her the chance. “And before you say I don’t know anything, you’re right, I don’t. But it doesn’t matter, because when you found Shelby, you were just a scared seventeen-year-old girl running for her life. Whatever happened before that day doesn’t matter.”
“You’re wrong,” she said, just as I knew she would. “Chase, my secrets—”
“Will hold absolutely zero fucking power over you the minute you let them free,” I interrupted, determined to get through to her. It was something I’d failed to do before, but I would not fail again. “It doesn’t matter how bad they are, how twisted they may seem, or how much they tear you up inside, they will not change my feelings for you.”
It was a line I’d said a thousand times.
But one I only needed to click once.
Come on, baby...
Talk to me!
Sniffling, she looked away, her eyes going to the ground by her feet. Digging the toe of her right boot into the concrete, she looked close to falling apart. “What do you want from me, Chase?” She lifted her head; our eyes locked. “Because I don’t have a whole lot left to give.”
“The same thing I’ve always wanted.” I paused and drew in a breath. “You. Bent pieces and all.”
“Bent...”
I nodded at her non-existent question. “Bent. Not broken. Never broken.”
Something flashed in her eyes, but hard as I tried, I couldn’t decipher its meaning. “Talk to me,” I said, no more like begged. “Ashley, please.”
“Want to know a secret, Jock?”
My chest burned, searing closed one of my many gaping wounds at the sound of the nickname. “Always, beautiful girl.”
“My feelings haven’t changed for you either,” she whispered, the smile she wore shaky. “Doubt they ever will.”
Having said all she needed to say, she turned and started to walk away once again. But like before, I wasn’t having that. “Wait.” She stopped mid-stride and turned her head, uncertainty written on her features. “You once asked me to never let you get too far, even if you ran.” It was a request I’d never forgotten. “I swore I wouldn’t. And I won’t. Not from this day forward. I messed up by leaving you adrift for this long, but I’m done.” Absolutely and completely done. “I’ll give you the space you need, but I’m not walking away again. Not ever.”
Close to bawling, my girl nibbled her bottom lip, trying her best to hold it together. “You’re crazy, Chase Jacobs,” she murmured. “Like, a whole lot of crazy.”
I wasn’t crazy. Dumber than a box of rocks for letting this shit go on? Yeah. But crazy? Nah. “I’m just a man trying to give the woman he’s always loved exactly what she deserves.”
She blinked slowly. “What do I deserve?”
My answer was simple. “The world.”
Pounding the truth into her head every day until it finally took root was something I intended to do. Because the heart of the matter was this—Ashley deserved everything I could give her, including a future that was a helluva lot brighter than the darkness I was determined to free her from.
And that was the damn bottom line.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Ashley
The moment I stepped through the front door, I found Heidi, Clara and my Mama waiting for me in the living room, all three of their watchful gazes locked on me as if they were afraid I’d bolt at any second.
I understood Heidi and Mama being there, but not Clara since she’d gone home with Brantley just minutes before.
What the hell is going on?
“Come here, sugar,” Mama said, pulling me out of the questions running through my head.
Knowing better than to disobey her, I moved into the living room, my pace no faster than a snail’s.
“What is this?” I asked, looking from one woman to the next. “An intervention?”
My attempt at humor fell flat.
“That’s exactly what this is,” Heidi replied, choosing to take a no-nonsense approach to whatever was going on. Arms crossed over her chest, she leaned against the back of her wheelchair, brow quirked. “It’s been a long time coming.”
Uh-oh.
Seriously, crap!
I chuckled nervously. “What kind of intervention?”
Mama, who looked two-seconds away from losing what remained of her mind, stood from the couch where she sat next to Clara. “The kind where one or all of us is gonna cuss and throw one damn fit after another until you finally hear the words we’ve been saying for the past year and
a half.”
Clara nodded and pointed at Mama. “What she said.”
“I don’t—”
“You,” Heidi said as she steered her wheelchair in my direction, “are going to quit being so hard on yourself and you’re damn sure going to quit distancing yourself from me, something that you’ve done since the night of my accident.”
“Heidi—” I started.
“Don’t you Heidi me,” she interjected, her blue eyes piercing my face. “I know you blame yourself for what happened, and I have tried and tried to be patient, but I am all outta tries, Dimples.” Her chin wobbled the slightest bit, causing guilt to build in my chest. “You are my maid of honor, my best friend, and the little sister I never had.”
The little sister I never had...
Hadn’t I said the same thing about Jade?
Heavens, I missed her. Carmen too.
“And I am done with you keeping me at arm’s length,” she continued, her expression pinched. “Because as we all know, I am far too needy for that mess.”
“Isn’t that the truth?”
“Zip it, Red,” Heidi barked at Clara as she bit back a smile. “Now, back to what I was saying.” She paused. “My wedding is tomorrow, and as my beautiful maid of honor, you owe me a favor. And this right here is me calling it in.”
My anxiety climbed, but I kept it under control, refusing to surrender myself to its unrelenting grip. “What kind of favor?”
Tears filled Heidi’s eyes, and I knew that the words she’d speak next would rock me to my core, much like Chase’s had moments before.
Once again, I was right.
“The kind where you forgive yourself,” she said, her voice firm but filled with emotion. “You’ve carried guilt, along with a lot of other stuff that wasn’t yours to carry for far too long.” When she started to cry, her tears tripping over themselves as they flowed down her face, I nearly lost it. “And it’s time for you to let it go.” Placing a hand over her heart, she patted her chest. “As your best friend, I’m asking you to do it for me.”
“Heidi—”
“If not for me, then do it for Lucca and Gracie, because they need you,” she continued, not giving herself a chance to take a single breath. “Or do it for your parents. Maybe even do it for the big, extended family that all of us have created out of choice, not obligation.” Shoulders shaking, she pulled in a breath. “Better yet, do it for Chase, because without you, he will never be whole again.”
“Bug—”
“And if you can’t do it for any of us, then dammit, I want you to do it for yourself, Ashley Jo, because simply put, you deserve a lot more than what you’ve been getting.”
Her words were fierce.
Her expression stern.
But my soul? It was exhausted.
I was so tired of fighting with the demons that continued to torment me, day in and day out. I just wanted it all to end. But I didn’t know how to stop it. I couldn’t just flip a switch and turn everything off.
I was messed up, I knew that.
Though I’d gotten better, it had come at a cost.
And that cost was numbness.
It scared me to death.
Looking from one woman to the next, each who had been through her version of hell, I whispered the truth that stirred in my belly, making me feel sick. “I don’t know how,” I cried, dropping the mask of indifference I’d grown accustomed to wearing. “I’ve lived with my demons for so long, ever since I was a little girl, and I...”
Words failing me, my voice trailed off.
“You’ll know how when the time is right,” Clara said, offering me a sweet smile. “Trust me. It took me a bit, but when that moment came, I found the strength I needed to conquer every monster.”
“You did?”
She nodded. “I did, sweet girl. And I have no doubt that you will too.”
“Yes, you will, sugar,” Mama said, grabbing my attention. “And if for some reason you don’t, then I’m sure as shit going to do it for you. I will find a way. ’Cause quite frankly, I am sick and tired of seeing my oldest baby so full of hurt.” Wiping away the tears that leaked from the corners of her cornflower-blue eyes, she smiled. “And if anyone dares repeat a lick of what I’m about to say, then I will deny it until the day I die.”
Heidi chuckled.
“You,” she said, pointing a finger at me. “Belong with Chase Jacobs. End of story. And if you let that boy slip away because your head isn’t in sync with your heart, then Ashley Jo, you are making the mistake of a lifetime.”
Annoyance flared in my chest. It wasn’t directed at her but at myself. “If you’re so sure about all this, then why didn’t you tell me this eighteen months ago?”
“You weren’t ready eighteen months ago,” Heidi answered for her. “But now you’re stronger. Still lost, but stronger.”
“They’re right,” Clara added, nodding. “It’s time.”
Mama nodded, mirroring Clara. “Damn straight.”
Feeling their determination hit me square in the chest, I sucked in a deep breath. “So, what do I do?” I asked, running my shaking fingers through my hair. “I mean, how do I do this?”
“You do what every woman in this family has done before you when faced with darkness,” she said, her entire body vibrating. Fisting her hand, she lifted it, knuckles facing me. “You stand up, and you frickin’ fight.”
“She’s right,” Clara said. “Standing up to the voices in your head isn’t going to be easy—in fact, it’s gonna hurt—but when your demons hit, Ashley Jo, you hit back twice as hard.”
“Exactly,” Heidi added, nodding. “And when you get knocked down, you climb your butt right back up because that is what we do. So, listen to me when I say that you are not going to stay down,” she continued. “Not anymore.”
My stupid chin trembled. “What if I can’t get back up? I’m not—”
“Then we will dadgum pick you up.”
I snapped my head to the left at the sound of Grandmama’s tear-filled voice. Standing in the open doorway, her eyes wet with emotion, she stared at me, her lips thinned. “Grandmama...”
“You are my grandbaby, Ashley Jo Moretti,” she said, chest puffed out. “And that means something, whether your little behind realizes it or not.” Closing the space between us, she cupped my face with her aged, shaking hands. “A year and a half ago, I found you laying on the living room floor, crying so hard you couldn’t breathe.” Her hands shook harder as her tears began to fall. “Something inside my old ticker broke that day, and it ain’t beat right since. Now you gonna fix that for me? Or am I gonna have to keep walking around more wonky than usual?”
My mind spun at her question.
Could I fix it?
Could I fight?
Was I strong enough?
When push comes to shove, you fight, Chiquita. Carmen’s words, the ones she’d spoken the night she died while trying to save Jade, and I echoed through my head. You always fight.
She’d wanted me to fight, but I’d failed her instead. It was a mistake I’d be damned if I repeated. So, at that moment, with the taste of Chase’s stolen kiss still lingering on my lips, I made a decision. And that decision? It was to go toe-to-toe with the blackness that stirred inside me, holding my soul captive.
My battle wouldn’t be an easy one.
But that was okay.
Because I wouldn’t surrender.
Not ever again.
Chapter Thirty-Seven
Ashley
I couldn’t stop crying.
Standing in the center of Grandmama’s backyard where Ty and Heidi’s reception was in full swing, I was a ball full of emotions. Between watching my best friend marry her soulmate in a beautiful yet simple ceremony, and the pregnancy announcement—hers—that followed, I was a certified hot mess.
Being escorted down the aisle by Chase didn’t help things either. Not when the mere touch of his strong hand against mine sent me into a tailspin from which I cou
ld barely—and I do mean barely—ground myself.
The man was wreaking all sorts of havoc on my system. Not ready to deal with the emotions that his presence conjured up, I’d been dipping and dodging his every move since I stepped foot in Grandmama’s house first thing that morning.
The problem was, he was everywhere.
And because he was everywhere, I wasn’t the least bit surprised to see him headed my way from the other side of the yard, a look of determination etched on his handsome face. Eyes never leaving mine, he navigated through the ocean of bodies that separated him from me, increasing his pace with each step until he was right there, smack dab in front of me.
“Sweetness...”
My eyes slid closed as his deep voice washed over me, awakening parts of me that had been dormant since I forced him to walk away all those months ago. No longer did numbness inhabit every square inch of my insides.
Pain mixed with regret did.
“What do you want, Jock?”
Standing less than a foot away, he leaned closer and chuckled, his chest nearly touching mine. The smell of his spicy cologne met my nostrils, and I swear my knees weakened. It simply wasn’t fair for a man to be so pretty while smelling so good.
There was no defense against that.
“You know what I want,” he said, his lips far too close to mine for comfort. “But just in case you need a reminder—it’s you, beautiful girl.”
Lungs burning, I bit my bottom lip.
Don’t cry.
Just breathe.
My tear-filled gaze fluttered open, our eyes locked. “We’ve been over this, Chase,” I said, my voice shaking the slightest bit. “There’s a reason we broke up. I’m not—”
“Ashley Jo Moretti, swear to Christ, if you say that you aren’t good enough for me, I am going to lose my absolute shit right here and now, in the middle of my brother’s goddamn wedding reception.”
That couldn’t happen.
Frustrated and feeling all sorts of twisted up—that’s putting it mildly—I blew out a pent-up breath. The night before, I’d made myself a promise that I was going to fight and conquer every demon that possessed my soul, but I couldn’t do that and handle Chase.
Every Kiss You Steal: A Redeeming Love Novel (Book 7) Page 29
