One at a time was enough.
“Why are you doing this to me?” I asked, belly beginning to hurt. “You know I can’t...”
My words vanished when he cupped my jaw, his thumb caressing my flushed skin. “Tell me what’s wrong,” he demanded, his voice soft yet firm. “And don’t bullshit me either. I could see the pain dancing in your eyes all the way from the other side of the yard. Now, I want to know what’s causing it so I can fix it.”
The urge to hide from him, to curl into myself, to do anything but speak my truth was so strong it nearly crushed me, rendering me to a pile of broken bones and useless flesh. “You can’t fix it,” I replied, the grief that welled in my chest squeezed my heart; blinding pain followed. “Nobody can.”
“Fucking try me.”
Swaying on my feet, I latched onto his wrist, holding him tight.
“Ashley,” he said, his voice morphing into one of concern and slight panic. “Baby, talk to me.” Wrapping an arm around my lower back, he pulled me close, and for a moment, just a tiny blip of time, I leaned into him, letting him take my weight as I took every ounce of comfort he offered.
Chin resting atop my head, his finger traced patterns up and down my spine in slow, comforting strokes. “I have you,” he whispered, swaying me from side to side the slightest bit. “You’re fine, beautiful girl. Just breathe for me.”
Burying my face in his shirt-covered chest, I did as he said and took a breath, pulling his scent, one that would be burned into my memory until the day I die, deep inside, where it melded with my soul, comforting the very thing that hurt the most.
“I promised myself that I would fight,” I said so only he could hear. “But I don’t know how I’m supposed to do that when every buried secret and hidden truth is eating me alive, destroying me more than my inner demons ever could.”
Unwinding his arm from my back, Chase cupped my cheeks and tilted my head back, forcing my face to meet his. I hiccupped, my tears barely being held at bay. “Let them out, Ashley,” he said, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down. “You release them and remove their power to hurt you another second.”
My fears, the ones I’d had since the moment I realized I was beginning to fall for the man standing before me, his comforting touch delivering my heart the strength it needed to keep beating, rose, nearly suffocating me.
Shaking my head so hard that my hair began to fall from the loose up-do Clara had spent forever perfecting, I inhaled, the agony increasing tenfold. “You’ll leave,” I said. “You’ll leave, and I can’t handle that. Not less than a day after you showed back up here and reminded me what it feels like to have my pounding heart fall back in sync with yours.”
Jaw ticking, his eyes bored into mine. “How many times do I have to say it?” he asked, his voice cracking. “Ashley, I fucking love you, and that includes every part of you. Even the bad shit that you think will make me turn my back.”
He can’t love me.
Not when I’m nothing more than a whore.
Stumbling back, I ripped myself from his hold. My soul screamed in gut-wrenching agony at the loss of his heat against mine, but I couldn’t stand to be close anymore. Not when I knew that the toxic waste about to spew from my mouth would turn the love filling his eyes into nothing but disgust.
Above us, the storm clouds that had been gathering for the past hour lit up with streaks of lightning as thunder boomed all around us.
Its ominous sound created the perfect setting for the nightmare that I was about to conjure up with a few lashes of my sinful tongue.
Through with the shackles binding me in place, I decided it was time to let every shameful secret out. Because even if I lost everything, my soul would finally be free.
I was officially done.
“You think you love me, Chase?” I asked, blackness swirling around me. “Well, you’re wrong. And I know you’re wrong because whores like me are meant to be used and battered, and then discarded like the trash we are. Not loved.” The world beneath my feet crumbled. “Never loved.”
“Ashley, what the hell are—”
“You thought Dominic was my boyfriend?” I asked, just as the sky opened up and heavy rain began to fall, battering us with each of its frigid drops. “You were wrong again. I may have been his dirty little obsession, but truthfully, I was nothing more than my sadistic pimp’s highest-paid whore.”
Silence.
Then, “What the fuck did you say to me?” Eyes narrowed, he cocked his head to the side, the tendons in his neck cording as he glared at me in revulsion, the love he had dissipating with every second that ticked by.
“I told y-you,” I stammered as everyone around us ran for cover from the thunderstorm that roared above us, when little did they know, an even bigger storm swirled around Chase and I, its mighty force more than prepared to rip each of us apart until nothing but broken pieces remained. “I told you that once you knew the truth about my dirty past, you’d stop l-loving m-me.”
My knees knocked together as humiliation froze my insides, turning everything beneath my flesh into a tundra, completely void of anything resembling life.
I felt like I was dying.
Right there, on the spot.
Needing to get away before what remained of my psyche shattered, I turned to the side and bolted, heading straight for the gate that separated the backyard from the front. Both my parents screamed my name as I burst through it at top speed, not slowing the least bit when I hit the concrete drive.
The echo of footsteps sounded from behind me, but I didn’t stop to think about who they could belong to, nor whether they were striking the ground faster than mine. My only focus was on escape, just as it had been the day I stabbed Ellington in his thigh and made a run for it.
Ellington...
Thinking his name sent a fresh new wave of torment crashing through me as I high-tailed it across the street, up the front porch steps and through the front door of my house.
Soaked from head to toe, my boots skidded against the hardwood foyer floor, and I careened into the bottom of the stairs, slamming my shins into the bottom step. Ignoring the throbbing pain, I rocketed up the stairs, down the hall, and into my room where I dove for the side of my bed, ignoring the burn that covered my knees as my carpet tore into my flesh, leaving tiny patches of cream-colored fiber embedded in my ripped skin.
“Telling one truth isn’t enough,” I said as I jammed my hand beneath my mattress and ripped out the phone I kept hidden there. Clutching it tightly, I held it against my chest as I jumped to my feet, my heart beating so hard I expected it to fail at any moment. “It just isn’t enough!”
Following the path I’d taken seconds before, I ran back out the house and headed back across the street, to the place where I’d find my father, the person I needed to see more than anyone else.
I never made it that far.
Stumbling to a stop in the middle of the street, I stared through bloodshot eyes as Chase stood in the middle of the raging thunderstorm, his wedding clothes soaked through and his face streaked with what I knew were tears.
“Ashley!”
My mother, followed by nearly my entire family ran for me, but I ignored the whole bunch of them. Eyes focused on the man I loved like no other, I didn’t breathe, much less move as I waited for him to speak.
Lightning flashed above us as thunder cracked nearby, shaking the ground beneath my feet.
“Ashley!” Again my mother screamed from the sidewalk where my father had a tight hold on her, refusing to let her come to me. “Let me go, Tony!”
“She needs this, Sunshine,” he replied, his words holding a meaning I didn’t quite understand. “She has to do this. It’s the only way.”
“Tell me, Chase,” I hollered, the tears that blurred my vision nearly blinding me. “Tell me that you don’t love me anymore. Tell me so I can let g-go!”
Expression unreadable, he stared at me with unfocused eyes. Then, “I will never not love you,” he replied,
his words like a sledgehammer to the belly. “Why would I ever stop loving the girl who has owned me—heart, body, mind, and soul—from the second I saved her from faceplanting into our high school cafeteria floor?”
“But I’m... I’m a—”
“You are mine!” he screamed, his face turning red. “What you were forced to do by one of the real-life monsters who took pleasure in tormenting you doesn’t matter to me. The only thing I care about”—he pointed at his chest—“is what’s in here.”
I didn’t believe him.
Part of me wanted to.
But the other part...
It had been hurt too many times.
“And baby, whether it’s scarred or not, you have one of the most beautiful hearts I’ve ever seen. Bottom damn line.”
“Chase—”
I bawled like a fool, my mouth slamming shut so hard my teeth rattled as he dropped to his knees in the middle of the road, amid a deadly thunderstorm and extended his arms. “You want me down on my knees begging? You want me to plead? Well, here I am, Sweetness. On bended knee.” He paused, his shoulders shaking as he cried, his heart breaking before mine. “I’m begging you, Ashley. Just let me love you, baby. Let me love you the way you were always meant to be loved. With every piece of me, and every breath, now and forever.”
The phone slipped free from my hand, clattering to the pavement as I cupped my hands to my mouth, my warm breath fanning against my shaking palms. Like many times before, I had a choice to make. I could either push Chase away for the final time and destroy us both in the process, or I could do as he asked.
I could let him love me.
Dropping my arms, I steadied myself, my legs nearly giving way. “I want you to love me,” I cried, my insides a tangled maelstrom of emotion. “And I want you to keep me forever.”
Jumping to his feet, Chase charged me.
In less than ten steps, he twined his arms around my back and lifted me into the air. Hands on his shoulders, I continued to cry as my forehead rested on his, my tears raining down onto his face. “I love you, Ashley Moretti,” he said, his voice cracking with each word. “And as I’ve said many times before, I will love you until I take my final breath.”
“I love you too, Chase Jacobs,” I whispered, wiping the tears from his face. “With every broken piece.”
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Chase
Unchecked rage warred inside me.
I’d known my girl had been hurt and had assumed the sort of pain she’d suffered had been due to domestic violence and sexual assault, but what she’d told me... I couldn’t even think about it without feeling as though the top of my head was going to blow right off.
Dominic had been a pimp...
She’d been a prostitute.
With those two truths, bile climbed into my throat. Not because of what she’d been, but because I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that she hadn’t been a willing participant. But even if she had, it wouldn’t change the way I felt about her.
People made mistakes.
All the damn time.
I may have been a hot-headed prick, but I wasn’t a judgmental assclown. Hell, I had plenty of faults of my own.
Everyone did.
In the end, none of that crap mattered. The only thing that did was that we learned from our screw-ups and became better people somewhere down the road.
As for my girl, her heart was gold.
And her soul? It was beautiful.
To hell with her past.
The only thing I cared about was her.
Which, speaking of...
She wouldn’t stop shaking.
Eyes closed, she sat next to me at her parents’ dining room table, her trembling hands tucked firmly between her knees. Arm gently touching mine, she fought to pull in one breath after another as both Moretti and Shelby sat opposite us, their pain-filled eyes never leaving her gorgeous face.
“I can’t do this anymore,” she whispered, visibly swallowing. “The secrets have to come out. If they don’t, my demons will win, and that...” Voice trailing off, she turned her head to the side. “That just isn’t an option. Not after all this time.”
Across the table, Shelby appeared ready to fall apart. It wasn’t a normal sight to see. Strong as hell and a badass in every sense of the word, not much rocked her. When it came to her kids though, she was vulnerable.
Just like I would be.
Eyes fluttering open, my girl turned her attention to her Mama. “You once told me not to let the men who’d hurt me take more from me than they already had.” Another pause. “This is me finally listening.”
“We’re here, sugar,” Shelby said, shoulders shaking as Moretti wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his side. “We’ll always be here. No matter what.”
I held my breath, waiting for Ashley to throw out her normal line of, not once you find out my secrets. Surprisingly the words didn’t come.
Instead, she nodded, her pretty eyes filled with moisture. “I know you’re always going to be here.” She turned her head, finding me. “I understand that now.”
Thank damn Christ!
Relief unfurled inside me.
“Which is why I’m finally ready to speak my truths,” she continued. “It’s time to silence the demons destroying my soul by taking their power, and not feeding into the madness. Just like Chase told me to.”
Resting my hand on her thigh, I gave her flesh a slight squeeze. “You’ve got this,” I told her. “Just let it all out.”
A shaky smile played on her lips as she nodded and laid one of her hands atop mine. “I’ve got this,” she said, repeating the line I’d just told her. “I’ve always had it.”
That she had.
Pulling in a deep, cleansing breath, she looked forward once more, facing her parents head-on. “Both of you know parts of my story, but I’m about to tell you everything. I just... please just let me get it out, and then you guys can ask any questions.”
Moretti nodded.
Shelby too.
“My first memory is of a man touching me where no little girl should ever be touched,” she said, her fingers digging into mine. “I don’t know how old I was, but I hadn’t started kindergarten. So, three or four, maybe?”
I fisted my free hand but held steady, refusing to let the fury boiling inside me out.
“After that, it never stopped. I’d get months of peace depending on which man Wanda was dating at the time, but the bad guy always had a way of finding me. I don’t know if it’s because she just didn’t care or if they targeted her because she had me. Either way, what happened, what she allowed to happen, isn’t okay. It wasn’t then, and it’s not now.”
She was right about that.
I’d never met Wanda, her birth mother before, but if I ever came face to face with her, I would gladly sit back and watch as Shelby Moretti stomped her ass from here to kingdom come.
“When I was nine”—knowing the story to come, I froze—“Wanda offered me up as payment when she couldn’t afford the rent.” Moretti’s eyes flared, but like me, he stayed silent. “After he...” My girl paused, clamping her eyes shut. “After he hurt me, I couldn’t walk too well, so Wanda called the school and told them I had the flu. I didn’t go back for over a week, and no one ever found out.”
Shelby shifted in her seat.
She looked a second away from having an aneurysm. I felt her pain. Quite damn literally. Though I’d heard the story Ashley had just told before, it still hurt.
A helluva lot.
My girl...
She’d been through hell.
“Then,” Ashley continued, holding strong. “The day I turned fifteen, Wanda brought this guy named Ricky, home.” Teeth gnawing on her bottom lip, she shook her head. “He was the worst. I tried to avoid him as best as I could, but within a week of moving in with us, he started sneaking in my bedroom at night.”
I didn’t know Ricky.
Had obviously never met him.
>
But I hoped he was dead and sharing a cell in the deepest pit of Hell right next to Clyde.
“I would prop a chair against the door to keep him out, but one night I was so tired”—another pause, another deep breath—“and I forgot. I woke up with him on top of me.”
Chest heaving, Moretti dropped his head back, his infuriated eyes fixated on the ceiling.
“The next morning, I told Wanda. I didn’t expect her to do much, but part of me still wanted her to do something because she was my mother, and I was... well, I was her daughter, and she should’ve loved me enough to protect me.”
That was when the first tear fell.
Not when speaking about the rapes, but when talking about how the woman who birthed her didn’t love her.
It. Killed. Me.
Pulling my hand from beneath hers, I scooted closer and curled my arm around her shoulder, hugging her close. She leaned into me, her soft body melting into my hard one.
“You’ve got this, Sweetness,” I whispered. “Keep going, beautiful girl.”
A quick nod. Then, “Instead of doing something to help me, she accused me of trying to steal Ricky from her and kicked me out with nothing more than the clothes on my back.” I had a lot of shit I wanted to say at that moment, but once again, I refrained. “But I found a way back inside.”
I hadn’t heard this part.
“I waited until she and Ricky were doped up real good later that night and snuck back in through my bedroom window. Once inside, I stole every last dollar Ricky had. It wasn’t a whole lot, but it was enough for me to buy some food and a bus ticket.” She smiled. “That’s how I made it to Georgia. When I walked into the terminal in Miner’s Cove, I told them I wanted on the next bus out. Toluca was it.”
For that, I was thankful.
I couldn’t stomach the idea of her having landed somewhere else.
Without her, I’d be lost.
Fact.
“When I got off the bus, I didn’t have anywhere to go, so I ended up sleeping behind the station.” Shame filled her eyes as she dipped her head. “Dominic found me within two weeks.”
Every Kiss You Steal: A Redeeming Love Novel (Book 7) Page 30
