Love, Honor, and Betray

by Kimberla Lawson Roby

  Finally, Curtis greeted the last member and went up to his office. As promised, Charlotte was sitting in front of his desk, waiting for him.

  “Hey,” he said, walking in. “Why don’t you come over here?”

  “All right,” she said.

  When she sat down on the sofa, she turned her body toward him, but there was still ample space between them.

  “So, what is it that you want to talk about?” he asked.

  “Us. We’ve been at each other’s throats and arguing daily, and I don’t want us to go on this way, Curtis.”

  “Baby, I don’t want that either. I never did.”

  “This entire situation has caused me to feel more animosity and rage than I’ve ever felt in my life, but what I’ve tried holding on to is the fact that I do love you, Curtis. I have loved you with all my heart for years, and I don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to break our family up if it can be helped.”

  “I feel the same way. I love you, and the thought of not being with you literally kills me.”

  “But even with as much as I love you,” Charlotte said, “I can’t continue with the existing conditions. So, you need to make a choice. It’s either Curtina or me.”

  Curtis’s heart dropped. He was astounded by Charlotte’s ultimatum. When she’d called him earlier, saying they’d needed to talk, he’d thought it was because she had decided to work on accepting Curtina.

  “I’m sorry,” she continued. “But if you won’t send your daughter away, then I’ll have to begin making arrangements to move out.”

  “You’re not serious?”

  “I am.”

  Curtis leaned his head back and looked toward the ceiling. A thousand thoughts circulated in his mind. His first reaction was sadness and great disappointment, but now he thought about all the dirt Charlotte had done and how she was suddenly trying to play the role of an innocent victim. She had a lot of nerve coming there with some so-called final demand, but he had news for her. He wasn’t going for it.

  “You know,” he said, “I’m not sure how many other ways I can say what I’ve been telling you for weeks now. But let me say it again: Curtina isn’t going anywhere.”

  “But I can’t live in the same house with her, Curtis. Not right now, anyway. Maybe a year or two from now, once I’ve had some time to digest this whole idea of being a mother to her. Maybe once I’ve had some time to completely forgive you. I know I said I had, but you were right when you said I hadn’t. I just need time, Curtis.”

  “Fine. Take all the time you want, but my daughter is here to stay. I’m her father, and her home is wherever mine is.”

  “So you’d rather live there with her instead of me?”

  “No, what I want is for both of you to be there. I love you as my wife, and I love my children. All of them.”

  Charlotte shook her head at him. “So that’s it then. You choose your daughter over me.”

  “I choose both of you, but if you can’t handle living in the house with Curtina, then that’s your decision.”

  Charlotte grabbed her handbag and stood up. She never spoke another word before leaving, and Curtis felt numb. He didn’t know if she was serious about walking out on him or not, but he was going to start planning for the worst.

  Curtis went over to his desk, then remembered the envelope the woman had given him just before he’d come upstairs. He pulled it out of the inside pocket of his suit jacket and opened it.

  Dear Pastor Black,

  I have been attending Deliverance Outreach for a little over three months now, and I must say, I have never wanted any man as badly as I want you. I’d heard you speak a year ago over at a women’s conference in Chicago, and I was drawn to you immediately. I’m totally captivated by your amazingly good looks, your charisma, your encouraging words, and even your mannerisms. So, when I saw that the company I work for had an opening here in Mitchell, I decided to apply for the transfer just so I’d be closer to you. And Pastor Black, I certainly don’t regret it. Seeing and listening to you on Sundays and Wednesday nights give me such comfort and such joy that when you allow one of your associate pastors to deliver the sermon or teach the Bible study lesson, I’m ashamed to say I feel very disappointed.

  But my reason for writing you this letter is to ask that you please pray for me and these lustful feelings I have for you. I need prayer because my feelings for you have now gotten so out of control that I’m now having vivid dreams of you and me in bed. I know my feelings are wrong, but my struggle is that I also believe I’d be able to satisfy you in a way like you’ve never been satisfied before. I’d be able to show you the kind of happiness and pleasure most men can only dream about but will never experience. So, please, I ask again, that you will pray for me.

  Sharon

  Curtis saw that she’d also included her phone number and knew he was dealing with a deliberately bold woman. She was the kind of woman who went after what she wanted with great zeal and never worried about possible consequences. Women like Sharon were the most dangerous kind of women for a man like Curtis because they were willing to do whatever they had to in order to be with him. They were willing to sneak around behind closed doors and then show up for Sunday morning service, acting holier than thou. They were even willing to smile face-to-face with the wife of the man they were sleeping with and didn’t see where there was anything wrong with it. Women like Sharon didn’t think they could satisfy a married man better than his wife, they knew it.

  Curtis looked at the letter again. Just one month ago he would have been completely offended by it, would have put the woman in her place and then told Charlotte about it. He didn’t feel that way today, though. He felt a whole lot differently, thanks to his wife’s ridiculous ultimatum and the way she’d been acting toward him. As a matter of fact, he felt so different he was going to hold on to this unexpected piece of correspondence. Not that he’d made the decision to contact the woman or take her up on her offer, but he would file her information for safekeeping, just in case.

  He would keep her name and number because one never knew what the future might have in store, and there was nothing wrong with being prepared. He’d been out of the game for a long time now, but not so long that he’d forgotten how to play it. He didn’t want to fall back into the rut he’d once found himself in, God knows he didn’t, but Charlotte was making things very difficult for him. She was distant and unloving, and truth was, Curtis had never been the kind of man who could be okay with that. Yes, he’d turned his life completely around, but he had needs—the kind of needs that had to be met regularly, and he hoped Charlotte soon remembered that. Before it was too late.

  Chapter 18

  He actually chose that little heifer over me. Charlotte didn’t want to believe it, but now knew that Curtis would never change his mind. She’d gone back and forth, thinking that maybe he would and then thinking that maybe he wouldn’t, but now she knew for sure. When she’d left Michael earlier this evening, she’d had a lot of time to think during her drive home, and she’d come to the conclusion that maybe her mother had been right about her needing to present Curtis with an ultimatum, once and for all. She’d decided that she would put forth a very serious effort and would even plead with him if she had to. But it hadn’t worked. She’d called him in good faith, spoke to him with a nice, quiet tone of voice, and then told him her position. She’d even asked him to consider sending Curtina away on a temporary basis, just to give her more time to accept things. But he’d quickly dismissed her and made it clear that her attempt at trying to work things out this evening hadn’t meant a thing to him. He’d acted as though her visit to his office had been a total waste of time.

  So now that he’d called her bluff, which was what she’d told her mother she’d been afraid of, she didn’t know what to do. She didn’t know whether to pack her bags and leave the way she’d threatened or stay put and continue seeing Michael as well as doing whatever else she pleased. Charlotte weighed the advantages and disadvantage
s, but for some reason the disadvantages of leaving seemed to carry more weight. If she moved out, she’d have to find a much smaller house than what she was used to, file for a legal separation, fight Curtis about who Matthew was going to live with, and then deal with all the talk around town once word got out that she and Curtis had split. She knew she shouldn’t care what anyone thought of her or what they had to say, but she did care. She always had and always would whether she wanted to or not.

  So, no, she couldn’t leave Curtis. Not right now, anyway. Not until she put more thought into her future and how she wanted to proceed. She would think about her marriage to Curtis and a possible divorce more carefully. She would be smart about the way she handled things; she wouldn’t act too hastily and then be sorry for it.

  After entering the house, Charlotte set her bag down on the granite kitchen counter and pulled a bottle of Fiji water from the refrigerator. She was also starting to feel a little hungry, but since it was already going on ten, she pulled out a cup of light vanilla yogurt and ate that. Actually, the calcium in it tended to help her sleep a little better whenever she had a cup of it right before bedtime, so she pulled out a second one as well.

  “Hey, Mom.” Matthew walked into the room, bobbing his head to whatever song was playing in his iPod. Then he turned it off and pulled his earbuds out.

  “Hey, sweetie,” she said. “So, how was your day?”

  “Same ole, same ole. But it was good. I also filled out a couple more online applications not too long ago.”

  “Just can’t help yourself, can you?”

  Matthew smiled. “Nope. I just want to see how many of the really good schools, both academically and those that excel in football, I can get accepted to.”

  “You’re funny. Because anyone who’s already been contacted by Harvard will more than likely be accepted just about anywhere in the country.”

  “I know, but I just like filling out the information and reading about all the different schools and majors available.”

  “Well, just know that I am very, very proud of you, Matthew, and I don’t know what I’ll do without you when you leave.”

  “I’ll miss you, too, Mom, but I’ll still be home during the summer and for all the holidays. And you, Dad, and Curtina can come visit me, too.”

  Charlotte forced a smile on her face, but it must not have been very convincing because Matthew said, “Mom, why is it that whenever Curtina is around or someone mentions her name, you seem upset?”

  “Because it’s very hard for me.”

  “But you’re so mean to her all the time.”

  Charlotte wasn’t sure how to respond. She’d known for weeks now that Matthew had become more and more aware of her dislike for Curtina, but she hadn’t thought he would go as far as confronting her about it.

  “It’s complicated, Matt.”

  “But why is it complicated? And why can’t you just love Curtina? Because I’m really scared about you and Dad.”

  “Why do you say that?”

  “Because you argue all the time, and you’re always mad at each other.”

  “I’m really sorry that you’ve had to witness some of our disagreements, but please try not to worry. Everything will be fine, and more than anything, what I want you to remember is that we both love you and will always be here for you.”

  “I love you, too, Mom. But Curtina is only a little girl, and it’s not her fault that she was born with a different mother. Just like it wasn’t Marissa’s fault that she was born with a different father.”

  Charlotte wanted to break and run. If she could, she would leave the room by any means necessary, as long as it meant she no longer had to face her son and hear him speaking the truth. The kind of truth she didn’t want to acknowledge and refused to admit to anyone.

  “I know that, Matthew, but like I said, it’s complicated, and I don’t want you worrying about any of this.”

  Matthew stared at her for a few seconds, clearly wanting a better answer, but gave up on trying to talk to her about it. “I need to work some more on my English project before going to bed, so I’d better get back upstairs.”

  Charlotte kissed him good night, but she felt horrible. If nothing else, Matthew’s grave concern was yet another reason she couldn’t leave Curtis. She had to stay there for him, at least until he graduated high school next year. The road ahead would be tough and at times, she was sure, unbearable, but she would do what she had to for her son. She would forget about her own wants and needs and make Matthew’s well-being and peace of mind her priority. She would continue being a good mother to him and also play her part as Curtis’s wife whenever they were in public. She would do this and more, but she wouldn’t stop seeing Michael Porter. She wouldn’t give up the one thing she now had to look forward to.

  Chapter 19

  It had been a long, tiring, and very emotional day, and Curtis was glad it was over. When he’d left the church, he’d picked up Curtina from Aunt Emma’s, driven straight home, put Curtina to bed, looked in on Matthew, and then showered. Charlotte hadn’t said a word to him, of course, but it wasn’t like he had anything to say to her either, so their feelings were mutual.

  Now, Curtis lay wide awake in the guest room, thinking about everything imaginable. He thought about his past, his children—specifically Curtina—and also about his deteriorating marriage. He was so unsure about his future, and he didn’t like that. He hated not knowing what was to come and not having any control over it. He didn’t like waiting for one bad thing to happen after another, and he certainly didn’t want to deal with any unwanted surprises. He also didn’t want to go through yet a third divorce with a third wife and then have to start all over again. It was bad enough he’d married three different women and had been unfaithful to each of them. But marrying a fourth was simply ridiculous, and it wasn’t a road he wanted to travel down.

  Still, Curtis didn’t have a clue as to where things were headed with him and Charlotte, and had no choice but to sit back and wait to see what she would do. There was no telling with her, so he knew her next move was anybody’s guess and definitely not predictable. What he did know, though, was that Curtina would be there with him until she left for college. That was a long time off, but he was very happy and very honored to be able to raise her up and offer her the most blessed life possible. Yes, she’d been born into the wrong circumstances, and yes, he never should have taken a chance on getting another woman pregnant. But it had happened, and now he had to make the best of it. He’d hoped Charlotte would do the same, however…

  Another hour passed, but Curtis still lay awake, thinking. Except at the moment he wasn’t thinking about Charlotte at all and thought more about his attraction to Anise, Raven, and Sharon, and how all he had to do was make a quick call to either of the latter two and they’d come to him. Or he’d easily be able to go to them. With Anise, he wasn’t sure how she felt about him, but he’d already made the decision not to approach her because, after all, she was his wife’s first cousin. He felt comfortable around her and knew from years ago that there had been a connection between them, but he wasn’t the kind of man who consorted with multiple family members. He had kissed Anise that one time, but only because he’d been hurt about Matthew. He’d been very vulnerable, but today was a different day and he knew better. He also would never do anything to hurt Aunt Emma, not with how good she’d always been to him. Since Anise was her daughter, he knew anything that might occur between him and Anise only meant disaster. A lot of people would be hurt, and there would be no taking it back.

  The night continued, and after three hours of tossing and turning, Curtis knew why he couldn’t get to sleep. It was because of all these urges and sexual desires that were successfully consuming him. Curtis had tried to focus on something else, but he now yearned for pleasure and the kind of satisfaction that only a beautiful and very skilled woman could give him. Beautiful because he could never be attracted to a dreadful-looking woman, and skilled because his kind of
woman had to know what she was doing and how to make him content.

  These compulsive aches and cravings were getting worse by the second, so Curtis started praying. He prayed because he didn’t know what else to do, and he didn’t want to break his promise to God. He’d told God that if He brought him through that last scandal, he would do right from then on. He would be a good and dedicated servant, and he would make everyone around him proud. He would be an example to all young ministers and be the kind of leader his congregation was proud to have.

  So, there was no doubt Curtis wanted to remain faithful, but he loved sex. He loved it and needed it. And it had been four full days now since he and Charlotte had been together in that way. It had been Saturday night, to be exact, and now here it was the wee hours on Thursday morning, which meant he was actually working on day five of going without. But then he realized something: Charlotte loved and needed sex as much as he did, and it had never mattered if they were angry with each other and not speaking—and sometimes they would still not be speaking even after the fact. No matter how serious their issues were, they still shared a frequent and deep level of intimacy. They rarely missed a day and never more than two days, so he knew she had to want him just as badly.

  He got up from the bed and went down the hall to his own bedroom, walked in, and eased into bed with her. He never said a word, but instead, he moved closer to her in a spoon position and wrapped his arm around her. He could tell she was fast asleep, so he kissed her neck in multiple spots from behind. Soon, Charlotte moved her body slightly, but when she realized what was happening, she reached her hand behind her and pushed him away. Then, she turned on her nightstand light and sat up.