“Fuck, Lucy,” she said, as she stood and wrapped her arms around me. “Not everyone leaves.”
“He will,” I said. “He's too good for me. Look at him.”
“Look at you,” she snapped. “I will not have you talking that way about yourself. Your parents are assholes. Do you hear me. You love Sammie. Will you ever leave her?”
“Never,” I said.
“I love you, Lucy. I will never leave you. I don't care if Carrie and you stop talking. It won't matter. You're part of my family, and I will always be here for you. Your parents made bad decisions. Not everyone is like them. You're going to be a great mom and be there for your little girl every day forever. Brad didn't leave because he wanted to. He didn't have a choice. You can't go on pushing everyone away just so you don't get hurt. What kind of life is that? It's not fair to Sammie, and it is definitely not fair to you.”
“I love him,” I said. “I love him so much it fucking hurts. When that woman knocked on the door at the hotel, it fucking crushed me. They are everywhere. He is who he is, and there is nothing I can do about that. He's always going to be him. I wouldn't want him not to be. He is doing what he loves. I'm just not sure I can face his past. I can't listen to women talk about fucking him.”
“You can't face his past, but he's willing to face yours,” she said. “Do you think it's easy for him knowing that you loved someone so much. He saw a picture of you two. You said he saw you crying as you took care of Brad's grave. Just because he isn't alive doesn't mean it doesn't hurt Lance. I know you think he's a tough guy, but he has feelings, Lucy. How do you think it feels to him that you are rejecting him? He can't compete with a man that's not here to compete with. You've been through some shit. I feel so bad that you had to go through that, but you can't let that ruin your future and your chance of having a family of your own. He loves you. You can't keep pushing him away. Someone can only take so much rejection, Lucy. I saw that man break for you. You really need to think about things.”
I cried in her arms until Sammie woke up. I dried my tears and picked up my baby girl. When I looked into her little eyes, all I could see was her father.
“Can you watch her for a bit? I need to do something,” I asked.
“Of course,” she said. “Be careful. Text or call if you need anything.”
I pulled on some shoes, grabbed my keys, and walked out the door without even looking at how I was dressed. It didn't matter. I had something I needed to do, and it couldn't wait.
Chapter 9
Lance
I was in bed looking up at the ceiling, and she was all I could think about. It was about time for them to be eating dinner. Carrie's mom had probably made something delicious. The baby was probably in Lucy's arms, even though she said we shouldn't hold her so much. That woman was mush when it came to Sammie. I grabbed my phone and looked through my pictures. There was the one of Lucy holding Cassie from when Carrie had her. There were some of just Sammie, just Lucy, and the two of them together. I pulled up a new message.
Me: What did Carrie's mom make?
After a few minutes, there was nothing.
Me: Are you so full that you fell asleep?
Still nothing.
Me: What's my baby girl doing? Tell her daddy loves her.
My phone buzzed, but it wasn't Lucy.
Carrie's mom: Are you texting Lucy?
Me: Yes, why?
Another second went by and my phone rang.
“She left the house but didn't take her phone,” she said.
“Why not?” I asked.
“She told me about Brad,” she said.
“Really?” I said. “That's some crazy shit.”
“You know she thinks you're going to leave her like he did and stop caring like her parents,” she said. “I'm not supposed to talk to you about it, but I had to. She cried so damn hard. Once the baby woke up, she asked if I could watch her for a bit. I don't think she left the phone on purpose. She was upset and grabbed her keys.”
“She went to the cemetery,” I said.
I knew that shit was so hard on her, but I couldn't help being jealous of him. It wasn't like I could fight for her. I was fighting someone that wasn't there anymore. It broke my heart.
“What?” she asked.
“She went to the cemetery. I've followed her there before. She goes when she has a hard time. She goes to him,” I said.
“Should I go after her?” she asked.
“Give her space,” I said. “If she's not back in a couple of hours, I can tell you how to get there.”
“She honestly feels that you're too good for her. She thinks that one day you're going to leave her. It was damn hard to hear her tell me that stuff.”
“She's got to work it out on her own. I think she thinks she'll be going against him if she moves on. I can't imagine how she feels. I've never let myself get close to anyone but her. When I thought I was losing her, I felt like I was dying. I can't imagine if I'd actually lost her.”
We went on to talk about Sammie. She was up, so Carrie's mom put the phone on speaker. I talked to my baby girl. She said Sammie moved around when she heard my voice. I couldn't wait to get back home. The only problem was that I'd end up at the apartment if Lucy had her way. That wasn't something I wanted to happen.
We hung up the phone, but she promised to text me the minute Lucy was back. I was pretty sure it wouldn't be that long.
I must have fallen asleep because I woke up to a dark room and my phone light blinking.
Carrie's mom: She's home. She came in and hugged the baby with a smile on her face, so I'm assuming that's a good thing.
I couldn't help but wonder what had happened while she was gone.
Chapter 10
Lucy
I didn't stop for flowers. I drove straight there. When I got out of my car, I walked straight to his grave. The flowers were dead, so I threw them out and promised I'd bring more. It was a bit later, so there weren't many people around. I couldn't help but look down to where I'd seen that woman and child almost four years before. She had no idea what she'd done for me that day.
I sat down in the grass and looked at Brad's headstone. He was a great husband. That was very true. There was so much guilt running through my body. I sat for a long while before finally speaking.
“I have something to tell you,” I began. “I had the baby. I named her Samantha just like in my dream. She's amazing. You were right, I love her more than anything. I will be a great mom. There is no doubt. I can't imagine not caring about her. That little girl is my entire life. Something happened to me while I was having her. I guess it was really bad. I don't remember much. Her dad was right there. He was amazing through it all and never left us once. He's a great guy, Brad. His name is Lance. He plays professional baseball. I know what you're thinking, I hate baseball. I've actually watched a bit of it and really like it now that I'm getting it. He's really good. I hope you don't hate me. It didn't happen on purpose. I promised not to love again. You were my first and only love, Brad. You were so good to me. You made sure I had everything I needed. Most of all you cared about me. I will never forget that. I love and miss you. I hope you know that. When I lost you, I was crushed and lost. I'm so sorry I had you go out that day. I'll never forgive myself for that. I didn't want to like Lance. I actually didn't at first. Things happened and I got pregnant. Neither of us wanted a relationship. I fought it as hard as I could. Please don't hate me for breaking my promise to you. I love him, Brad. I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't mean to. He wouldn't go away, and I don't want him to. He is such a good dad. He bought us a house.”
I thought I heard something and looked around before continuing.
“He's living in my apartment. I don't want him to. I want him to move into the house he bought. He said he won't give up on me. I'm not sure if I believe him. I've never felt this way before. I'm so sorry. He's so different than you. He definitely challenges me. When he feels strongly, he won't back down. He doesn't do
it to be mean, just when he thinks it's important. He takes care of everything for the baby and for me. He painted her room with cool pictures and has been there through everything. He's a good guy. He loves his daughter. He says he loves me too. I'm not sure. What if he leaves me like you did? What if he gets tired of me like my parents? I don't want to push him away. It hurts when I do. He's gone right now, and it is so hard. He has a past. I'm not sure how I feel about that. I have one too, but he doesn't have to see it all the time. I'm afraid to get my heart broken again. I'm not sure I could do it twice. I want to be with him. He makes me feel safe and protected. He even takes away the nightmares. I'm afraid of betraying you, Brad. I made you a promise. I know you wouldn't want me to be lonely. I don't think you'd want me to raise my little girl alone. It still doesn't change that I promised I wouldn't fall in love, and I have. I really have. I'm so sorry. I just don't know what to do.”
I let my body fall back onto the ground and my eyes moved to the sky. There was a cloud shaped like a heart. I closed my eyes and let the breeze move over me. When I opened them again, the sun was fading and the sky was getting darker. I sat up to see a tiny bunny looking right at me. It was the cutest little thing. I looked down at Brad's headstone again. He wouldn't want me to be alone. I knew he wouldn't. He wouldn't want my baby to have her parents separate. I knew that too. When I looked up in the sky, that same cloud was still there. What were the chances of that, I wondered?
I stood up from the ground and dusted off my pants.
“I'll miss you,” I said. “I love you, Brad. Thank you so much for being there for me when my parents weren't. I'm going to let him in. I'm going to love him. I just hope I'm making the right decision.”
Then I headed for my car with a smile on my face. He'd want me to be happy, and Lance made me happy. The man was cocky and bossy, but he was also loving and wonderful. I headed back to the house with a new outlook.
I walked through the door, hugged my baby, and smiled my biggest smile for her. She would know how loved she was. I would make sure of that.
I wasn't going to fight it anymore. I was going to give my heart to Lance and trust that he wouldn't tear it apart. I just had to get him home first.
Chapter 11
Lance
I was in bed thinking when I heard my phone buzz.
Firecracker: Just wanted to say good night, Big Daddy.
I smiled when I read it. I had to. She was too funny. I pulled out the note she'd written that had Big Daddy written on it. I was either going to win her over and show her that I wouldn't leave her or go crazy trying.
Me: How are my girls?
Firecracker: We miss you. Sammie smiled when I showed her your picture earlier. I swear she did.
Me: That's because she knows her daddy is awesome. I want to hold her so badly. You better sit her in that bouncer thing all week. When I get home, I'm not putting her down.
Firecracker: How am I supposed to do that? She's too cute to leave in that bouncer. I have to hold her. I can't help it. I hope the game goes well tomorrow. You're coming back after that, right?
Me: We have a night game the day we get back.
We went back and forth for a few more minutes before I let her go. Sammie was asleep, and she needed to sleep as well.
Me: Have you gone upstairs to sleep yet?
Firecracker: No. Not yet. I don't want to put her in her room until you're here. She needs to see it when we are both with her.
Me: Really?
Firecracker: Of course. You were the one that worked so hard on it.
Me: Okay. We can do it Saturday.
Firecracker: I thought you were coming home Friday.
Me: We have a night game. It will be late by the time I leave. I'll just go to the apartment for the night.
I was surprised she didn't say anything back. I thought she'd be happy that I wasn't pushing to stay at the house, not to mention I wouldn't be waking her up.
Me: You okay?
Firecracker: Sure am. Have a great game tomorrow. We'll be watching. I don't have anything else to do.
Me: Good night, Firecracker.
Firecracker: Good night, Lance.
It was damn hard to sleep. She was on my mind. So was the baby. I couldn't help but wonder if I was missing anything. I knew I'd want to be there for all of her firsts, even though I was sure it wouldn't happen. The more I thought about things, the more I knew where I needed to be. I had one more year left on my contract. That was one year I had to be away from my little girl. It was more than enough.
The game went great the following day. Each time something happened, I thought about what Lucy might have sent about it. I could hear her telling me to get my shit together. It was exactly what I needed, and we won the game. As soon as I could get to my phone, I turned it on and immediately burst into laughter.
Josh had met Lucy at Scott's office, so he'd experienced the smart ass she delivered. He walked up as I was laughing at my phone.
“I can only imagine what her cocky ass said today,” he said with a smile. “It's good to see you happy, Lance. I'm glad things are working out for you.”
“If I could only get her to knock her shit off and give into what is going to happen anyway. You know me. I don't give up,” I said.
“You sure don't,” he said.
I quickly got back to my phone.
Firecracker: Seriously. What the fuck, Lance. Get your shit together.
I could tell you exactly when she sent that.
Firecracker: Nice hit. Way to bring them home, Big Daddy.
That one too. I felt like she was right there with me. It felt damn good too.
Firecracker: Great job on the win. Sammie said way to go. She watches the screen. I swear she knows it's you. Do you think she could really know?
I read that last one and felt a tug at my heart. Of course my baby girl knew it was me. How could she not?
Me: Thanks, Little Momma. She knows her daddy rocks.
Firecracker: Don't get ahead of yourself. Just wait until she's a teenager and the boys run the other way. You might not be so cool anymore. I'll be the cool one then, sneaking her off to the mall to meet them.
Me: The hell you will. I'll kick your ass. Don't you even think about doing something like that. My little girl has me. I'll keep her safe. She won't need some loser in her life. Nobody will take care of her the way she'll deserve.
Firecracker: Oh my. My poor baby girl. You going out?
Me: No. I don't feel like it.
Firecracker: Come on, Lance. Go out and have some fun with the guys. Not too much fun though. I don't want to have to kick your ass. You need to give me a little more time before I can do that.
Me: Everything okay?
Firecracker: Yep. I still have to chill a bit. The doctor said another two weeks or so and I should be good to return to normal. I'll be open for business.
Me: What does that mean exactly?
Firecracker: Nothing, Ballplayer. Have fun with the guys. You'll be home before you know it. Then you'll be stuck cleaning poo. Did I tell you? Since I did this week, you get all the icky diapers next week?
Me: There's no place I'd rather be than elbow deep in baby poo. I have to get ready. I'll talk to you later.
Firecracker: Be safe. No driving drunk for any of those fools. Have a great night!
Me: You too, Lucy.
Most of the guys were ready, so I had to hurry. They'd all give me shit if they knew I was on the phone with Lucy. My coach was still pissed at me for walking out, but he understood why I did it. I agreed to pay for the photographer to come back to shoot the team pictures. None of the guys were that mad. It had all really blown over. I was glad, but I'd have done it again if I had to. Things were changing for me, and it scared the shit out of me. Lucy didn't realize she wasn't the only one that was worried about getting hurt. She didn't know that she could hurt me just as bad if she decided I wasn't the one for her.
I did go out with the guys for a few drin
ks that night. We stayed in the bar at our hotel. There were women everywhere. It was no different than any other time. There was one table with the single guys. It was the table I had been at so many times. Then there was the other table. It was filled with guys that were married or just not interested in hooking up. I took my seat with them. One of the ladies looked over from the other table. Then she got up and walked over. The moment she wrapped her arms around me, I felt my entire body go stiff. I took her hands in mine and removed them from my neck.
“Come on, Lance,” she whispered in my ear. “Let me take that stress away for you. I want nothing more than to ride your cock.”
I thought back to a time not that long ago where I would have jumped up and taken her up on that offer. Just the thought of it made cringe.
“Not tonight,” I said.
“Why?” she asked. “I promise I'll make it worth it.”
In my mind I saw my woman and my little girl. Not one part of me was interested in being with the girl that was trying to wrap her arms around me and crawl on my lap. There was only one woman I wanted on my cock. Shit! That was what she meant when she said open for business. She'd better not let any man near her. If she did, I'd tear his ass to shreds. That was not fucking happening. I stood up from my chair, flung the clinger off of me, and stormed out of the bar and up to my room. I pulled my phone from my pocket and began typing.
Me: I just got that shit. There is no fucking way any man is going to have his dick buried inside of you. Do you hear me, Firecracker?
A few minutes went by before I heard the buzz.
Firecracker: Are you serious?
Me: Of course I'm fucking serious. No fucking way. I will tear any fucker to shreds that comes near you. There is only one cock that will ever be inside of you. Take it or leave it. It surely won't be anyone but me.
Firecracker: You can't tell me who I can be with.
Me: The hell I can't.
Firecracker: I can't believe you just got what I meant. I was just messing around with you earlier. However, you're kind of pissing me off right now. Where are you that it just connected?
Playing Hardball: Part 5 Page 6
