Me: I was in the bar with the guys having some drinks. When it hit me, I flew out of my chair and up to my room.
Firecracker: I'm not sure if I even want to know how you came to that conclusion in a bar. Were you with someone?
Me: No, I wasn't with anyone. I was sitting with the guys at the married table and a woman came up and offered to ride my cock. I flung her ass off of me. That was when I realized what you meant. No fucking man will be near you. You're mine! Do you hear me?
Firecracker: Are you drunk or something? You can't just claim me like that. I'm not some piece of property, Lance. You do not get to boss me around like some fucking caveman. Take your ass to bed, Alone!!!
I was a bit drunk and pissed that she would even consider being with someone else.
Me: So you don't have to be alone, but I do.
Firecracker: Fuck you, Lance. You can be with who you want to be, so can I. This is a free country. I will not have you going all alpha caveman on me. If I want another man in this bed, I'll have them. If you want another woman in yours there, go for it. I fucking knew it.
Me: You don't know shit. I'm so tired of you pushing me away. It's like you want me to mess up so you can say you were right. Do you really want me to be with another woman? Think about it before you answer. You have two choices here. You can either be the Lucy you've let everyone see. The one with her walls up and that damn sarcastic attitude. Or you can be the real you. The one that is willing to take a risk at love. Stop thinking about yourself for one damn second. Don't you think I can get hurt in all of this? Don't you think I'm fucking worried about you walking away from me? Not everyone is going to hurt you. I've tried to show you I'm in it with you. I have feelings too, Firecracker. I'm tired of this back and forth shit with you. Do you want me to be with someone else? Is that what you want?
I shouldn't have sent it and regretted it immediately. It was like I'd just said I was giving up after I'd told her I'd fight for her. That wasn't a great move on my part. I was just tired of her making it seem like I didn't have a choice as to who I slept with. Just because someone offered it up, didn't mean I was going to take it. She seemed to forget that before me she'd been in it for a night of fun. How was that any different? Did that mean she couldn't be loyal? Of course it didn't. She was pissing me off. The alcohol hadn't helped either. I hadn't said anything I wasn't thinking. I just wouldn't have said it as easily.
Her response didn't come, and I knew this could go one of two ways. Knowing Lucy, there was really only one option. Even if she didn't want me to be with someone else, her ass wouldn't admit it. I gave up and went to bed.
Chapter 12
Lucy
I thought about what he sent and read it over and over. It was time to make a decision. I needed to either stop letting stupid shit piss me off and jump in, or I needed to let him go so he could have a life. I looked around the house he'd bought for us and knew. Then I thought. He said he'd sat down with the married guys. He said he'd flung that woman off of him. He'd gone to his room. If he was with someone, he definitely would not have been sending me messages.
How could he have been afraid of getting hurt? That was crazy. I was a loyal woman. If I said I was with someone, I was with them completely. I never lied to anyone. If I was in it for one night, I made that clear. I'd said that to him. He'd said it back. There was just something between us. Even before I knew I was pregnant, I was drawn back to him over and over. He made me feel things I'd never felt before. I couldn't let Brad enter my mind in that moment. I had to make it about Lance. Carrie's mom was right. It wasn't right that Lance was competing with a man that wasn't there to compete with. Did I want Lance to be with someone else? Of course not. Just the thought of him with someone else crushed me. I'd had that up close before, and I'd lost it. He wasn't with her. He'd come after me that night.
Some time had passed while I was in my mind. It was time to either put my heart out there or put it away forever. If there was ever a man for me, it was Lance. I took a deep breath before typing out my reply.
Me: No! I don't want you to be with someone else.
After a few minutes, I put my phone down and went to sleep. It wouldn't be long before the baby would be up and ready to eat. She had an appetite like her father. I smiled as I closed my eyes and drifted off.
When I woke up, I looked at my phone. He hadn't responded. I'd probably shocked him with my honesty. He probably didn't know what to think. I took a picture of the baby and sent it to him. She had a smile on her face. Anyone could say what they wanted. I was sure it was a smile. I was also wanting to push aside any awkwardness that had happened the night before. Sammie could bust right through that.
The team was busy that day with promo stuff and travel. I did get my I love you text, but I didn't respond. He'd sent one every day. There was no way a text message was going to be how I first said it. We joked back and forth for a few minutes later in the day, but that was it. They would be home the following day. There was a home game. I thought about going. I'd gone back and forth in my mind. I wasn't sure I wanted to walk all those stairs by myself. I really wasn't sure I wanted to risk being anywhere near his past either.
I sat on the couch and watched the game with Carrie's mom. She was leaving the next day to go back home. I appreciated having her there and joked about how I was going to eat when she left. Lance had even messaged her about it too. She would never know how much she meant to both of us. The game had just come on when I turned to her.
“Do you have any idea how much you mean to me?” I asked.
“Are you going to make me cry now that the game is on?” she asked.
“I can't help it,” I said. “I need you to know. You've put up with a lot from me. Thank you for not giving up and tossing me to the side. Thank you for driving here when I needed someone. Shit! Thank you for being there the day I found out I was pregnant and every day after. You will never know how much it means. You've been here all week when you could be home. You've cooked your ass off for me. Thank you!”
She leaned over and pulled me into her arms.
“I love you, Lucy,” she said. “You better get used to it. I have an extra grandchild to spoil and an extra son and daughter now. You're family.”
We were both crying as we watched the game.
“You think you'll go to another game?” she asked.
“Maybe,” I said.
I sent my usual messages to Lance during the game. He'd done very well, so I sent a few more good than bad. I had to keep it real. I couldn't let his head get any bigger. I already wondered how he fit it through the door as it was with the way everyone kissed his ass. Then I sent one more text.
Me: Please come home when your done. I don't care how late it is.
Carrie's mom went to bed as soon as the game was over. I fed the baby and waited for Lance to either text me back or show up at the door. The baby was in her bed when I heard keys in the door. I jumped up from my spot on the couch. He wasn't even through the door when I got to him. His bags dropped to the ground along with his keys when my arms wrapped around his neck.
“I missed you,” I said.
He held me close. His warmth hit me, and I felt safer than I ever had before. I pulled away, reached down to grab his bags and keys, and walked into the house. He walked right by me and over to the little bed in the corner. I walked up next to him, and he looked over at me.
“Pick up your girl, daddy,” I said with a smile.
He scooped her up and held her so close to his chest. His lips hit her forehead, and my heart melted. She would always know her dad loved her. I had no doubt in my mind on that one. Even when he was away, he'd still be there. She owned his heart. I was hoping there was still a spot in it for me after the way I'd been behaving. I didn't deserve that man's love, but I was going to take it and keep it forever.
“You hungry?” I asked.
“No,” he said. “Just want to see my girls. I missed you two so much.”
I walk
ed over and put his keys on the table with mine, then I looked over at him.
“Come on,” I said. “Let's go put our little girl to bed.”
He followed me up the stairs with Sammie in his arms. I put his bags down in the hallway and we walked through her doorway together. He placed her in her crib and took a step back.
“She's going to love her room,” I said.
“I hope so,” he said. “She's keeping it like this forever. I was gone for less than a week and she grew.”
“Lance,” I said. “She's not going to want it like this when she's a teenager.”
“Of course she is,” he said. “Her dad painted it for her. That's going to mean something to her. My little girl is going to still love it as a teenager.”
“Okay,” I said.
There was no way I was going to burst that bubble until I had to. He could think he'd always be her number one. That wasn't something he'd need to face for years to come. I took his hand and walked back into the hallway after turning on the monitor. I grabbed his bags in the hall and walked to my room. Then I walked through the door with his hand in mine. He looked down at me but didn't say a word. I pulled back the covers and crawled into bed. Then I looked up at him.
“Come on, Ballplayer,” I said with a smile. “I need those huge arms around me.”
He took off his shirt, jeans, and socks and crawled in behind me. His big arm went over me and pulled me back against his chest. It felt amazing being in his arms again. That was not something I would ever take for granted. His lips were against the back of my head, and my fingers moved up and down his arm in front of me.
“I missed you, Firecracker,” he said. “Feels so good having you in my arms again. I hated being away from you that night and all the nights after. This right here is it. I love you.”
I closed my eyes and kissed his arm softly.
“I love you too.”
Chapter 13
Lance
What, I thought? Did she just say what I thought she did? Had I heard her wrong? I couldn't decide if I should just soak it in and go to sleep or if I should bring attention to it. What if she denied saying it? What if she changed her mind? Stop being a pussy, I told myself. Call her on that shit. There was no way I was falling asleep after that. I felt so much excitement run through my body. I felt like it was Christmas morning with a thousand gifts under the tree with my name on all of them.
“Lucy,” I whispered.
“Yes, Lance,” she said.
Fucker was enjoying herself. I could feel her body shake against my chest. If her doctor had cleared her, she would have found my cock deep inside of her and my hand across her ass in seconds.
“What was that?” I asked.
“I said I love you too, Lance,” she said.
I waited for her to say or do anything, but she just remained still. That is minus the body shaking. I could have kicked her ass for sure.
“Firecracker,” I said.
“Hhmmm,” was her response.
“You have two seconds to turn that ass around. I'm not playing right now. You can't say something like that and then be silent.”
I felt her body shake harder.
“One,” I whispered.
“You wouldn't,” she said. “The doctor said I still need to be careful.”
“I'll be very careful when I,” I started, but she cut me off.
The woman flipped over and buried her face in my chest.
“I don't think so, babe,” I said, as I reached down and lifted her chin. “I need those eyes on mine.”
She slowly looked into my eyes. I could tell she was nervous. She could hide behind the laughter all she wanted, but I was getting to know her body language very well.
“Say it again,” I said.
She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth.
“Lucy,” I whispered.
“Stop being so bossy,” she said.
“I don't think so, babe,” I said. “Need to see your eyes when I hear the words. I almost lost you. I had to sleep away from you. I was gone for almost a week and spent the entire time thinking about my girls.”
She continued looking into my eyes.
“I love you so damn much, Firecracker,” I said. “I never thought I'd say those words to anyone. There's just something about you. I can't fight it anymore. You're mine.”
She nodded but that was it.
“I'm scared,” she whispered.
Her body wasn't shaking from laughter anymore. She was taking down her walls and showing me the real Lucy. That shit made me love her even more.
“You don't have to be,” I said. “I'm right here. I won't walk away. I care about you so much, Lucy. You and our little girl are my everything. You two will always come before anything in my life. Do you hear me?”
She nodded again. I could see the tears building in her eyes.
“Don't ever be scared with me. I will protect you, keep you safe, and take care of you always.”
“I love you so much, Lance,” she said.
Her hand came up and touched my cheek.
“You don't get it,” she continued. “I'm afraid. I don't want anything to happen to you. I can't lose you. If you decide I'm not what you want, I'll be crushed. I'm not like them. I saw those girls you were with. They were beautiful and dressed perfectly. That's not who I am. You're a freaking baseball star. You could have your pick of women. They'll kiss your ass and do exactly what you say. I can't be that person. I'm not used to someone telling me what to do or being so demanding. I've never been with anyone like you. You're so damn different. You drive me up the wall, Lance. Sometimes I want to knock your ass out. Other times I want you to take control. It's so confusing. I can't be like them, Ballplayer.”
“I never asked you to be anyone but you,” I said. “I don't want any of those women. I want you. You're the one I love. I don't care how much shit you give me. I don't care if you dress up or wear jeans. That means nothing to me. You are the most beautiful woman in the world.”
“Okay,” she said, as she rolled her eyes and looked toward her belly.
“Don't give me that shit. My baby girl grew for eight months in there. You did everything right for her. I'm so damn proud of you for that. You're perfect, woman. Knock it off.”
I grabbed her hand and brought it down to my boxers.
“Fucking perfect, Lucy,” I said. “See what you do to me. You're it for me. I won't change my mind. I've never felt about anyone the way I feel about you. I just need you to put aside all the shit you put on for the world to see. I want to know the real you, babe. That's who I need.”
“You sure?” she asked.
“I still need that cocky mouth. That part I don't want to leave. I love that shit,” I said, as my hand moved to the back of her head, and I covered her mouth with mine.
Her body shook for a moment with laughter. That quickly stopped as she moaned against my lips. By the time she pulled away, we were both panting.
“I mean it, Lance,” she said. “I've never felt the way I feel about you. I'm not sure I could make it through losing you. My world would end. I am being honest with you. I'm begging you not to hurt me. I know you have your career. I would never want to stand in the way of that. I know you'll be gone a lot. You'll be around so many other women. I'm trusting you completely. Do not make me regret it.”
“Never,” I said. “Can you promise me the same, babe? Can you promise you won't tear my heart in two?”
“I promise,” she said.
I grabbed the back of her head and covered her mouth again. There was no way her lips wouldn't be swollen in the morning. She pulled away from me and took a deep breath.
“Lance,” she said.
I was so damn nervous.
“Yes,” I said.
“Please come home,” she said.
I looked down at her, and she must have seen the confusion on my face.
“Here,” she said. “Please move in with us. I can't sleep unle
ss I'm in your arms. Every night that you're in town, I want you here with us.”
I looked at her but didn't say a word for a minute. Did she really mean it, I wondered?
“Really?” I asked.
“Yes,” she said instantly. “We need you here with us. When I'm in your big arms, I feel so damn safe. I feel like nothing bad can happen. At the hospital, I didn't want Carrie's mom to call you because of work. You were the one I wanted there the entire time. The moment I saw you, I felt a million times better. I loved you then. I just didn't tell you.”
“You really want me here?” I asked.
“I do,” she said. “I want you to move everything here. I feel so bad that you bought all of that stuff for the baby's room and she never even used it though. Will you come home with us?”
“Of course I will,” I said. “It almost killed me to leave that night. I didn't even sleep. I need your ass in my arms and our girl across the hall.”
“You stop the nightmares. Did you know that?” she asked.
“I noticed that you weren't having them as much.”
“You stop them,” she said. “I don't want to forget him. Is that bad?”
I didn't say anything back.
“It's not what you think,” she said. “Growing up, my parents couldn't be bothered by me. It was hard. He showed me love and was the first one to really care. He made sure I went to college and was safe. It's hard to explain. I actually felt like I mattered to him. The more I get to know you, the more I see how different it was with him. He never argued or told me how things were going to go. He always asked what I wanted and went with it.”
She took a breath before continuing. I liked that she was opening up to me even if it was to tell me how much Brad loved her. He was a part of her past, and I needed to hear it. I didn't just want her future, I wanted everything. I wanted to know about her life.
“I promised him I would never fall in love again. Then I met the three ballplayers, and you were the one that drew me in right away. You were a cocky asshole, but I couldn't help but want to connect with you. You pissed me off within a few minutes. I couldn't stand your attitude and the fact that you thought you were to be treated like a king. I'm not that kind of girl. Everyone is equal in my eyes. I don't give a shit what someone does to pay the bills. I had to take your jersey and hat. You needed to learn I wasn't to be fucked with. I totally thought you were learning, but I was very wrong. You hadn't learned at all. Your ass challenged me like I'd never been challenged in my life. That first night, when that woman was all over you, I was pissed. I had no right to be, but I was. You were the only man I was with without a condom. It was crazy. Everything was crazy. I tried to avoid you, but you showed up at that damn party and carried me away like some kind of caveman. Then I tried again, but you decided to help pack Carrie. You hurt me while we were gone, but I still couldn't stop thinking about you. Then there was the wedding. You took care of me. Nobody had ever taken care of me like that.”
Playing Hardball: Part 5 Page 7
