Dead (A Lot)

by Howard Odentz

  Newfie looked at us, his tail still wagging, and stuck his bowling ball sized head back into the giant dog bowl.

  Jimmy rolled over to the envelope and pulled it off the tub. “You want to do the honors?” he asked and offered it to me.

  “No, man. I’m cool.”

  “Let me see,” said Trina and took the envelope from Jimmy. She slid her finger underneath the top, opened, and pulled out a single sheet of paper.

  This is what is said:

  If you are reading this note it’s because I have left to find anyone else who has survived. Today is Sunday, September nineteenth.

  I will be back.

  The dog’s name is Newfie. He has plenty of food and will drink out of the pond. Please leave him penned in with the llamas and the dead man. He is a good watch dog.

  The dead man was my husband. Newfie bit him several times while protecting me.

  The man on the radio station called this plague Necropoxy. So far I am immune

  The llamas and turkeys have enough food in their pens for a week. If I am not back in seven days, please let all the animals free.

  Thank you and blessed be.

  Ella Light

  Jimmy scratched his head. “I don’t understand. Why lock Newfie up? What if no one ever showed up and she never came back?”

  Trina turned the page over. “There’s a p.s.,” she said.

  P.S. Please do not think me cruel. If I don’t come back, Newfie has plenty of food in the llama pen. If I do come back, he will have protected my animals.

  Prianka grimaced. “By ‘plenty of food’ does she mean the llamas?”

  Trina covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh, gross,” she gulped.

  “But kind of smart,” said Jimmy. “Sounds like someone I’d want to know.”

  Newfie woofed, turned around, and trotted to the center of the room. There was an opening in the floor there, and he disappeared down a flight of stairs. We all went over and stared down into the opening. Looking back up at us were half a dozen llamas, all lazily chewing hay.

  Seconds later, I heard Newfie barking outside. He was inside the pasture, racing up the hill toward the back fence. The llamas paid no attention to him. I guess he was doing what he did best—guarding the property.

  I suppose I should have felt safe with Newfie being there. Who wouldn’t feel safe with a mammoth dog patrolling for poxers and anything else that might slip on to the property?

  I didn’t, though. I didn’t feel safe at all. What’s worse, I had a nagging feeling in the pit of my stomach I would never really know what safe felt like ever again.

  I really hoped I was wrong.

  46

  THAT AFTERNOON, we all decided that we needed to clean ourselves up. Four long days since any of us had taken a shower made for a group of pretty grimy kids. Even though we had the opportunity to lather up when we were at Stella’s, none of us, even the girls, did.

  Teenagers—we’re gross, aren’t we?

  Anyway, since there was no electricity to run the water pumps, a hot shower wasn’t an option. I figured we were going to have to resort to using the pond. Trina was totally skeeved by the idea.

  “It’s gushy,” she said.

  Now it was my turn to roll my eyes.

  “What’s gushy?” asked Jimmy.

  “She’s talking about the bottom of the pond,” I explained. “She doesn’t like the feeling when the slime squeezes between her toes.”

  “Doesn’t bother me,” said Jimmy as he pulled off his shirt. “I can’t feel my toes.”

  We brought shampoo and towels and changes of clothing out to the pond. The llamas trotted to the other side of the pasture. That was fine by me. I had no interest in stepping in llama poo. We sat on the ground at the edge of the water. Prianka brought Sanjay with her and was quietly explaining to him that she had to take his clothes off and wash his hair. He just stared into the air and didn’t respond. I felt horrible.

  Newfie was with us, too. There was a tense moment when we thought he was going to lunge at Andrew, or maybe the other way around, but miraculously, they seemed to sort of like each other. At first, Andrew flew to Jimmy while Newfie inspected every inch of Sanjay. When the giant dog was through sniffing and licking, Andrew bravely flew back to Sanjay, landed on his mop, and cawed at the dog.

  Newfie woofed and laid down next to Sanjay with his head on his paws. Andrew cackled and clucked a few more times, bobbing his head up and down. That was their introduction. Somehow they had formed an understanding that we were all part of a pack or a flock or a group of kids—but whatever we were, we were a team.

  The weirdest thing was how Newfie glued himself to Sanjay just like Andrew did. The kid was an animal magnet. Maybe Newfie and Andrew somehow sensed that he was special or he needed them more than the rest of us. Whatever the reason, Sanjay now had two animal protectors, and I knew that Prianka felt better knowing they were there.

  Jimmy stripped down to his tighty-whities and grabbed a bar of soap and shampoo. He was in the water before he even had a chance to test how cold it was.

  “Yowza!” he screamed. “The water’s freezing.”

  “Perfect,” muttered Prianka as she pulled her shirt over her head and unbuttoned her jeans. Yeah, I knew her underwear was just like a bathing suit, but somehow, I just didn’t think of her bra and panties that way. I felt my face burning and turning progressive shades of red. Jimmy treaded water and watched me. When he caught my eye, he winked.

  Trina stripped down to her underwear, too. After that, she helped Prianka undress Sanjay.

  I reluctantly pulled down my jeans and slipped my shirt over my head. I felt like a little kid next to Jimmy, the muscle man—the big, tough, college dude with the tattoo and the ripped body next to the puny junior with a knack for sarcasm.

  Of course, I caught Prianka sneaking a peek at me in my boxers. Great—just great. She probably thought I looked prepubescent.

  Trina and Prianka held Sanjay’s hands and together waded into the cold water. He didn’t flinch, but my sister did a fair amount of complaining.

  “Nasty,” she squealed, as her feet sank into the mushy bottom. “That better not be llama crap.”

  “That bad, huh?” said Jimmy as he treaded water over to her. “You just got to count to three and dunk yourself. That’s the only way you’ll get used to the cold.”

  Prianka didn’t wait for a count. Without warning she dove headfirst into the icy water, came up, and swam about twenty feet into the pond. She turned around and swam back and sat, waist deep, next to Sanjay. Gently, she began rubbing water over his body so he would get used to the cold.

  Even the chill didn’t rouse him. Wherever he was inside his head, he was far, far away. I tried not to think about it too much, because every time I did, I just felt guilty.

  As for me, I stood ankle deep in the water, waiting for the frigid shock to go away. For some reason, the cold made me think of being dead. I wondered if this is what the poxers felt like—chilled and a little slimy.

  “Oh what the hell,” I said and flopped into the pond. Whatever splash I generated drenched my sister from head to toe.

  “Tripp!” she wailed and kicked a spray of water at me.

  “Bad move, Trina.” I devilishly grinned and palmed a huge wave of water in her direction.

  Within seconds all of us except for Sanjay were in an all-out splash war. Jimmy was splashing Trina, I was splashing Prianka, and the girls were splashing back even harder. Of course, Newfie had to get into the action and drenched everyone as he barreled into the pond, barking and wagging his tail.

  If anyone had been watching, they would have seen a bunch of normal kids having a last bit of summer fun before the calendar permanently tipped over into autumn.

  It felt good—it felt righ
t—but in my gut I knew it was only temporary.

  47

  LATER, I WENT upstairs and found a watch sitting on the dresser in my aunt and uncle’s bedroom. At first I felt sort of weird going in there, like any moment I would be caught and scolded for going through an adult’s private things, but the weird feeling quickly passed. I picked up the watch and read the time. It was just past three in the afternoon.

  Jimmy and Trina had gone into the basement to take stock of how much food Aunt Ella had stored down there. When we did a sweep of the house earlier that day, Jimmy had commented that my aunt and uncle seemed pretty well stocked for the winter.

  “You bet,” I said. “Doomsday preppers. They probably were planning on digging their heels in during an alien invasion or something.”

  Still, I found myself being thankful my aunt and uncle were as nutty as they were.

  Besides, I didn’t think that Jimmy and Trina were in the basement strictly counting cans of peas and sacks of rice.

  I took my uncle’s watch and slipped it on. The band was a little big, and I had to notch it back a hole, but that was okay. The watch felt right on my hand.

  Back on the first floor I found Prianka sitting on the couch.

  “We need candles,” she said. “It’s going to be dark in a couple hours.”

  “Do you want me to run out to the candle store?”

  She glared at me.

  “Sorry,” I said. “Yeah, I suppose we need some candles.” Sanjay was lying in the corner of the couch with his head against the pillow. Andrew sat above him watching the llamas graze in the pasture. We had left Newfie out there to dry off from our fun in the pond. He was chasing dead leaves rolling across the grass. I stood there, crossed my arms, and stared at the floor.

  “So where?” she said.

  “I don’t know. I feel weird rifling through their stuff.”

  “I don’t,” she said, stood up, and walked across the room to the fireplace. There were cabinets on either side of the rough stone. She opened one up and began rummaging through the contents. Her face grimaced.

  “What?”

  “They have a lot of really weird things, you know that?”

  “Like what?”

  She pulled out a Ouija board and some gothic looking wine glasses. “Like this,” she said.

  “What’s weird about a Ouija board? It’s a game.”

  “I don’t play games.”

  Um, I beg to differ. She’d been playing some sort of girl game that I couldn’t possibly understand, ever since everything started. For all I knew she’d been playing the same game for years. Actually, I always thought that Prianka Patel had a vendetta against me ever since first grade. Stupid me. I guess it’s not just the boy who pulls the girl’s hair if he likes her.

  “That settles that. We’re playing tonight.”

  “Sure,” she sniped. “Let’s just make everything that much creepier. Can you help me find some candles or not?”

  “Fine,” I muttered. For the next half hour we ransacked my aunt and uncle’s house. My mother, who was the candle queen, had a whole cupboard full of scented jars, but my aunt and uncle didn’t strike me as the smelly candle type. Finally, we found a drawer full of beeswax tapers and several boxes of wooden matches in the kitchen.

  “Cool beans,” I said when I found them.

  “Score a point for Tripp Light.”

  I rolled my eyes. “Wasn’t keeping score. Besides, I thought you didn’t like games?

  Prianka scowled but didn’t say anything. She kept opening up drawers and cabinets and seeing what else she could find.

  After an uncomfortably long while, Trina and Jimmy came up from the basement. They had a pad of paper with a whole list of supplies they found down there. Apparently, they accomplished more than fun and games, after all. We all went back into the living room where Sanjay was lying on the couch. Jimmy rolled over to Andrew and held his hand out. The crow gingerly hopped onto his wrist.

  “You leaving me for Sanjay?” he asked the bird. Andrew turned his head to the side and gently nibbled at the stubble growing on Jimmy’s face. Jimmy smiled and put the bird down on top of the couch. “That’s cool by me, Bro,” he said. “I can share.”

  Trina plopped down on the couch next to Prianka. Sanjay didn’t move.

  “How is he?” she asked softly.

  Prianka crossed her arms over her chest and let out a big sigh. “I don’t know,” she said. “I wish my parents were here.”

  Trina put an arm around her, and they sat quietly. Jimmy and I both watched them until I realized that we were staring, so I mumbled something about checking around outside, and Jimmy hastily agreed.

  As we both left the living room, I turned back and saw that Prianka’s eyes were moist. All she did was make me want to be someplace else even faster. Before we knew it, Jimmy and I were outside in front of the barn.

  I sat down on the grass and Jimmy rolled up to me. We both watched Newfie off in the distance.

  “I don’t know what to do,” I said after a couple minutes of silence.

  Jimmy folded his hands together like he was a shrink and I was a patient on a couch.

  “About which thing? You don’t know what to do about Sanjay? You don’t know what to do because your parents and your aunt are incommunicado? Or, you don’t know what to do about the world going to hell in a hand-basket all around you?”

  I stared at the ground and didn’t say anything.

  “Oh,” he said. “Girl stuff.”

  Newfie barked a couple times.

  “Why can’t she just say what she wants?” I blurted out.

  Jimmy flung his head backwards and laughed from his belly. “When you figure out how to speak ‘girl’ you let me know,” he said. “I suck at foreign languages.”

  “I know, right? First she hates me, then she kisses me, then she hates me because I don’t bring up the fact that she kissed me. And when I try to be nice, she turns into an icicle. I’m so confused. I’m amazed that I haven’t gotten dizzy and hurled by now.”

  “You kissed her? Where was I?”

  “Busy getting busy with my sister.” I picked up a dead dandelion and blew puffy, white seeds into the wind. Newfie barked some more in the distance. “And for the record, I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me—yesterday—when we were at Stella’s.”

  “Cool,” said Jimmy. He leaned in toward me. “How was she?

  “What do you mean, how was she? I don’t know. Nice, I guess. She sort of took me by surprise.”

  “Wow,” he whistled. “Besides, it doesn’t hurt that Prianka’s smokin’.”

  The cloud of dandelion seeds blew across the driveway. “Yeah, I guess.” Who was I kidding? Of course she was. I just needed a decoder ring to figure out her special brand of communication.

  Newfie’s barks started getting louder and deeper. Both Jimmy and I tracked him with our eyes as he ran to the fence in the far corner of the property.

  “Hey,” said Jimmy. “You order cookies?”

  “Huh?”

  “You know—cookies. I sure as hell didn’t order any. It’s not the season.”

  Newfie stopped at the edge of the property, his head down low.

  Jimmy pointed at what Newfie was freaking out about. Season or no season, we had a troop of girl scouts on our hands.

  48

  “LIGHTER, PLEASE,” I yelled as I dashed into the house. Trina jumped off the couch and Prianka turned to look out the window. Her face turned white. “Now that’s not even funny,” she said. Newfie was at the mesh wire fence, running back and forth and barking his head off at the little troop of dead girls.

  For their part, the pixie poxers were doing everything they could to tear through the wire and get at the big Newfoundland and the llama buffet t
hat grazed behind him.

  “You need help?” Trina asked in that way that I knew she really didn’t expect to lift a finger.

  “Nah. You guys chill and watch cable or something. Want popcorn?”

  Trina smirked and tossed me a lighter. In the kitchen, I pulled a handful of paper towels off a roll and ran back outside.

  Jimmy had pulled his wheelchair back through the entrance of the barn and was quietly sitting in the shadows by the turkey pen.

  “Wait,” he said. “Don’t you want to see what Newfie’s going to do?”

  “Not especially. If Poxer Spice and the deadettes get through that fence we’re going to have trouble.

  “Aw,” Jimmy whined. “I wanted to see Newfie take ‘em out.”

  “Next time,” I said and ran into the barn. The easiest way to get into the pen was through the staircase that Newfie used. I hopped down the old wooden stairs and landed right in the middle of a bunch of llamas munching on a gargantuan pile of hay Aunt Ella had left for them. They looked at me with their big, dumb eyes. I ran out their entrance into the pasture and all the way around the house.

  Newfie was up at the front of the fence, barking his head off like crazy. The tiny poxers were pulling at the wire mesh with their chubby little hands. By the time I got half way to them, the wire buckled and popped off one of the fence posts. The dead girls pushed through and trampled into the pasture.

  “Newfie, STOP!” I screamed, but he completely ignored me. He jumped on one of them in seconds. She was a little blond thing with a single braid going down her back. He bit her arms more than a few times before taking a good sized chunk out of her cheek. The other poxers grabbed at him as he whirled furiously around, snapping and snarling.

  I stopped twenty feet away.

  “Hey, ladies,” I yelled. “Want a piece of this?” I lit a piece of paper towel and waved it in the air. They came running. When it was almost too late, I threw the flames at the closest one and she lit up like fireworks on the fourth of July.