Journey's End (Marlbrook)

by Carroll, Bernadette

  Lord Henry began to move in a set pattern, his agitation releasing as he stepped out a regular rhythm, the momentum gathering until his actions gave Laura grounds for concern.

  “Laura. Before I attend to the matter of your sister, I shall dispense with the issue that divides us. I have been deeply troubled by my past conduct, as I have already confessed, and it is my resolution that the subject shall not be broached from here on in.” Lord Henry’s decision was quite clear in its decree. “As for your sister, madam, under any other circumstances, I might find myself apprehensive over the news or perhaps even challenge the siring of the child. And your continued presence in my household and that of your sister’s, would be yet another problem to raise its head.” A long pause ensued while he digested the information, the exertion required to expose his thoughts draining. “However, upon reflection, I find that I am resigned to becoming a father. I shall not bore you with what are private affairs between a husband and wife, but as my wife is unlikely to produce an heir I must include this element in any decisions I make.”

  Laura seized her opportunity. “Sir, as you quite rightly pointed out on another occasion, this is your home and you are indeed the master. I ask purely for the sake of the child that you consider providing for its care in some small way. Once we reach agreement on the child's welfare, you have my promise that neither my sister nor I shall trouble you again. Arrangements can be made immediately, and you will be free of us.” As an afterthought, Laura added, “I trust that you can find room in your heart for leniency.”

  Laura’s last censure gave Lord Henry reason to pause. He studied the woman. Her earnest call had once again led him to reflect upon his life. Had things been different, the road he journeyed would have been a far cry from the shallow one he trod. And it was then that it dawned on him, the real reason his agitation had continued to mount. The hardship he experienced was not because of the child, but that the child was not Laura’s. He wished it to be.

  Lord Henry sighed, knowing things would not be different. His actions had condemned Laura and her sister to a difficult reality; however, Sarah had been a willing party and he had committed no wrongdoing there. She would have to suffer the consequences.

  Laura could feel the temperature rise in her body under Lord Henry’s troubled gaze. She had no idea what effect her outpouring had produced.

  “The child, madam,” Lord Henry began in an emotionless tone, any hint of indecision removed, “is my business also, and, as we all know, life does not always progress as we had originally planned. I require an heir and since my wife does not appear capable of producing one, I shall place this proposition before you.”

  Lord Henry delayed his response. He wanted Laura’s full attention before announcing his plan. “I shall raise the child at Marlbrook and recognise it as my own. My wife will not be excited by the news, but then that is not a concern of yours. She shall come to see that this is how it must be,” he stated with an air of authority, knowing that his will would be so.

  Laura reeled. Lord Henry’s offer was an unforeseen development and demonstrated the narrowness of her own outlook. She was utterly unprepared for this sudden turn of events. The child that Sarah nurtured in her womb was also of her blood and the act Lord Henry asked of them was inconceivable. To judge him was also a hard task. Lord Henry bestowed a great honour upon Sarah by the request of her child or was it that he extracted an ungodly act of punishment? To part a mother and child was a sad road to take. There were many decisions that would have to be made before an answer could be given.

  Lord Henry pressed on, aware of Laura’s turmoil. “You will stand by your sister?”

  “Yes.”

  “So be it then! I shall make the necessary arrangements to house the two of you. You may remain together until the baby is born.”

  Lord Henry’s initial proposal put forward, an unintentional lull was produced by the sight of Laura’s obvious distress at his suggestion. He watched Laura closely. He wanted to see if she had any notion of what the proposition really meant. His tone softened.

  “I can see how you regard me, Laura, but I am not an ogre. Alongside “you”, your sister may remain in the accommodation until such time as she marries or produces another child. I think that a fair offer. I am sure Sarah will no longer hold any interest in the child’s welfare after that, and she will also have the added consolation of being able to see from a distance that the child is well cared for.”

  The emphasis placed on the word “you” did not register with Laura, but Lord Henry had given her room to believe a compromise could be reached and that Sarah might be saved from some of her heartache.

  A woman with a child and no husband would not survive for long; the streets of London were littered with the casualties. Laura refused to abandon her sister or her baby.

  Laura gazed out of the library window unaware of her surroundings. The confrontation had disconcerted her. To choose the road of starvation and potential death for the child would be an impossible decision, but to leave the baby in the care of this man was also a distressing option.

  There were no tears; the time for those had past. Laura would not show weakness before this man, he would not be given the satisfaction.

  “Am I to believe, my Lord, that the baby shall remain with its mother until of an agreed age, and then the mother would have access to the child as it grows?”

  Lord Henry admired Laura. Nowhere, to his knowledge, had his offer allowed Sarah ongoing rights to the child and she knew it. Laura was calling his bluff, attempting to gain an upper hand, and he had no alternative but to give credit where it was due.

  “Your proposition is a possibility, madam, at least in the first months before weaning, as I suppose the gesture would do no harm,” he replied, his eyes steadfastly fixed on Laura.

  The two had reached a junction where they would make their intentions clear. Lord Henry waited politely for Laura to continue. He did not want to take the floor until he had gleaned more information about where her thoughts lay.

  Laura grew confident. “You agree to support the mother and child, asking no more than the child eventually be raised in this house?” Laura wanted to make sure that there were no misunderstandings on either side.

  “For the pact we have struck, Laura, you have my word. If this is the road taken, then my demands shall remain as we have agreed.”

  Lord Henry’s declaration appeared solid and believable. Laura did not know, as he did, that the assertions he spoke were true but only for the agreement as it stood. The way forward would not always be as precise as a map imprint and therefore would constantly be subject to change.

  Laura detected a shift in their conversation and developed a sudden longing to escape the room and Lord Henry. A sense of foreboding overpowered her.

  “I shall take your offer to my sister, and I promise an answer before the day is out.”

  Lord Henry had observed the woman in her moment of decision and he did not mislead himself. Laura was neither selfish nor foolish. He conceded that the conclusion, when reached, would cost her just as it did her sister. Either way, he would succeed in his endeavours. For a woman in Sarah’s predicament, her future was bleak unless men like himself chose otherwise, and it was Sarah who would provide his winning hand. Laura remained blind to her sister’s base nature. He doubted Sarah would be so willing to sacrifice her life for the child and that is exactly what he bargained on. Laura would eventually be his, but his nature being what it was, he never once considered the price that either sister would have to pay for his future pleasure.

  The next journal entry portrayed the anguish and betrayal Laura suffered. Words spilled onto the paper at a rapid rate, anger and disappointment driving her pen.

  “Sarah is immature and prone towards selfish behaviour in a way that defies understanding. The child is of no consequence and the plan put before me a puzzle, as the decisions I imagined of grievous proportions are made with an ease that causes great consternation. The dif
ficulties I foresaw are now my load to bear, and I know deep within me that whatever road I choose my decisions will affect many lives in the years to come. I pray to God, as always, that my decisions will be wise.”

  Laura gave Lord Henry the answer he desired. His response, given Sarah’s attitude, produced a reaction that Laura neither liked nor comprehended. Gratification was the word that sprung to mind. Laura found his company taxing. She needed to conserve her energy; he was not her sole opponent. Sarah demanded a great deal emotionally from Laura as she strayed down her uncaring path.

  Lord Henry’s worldliness far outweighed Laura’s. He congratulated himself. He had accurately gauged events and how they would fall. The next crucial step would seal Laura to him. Laura would fight for the unborn child and its welfare, for that was her nature. He also bet on the certainty that a “mother” would sell her soul rather than part from her “child”.

  Self-disgust surfaced at his callous behaviour, but the disturbance was not sufficient to make Lord Henry relinquish his control. Guilt again indicated its presence, but he denied it access, as the emotion had no home with him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX - Rejection

  The cottage was small but liveable, a sturdy homestead in an unmapped kingdom. Laura and Sarah’s new home had been etched out amongst willowy strands of tall untamed grass, the meadow designed to protect the house from view. The area of land immediate to the door was sufficient to plant vegetables and the porch adequate to provide shade during the summer months. It was not a palace but it was better than the alternatives if they stopped to consider them.

  Sarah stomped her foot. “How can the man expect me to have his baby in a poor man’s cottage. Does he not care for the welfare of his child?”

  “He cares more than you think, Sarah. Another man of his rank would have turned you out on the street.”

  Laura accepted that she would have to help prepare Sarah for the transition. The cottage was a far cry from any residence that either of them had ever experienced. The diminutive size of the dwelling presented just one more complication.

  The sisters had never achieved a close bond. Their worlds were vastly different and their personalities at opposite ends of the spectrum. Privacy would no longer be theirs and secrets would have to stay hidden, unless one was not averse to placing them on show.

  Laura held faith that she could put the close quarters to good use, altering or at least influencing Sarah’s will. She would help her sister adjust to the idea of the child. She had seven months to sway Sarah from abandoning her baby. The good news was that they had at least two months before Sarah would begin to show. They could plan the move at their leisure.

  Laura faced her last hurdle with vast amounts of trepidation. Her Ladyship would not be so easy to convince.

  “Laura, I admit that I do not know whether to congratulate you or scold you for your blatant desertion of me in my hour of need.” Her Ladyship was given licence to say her mind on occasion. “You claim that this man loves you, and yet I have never heard you speak of him nor have I ever laid eyes upon him. I also distinctly recollect that you avowed to have no romantic notions at your interview. Forgive me if I cast doubts upon your judgement, but I would rather hold with an honest version of affairs, no matter how grim, than face inventions. Lies have a way of catching up with people, Laura. Remember my words, for these are lessons I have gained from life.”

  Laura accepted Lady Catherine’s wisdom, but she was trapped by fabrications that were not of her making.

  As the weeks crawled by without change, Laura began to despair of Sarah. Laura sought a brief release from her troubles, walking in the fresh air near the calming influence of the lake. Any thoughts of Lord Henry were banished from entering her world. He would not take her peace from her this day.

  Running towards the lake, Laura liberated her hair from under her bonnet, the exertion freeing her of her torments and providing a momentary escape. She paused at the beginning of the lakeside pathway, staring in wonderment at the change that was taking place. Winter had seen the abandonment of the gardens to their own devices but now it was the job of spring to resume the growth. Bulbs emerged and activity was visible from all the familiar nooks and crannies. Laura wanted to shout at the top of her lungs to free herself of the tension that shoved at her from the inside.

  As Laura was so tempted, she heard Thomas call her name, and she cursed the God that had forsaken her. The enormity of her decision dawned on her, and the price it would now extract loomed before her.

  Emotional barriers stemmed any possibility of tears but remorse would not so easily be kept at bay. Laura ran from Thomas, the road leading her nowhere.

  The tree-lined walk was not yet alive. The young, green leaves were akin to moss, their emergence relatively new. The breeze was bold in its blasts and seemed to join in Laura’s condemnation, the sudden gusts helping to propel her from his sight.

  Laura’s steps halted at the mouth of the maze, panic and indecision overwhelming her, but in the end it was hesitation that sanctioned her capture.

  Laura’s reaction confounded Thomas. Fear radiated from her beautiful eyes, and her anguish startled him.

  “Laura, what has happened that is so terrible it makes you run from me?”

  Laura knew avoidance was unacceptable, but when the familiar dark eyes captured hers, Thomas broke her heart. Thomas, her one true love, had found her when there was no tomorrow.

  Thomas began his declaration of love, but his words had come too late for Laura.

  “Laura, I do not pretend to know what drives you; however, I can tell you that to have you near is heartening. You have been sorely missed.”

  Their story had a choice of two endings. One, a tale of romance, had the two lovers living happily ever after. The other was a sad tale of betrayal. A crooked smile appeared, as Laura steeled herself for the conclusion that had been written without Thomas in mind.

  Thomas persevered, unaware of Laura’s pain. “Laura, I am here to inform you that I have fulfilled my duties at the Manor, and I desire to renew our acquaintance for the purpose of taking you home. Laura, I ask if you would be willing to make that journey as my wife.” Thomas spoke with a sincerity that comes only when accompanied by love.

  Thomas’ declaration seriously impacted upon Laura. The effect was as hard as if he had physically struck her. She had to fight to maintain some semblance of control. Unfortunately, it was sorrow that emerged the winner, plunging Laura into a blackness of body and soul.

  Finally, the statement that would lead to her condemnation would hear no more excuses. The communication, as it came to the fore, was formal in nature.

  “Lord Ashley, you have taken me by surprise, and I find myself placed in an awkward position by your sudden reappearance. However, it is your unexpected expressions of sentiment that oblige me to clarify my current situation. But foremost, I must ask for your indulgence in this matter.”

  Thomas released Laura, a slight distance opening between them, as he prepared for the unthinkable - rejection.

  Laura freed her condemning words. “The ability to predict what course my life would take has altered over these last months and what once appeared straightforward is no longer, replaced by complexities that are beyond my influence. I confess this to you in the name of friendship, for my aim is to demonstrate that I have changed a great deal since you last saw me.”

  “Laura, nothing can alter what we have.”

  “My excuses are inadequate and I know they will not satisfy your want for more, but that I had no way of knowing you would return for me is all I have to offer in recompense.”

  Thomas towered over Laura, hurt marring his handsome features. Laura doubted her ability to carry out her task.

  “I have recently committed to a proposal of marriage.”

  The lie caught in Laura’s throat. She could not bring herself to look at Thomas. If she did, his eyes would reflect her betrayal and she could not deal with his misery. Instead, Laura beg
an to walk away, head bowed and a heart aching with a grief never before experienced.

  Rough hands stopped her retreat. Hard eyes judged her, and the allegations flung at her were the start of Laura’s decline.

  “You are indeed a callous woman if you are trustworthy in your words. On the night of the ball, I wrote to you declaring that I would soon return and ask you to become my wife. If another has taken your affections, then I find you bereft of common decency, for you have placed me aside without so much as a letter of intent.”

  The honest account was severe and critical, forcing Laura to confront a range of emotions. She had never received the correspondence. However, the detail had become irrelevant. Time could not be wound back or the deed undone. Laura could find no answer to what Thomas had said.

  Thomas reached out and held Laura firmly in place. Laura was conscious of his strength, his strong hands confining her. His condemnation rained down upon her, his conduct relentless in the pursuit of truth.

  “Laura! For goodness sake tell me that this is not happening. Tell me that this is some sort of trial you put me through, an ultimatum asking that I prove myself.”

  Laura remained silent.

  “I know you as honourable, Laura, and I shall leave you to your future with this man if you can state that you love him. If your affections belong to another, I shall never again express my deepest thoughts. Laura, do you love him?”

  Thomas’ exacting words rang in Laura’s ears, deafening her to the world. The lie would be found out, evident to her attentive audience if she defended herself; therefore, all Laura could do was to repeat her futile attempts to flee.

  Laura had taken on the appearance of a rag doll, absent of any resistance, totally unprepared for what was to come.

  Thomas swept Laura up in his arms. The tender lips that once filled her with desire now persecuted her. His kiss, once a gentle caress, was bloodthirsty and demanding, belonging to a man afraid of losing her.