Broken

by Tanille Edwards

  Chapter 3 What’s a Girl to Do?

  I walked out of the house as quickly as possible. Grandpapa and Nana were upstairs watching television. Dimitri had left already. Hopefully he was on his way to Tai’s. If not, this would be the first time he arrived at any function before I did. I walked up the slate driveway, one three-inch black sandalwood-trimmed open-toed platform sandal in front of the other. My love affair with shoes was only beginning.

  It was beautiful, the way the sun glistened across the golden hues of my orange blush. I admired it. It was so simple. I had wiped some excess onto my hand in a mad rush. Merek was on his way. I didn’t want him to ring the bell or anything. Avoiding Grandpapa seemed to be the path of least resistance. It was 7 p.m. and the sun was still out. That was the mark of summer. I walked past the iron gates. I strolled along the side of the road. I nestled in a patch of neatly trimmed green hedges.

  I closed my eyes just for a moment. The sun’s rays showered my face with warmth. I was excited, yet somewhat confused. Noel was on the forefront of my mind. I could recall the last day I saw him as if it were merely hours ago. I’d been holding onto his words for so long. We were in his dorm room. He sat on his bed. I sat at his computer desk in front of the window. The sun’s rays showered over me, much like they did on this day. We were talking about our dreams. Back then, I wanted to become an archeologist or a cardiologist. I didn’t know what had gotten into me—a little too much Jurassic Park or Grey’s Anatomy.

  “I don’t know when I can come back to see you,” I signed.

  “Why did you take your dad’s car? If he finds out, it could be months,” Noel signed.

  I didn’t realize then that months would turn into years. I climbed onto the bed into his arms. We kissed. I could remember the way he smelled, so distinctly. It wasn’t a cologne or a soap. It was just him.

  “I love you forever,” he signed.

  At the thought of him, I opened my eyes. And like that, he was gone.

  Merek had pulled up. He looked at me curiously. I had to admit I was curious about him. My heart belonged to Noel, though the news of the morning had me questioning my steadfast loyalty. He got out of his gray two-door hatchback. He opened my passenger door. I had to admit his car was kind of Noel-esque.

  “Hi, princess. Tell me, what are you doing?” he asked.

  I shrugged. “Here’s the address.” I handed him a pink Post-it.

  “I watched you,” he said.

  “Why?”

  “You texted to meet you out front. When I pulled up, I didn’t see you. So … I creeped up a little more and this is when I found you. What were you doing?” he asked me.

  “What did you see?”

  “You standing with your eyes closed, sunbathing,” he said.

  I laughed. I was a little embarrassed.

  “I like that smile,” he said.

  “What if I said I liked your smile?” Uh! I always did that when boys gave me compliments! I said the same compliment right back. Geez. His smile got even wider. Like that, the past melted away like a piece of butterscotch candy. All gone, not a trace, not even a wrapper.

  Chapter 4 SH Party

  With my heels on, I was just slightly taller than Merek. I stood up tall and took a deep breath. He slowly took hold of my hand. I pulled it back. I only held hands with one guy. I caught my reflection in the glass door. I looked as if he’d just tried to choke me. It was right then that I realized I was in over my head.

  The house was beautiful. It was tan, built with tons of light birchwood and sleek steel. There were floor-to-ceiling windows all over the first floor. The DJ was out on the patio, a few yards from the Olympic-size pool. Our house was much more country, no pool. We did have a huge lot. It was a pretty good way to get far away into nature. Half our lot was full of trees. Cara’s house was much more modern with less of a nature vibe.

  As soon as we hit the door, smiles were on. I noticed Merek kept looking at me since I pulled my hand away. I was actually looking forward to the distraction of the party. I couldn’t move any faster. And I hoped he wasn’t going to pen me up against the wall about it. I spotted Sierra. Without thinking, I started walking toward her. She had on a fabulous skintight lavender BCBG dress we bought two weeks prior. I noticed Frenchy with Cara, talking to this young pop singer near the dining room where the caterers were working feverishly to keep the food perfectly stocked. Cara gave one of the waiters a dirty look when she noticed the bruschetta was low. She looked cute in an indie pop kind of way. She had on a long black pencil skirt, high stilettos, and a loose, low-cut sleeveless pink top. Frenchy was awkwardly posed as she stood there in conversation. She laughed at Cara’s every word. Frenchy donned an all-white, sleeveless single-shoulder-strap minidress.

  One thing I never had to do was entertain a full party. Daddy had never had any type of party since Mama’s death. Not even a work event. On the night of Mama’s death, they were leaving Daddy’s company’s Christmas party, when she turned as she was walking to the car to call for him, and a cab hit her.

  I took a deep breath as I blinked the tears back. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t think of that anymore. I had imagined it in my head 100 different ways. In all the scenarios, she could’ve run out of the way. I was starting to get a little headache.

  Sierra rushed over to us before I could have another thought. My phone vibrated. I turned to Merek and smiled. He looked confused. “Hey!” Sierra said and gave me two air kisses.

  “You remember Merek,” I said.

  “Of course, we have been blessed with such a transfer,” Sierra said.

  “Sierra!”

  “She’d never have the guts to say. But I’d say. You gave her a toothache,” Sierra said.

  “You have funny friends. Next thing, I will have created a heart attack too,” Merek said, looking nervous.

  “What?” Sierra asked.

  “She thinks I’m sweet on you,” I laughed.

  “It’s funny?” Merek asked. His face grew serious. I was quiet. Sometimes the best answer was silence. He raised an eyebrow.

  “Don’t get like that. What makes you think it was a joke?” I brushed my finger along his arm. “I’ll be right back.” I grabbed Sierra’s arm and fought the crowd like a boat fights the rising current. I didn’t know why we were walking away from him. Was he my future, and all I wanted to be was stuck in the past? The thought of Noel being the past still left me feeling hollow. Was Merek enough? Could he ever be enough to fill the place I had for Noel? I forgot to read my text from earlier.

  “He’s even more delicious in better lighting,” Cara had texted. Oh, great! Now it was official. Merek and I were on her radar. Where was my brother?

  I had no idea where Sierra and I were headed. I did want to stop at the lavish food table. There was a huge hibachi bar. I helped myself to some tempura veggies and shrimp. Then I scooped up some yellow tail. The dessert table was decked out with like 15 different types of cake. The blacked-out double chocolate had my name on it. And, of course, I helped myself to the truffle table. Two chocolate-covered strawberries and a piece of almond bark made it onto my plate. This was the best! Sierra stood at the back of the dining room, looking out at the beach. Whatever, I was hungry. I walked over, with a mouth full of fish.

  “How are you going to play Dance Mania with a full stomach?” she asked. “We should eat after we play. They are playing my favorite song ‘It’s Not Okay,’ you know—it’s just not, it’s just not okay. It’s not okay for you to break my heart. It’s not okay to treat love like you can stop then start.”

  “I really like the lyrics, but I’m not playing,” I said.

  “Come on, Milan. You never do anything at parties.”

  “No, I can count how many times I’ve pretended I wanted to dance because you dragged me on the dance floor,” I said. I noticed Dimitri on the far south end of the house just past the kitchen. What was he doing way back there when Cara was by the door? He glanced at his watch. Then he dialed his
phone. I had a feeling. “Did you notice that Dimitri’s here?”

  “Yes. Cara’s magic is working.” Sierra put air quotes around the word “magic.” “Be careful what you wish for.” I watched as Cara waved hello to some young girl and then rolled her eyes. She pulled Frenchy to the side and proceeded to tell her something or the other. No doubt it was about that girl—a little tacky.

  “Is Cece coming?” I asked.

  “In her text, she said ‘no’,” Sierra said. Cara was coming our way. I still had half a plate left. I wasn’t slowing down for anyone.

  “Hey, girls. What up?” Cara double-kissed us.

  “Hey, the food’s great!” I said.

  “It’s all right,” Sierra said.

  “So you girlies going to the father-daughter brunch tomorrow?”

  “No, Frenchy and I are going shopping with our Mom.”

  “Too bad. I’m going. My dad gets his act together every once in a while for a public appearance with me,” Cara said.

  “I’m going,” I said. Had I teleported out of my body? What was I thinking? I hadn’t even seen my Dad all last week.

  “Good, may the best dress win!” Cara said.

  “Win what?” Sierra asked.

  “I don’t know, there is some sort of father-daughter winner. The grand prize is $1,000 at Hermès.” Cara said.

  “Wow, another handbag. Milan’s got all the new ones for fall already,” Sierra said.

  “I’d hate to beat you out, Milan,” Cara said.

  “You won’t, so don’t feel bad,” I said.

  “Why do you even care?” Sierra texted me.

  “Maybe if we win, we can get rid of her,” I texted. I was a little annoyed at Cara. But why?

  “You must not have caught Dimitri checking her out. My guess is that we’re never getting rid of her.” Sierra texted.

  “What’s good?” Dimitri grabbed Cara by the arm. Sierra and Frenchy gave me weird stares.

  “I’m good,” Cara said.

  “So you really want to hang out with my sister right now?” he asked.

  “Don’t be jealous.” She kissed him.

  “Merek. Let’s go back to Merek.” I walked away as fast as I could. But not before I caught a glimpse of a surprisingly familiar face. I stared in shock, ashamed at the spectacle.

  The two were hugged up tighter than cheese and bread on a grilled cheese melt. She was a young Cindy Crawford type—tall, skinny, dark, tossed-about hair, beauty mark above her lip, and a sun-kissed complexion with dark eyes. He was my father. The father I had never seen laugh since my mother had died. The grin from ear to ear alone had me in shock. I just stood there, waiting for him to see me, see him betray us. It felt like my heart was beating out of my chest. When he saw me, I felt the tears set free from my lids. I quickly lost myself in the crowd. I wiped my eyes.

  “We have to go.” I grabbed Merek from behind.

  “Why?” he asked.

  I gave my plate of food to the passing waiter. Merek took out his phone and started pointing it in my face. “Smile.”

  “No pictures.”

  “Why? I love pictures. It’s my thing: pictures, vids, anything I can post for my friends.” He put his head near mine.

  “This is my beautiful friend, Milan. Milan, say hi.”

  “Hi, je m’appelle Milan—”

  “Where did you learn French?”

  “I didn’t. I just learned how to say my name from a stewardess at the airport in France. It’s the only thing I know.”

  “Can we talk about the toothache I gave you?” he asked.

  “No,” I laughed.

  “We are at a party in South Hampton, having fun. As you can see, the music is excellent. Wish you were here,” he said.

  “Me, too. Bye.” I pulled Merek’s arm down. “No more video.”

  “It is okay. I have lived many places. I put these on my page as an update—where I am, what I am doing, who I have met. You are big news. Dance with me one time. Then we can leave,” he said.

  He gently took hold of my hand and led me to the dance floor. I couldn’t help myself. I glanced over to the scene of the crime. My Dad was gone. I was going to try my best to erase that memory. Or just ignore it. Merek started to bounce his body around and rock back and forth. I moved my feet from side to side. “Come on!” he said and spun me around. I shook my head a little and threw my hands up. I had no idea what I was doing. Whenever I saw someone doing this at a party, it looked like they were having fun. Fake it until you make it!

  He smiled to reassure me that I didn’t look like an idiot. He took my hand and moved my arms back and forth. I counted in my head. 1-2-3-4, 1-2-3-4. I was catching the rhythm. All of a sudden, he let go of my hands and started jumping up and down. Then he stood there, stomping his foot. This boy was wild. So I did what he was doing. I started stomping my foot. “Yeah!” he said. I laughed. He gave me a head nod. I gave him one back. “No.” He pointed. I turned around, and Lisa was standing there.

  “Hi, chipmunk.”

  “Hey.” Hmm. This was a first. I didn’t like “chipmunk” very much.

  “You look beautiful,” she said.

  “Thank you. Who did you come here with?” I asked.

  “My friend, Bill. He’s over there by the piano, yapping it up,” Lisa said.

  “Cool.”

  “Why don’t you come to the house for lunch on Sunday? Stew will be out tomorrow. You guys can meet,” she said.

  “Okay. What time? Just don’t bring up the conversation from earlier,” I said.

  “Three … ish. Just text, sweetie. And I won’t talk about the office stuff.”

  “Okay.” I gave Lisa a hug and kiss. “Oh, this is Merek, my friend. Merek, this is Lisa.”

  “Nice to meet you,” Merek said and shook Lisa’s hand.

  “Very handsome. Where are you from?” she asked.

  “All over. I have lived in more than 20 cities.”

  “Wow! Are your parents in the military?”

  “No, my father is a diplomat. My mother is from Florida,” he said.

  “Interesting. Do you model?”

  “No. I have a band,” he replied.

  “We have a talent division.” Lisa gave Merek her card.

  I was on a date—not a business meeting. “Maybe we’ll call you,” he said.

  “Maybe.” Lisa grinned. “I’ll see you on Sunday.”

  I grabbed Merek by the hand and marched to the door. He had one song.

  “Let’s get out of here,” I said.

  “This is your party. Ready when you are.”

  “Outie,” I texted Sierra and Frenchy.

  “No, don’t leave me with Fr,” Sierra texted.

  “I’m sorry. I have to bail. Merek’s my ride. You two came together.”

  Merek and I were in the car on the way home. We pulled over on the side of the road just a few houses up from the house. He didn’t say much. I kind of knew what was coming. I think I was pretending not to know. He leaned over the armrest and tried to kiss me. I turned my face. It was only a matter of seconds before he turned my face to his.

  “What’s wrong?” he asked.

  “I’m just thinking,” I sighed.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “I usually don’t kiss on the first date.” I didn’t have any established rules yet. Sierra did, though. So I borrowed one of hers.

  “Yes. I do hope we get a second date. I’m working on the worship you part of things. I could … show you my music.” He plugged in his iPod. I put my hand on his.

  “Only if you write the lyrics to me first.”

  “Like on text,” he said.

  “Like I want to see them in your handwriting so I can understand you.”

  He pressed a sun roof button. “Sometimes I like to be real quiet and look at the stars. I don’t see much of them at our new apartment. Out here, they are everywhere,” he smiled.

  There was a period where nothing was said. Did he th
ink I was weird for not wanting to hear his music? Had I insulted him?

  “Did you think what I said about the music was weird?” I asked.

  “No. You want to know. So I have to show you how I am. I want to write you a song. That is not easy for me. Sometimes it comes quickly. Sometimes the same song is in my head for weeks. I cowrite with my brother too. He’s real smart and creative. Just real, you know,” he replied.

  “It’s like the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper. You and your brother, huh?” I asked.

  “Some kind of way, yes. I think I am more like my father than he is.”

  “I’m nothing like my father. The reason I like the Big Dipper and Little Dipper is because those are the first star constellations my mom showed me. I think I am like her. I hope. She died a few years ago,” I told him.

  “I’m sorry to hear this Milan.” He kissed my hand. “You are very brave.”

  “No. I don’t think I am brave at all,” I said.

  “If my mom died, I would not leave the house. You look so happy.”

  “It is you and the stars,” I said.

  “Have you ever seen a shooting star?” he asked.

  “Yeah. I thought I saw one once.” I wondered if maybe this was where I was supposed to be. Sometimes it seemed like I was going against the tide, fighting so hard to wish for Noel. If he felt just 10 percent of what I did, wouldn’t he have come home? I turned to Merek and kissed him on the cheek.

  I wished my life had a CliffsNotes version, like “Here’s what this part means” and “Here’s what she’s going to do in this part.” A glossary of how to handle numerous situations would help too. Merek was here. Noel hadn’t come home yet. I was barely keeping my head above water.

  Chapter 5 The Club

  In a world of alarms, I had my own version. The layman’s version—my phone alarm on vibrate underneath my pillow. I’d gotten so used to it that I automatically turned it off when it vibrated.