by J. H. Croix
Tim’s comments struck right at the heart of my insecurities and my fears about how far and fast I’d fallen for Liam. I closed my eyes and took a breath before meeting his gaze again. His warm brown eyes eased my anxiety slightly. “I don’t know what to think. You’re as surprised as me that I’m in this situation. Liam…well, he’s a bit difficult to resist…”
“And he really likes you if the way he looks at you means anything,” Tim interjected.
I flushed and continued. “I don’t know what to think. It’s not like we have much in common, but when I’m with him, I don’t think about the fact he’s an international soccer star with half the women in the world drooling over him. I have no idea what I’m doing or where this is going.” I swallowed and fought back a rush of emotion, remembering the other night when I’d fallen apart in the shower. Liam hadn’t hesitated and wrapped me in his strong, solid embrace, nothing other than the feel of being held by him helping to ease the confusion and fear tumbling through me. Falling asleep with him curled around me was the best thing. Ever. Well, that and waking up with him. Better yet, having him inside me with the wild gallop of longing finally sated and an intimacy so intense binding us together, I could hardly stand to think of it.
Tim looked over at me, his eyes conveying warmth and understanding. “Oh hon, I think you might be in love,” he said softly.
My breath caught and I almost cried, shaking my head vehemently. “No, no, I can’t be. This is just lust and I’m not used to it. It’ll pass. Aside from all that, I need to clean up the mess I’ve made by even getting involved with him. It won’t do for me to keep this going.”
Tim arched a brow and eyed me for a long moment. “Okay, two things. First, I like Liam. He’s a good guy. It’s obvious his family means a lot to him, which is a good thing. He doesn’t talk about it much, but I can tell his mother’s death has been hard on him. In no way am I saying that’s good, just that it tells you something about his character. Maybe you should stop worrying about how you’re different. Second, you’ve already cleaned up the mess. You told Dr. Adams. She’s completely removed you from any possibility of being involved in follow up consultations. Sure, you have to deal with the board thing, but you have to do that anyway. Don’t shut yourself off from something just because you have an easy out.”
Tim’s pointed words struck at me. I didn’t like to think I was looking for excuses, but perhaps I was. It didn’t change the reality that I felt I was in way over my head. “No matter what, I don’t even know what Liam wants, and to say our lives are worlds apart is a bit of an understatement. I do surgery, and he plays ball. I mind my own business, and he gets reported on in gossip news.”
Tim shrugged. “Don’t even go there in your head. Focus on what’s happening, instead of all the reasons you’re different. Look around you. Most people that are together aren’t together because they’re so alike. Right now, Liam is into you. Trust me, I see the way he looks at you. You’re obviously way into him, or you wouldn’t even be talking to me about this. I might’ve been surprised, but I’m happy to see you focus on something other than work.” His pager beeped. Tim stood and gave me a hard look. “Do me a favor and don’t let your head get in the way.”
At that, he strode out of the office. I spun in my chair and stared out the windows. The sky was partially clear this morning. Puget Sound glittered under shafts of sun falling through the clouds. I’d felt a sense of relief coming to work this week, finally free of the burden of worrying about hiding what was happening with Liam. Yet, I couldn’t shake the disquiet over my feelings for Liam. With a shake of my head, I batted the thoughts away.
A few hours later I was still at work when my phone vibrated with a text from Daisy. I’ll kill him for you.
Completely puzzled, I texted back. What?
Online Seattle Observer.
I clicked out of our records system and online, quickly looking up the Seattle Observer. Right there on the main page was a photo of Liam seated on a bench outside of the Seattle Stars stadium. It wasn’t just a photo of Liam, but of a woman practically in his lap. If she wasn’t actually a model, she should’ve been. She was willowy with glossy blonde hair. She was leaning forward, her cleavage displayed perfectly for his view. I felt sick—sick with a flash of jealousy and sick to find myself questioning him. I hated it, but I couldn’t help myself from clicking on the photo that led to a brief article that offered me nothing except more anxiety and the clear understanding I was most definitely in over my head.
Liam Reed, one of Britain’s favorite footballers, with Millie Morton, the one and only woman believed to come close to stealing his heart. Ms. Morton remains a favorite on the runway and will be on hand for the Seattle Stars exhibition match in a few months. She made a surprise appearance in Seattle a bit sooner than expected. While the match is for show only, Mr. Reed is expected to be back in play by then. We’re all looking forward to the potential fireworks. Meanwhile, there have been no further sightings of the mystery woman seen with Mr. Reed here in Seattle.
Everything I’d just said to Tim came slamming to the fore. My life was so very different from Liam’s. I needed to get my mind back onto my career, not be wondering what I might mean to Liam, while he was flirting with a woman who’d apparently seen fit to fly to Seattle to visit him. This photo was representative of every reason why I needed to take my heart out of this game with Liam. I sat right where I was, unmoving for several long minutes, before texting Daisy again. No need to kill him. A wake up call for me.
I set my phone down and swallowed against the tightness in my throat and the tears pressing hot at the back of my eyes. After a few shaky breaths, I nodded to myself. This was the best thing. I needed something to push me to stop being so foolish.
Chapter 25
Liam
I drained the bottle of water Tim handed me and set it down on the floor before glancing to him. “Well?” I asked.
Tim stood with a hand on one hip, his breath coming in steady heaves as mine was. We’d just finished a forty-five minute run on the treadmill with Tim putting me through a grueling interval workout with simulated hills and abrupt jolts to force me to brace my knee. Despite the fact all of it happened on a machine, it felt damn close to what I’d be doing in active play. Tim nodded slowly. “You’re looking good. I have to say, I’m pretty tempted to clear you a week soon, but I don’t think Coach Hoffman will go for it.”
I grinned, a massive sense of relief following immediately. “You don’t say? Well, I’ll bloody fight ol’ Bernie on this.”
Tim returned my grin and shook his head slowly. “Don’t think you’ll win that one.” He sobered. “Honestly, Coach Hoffman takes good care of his players. I’m more used to coaches who want to rush recoveries. Hoffman would prefer you back without having to turn around and send you right back to me. I’ll let him know I think you’re ready, but you’re welcome to keep working out with me until the initial deadline we selected.”
I leaned against the wall and crossed my arms over my chest. “Right. I’d be shocked if Coach let me start sooner.” With a shrug, I pushed off the wall. “You’ll be seeing me then.”
I started to head toward the shower when Tim said my name. Turning back, I arched a brow. “Yes?”
Tim and I happened to be alone in the gym, but nevertheless, he walked to me. “Olivia,” was all he said.
The moment he said her name, my heart gave a resounding thump. Olivia. Not more than a few minutes passed in any given day that I wasn’t thinking about her. Ever since last weekend, she’d been dodging me again, which bothered me far more than I’d like to admit. After our last night together, I’d started to face what she meant to me. Although it unsettled me, I could hardly tolerate the idea of her not being a part of my life.
I realized Tim was waiting. “What about Olivia?”
“I’m going to guess you’d already ignored my request to steer clear of her before I mentioned it.”
I held his gaze and nodded
slowly. I respected Tim and had enough sense to know he was only out to take care of Olivia. If I hadn’t already known he was in a committed relationship with a man, I might’ve experienced a flash of jealousy—a feeling I’d most certainly never experienced.
Tim looked as if he was considering his words carefully. He crossed his arms and tilted his head down, the warning in his gaze clear. “I’m not sure if she told you, but she let her director know what was going on. As a result, she’s under orders not to consult on your case if needed. She’s an adult, so she’s obviously responsible for her own choices, but you have to understand this isn’t the kind of thing Olivia does. She’s not what I’d call experienced with relationships and certainly not with men like you. I respect you. I honestly think you’re a decent guy, but you’d best not hurt her. There aren’t many people like her in the world—she’s nothing other than honest and good-hearted and one of the most brilliant people I know.”
My chest tightened and my pulse kicked up a notch. Olivia hadn’t mentioned she’d told her director about us. I wondered what that meant. I knew everything Tim said about her and the person she was to be true. I knew on the outside it might seem as if I was after Olivia if only because she was a novelty to me. Perhaps that had been the case at first, but even then it didn’t feel right to consider it that way. All I knew was I’d taken one look at her and wanted her down to my bones. The more I learned her, the closer I felt. She’d snuck into my heart without even trying. I knew she might wonder what I saw in her, but that’s only because she was the opposite of vain. She was flat beautiful and didn’t even know it. I loved that there was never a moment where I wondered if she was spending time with me solely because of who I was. If anything, my career and public role were a mark against me in her eyes.
I looked to Tim again and cleared my throat. “Olivia means a lot to me,” I finally said.
He nodded. “Right then. Take good care of her.”
At that, he turned away, heading back toward where his office was. I remained still for a few beats before heading for the shower. I needed to see Olivia.
***
Luck was with me when I arrived at Olivia’s building, and another resident leaving held the door for me. I slipped in and swiftly climbed the stairs to her flat. It was past two months since I’d torn my meniscus. It felt like a distant memory now. I could climb the stairs with ease, and I knew it was due to Tim’s rigorous and careful rehab plan. Had it been left to me, I most definitely would’ve pushed myself too far and too fast. I cleared the last stair on the third floor and aimed straight for Olivia’s door. It was close to dark outside, and I hoped to find her home. Knowing she’d spoken with her director about us, I hadn’t wanted to seek her out at the clinic. After knocking several times with nothing but silence echoing back to me, I leaned against the wall with a sigh.
To hell with worrying about her director, I’d hunt her down at work if I had to. Once I was out of her building, I covered the blocks from her flat to the clinic inside of five minutes. The clinic doors were open, but the place was quiet, much of the bustle of the day gone. A few people were in the main waiting area. I walked past and turned down the hallway leading toward Olivia’s office. I could see as I approached that her door was open. A sense of euphoria started to rise within. That’s all it took—the simple knowledge I might be about to see her lifted me up inside.
I didn’t even pause and turned into her office. She stood by the windows, her arms crossed. It didn’t appear she’d heard me. I walked straight to her and slid my hands down her arms, leaning to drop a kiss on the back of her neck and breathe in her scent. “Hello, luv,” I mumbled against her skin, gratified at the goose bumps that rose under my lips.
For a moment, she started to lean back into me, her body softening, but then she stiffened and stepped away. Confused, I lifted my head to find her taking enough steps away that it was obvious she wanted distance between us. I stared at her, trying to read her. Her expression was tight, her eyes anxious.
“Liam, we can’t keep doing this.”
My heart started pounding so hard it hurt. Meanwhile, my stomach knotted because I didn’t like the look in her eyes—anxious and closed. She crossed her arms more tightly as if shielding herself from me.
“What do you mean?” I asked, taking a step to close the chasm she’d created between us. I didn’t push too far because I wanted her to have the space she seemed to need.
She waved a hand back and forth between us. “This! Us! I told my director because I don’t like keeping secrets. I don’t do this kind of thing! I just don’t. I have to wait and see if the clinic board will reprimand me. And then there’s you. I’m not stupid. I know I’m not the kind of woman you’d usually date. Let’s just let this be what it was and not make things worse.”
My heart was pounding so hard, it was a bloody miracle I didn’t crack a rib. “What do you mean make things worse?”
She started pacing in a tight loop, her gaze averted. “Liam, this, this thing with us isn’t something I do. I don’t know what you expect, but I know the time will come when the differences between us will only drive us apart. I can’t…” She paused and shook her head sharply, her eyes finally swinging to mine. “I don’t do things like this. I’m not…Oh, I don’t know how to explain.”
My heart literally ached as I stared at her. I didn’t understand what she meant, but a sense of desperation was building inside of me. “Olivia, what happened? Why are you doing this?”
She stopped her pacing and stared at me, her cheeks flushed and her eyes dark. “Because I’m in over my head. You act like you don’t know what I mean, but you have to. I mean, my God, you have some amazing model from Britain visiting you here! That’s not me. My career is what matters to me, and I’ll be lucky if I haven’t already messed that up. You’d never have even noticed me if you hadn’t ended up here for your surgery.”
I shook my head, trying to make sense of what she meant. “What woman are you talking about?” The only woman I could think of was Millie Morton who annoyed me to no end and had stopped by to visit the team the other day. She’d dated half the guys on my old team back in London and was constantly flaunting her assets to all of us. But she certainly hadn’t been here to see me.
Olivia’s eyes whipped up. “Liam, there was a picture online,” she said, her tone almost withering.
A flash of anger raced through me. Not with Olivia, but the situation. Anger that all it took was some random photo I didn’t even know had been taken to give Olivia a reason to question us. “If you’re talking about Millie Morton, she bloody well wasn’t here to see me, and she takes every chance she can get to drape herself on anyone. I didn’t think anything of it because she’s annoying as hell. I don’t know exactly what photo you’re talking about, but I haven’t a damn thing to hide when it comes to Millie. I barely know the woman and prefer to keep it that way.”
Olivia waved a hand dismissively and turned partially away. “It doesn’t really matter. I need to get my mind back where it needs to be, and not worry about stuff like this. Our lives are so different it doesn’t even make sense for us to be together.”
To hell with letting her keep her distance. I strode to her and tried to pull her into my arms, but she stiffened. When I looked down, her eyes collided with mine, bright with tears. “Olivia, please…” I tried to hold her close, but my arms fell away when she stepped back abruptly.
“I can’t. I can’t keep being so stupid. It’s bad enough I put myself in a position to lose my job. I can’t keep going along because I’m already in too deep. Please just go.” She stepped away and turned her back to me, her arms wrapped tightly around her waist again.
I couldn’t go, not when I felt like my heart was being ground to dust. “What do you mean you’re in too deep?”
She turned back and smiled a sad little smile. “I think perhaps we’re in different places because we’re different people. You showed up and swept me off my feet, almost literally. M
eanwhile, you can have your pick of women and they’re betting on you back in London, all because you’re famous for never committing to anyone. Let me do this. I’d like to at least keep my pride.”
Another flash of anger rose inside of me. It infuriated me to have her belittle what we had like this and make it seem as if it was nothing more than a fling. At that moment, there was a soft knock on her open door. Olivia strode swiftly to the door. “Dr. Adams, I didn’t know you were stopping by.”
I recognized the director’s name and slowly turned. The woman who stood in the doorway was tall and willowy with short gray hair. She wore a white lab coat over black slacks. Her eyes flicked in my direction and back to Olivia. If she thought anything about me being there, her expression was controlled.
“I was hoping to speak with you for a few minutes. I can come back if you’d like,” Dr. Adams said.
I wanted to shout that she should absolutely come back later after I’d had time to convince Olivia she needn’t shut me out of her life. But I knew that would anger Olivia, so I stayed quiet.
“Oh, that’s not necessary. I’m just finishing up with…” She paused, and I realized she was trying to decide how to address me. I forced myself to hold my tongue, though I almost had skid marks on it. “…Mr. Reed,” she finally finished.
So I was back to being Mr. Reed. Bloody hell. I swallowed, the only thing keeping me from stalking to Olivia and pouring my jumbled feelings into a kiss was the presence of Dr. Adams.
Dr. Adams glanced to me, nodding slightly. “Mr. Reed. I hear from Tim your rehab is going quite well. I do hope you’ve felt supported here at the clinic.”
The tension in the air was so heavy, it was almost suffocating. Olivia wanted me out of here and fast. Between that and the inherent awkwardness of her boss’s knowledge of what had transpired between us, well, tense didn’t quite capture how the room felt. I couldn’t say I felt good at having put Olivia in this position, in fact I felt like hell over that part of it all. Yet, I’d have walked over hot coals to have her and didn’t want to let go.
