by J. H. Croix
I looked to Harper and wondered if I could stop worrying about her. I didn’t think so. It came too easily to me. Plus, she didn’t need to do this alone. I wanted to demand she tell Olivia and Daisy and anyone else who cared about her that Joe was nearby. My mind snapped at me, reminding me this had to be hers to handle. The last thing she needed was me taking control and dictating how she should deal with the bloody hellish reality of accidentally moving into a neighborhood where the man who once raped her happened to frequent.
I took a swallow of my coffee and belatedly nodded. “No thanks needed,” I finally replied.
A horn honked from the street. The sun falling through Harper’s front windows glinted on her hair. She idly traced a pattern along the edges of the tiled counter while I wondered what to say next.
“Can we talk about something else?” she asked suddenly.
“Whatever you want.”
Her eyes brightened. She nibbled on her bottom lip as she looked over at me, reminding me of how good her lips felt.
Mate, what are you thinking? Not supposed to think about anything like that right now.
I gave a mental shake. Hell, I didn’t know if it was proper to think about her like that at all. My mind spun to the day she’d kissed me—so boldly—and then skipped ahead to the feel of her channel clenching around my fingers. I didn’t know what to think of any of that now.
I jumped when she slid her hand onto my leg. We were seated quite close. When my eyes whipped up, hers were right there—bright blue and flashing with something I didn’t quite know how to read.
I took another gulp of my coffee, buying a moment to gather myself. My body had tightened, electricity spinning through it the moment she touched me. Because that’s the effect Harper had on me. Fuck. My mind was definitely in a different place than my body and prepared for an all out internal lecture to keep me from doing something stupid.
I stared at Harper, trying to read into her gaze. Her eyes darkened. “Is this a thing where you get all weirded out because, well, because of this morning?” she demanded, her eyes snapping.
Bloody hell. I’d conveniently blanked out how assertive she could be and certainly didn’t expect her to get pissed at me. Saying nothing wouldn’t help. “Don’t think I’m acting weird. It’s been, well, I suppose it’s been an odd morning. That’s all.”
Harper kept me in her sights, a flush cresting her cheeks. “Don’t you dare let the past mess this up.” Her words were fierce, her flush deepening as she spoke.
I was truly torn inside. My body, well, my body wanted to yank her to me. A vision of her straddling my lap flashed through my mind, and my cock twitched. All the while, my mind was trying to pump the brakes. Big time. I didn’t know if there was a right way to go about any of this, but…
My thoughts came to a screeching halt when Harper stood abruptly. Seated on the stool, my knees were splayed with my feet hooked on the footrest. She stepped between my knees, her sudden closeness sending a bolt of need through me. With me seated, our faces were level, and she was but a whisper away. Bloody hell. She could not…
Mid-thought, she lifted a hand and ran it through my messy hair. See, she touched me and my usual control vanished. My heart beat hard and fast against my ribs. Her eyes scanned my face, the blue darkening to navy. I forced myself to hold still, tension vibrating through my body. Her hand sifted through my hair and trailed down my cheek before she tilted forward and brought her lips to mine. Later, I’d wonder about her boldness because I was usually the one to initiate when it came to women, mostly because I liked to be in control. With Harper, the only control I’d held to was not letting her push this too far and too fast.
In this moment with her plump lips warm against mine, I didn’t wonder about anything. I turned the tables and yanked her to me, sweeping my tongue in her mouth. She gasped and then dove into our kiss as if her life depended on it. Our tongues tangled while her hands mapped my chest. I was on fire, inside and out, so hot for her, I could hardly contain it. She felt so good, so fucking good against me, her lush curves and fit body delicious in contrast. My lips blazed a trail of kisses down her neck, the skin soft and tangy. In the midst of our heated kiss, my phone went off, blaring out the chorus from All You Need is Love by the Beatles, courtesy of Liam who’d put it on my phone over a year ago. I’d never bothered to change it.
The repeat of the chorus nudged me into sanity. I couldn’t quite bring my lips off of her skin—it was too delicious—but I stopped in my meanderings and held still. I could feel the pounding of her heart, my own beating in a rough percussive rhythm along with hers. My cock was so hard it bordered on painful. I forced myself to lift my head, instantly missing the taste of her skin.
She looked as gobsmacked as I felt. The reckless wildness I’d sensed from her was tempered, but just barely. Over the pounding of my heart, I forced myself to speak, scrambling inside for some semblance of control. “I didn’t mean…”
“Don’t you dare tell me you didn’t mean that,” she said, her voice low and her words heated.
“That’s not what I was about to say.”
I took a shuddering breath, grasping for control. My hold on it was so weak as to be useless, but I hung on. I leaned back slightly, needing to create some space between us even if it was infinitesimal. “I didn’t mean for that to get out of hand,” I finally added.
Harper’s eyes flashed again, but she was quiet. My mind was jumbled. There was the ever-present pounding need to just forget everything else and lose myself in Harper. Underneath that layer was the bubbling awareness that Harper wasn’t the kind of woman I typically sought out. She wasn’t a woman looking for nothing more than a tidy arrangement to meet purely physical needs. The connection between us was magnetic, and I could hardly keep from avoiding its pull. All of that existed before I’d known a thing about one event in her past, an event that loomed far larger than I wished. I’d meant not to rush before knowing a thing about her past. I sensed she’d be furious if I said aloud that knowing what I knew now changed things. Yet, it did. I didn’t know what she sought from me. I didn’t know how to square her boldness with her past. I wanted to sort out all of this before things went further, yet I imagined Harper would be beyond angry if I spoke any of this aloud.
I eased my hands away—one had slid up her back and the other to cup her bottom. That hand wanted to stay right where it was, cupping her lush bottom and savoring her softness. I forced it to move, an act of will and immense discipline. I stroked both palms down her arms and looked deep into her eyes. “The thing is, I can’t kiss you without it getting out of hand bloody fast. Nothing about today or anything Olivia told me changes the fact I already told you I didn’t want to rush things.”
She stared back at me, her intent gaze softening. I hadn’t thought ahead about my words, but they seemed to ease that reckless, angry edge to her. After a beat, she nodded. “You did,” she said, her words falling into the room softly.
She bit her lip, a slow smile spreading. Her smile just about made my day. Her whole face transformed, that dimple winking, her eyes tilting up at the corners, and an almost sneaky glint of mirth in her eyes appearing. She didn’t dole out smiles often, so they were all the more special. She stepped back, and damn if I didn’t want to yank her back to me. My cock throbbed and I didn’t want to lose the feel of her warmth and softness. I had to remind myself of what I’d just said and why.
Long game, mate. That’s what you’re after.
“Will you be at dinner tonight?” Harper asked.
“Huh?”
Her smile stretched wider, and she reached for her coffee, taking a sip before she replied. “Dinner with Liam and Olivia.”
“Right. Of course. You?”
Liam asked me to meet him, so I’d be there. That’s the kind of mates we were.
“I’ll be there. Do you want to walk together?”
Being a guy, I hadn’t even considered that if Liam asked me to be somewhere, it was highly l
ikely Olivia had asked the same of her friends. I was unaccountably pleased to realize Harper would be there. “Shall I meet you here?”
She nodded and turned to refill her coffee. I discreetly adjusted my shorts and stood. “I should go. I could use a shower.”
She spun to face me. For a moment, it looked as if she meant so say something of import, but then she gave her head a little shake and nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you later then.”
I walked to the door. Just as I was opening it, she spoke. “All You Need is Love?”
At a glance, I saw her shoulders shaking with her laugh. I shrugged. “Liam’s doing.”
Chapter 8
Harper
“What?!” Daisy exclaimed, her brown eyes wide.
I nodded and endeavored to keep from laughing. Olivia and Daisy were my closest friends. Olivia tended toward being more serious, and until she met Liam, she had lived and breathed her work as an orthopedic surgeon. Daisy had also gone into medicine, however she was a researcher. Of the three of us, Daisy was definitely the clown. At the moment, she was goggling at me because I’d just told her I’d decided I planned to break my years long drought of no sex with Alex. Daisy wasn’t easy to surprise, so I was savoring the moment.
She opened her mouth to say something and then left it hanging open.
I grinned. “Wow. It’s more fun to surprise you than I thought. I’ll have to try a little harder to make it happen.”
Daisy snapped her mouth shut and gave her head a shake, her blonde hair swinging back and forth. “Oh hon. It’s gonna be years before you top this.” She held a finger up and paused to take a gulp of coffee.
We were meeting at Desert Isle Coffee, a favorite hangout of ours. Up until my recent move, I rarely made it over, but now I lived on the same side of town. Desert Isle was named as such because it was a respite from the typical cool, damp days of Seattle. It was always warm and dry and had amazing coffee. After Alex had left this morning, I’d called up Daisy and Olivia. I needed some girl time. Olivia had been busy, but Daisy was here. Daisy was like a ray of sun—in looks and personality. With her blonde locks, wide brown eyes and curvy figure, she was plain gorgeous. She was also funny as hell and direct to the point of ridiculous sometimes.
Daisy set her coffee down and angled her head to the side. “Let me get this right: you’re making a play for Alex Gordon and it’s just for sex. Did I hear you correctly?” Daisy said, her eyes still wide with disbelief.
I nodded and ignored the little skip in my heartbeat. It seemed like every event was conspiring to make me more reckless. For most of the last four years, sex had been the furthest thing from my mind. I’d honestly wondered if I’d ever want to have sex again. I knew precisely what I wanted now, or perhaps I should say who. Alex.
I was still a little grumpy about his whole not rushing thing, but I’d already discovered it didn’t take much from me to knock through his manufactured control. I was determined he’d stop worrying about it. I figured he might be the ideal man for what I had in mind—a fling of nothing but sex. It was quite convenient that his presence alone was enough to make me wet and panting. I also trusted him completely, which was saying something.
For a while, I hadn’t believed I’d ever trust any man enough with my body. I wasn’t so far gone inside that I didn’t believe any man could be trusted. I watched Olivia fall in love with Liam and knew beyond a shadow of a doubt he cherished her and was madly in love and lust with her. My parents had a good marriage, and I knew my dad would never hurt my mom. I even had male friends I trusted. Yet, I’d believed I couldn’t let down my guard enough to want someone again. I’d thought getting raped had broken something inside me. Ever since that day a few weeks back when I ran into Alex in the park, I’d realized maybe it didn’t have to stay that way. I wasn’t sure why I hadn’t noticed him this way before because he was eye candy and a soccer star to boot, but I hadn’t. Although we’d barely spent any time alone together, so maybe it was as simple as that.
Daisy cleared her throat, alerting me to the fact I’d wandered off in my mind. I looked back at her. “That’s the plan,” I said firmly. Whenever I thought about it, a tiny voice nudged me inside. I wasn’t so sure what Alex thought of just a fling. That voice also wasn’t so sure this was a good idea for my heart. I didn’t care to think about that right now. My body was mine again, and I intended not to miss out on something I’d wondered if I’d ever enjoy again.
Daisy eyed me thoughtfully. “Look, I think it’s great you’re interested in any guy, okay? I just don’t know if a ‘nothing but sex’ fling is the way to go about this. I’m also not sure what Alex might think of that. Have you talked to him about this?”
Daisy was ever practical when it came to matters like this. She’d been on a self-declared mission to find the love of her life the last year or so and was open to the point of hilarity about it. I’d gently pointed out perhaps she should relax and let life happen, but that wasn’t really Daisy’s personality. I was slightly taken aback she thought there needed to be advance discussion with Alex.
“I mean, he knows I want him if that’s what you mean,” I offered with a shrug.
“Well, there’s wanting someone and then there’s what you’re proposing, which is basically using him for sex. He might be all about that, but I don’t know. Alex is, well, he’s not really a player.”
I swallowed the last of my coffee and considered her point. Alex played his cards so close to his chest when it came to personal matters, I didn’t have much to go on to suss out what he might think. He eschewed the media attention that came with being an international sports star and had never been linked publicly with anyone that I knew. This was in contrast to some of his teammates from the Seattle Stars and his former team in England. If I listened to what my heart tried to whisper, it made me question myself, so I kept ignoring it. Those whispers said Alex didn’t do much lightly. Those whispers made my heart race and anxiety bloom in my chest. Just getting to the point where I could enjoy the feeling of desire again was so huge, it was too much to think beyond that. I didn’t want to miss out on this, so I swatted those whispers away.
“Maybe he’s not, but I don’t see why that should stop me,” I finally said.
Daisy’s perceptive gaze coasted over me. After a beat, she asked, “Something happen to trigger this?”
Annoyed, I rolled my eyes. “Why can’t it just be that maybe I’m finally getting past what happened? You’ve never said it, but I’m sure you’ve wondered if I really ever would.”
Because she was that kind of friend, Daisy didn’t back down and let me derail her. “Hey, I’m thrilled for you. I really am. I never wondered if it made sense that you didn’t date. Honestly, it did. I think everyone can find what they want however it works for them. It certainly doesn’t mean sex and relationships are the key. If there’s one thing I’ve wanted for you, it’s for you to call the shots about this. You seem to be doing that right now. But I’ve got a feeling there’s something behind all this and it’s not just how hot Alex is. Trust me, I think the guy’s worth drooling over, but he doesn’t do a thing for me. I just think…”
I cut her off. “Fine. Maybe something did trigger this, but I think it’s a good thing. I saw Joe. Three times actually.” I crossed my arms and all but glared at her.
Daisy’s eyes flashed, and she leaned her elbows on the table. “You saw Joe Schmidt?”
“Yeah. I did. He must live near the park by my place because I saw him running there twice now and once in his car on the street. Before you go flipping out, there’s nothing to do about him existing. I can’t keep living my life trying to avoid him. I’m not happy I saw him. At all. But it’s weird because seeing him and not falling apart again tells me I’m okay. Maybe that triggered something, but I don’t know if it matters. I like Alex, and you just said it yourself—he’s worth drooling over, so I might as well enjoy him while I can.” My heart kicked up a notch saying this aloud.
Daisy was quiet, h
er gaze searching my face. For a flash, I recalled the look on her face the day I’d been raped. I’d called her and Olivia from the police station. Olivia hadn’t gotten my message until later because she’d been taking an exam. Daisy had raced to the police station after rolling out of bed. She’d stuck to me like glue for weeks afterwards. Between her and Olivia, I’d barely had a moment alone. She was a loyal, caring and ferociously protective friend. I crossed and uncrossed my legs, restless under her appraisal.
Daisy leaned back in her chair and sighed. “Hon, I’m all for you enjoying whoever you want. Just be careful. Don’t hurt yourself in the process. You’re not really a fling person.”
I chewed on the inside of my cheek and flipped a sugar packet in circles between my fingers. I’d never had a fling in my life. Before the awfulness of getting raped, I’d had a whopping total of two semi-serious relationships, both of which lasted roughly two years. Each had ended in a similar fashion, mostly a slow fade and ending on friendly terms. The more recent of the two, Ross Palmer, had occupied my sophomore and junior years in college. He’d reached out after the whole mess with Joe exploded in the news. He’d been nothing but supportive through it all. If there’d been any chance for a spark to return between us, it would’ve, yet it hadn’t. We still stayed in touch sporadically. He lived in Seattle with his latest girlfriend. I tried to recall if I’d even considered a fling before my life fell apart. I hadn’t, so I should probably be wondering what the hell I was thinking. I didn’t want to though. I wanted to run at this and tumble into it because I hadn’t thought I’d ever experience desire again. Most certainly not the scalding hot desire I felt for Alex.
I looked to Daisy and wondered what I’d been hoping to hear from her. I had wanted to talk, if anything because I had enough sense to know I might need someone to ground me. Daisy wasn’t calling me crazy, yet she was planting questions, and I wasn’t too thrilled with that. “I’m not the same person I was before. I never will be,” I finally said.
