Out Of Bounds (Brit Boys Sports Romance Book 3)

by J. H. Croix

  I heard nothing but the sound of paint rollers moving in unison for a few beats and started to wonder if Olivia was going to reply and got anxious about it. I felt so silly and ridiculous. Daisy had presciently tried to point out that my whole idea of a fling didn’t quite suit my personality, but I’d dismissed her. I’d been too caught up in the chance to bolt past my buried fears about having sex. With anyone. Ever again.

  “Okay, I’m going to be blunt here. It’s obvious you like Alex. A lot. I thought you were crazy to jump into bed with him because it just wasn’t like you. The only reason I didn’t get all protective about it was because I know what a good guy Alex is. He wouldn’t hurt a fly.” She stopped to dip her roller in the paint tray and glanced to me. “Okay, well, he punched Joe but Joe deserved a lot worse.”

  She straightened and resumed painting. “It’s also obvious Alex likes you. A lot, a lot. Liam’s convinced Alex is done for when it comes to you.”

  “Done for?”

  “He thinks Alex’s in love and that’s it. Alex is super loyal to his friends and family. According to Liam, he sends money back to his mum to take care of her and paid for both of his sisters to go to college. He’s that kind of guy. And now Liam thinks you’re Alex’s girl. Liam’s known Alex since they were kids. If he thinks you’re it for Alex, I’m inclined to think he’s right.” She glanced over her shoulder and nodded toward my paint roller.

  I looked over to see I’d stopped painting and drips were almost to the bottom of the wall. “Dammit!” I swiftly rolled over the drips and set the roller down. I didn’t quite know how to absorb the idea I might mean that much to Alex. Part of me wanted to jump for joy, yet it was also half-terrifying.

  The paint tray needed a refill, so I stepped to the corner where we’d left the can of paint and carried it over. While I added paint to the tray, Olivia continued talking.

  “So if you’re asking what to do about Alex, I think you need to think about what you want. It’s not fair to him to keep this going if you don’t mean for it to go anywhere. But I don’t think you feel that way. I guess it comes down to whether you’re ready for this or not.”

  I set the paint can back in the corner, dipped the roller in the paint and resumed painting. “Ready for what?” I asked, anxiety spinning in my chest.

  Olivia didn’t even try to hide her sigh. “Okay, you kept me from losing my mind over Liam, so I guess it’s my turn. Ready for something serious with Alex. That’s what I meant and you know it.”

  I was painting so fast now the roller zoomed off the wall and into my leg. I paused and tried to take a breath and slow my heart rate. I turned to face her, watching the paint roll in smooth passes on the wall as she painted.

  “Okay, okay. So how do I know if it’s the right thing?”

  I asked the question, but I already knew the answer. Alex had blown through my defenses, knocking them down as if they were cardboard cutouts. It hadn’t been much more than a month since I’d encountered him in the park and been crazy enough to kiss him. Now, every night I didn’t have with him, I missed him. I was shadowboxing—with my past and the dreams I’d forced myself to give up. It was hard to let myself be vulnerable. I didn’t like it.

  Olivia hadn’t answered my question, but she stopped painting and turned to face me, her green gaze coasting over me. After a beat, she spoke. “I think you already know. You just have to decide if you want it.”

  Tears pressed at the back of my eyes and emotion clogged my throat. That emotional messiness I thought I’d gotten a pass from? Not so much. My emotions were crashing through me in waves and threatening to catch me in a riptide.

  Olivia stepped to me and pulled me into a hug. “No matter what, you’ll be fine,” she said as she stepped back. “You’re one of the strongest people I know and don’t ever forget it.”

  I looked down and realized I’d never set my paint roller down. We had matching blotches of paint on our legs now. We started to laugh simultaneously. After we caught our breath, she looked over at me. “Well?”

  “I’ll keep you posted.”

  “Okay, let’s finish this room and get cleaned up. Wanna stay for dinner after we’re done?” she asked.

  I felt the grin tugging at the corners of my mouth. “Can’t. I told Alex I’d be over later.”

  Olivia grinned. “Ah, I see. Might I point out again the list of men who take in stray cats is very short?”

  Chapter 19

  Alex

  I leaned back in my chair, carefully keeping my emotions in check. Zoe had dragged me down for a meeting with the prosecutor. I didn’t want to be here, my sentiments exacerbated by the arrogant prosecutor. Brian Wheeler, the prosecutor in question, sat across from Zoe and me in his office. The hum of noise from the hallway filtered through the door. The Seattle District Attorney’s offices were a hubbub of commotion. Brian looked up from the document he’d been reviewing and glanced from Zoe to me, his dark gaze inscrutable. I was accustomed to players from opposing teams trying to do what Brian seemed to be after—intimidation. On the pitch, it never got to me. If anything, other players trying to rile me up only sank me deeper into my focus when I tuned them out. Yet, here with him, I had to try to think about anything other than why we were here. Otherwise, I was angry. The whole bloody situation pissed me off. Joe should’ve never been given the chance to walk away from what he did to Harper with what amounted to a light slap on the wrist.

  Sure, I hit Joe. Hell, I’d do it again if he got anywhere near Harper. It didn’t change history though, nor did it amount to anything remotely close to what he’d done to her. But, I kept my cool. I called on years of discipline and kept my expression blank. Brian finally looked away from me and back to Zoe.

  “I’ll need to talk with Mr. Schmidt, but I’m inclined to think he’ll accept this,” Brian said before looking back to me. “If he does, you can count yourself lucky here. The charge for assault could easily hold up in court.”

  Before I had a chance to reply, Zoe spoke. “I wouldn’t be so confident, Brian. Mr. Schmidt is not a sympathetic figure as I’m sure you’re aware. Before we agree to anything, I’d also like to discuss my concerns about Mr. Schmidt showing up outside my client’s apartment and approaching Ms. Jacobs on the street. It appears he was trying to provoke her and perhaps my client, neither of which is acceptable.”

  Brian’s eyes gave nothing away, but lines of tension bracketed his mouth. “Your concerns are noted. I realize this might be difficult for you to believe, but it’s possible Mr. Schmidt happened to be there by chance. He does live in the area.”

  Zoe’s expression stayed calm, but I sensed the steel underneath. “If it happens again, I’ll bring it up with the judge.”

  Brian didn’t reply and merely nodded. A few minutes later, I’d followed Zoe out to a waiting room. She was sitting beside me, quietly checking emails on her phone while I wondered when the hell we could leave, when someone said her name. Zoe glanced up and actually smiled. I almost chuckled aloud because I realized Ethan would love to see her smile. Her usually tense face softened, and her gaze, always serious when I’d seen her, brightened. “Hey Becca! How’s it going?”

  I followed her eyes to a woman approaching from the hallway. She was tall with glossy dark hair pulled back in a bun and bright blue eyes. Another beautiful woman who elicited absolutely nothing from me. Harper had ruined other women me, and I needed to face it.

  The woman stopped in front of us. “Hey Zoe. I’d ask what brings you here, but Brian mentioned he was reviewing a proposed plea on that case. It’s a damn good thing Mr. Schmidt wasn’t assigned to me because I wouldn’t have even wanted to give the jerk the time of day,” she said with a shake of her head.

  Zoe laughed softly and rolled her eyes. “Exactly why you didn’t get his case. Becca, this is Alex Gordon.” She caught my eyes and gestured between us. “Alex, this is Becca McNamara. She’s another prosecutor here. She mostly handles domestic violence and sexual assault cases.”

&n
bsp; I started to stand, but Becca shook her head. “Goodness, no need to stand. Nice to meet you. I’ll have to tell my husband we met. He’s a fan,” she said with a grin.

  I inclined my head with a nod. “Nice to meet you as well. Send your husband my best.”

  Becca glanced back at Zoe. “So what’s the status?”

  Zoe shrugged. “Brian doesn’t like my offer, but I’m guessing he’ll talk Mr. Schmidt into it. Good ol’ Schmidt showed up outside Alex’s apartment and approached Ms. Jacobs. Doesn’t look too sympathetic for a jury if we went to trial.”

  Becaa shook her head. “Definitely not. You know, I wish I’d been the prosecutor for Schmidt’s old case. I was here then, but it went to someone else. I didn’t think they should’ve offered a plea deal, but they did.” She looked to me. “I probably shouldn’t say this, but what the hell? Don’t blame you.”

  Zoe let out a laugh and glanced to me. “See, told you people would think you were the hero.”

  I decided staying quiet was my best choice, so I simply nodded. Becca and Zoe moved onto another topic and a few minutes later Becca hurried away to take a call. Brian called Zoe back in a few minutes later, leaving me to wait. Fine with me. I just wanted this mess resolved.

  Not much later, Zoe came striding back into the waiting room, stopping in front of me. “Looks like we have a deal. There’ll be an administrative hearing later this week. You’ll need to be available, and if you have to skip practice to be there, you’d better be there. If the judge approves, you’ll plead to a lesser charge and agree to community service. Assuming you keep your nose clean for a full year after that, the charges will be removed from your record.” She paused and narrowed her eyes. “Even if plenty of people understand why you’re pissed at Mr. Schmidt, turn around and walk the other way if you ever see him. According to your Coach, you have the slowest fuse on his entire team. Love apparently makes you crazy, so don’t be stupid again. Now come on, let’s go,” she said, turning and walking quickly out of the building as I followed.

  After Zoe drove away, I stood on the sidewalk watching the cars roll by. I wanted to go see Harper, but I was holding back. She’d spent another night with me after our run-in with Joe. We were now halfway through the next week, and I’d only seen her when we went running in the mornings. I was coming to recognize that I’d better keep a grip on my sanity when it came to her. While I might have known what I wanted, it was becoming clear she wasn’t on the same page yet. As long as we were skin to skin, the unspoken feelings and doubts crowding the space between us fell away. When we fell asleep together, I never wanted morning to come because I was starting to see the pattern. With the light of day, Harper kept herself back. Those old invisible walls I used to sense weren’t reinforced the way they’d once been, but they were there. She hid behind them. Brutal understanding helped me recognize why they were there, but it didn’t change what I wanted and knew we could have. If only she’d let me in for more than temporary passes.

  I gave a mental shake, stuffed my hands in my pockets and started walking home. The sky was overcast, but it wasn’t raining. Suited my mood to a tee. As I walked, the wheels in my mind spun over whether I should take a step back, or push a little harder with Harper.

  Chapter 20

  Harper

  My office phone rang and I hit the speaker button. “Yes?”

  “Harper, it’s Brad Williams from the Seattle Observer. How are you?”

  I’d been in the middle of entering updates on a few patients in our electronic records system. With my brain in a different gear entirely, it took me a minute to absorb what Brad said. As soon as I did, I stopped typing and spun to face the phone, anxiety knotting in my chest. Brad had been nothing but respectful in his article about Joe’s new charges. He’d adhered to our agreement that I be allowed to review everything before it was published. While I didn’t like any of this and would rather erase the entire history of it, part of me was relieved to have it rehashed in the press. Back when it happened, I was too wrecked to pay much attention other than the fact I wanted it over—the trial and anything that reminded me of what happened. Brad’s article not only touched on Alex’s charges, but he reviewed some stats on just how thoroughly Joe had skated by when it came to my case. It was validating to see the truth of it in black and white with nothing but numbers to tell the story.

  Yet, I had no idea why Brad was calling me again. The fact he was made me nervous. Because I didn’t think he was calling just to say hi.

  I cleared my throat. “Hi Brad. I’m okay. You?”

  “Can’t complain. Listen, I’m calling to follow up on the plea deal agreed upon at Mr. Gordon’s hearing yesterday. I have a few questions. Do you mind?”

  My stomach churned. I’d been avoiding asking Alex about this very issue. Truth was, I was kinda sorta maybe avoiding Alex in general. Oh, I saw him every day when we went running, but I had handy excuses for why I was in a rush afterwards. None of them were lies, but it wasn’t anything I couldn’t put off. I just, hell, I didn’t know what I was doing, but I was hurt Alex hadn’t told me about his hearing yesterday. The moment I reconsidered that, I snapped back at myself. It’s not like you’re giving him many chances to talk.

  Dammit.

  “Harper?”

  Oh right. Brad was actually waiting for me to respond to his question. “Um, sure.”

  “Good. Just like before, anything I publish will go to you for review first. At the court hearing yesterday, it was on record that Mr. Schmidt approached you outside of Mr. Gordon’s apartment. Were you relieved to hear the judge warned Mr. Schmidt against doing so again?”

  My breath hitched and a sense of relief washed over me. Quick on the heels of that was more confusion and hurt that Alex hadn’t said a word to me about any of this. I forced myself to stay focused on the question. “Obviously. I’m sure Mr. Schmidt claims it was incidental, but he didn’t have to try to speak to me.”

  Questions were crowding my mind. I wanted to ask Brad so many, but I didn’t dare for fear of looking foolish. The hearing had just happened yesterday, but I’d seen Alex this morning… And you didn’t give him a minute to talk. I cringed inside.

  “How do you feel about the plea deal? Mr. Gordon agreed to lesser charges of disorderly conduct. If he completes his community service and stays out of trouble for one year, he will have no record.”

  “Um, well, if I’m honest, I didn’t think he should’ve been charged, but I do understand why he was. All things considered, the plea deal was fair.” I practically had to bite my tongue because I had so many questions, all of them relating to how Alex had responded to any of this.

  Brad asked me a few more questions. I didn’t know what to think of the fact that he planned to include my response in his story. I supposed I should’ve known I couldn’t get involved with an internationally recognized soccer star and not blip on the radar when he hauled off and punched the guy who raped me. Even then, it was still weird. Brad hung up after assuring me he’d send over a draft later this afternoon.

  I should’ve turned my attention back to work, but I couldn’t. It was bothering me that Alex hadn’t filled me in on any of this. Bothering me a lot. Even though part of me knew I’d been keeping my distance, another part of me was an angry kind of hurt. Before I thought about it, I picked up my phone and called him.

  He answered on the second ring. “Alex here.”

  His tone was so perfunctory, either he didn’t know it was me, or he didn’t care. I was spinning inside. I’d been riding a roller coaster of emotions for too many weeks now. Between the rush of being with Alex, the internal earthquake of encountering Joe, and trying to make sense of how I felt, well, I wasn’t my usual self.

  I didn’t know who my usual self was anymore though. There was me before I got raped and me after. The me after had carefully put myself back together, so carefully, I’d lost touch with who I’d been before. Life was a path of growth and change, which never ended. Yet, when you’re forced by
brutal circumstances to make changes, you lose sight of what came about and why. In the end, it didn’t really matter. I was who I was, whether it was usual or not, I didn’t know.

  At the moment, I felt as if I was dizzy from spinning in a circle and had suddenly spun loose. Disoriented, I lashed out. “How come you didn’t tell me about the plea deal?”

  I could hear noise in the background through Alex’s phone. Flicking my eyes to the clock on my computer, I dimly registered that he was probably at the stadium since they had a game tonight.

  “Harper?” he asked. “Hang on, let me get…”

  “I just want to know how come you didn’t tell me about the plea deal,” I said sharply. From the distant reaches of my mind, I heard a voice telling me to ease up, but I didn’t listen. I was angry and out of sorts and feeling like the one man I’d allowed myself to trust couldn’t be bothered to let me know what was going on.

  The noise in the background faded. “Harper, listen. We haven’t really had a chance to talk…” Alex started to say.

  “I see you every morning!” I exclaimed, cutting him off.

  “Bloody hell, Harper. You don’t even give us a chance to talk,” Alex countered. His tone was calm, but I could feel his frustration through the phone.

  All of it only amped me up more. “Well, maybe you should try harder.”

  My voice sounded churlish even to my ears, but I was like a boulder rolling down a hill at this point, bouncing into whatever was in front of me.

  Alex was quiet for a few beats, and I could hear his breathing. “Harper, I don’t know what’s up here.” He sighed. “Look, could I stop by tonight after our game? I have to…”

  “No, no. Forget it. If you wanted to tell me, you would have. I have to go.”

  I tapped to end the call and tossed my phone on my desk where it slid off the other side onto the floor. I promptly burst into tears.